Nine
Look Closer
“…if you’re going to talk,” Chanyeol says, “Talk.” Their positions at each side of the kitchen countertop remind him of when they officially at Yura’s but the only difference is that Yura isn’t around and it’s a lot more awkward than it was then. “I don’t think you came all the way here to stare at me,” His voice is barely above a whisper as he looks at his intertwined hands resting on his lap.
He stares at the green bowl of oranges in the center of kitchen countertop through the corner of his eye, finding them more interesting than the man across from him. When Kris clears his throat, Chanyeol briefly turns his attention away from the bowl and looks up at him; Kris is sitting on the other side and it’s as though he has some kind of staring problem.
Their eyes meet and Chanyeol is quick to break the eye contact.
The more seconds pass, the faster his heart beats because Kris’ gaze on him has his skin feeling hot and uncomfortable under his clothes, he wants to disappear because he’s starting to feel insecure.
“Does it bother you?” Kris finally speaks after what seems like a lifetime and Chanyeol releases the breath he didn’t know he was holding before frowning.
“What?” He asks as though the question passed him, he starts fidgeting with his hands that are still on his lap; he moves his right hand up and brushes his bangs from his face, hiding a grimace behind it before bringing his hand down to his lap again.
He tries to act like Kris sitting right across him isn’t affecting him at all but he feels like a pathetic girl trying to avoid eye contact with her crush, like in those awkward dramas he has been watching for the last few days to try and rub off his downheartedness.
“When I stare,” Kris says.
Chanyeol falls silent; his fiddling stops and he looks from his hands and tries to focus on a point on Kris’ face. His eyes stop on the man’s forehead, he swallows thickly, “No.” He lies with a slow shrug. It bothers him because he’s not used to having someone stare at him like he’s some sort of attraction at the museum, at least that’s what Kris’ stare on his feels like.
“Smile for me,” Kris tells him and he has a slight smile as he absorbedly gawks at him.
Chanyeol’s face heats up, he attempts to fight the impulse to smile but he has always had this bad habit of cracking a smile when asked. He misses days when he could be himself; he sort of feels like he forgotten how to smile so he turns concentration to Kris’ lips.
His lips unconsciously crawl upwards; his mouth stretches into a smile before it forms to a grin, something he hasn’t done in a long time and his eyes flick over to Kris; wanting to see his expression and the older man looks pleased, “That’s the reason I stare.” Kris points out, “Your smile; first thing I noticed about you.” He adds shortly with a faint smirk.
“Why’d you do it?” Chanyeol asks, his smile flatters a little because it hurts to smile; his face feels stiff and he knows it's from the lack of stretching it and a smile feels foreign on his lips after all, “If you were dating her when you first –”
“I didn’t show up looking for a quick – that wasn’t my intention,” Kris interrupts, “I went out with friends and then I saw you.”
“That doesn’t –” He starts to argue but Kris is always quick to cut in before he can get a full sentence in. It’s a little unsettling how much the man seems to know what he’s about to say before he even gets to say it. Kris seems to know him better than he'd like. He hates himself for being an open book, sometimes.
“I knew what I was doing. I wasn’t intoxicated, you know that.” Chanyeol smacks his lips together at that and stays mute, “Chanyeol, I knew it would hurt Yura.” He drops his gaze and loosely clenches his fists on his lap. “I planned to break up with her when she invited me over but there you were. In her home and I couldn’t think.”
“Whatever.” The lame response leaves his mouth before he can stop it and he wants to slap himself in the face. Kris obviously expected more than a one word reply after his little confession. Chanyeol suddenly feels cold and wants Kris to hold him. “Flattery gets you nowhere.” He mutters out of the blue and the awkward stillness drops on them like a bomb.
He shifts uncomfortably.
A laugh fills the air and breaks the short silence; Chanyeol looks over at Kris and smiles weakly at the sound of his laughter. The laugh makes him feels warm and giddy inside and the sound of his voice is melodic.
“Why did you come here?” He’s not sure what he’s expecting to hear, he watches as Kris’ smile flattens a little before a sigh escapes the older man’s lips. Chanyeol shifts on his seat and holds himself to keep the eye contact, fighting to roll his eyes at how confident Kris looks.
