I threw my body on the nearest chair and began to cry.  I heard my parents entering but didn’t care to look them in the eye.

Seeing the ring on her finger made everything really sink in. She was engaged to my younger brother.

Pathetic, pathetic Changmin. Changmin who cries because of a girl. The manly strong Changmin who spent seven years in prison cried in front of his parents.

Cried because his family and love of his life betrayed him. He took care of her, watched over her for years, he even killed someone for her thus sacrificing his future and past for her just so she could repay him by dating his brother and getting engaged to him.

What did I expect? Was I really delusional when I thought Yoona would be waiting for me to come and take her? Wasn’t she the one who asked me a decade ago to marry her and take her away from Neya?

A memory I had buried so deep within me crashed my head.

When Yoona was nearing thirteen and I was sixteen, and while we were painting together, she looked at me seriously and said, “Kiss me,” and said “I want you to have my first kiss.”

I tasted her lips for the very fisrt time then.

And probably the last time.

Was this memory not real? Was that just a childish game to her? Was I madly delusional all this time?

My mom hugged me to her chest and I cried even more.

How I wished Yoona wasn’t born. How I wished she didn’t exist so I wouldn’t go through this now. That was the second time that I wished Yoona wasn’t created so I wouldn’t be going through all of this.

“What’s wrong my son?” my mother asked, as she too began to cry.

Bring my Yoona back, I wanted to say.         

“I’m going to bed,” I told her and struggled my way to Kris’ room where I went to call my friend Kyuhyun. I thanked the heavens that Kyuhyun made me memorize his number a day ago in case we got separated.

“Come. Pick me up. Now,” I said the moment he answered.

“Ten minutes,” his reply came immediately.

I entrusted Neya to prepare our dinner to take outside and lied and said we wanted to hang out on the beach together.

The moment I got inside the car I informed Kyuhyun that I’ll be spending the night in his house and I’ll be leaving with him tomorrow back to our old city.

“Why?” he asked, bringing the car to halt.

“I have nothing to do here,” I answered, eyes looking at the trees outside the window.

“Changmin, tell me what happened man, I think as your bestfriend, I deserve to know,” Kyuhyun said sternly.

“When I was sixteen, all I thought about was the war, my studies and Yoona. The war begun and I lost my education but I had one last hope, Yoona. One last dream that can make me happy in life,” I started, “But I lost it now.”

I expected Kyuhyun to say usless words such as it’s okay or don’t worry but he decided to stay silent.

As he drove, I stared out the window at all the stars shining so brightly, the moon gracing the sky, the streetlights of many colors igniting the night even more. I hated it all. I hated the light and I hated hope and happiness. If there was a way for me to stop the sun from rising the next morning, I would’ve done it.

“Let’s head to the hotel and eat there,” I ordered Kyuhyun and so we did.

I didn’t sleep a wink that night and in the morning, I helped Kyuhyun pack his bags and told him to stop by my house so we can eat breakfast and say goodbye to everyone.

*********

 After that flaming incident with Changmin in the guest room, I locked myself in my room and stayed there, on my bed unmoving. A stupid silly part of me believed Changmin’s burning glare managed to penetrate the walls of my room and was still able to find me and burn me.

After an hour or so, Neya called me to help set the table. My heart raced so bad and I became afraid of meeting Changmin again but I to my relief (or was it disappointment?) she told me Changmin and his friend, Kyuhyun went to the beach for dinner and Changmin was going to spend the night with him since it’s his last day in Jushi.

I had expected myself to fall into uconsiousness the moment my head touched the pillow but I was wrong. Thoughts of Changmin roamed through my head. I felt my eyes itching for a bit before I reached up to brush my burning tears away. The only sound filling the dark night was the sound of my crying and the tickling of the clock.

The ticking of the clock….

That reminded me of Changmin’s watch. I had it saved for seven years and continuously got new batteries so it would never stop working…but Changmin threw it away just like that. Did it break?

Without me knowing, I found myself in the guest room switching the light on and looking for the silver watch.

If I remembered correctly he had thrown it behind him and it landed behind the grand sofa. It was stupid of me to try to move it on my own, I know since usually Kris, Neya and I have to push together to have it moved but I decided to try my luck anyways.

I began pushing, but to no avail. I sneaked in my hand between the sofa and the wall but I couldn’t reach it so I went back to pushing again.

“Please come out!” I found myself begging.

I found it shameless that it’s the twenty first century and watches still don’t walk.

Eventually my muscles grew weak and I tiredly sat on the sofa. 

My treasured watch will have to sleep away tonight.

Without me noticing, I fell into deep sleep.

**********

My dad greeted Kyuhyun and I on the door. We were heading towards the guestroom when my dad said it’s probably too hot because the air conditioner was switched off so we went to the dining room instead.

To be frank, the moment I entered the house I became restless and I didn’t want anything other than to leave and never return to this family of betrayers.

I left my dad and Kyuhyun chatting and went to look for my mom in the kitchen. She greeted me with a strong embrace as if we had just met for the first time.

“Why didn’t you let me know you were leaving? I only found out from Neya an hour after you did,” she said, sounding upset.

I gave her an insincere apologetic smile.

“Today, you have to go with Kris to buy covers and blankets. We’ll fix the guestroom for you,” she said, moving towards the pans. She picked one and placed it on the stove. Ready to make pancakes.

