Episode 8.
You're Me
A/N last chapter didn't receive any love lol. I understand why though!
The story was tagged fluff because it has lots of fluff but in all honesty, if it was all fluffy and cute, wouldn't it be boring? Besides, what's interesting about the story if everything is okay and everyone is happy? Why should it even be written? I just think the original author of the story (remember, this is mostly based on a novel) wanted to send a message( a hidden one) through it so I did too. Life isn't always happy for all of us, right? I'm sorry for disappointing some of you but I want to stick to the original plot :)
P.s I removed the fluff tag because you guys are right, the next couple of chapters won't be fluffy(actually, most of the fluffy-ness is in the first chapters that are posted already lol)
Get in the car, Yoona," I demanded. I didn't even notice Yoona standing closer to me and Hani's dead body.
Yoona didn't look at me, just quietly followed my orders.
I took my place in the driver's seat and the engine as quickly as I could. And then I started to drive like a mad person.
"Changmin...changmi-in" Yoona began to cry miserably next to me, "he...he...he ra..ra..."
"I know what he did, Yoona," I said in a harsh tone.
My mind was still lost, was numb. Did I just miss my chance of achieving my dreams? Did Hani just "hurt"(the r word was hard to say) Yoona? Did I just kill Hani?
I drove for god knows how long; I drove with no direction in mind. I drove so recklessly it's a miracle I hadn't killed anyone (else). And while I drove, Yoona continued to shed helpless, painful tears.
Finally, I stopped the car. It was time to do some thinking, I told myself. It was time for my brain to put away the image of the ribbon for awhile.
Should I tell the police about what Hani did? The answer was obvious: No, his dad is very powerful and the police is currently corrupted. He can easily bribe them to protect his reputation. Of course, the son of one of the biggest clothing companies in our nation wouldn't kidnap a girl who just turned 13 and hurt her in such a way now would he?
Besides, our country was still traditional, a girl who was victimized might be pitied but she's not someone anyone would treat like normal. To them, she's like Kris now. She lost something that can't be compensated. She's like distorted or a handicapped person. And that's not how I wanted her to live the rest of her life.
"Yoona," I called for her attention, her doe eyes dilated as she looked up at me, she had wrapped her hands around her pulled up legs and her face was red. She was startled at the sound of my voice. When I tried to reach her cheeks to brush those tears, she pushed herself away in horror.
I scared her. I was a murderer who scared young girls.
"I won't hurt you," I promised.
She exhaled a breathe she must've been holding and closed her eyes.
I the engine once again and soared through the streets, this time less recklessly.
About a mile after, I spotted a small playground. You know what I did?
I stopped the car.
"Let's play," I said though I wasn't in the mood to play and neither was Yoona, that's for sure.
The playground was empty since it was a school day but there was a few women with kids who still didn't know the hardships of this world.
"Let's go on the swings," I said cheerfully but soon tears blurred my vision.
Useless Changmin, You're useless. Why cry?
It's useless.
"You loved it when I pushed you when we were younger, remember?" I said and Yoona sent me a puzzled look.
"Changmin, are you okay?" She asked in a calm tone. How was she able to talk like that when she was just...
I took a deep breathe.
"I'm fine," I said, walking towards the swings, "lets play."
I made her sit one of the swings and began to push her gently until she told me to stop and that she can swing on her own.
I sat on the swing next to hers, I didn't swing though. I just sat silently observing Yoona who was lost in her own thoughts. She didn't even eye me as she continued to fly higher and higher.
"Yoona, it's time to pick up Neya," I said after half an hour. She didn't reply.
"It's time--"
"I heard you," she said patiently.
She jumped off the swing and smiled at me.
Yoona's smiles usually made me want to dance, made me want to wrap my arms around her and never let go.
But this smile, this smile killed me. It broke me.
My knees couldn't hold me up any longer so I landed on the sand and I began to cry. Yes, I started to cry like a pathetic person. I hated myself for being weak but I also deserve to cry too.
I lifted my head, "Yoona, come here."
My hands opened wide for her embrace but she didn't move, she just stood there, watching me.
That only made me cry harder and louder and my heart started to hurt...so ing much.
Two hands were placed on either side of my face and slowly lifted it up. I found Yoona had started to cry too now. She thumbed my tears away and slowly sat on the sand next to me, my face still held firm in her hands.
She gently placed my head on her left shoulder and sneaked her hands behind my back and started to pat it.
"There, there," she chanted and continued to rub my back as if to keep me warm.
"Everything will be alright," Yoona said comfortingly.
No it won't, Yoona.
"As long as we're together, it's all right," she said.
We won't be together soon...and for a very, very, long time.
"I'll always be there for you, Chagnmin, so don't cry," she said.
Yoona who was usually the crybaby that I had to comfort was comforting me...oh the irony.
Will you be there for a murderer? For a man with no future?
Yoona continued to say words of comfort and encouragement but I tuned her out. I allowed myself to be selfish just for once and just thought of myself.
I had lost my dreams.
I had lost my future.
And with the decision I made when I threw that rock, I was going to lose my youth.
I hugged Yoona so tightly she must've been hurt but she didn't complain (thankfully) because I really needed that hug. That last hug.
I brushed my tears away and pulled away from Yoona.
"Let's buy some ice cream," I said flatly.