“Go out with me.” Chanyeol’s breath hitches and he blinks rapidly, unsure if he misheard. He blinks once more; he wasn't expecting that sort of answer. “You need to understand, Chanyeol. It’s not all about ; with you is fantastic but I want to take you out. On a date.” Kris sounds sure and Chanyeol feels a little conflicted inside because he isn’t sure of what to think and doesn’t know what to say.
It’s a lot to take in and the honesty in Kris’ words has his brain going blank. He opens his mouth and shuts it when nothing comes to mind; his thoughts are in ruins up in his head, this seems to be happening to him often these days.
It’s too soon he feels and it all feels too much because the situation that happened not too long ago is heavy in his mind, but he wants this and he wants Kris.
“Chanyeol?” Kris’ voice sends shivers down his spine and he closes his eyes; Yura. That’s the only thought he has and he shivers, thinking back on a few days back and remembering how betrayed she looked, how much hurt she had in her eyes because of him and his selfish decisions.
He looks at Kris and tries to smile but his lips are trembling and he fails to hold a firm smile. He’s scared but he’s sure of what he wants and that in itself frightens him. “After you talk to Yura,” He clears his throat and Kris doesn’t hesitate to nod. “You need to talk to Yura and maybe…” He trails off.
“Of course,” Kris’ lips twitch upwards and Chanyeol stands up, his head is spinning and he wonders if what he’s agreeing to is the right thing to do. He attempts to leave the kitchen so he can sort his thoughts together or lay on the sofa, but Kris’ voice stops him from taking a step forward.
“C’mere,” He orders lightly.
Chanyeol firmly stays on his feet and stares down at Kris, eyes watching the older man’s every motion as he too stands up and rounds the countertop stands next to him.
They stand next to each other; time seems to stop and Chanyeol’s breathing speeds up and heart races even faster. His eyes widen in surprise when warm lips press mildly against his. The kiss isn’t ual and it warms his insides and the tips of his ears; he doesn’t get to respond to the kiss because Kris is already pulling away.
His heart skips a beat before he hammers hard against his ribcage and he bites his lower lip, unsure of what to do now, not like it’s the first time for that kind of feeling.
He can tell Kris is disappointed because of his lack of response.
“I –” Kris starts and Chanyeol cuts him off by getting quickly on his tiptoes and pressing his lips against his. A soft chuckle manages to escapes between their connected lips when a surprised sound comes from Kris.
He plans to move away from the kiss but Kris presses tightly against him and hungrily kisses him hard for a couple of seconds before they unwillingly pull away from each other. Chanyeol hasn’t felt this relaxed in a while and he shyly smiles up at Kris, he buries his face in the crook of Kris’ neck and he sighs.
Kris’ lips against his, kissing him, is something he knows he wants to be able to do without the guilt.
He closes his eyes and lets his worries escape him and he leans all his weight against the older man, trusting Kris to hold him and enjoying the closeness. His cheeks burn even more when Kris snakes his arm around his waist, his long fingers run through his hair in a soothing pattern.
The silence is different this time; it's comfortable and comforting in a way. He stays in the man's arms with his eyes closed and finally wraps his arms around Kris' waist, bringing him closer.
The quietness is broken by Kris after minutes of peacefulness, "Do you have feelings for me?" His voice is quiet but it sounds like loud rumbling in his ears and he tenses in his arms, eyes avert to the kitchen floor and his heart beat speeding up. He unhooks his arms from around the waist and pulls away.
He straightens his posture and wants to say something like did you have to ruin it or couldn't you wait but instead, he reaches out and places his fingers on Kris' forearm, his eyes focusing on his own actions and refusing to look Kris in the eye.
Chanyeol takes in a deep breath, unable to get his mouth to work; he responds with a slow but certain nod.
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uhmm D; next update is Friday and this time I'm sure of it >:O yes it’s a number of days from now but you’ll find other fics to read. Until next then, stay safe and try to stay alive. Happy December! :] /brickedforbeinglate
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