I couldn’t find it in me to tell her that I won’t be living with them so in a hopeless attempt to change the topic I asked, “where’s everyone?”

My mom sighed, “the girls and Kris are still asleep. Why don’t you go turn on the air conditioner in the guestroom and take your friend there while I go call Neya to come help me set the table?”

I nodded and carelessly went to the guestroom. I switched on the air conditioner and as I turned to exit, I noticed a thin figure lying on the sofa.

Maybe it was the sudden sound of air conditioner that awoke the sleeping creature. Yoona’s eyes fell on mine then she blinked two three four times in disbelief before she grabbed the closest pillow and hid her face behind it.

I, simply, did not know what to do!

I felt myself sweating profusely and wondered if I accidently the heater and not the air conditioner!

“I didn’t see you there,” I mumbled, turning to leave.

“Me too,” she said softly and suddenly ran past me with her black wavy hair flowing behind her gracefully.

As you all know, I was not exactly what you would call a happy person at the time. Despite that, I couldn’t help chuckling heartily at this girl.

What was she doing there?

In this steaming weather?

Really, What a girl. What an angel.

**************

Hot.

Was the first thing I thought about the moment I jolted up from sleep.

And it wasn’t only because of the steaming weather. Changmin’s wide eyes, Changmin’s eyes, his lips, his height, his skin, Changmin’s hair, he was hot and his hotness made me feel my own temperature rise.

This is a dream, Changmin is not here, I lied to myself. I blinked but he wouldn’t disappear.

He was really there, all groomed, while I was standing in front of him with my messy and sweaty self.

I reached for the pillow and hid my face behind it,  embarrassed to my soul.

“I didn’t see you there,” he said.

My heart raced harder after hearing his voice and I felt myself flaming, burning even more!

I swallowed my saliva before saying, “Me too.”

I knew if he spoke again, I’d die so I ran with all my stairs away from him to my safe less hot room.

The first thing I did once I was inside is turn on the air conditioner and showering in attempt to lower my body temperature.

I was really hungry but also too embarrassed to go down and meet Changmin again so I layed on my bed and waited for someone to call me. Thankfully, Neya called me a few seconds after to help her.

“Yoona, you make the coffe,” my mom said.

Just as I was going to place the coffe on the table, I saw Changmin and Kris entering the kitchen and the moment my eyes caught Changmin’s, I became nervous and felt my hands loosen up, thus spilling the coffe all of over me.

“Ouch!” I groaned out loud at the stinging pain.

“Honey are you okay?” Kris dashed towards me and held my injured hand.

He went to the freezer and got out an ice cube and starting running it between my fingers. I felt myself relax and the pain subduing.

“Thanks,” I said, smiling.

He turned my hand and kissed it. “My pleasure.”

I looked up to finally stare at the tall figure standing behind him. He gave me that flaming look again for a second which caused the ice cube to melt so easily between my fingers before his expression changed.

He walked deeper into the kitchen towards my mom near the sink who was cleaning the fish for lunch, “No need for all of this, we’re leaving now.”

We all looked at him, speechless, Kris was the first to speak, “What do you mean ‘we’?”

Changmin shot kris an angry look, “I mean Kyuhyun and I.”

“Changmin-ah, mom wants you to stay, my eyes are still longing for you,” mom said, eyes tearing up, “please stay with us.”

“There’s no place for me here,” Changmin said, looking at me for a second before turning to look at his mother again, “Not anymore.”

****************

Their begging , their tears, their cries failed to convince me to stay with them. I was determined even more after I saw them having a romantic moment with that ugly cube of ice right in front of my face.

Everyone was crying as I stood in front of the door, bidding everyone goodbye. Everyone but Yoona who disappeared a good few minutes ago.

I took a step towards the car but I couldn’t go on. Not without seeing her one last time.

Where did she go? Did she really  have to deprive me of one last moment with her?

My heart won over my brain easily and I was suddenly inside the house, calling “Yoona” over and over again.

I finally found her in the guest room, on the floor, trying to move the big sofa with all her strength.

“Yoona!” I called her name, she turned to me with a red face stained with tears.

Her tears broke me, her tears choked me. What was happening? Why was she crying?

“What’re you doing?” I asked her, “You’re not going to say goodbye?”

She shook her head, sniffled her nose before turning towards the sofa and continued to try and move it.

Agitated, I went over and move it forwards, just like she wanted.

She immediately reached behind it and grabbed what was only my old watch.

She waved it in front of my face then threw it at me. It hit my shoulder then landed on the floor, I leaned forward and held it up to her angry face.

“Y-you lied,” she squeaked, weakly. Faintly. Painfully.

She closed her eyes, took a deep breath and then stared at me with a helpless expression.

“You said you’d call everyday but you didn’t. Y-you made a fool out of me, Changmin. Everyone laughed at me for keeping this. I kept it and I-I waited for you! But you never came!” she was screaming then, the rivers on either side of her face were now unstoppable.

It killed me, Yoona. Your tears killed me. But I was already dead to myself.

“Changmin why did you leave me?” she asked one last time.

I ignored her question.

“You don’t have to keep my watch anymore,”  I assured her, “That Changmin you were waiting for is long gone now. He’s never coming back.”

Changmin will return the day you return to him, Yoona.

With that, I left my world and never looked back.