She nodded. I held her hands and ordered us both Ice cream. Strawberry for her and chocolate for myself.
Then we drove back to our town. On the way, I stopped and bought her the french fries she loved so much. She was going to start eating but I stopped her, insisting that I wanted to feed her with my own hands.
"Just like back when we were kids," I said.
Then we took off driving once more.
This time the ride was silent. No crying from either of us.
I didn't have a lot of time left, we were nearing the city and I had to think of an explanation. Sadly, there was only one way out.
"Yoona," I said as the car came to halt.
My dead dark eyes must have indicated that I was going to bring up a horrible topic for she started to shake her head violently.
"No," she begged, "no.."
"Whatever Hani did in that factory..." I started and Yoona started to scream and scream while covering her ears, trying not to hear me but I already expected her reaction so I muted her screams by simply putting my hand on , "you have to listen to me. I know you don't want to remember, I know you were hurt but we have to do this, Okay?"
She continued to struggle and tried to push my hand off her but she was too weak to stop me.
Like she was too weak to stop Hani.
I closed my eyes at that thought and tried to relax.
After about five minutes. she stopped struggling under my hands.
"I will let go now so promise you won't yell, we can't avoid it forever," I warned her.
She blinked twice then nodded her head but the tears never stopped.
"Whatever happened in the factory will be a secret between you and me. Just the two of us, you can't share it with anyone, Okay?" I said.
She looked at me then opened hesitantly, "d-d- don't we have to notify the police?"
I shook my head sadly, "That won't work Yoona. That won't work."
"But--"
"I said it won't work!" I shouted in frustration.
Yoona trembled and leaned back in her seat,away from me.
I inhaled yet another deep breath, "Listen to me, it won't work. I want you to forget this day, erase it from your memory. We'll go home and tell everyone I picked you up from school and took you for a ride. Nothing else happened, alright?" I asked.
She took a moment before replying with a hesitant nod.
"You have to promise me, we'll take today to the graves with us," I said, holding her shoulders tightly.
"But chang--"
"You have to promise me Yoona or I will leave you forever," I insisted.
She shook her head in fear.
"I promise," Yoona mumbled, " please j-just don't leave me."
I sighed, looking out of the window before I the car once more.
The remaining of the ride was uneventful, I picked up Neya and drove us home.
Everytime my parents asked about my exam, I laughed and changed the topic, I think they assumed I passed since I pretended to be in a good mood.
After lunch, Yoona went to take a shower then nap as I suggested earlier on. Neya was in the kitchen washing the dishes and Kris went to his room so it was just my parents an I in the dining room.
"How was your exam?" my mom asked for the millionth time that day.
I had prepared introductions and replies and explanations in my brain but at that moment they all evaporated.
"I killed Hani," was all I said.
Silence followed as the two of them tried to digest the new information.
My mom reacted first. She laughed restlessly and glanced at my dad.
"It sounded like he said killed Hani ," she said then with one look at my face she flinched and little pained noises escaped her lips.
"I want you to keep this from the kids, please. for me?" I said, apologetic "I have to turn myself in now. I'm so sorry. I know I'm asking for too much but please, mom dry those tears. I don't want the kids to suspect anything."
My dad remained silent and impassive, like a statue.
"Dad," I said and it was all it took for the tears to start running down his aged cheeks, it was my first time seeing him crying like this, It made me want to cry too but I didn't, I had already shed so many tears in the park in Yoona's embrace, "Dad,take care of everyone and take care of Yoona. I know you consider her as your own child but still...take care of her for me. Till I come back. Tell her to wait for me."
I didn't wait for them to react or respond.
I didn't say anything and I didn't say any goodbyes. I drove my car to the police station and turned myself in.
Everything was settled pretty quickly. The phonecall between Hani and I, my prints on the rock that broke Hani's skull, my own testimony, it all helped the police to close the case quickly. They wondered who's ribbon it was next to Hani's body but I had insisted that it was just me there.
Kyuhyun's uncle became my lawyer. He practically begged to know why I committed the crime but I didn't say anything. Really, I felt apologetic for him too, he came to help me but I have him pretty much nothing to work with.
The court ruled that I, a shameless murderer shall be held in for the next twenty-five years(because the legal age in our country is 16, I was considered an adult). I recall my mother's visit that day really well.
She only had twenty minutes with me but we spent the entire twenty minutes hugging.
"Why did you do it, kid?" She asked after about ten minutes of just crying, bringing me closer to her.
"I'm sorry," I said.
"I love you," she sobbed helplessly, "so much. I-I won't give up, we'll try to get you out of jail,honey."
I knew it was impossible. The law was clear when it came to murder.
"Thank you," I said, "Don't tell the kids anything. Tell them I went abroad to study."
She nodded on my shoulder and just continued to cry silently.
"Twenty minutes are over," a young tough man in uniform announced after a while.
"Can't we...?" My mom started.
"You have to leave now ma'm," he said apologetically.
My mom (finally) pulled away and stood up, drying her ears.
"Take care of yourself, don't forget what I told you," my mom said, her voice weak and desperate.
Oh god, why do I make everyone cry?
Then, the miserable part of my life began. The only things I took to prison with me were two pictures of Yoona and my family.
And of course the memories that kept running in my brain none stop, The happy and sad ones.
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