ignore typos and bad grammar or moon click your way out of here.

Chanyeol’s eyes are impossibly wide as he stares at Yura’s tiny body towering over his frame, he’s sitting on the sofa with his hand in his lap like a disobedient child caught with his hand in the cookie jar – he might as well have been – waiting to be scolded by an enraged parent.

“You’re such an idiot, Chanyeol!” She shrieks with her hands firmly planted on her hips and her thin lips pulled into a grimace. Her cheeks are rosy from her screaming and her hands are twitching like she’s about to smack him in the face for the third time.

His palms are clammy and his eyes dodge making eye contact with her, out of fright for his emotions being read and he looks everywhere, but at her. He doesn’t open his mouth to defend himself or tell her to stop screaming because the neighbors might start complaining soon. He lets her rant freely about how dumb he is.

Jongin is leaning against the wall just behind Yura; he looks like he wants to be anywhere but here. It’s obvious he wants to leave, he tried to but Yura barked at him to stay put when he announced he was leaving her to scold Chanyeol on her own.

He seriously thought Jongin had opened his mouth and ratted him out and now he feels like a ty friend for thinking so because he knows Jongin usually sticks his nose out of people's dramatic problems. Chanyeol went to him over that day for a reason; Jongin keeps in his mouth and never breathes a word unless told otherwise.

Chanyeol raises his gaze and meets Jongin’s eyes, the latter is staring fixedly at him and he has to look away, his dry lips and sloping forward. His shoulder sagging as if he’s admitting defeat to Yura, he might as well do so if she’ll be silent for at least a couple of seconds.

His heart is pumping loudly, he’s now afraid that it’ll somehow drop out of his chest and smash to smithereens on the ground. His anxiety level is higher than he’s ever felt it and he doesn’t know how to respond, this feels close – if not worse – to what he felt a few years back when he came out to his parents on Yura’s graduation day.

He’d been busted with his lips locked to this one guy his parents thought was his friend.

“You shouldn’t keep these things from me,” Yura’s voice snaps him away from diving too into the past and his eyes turn to her feet, she hasn’t taken her shoes off. If this was any other day, he’d be complaining for her to take them off.

“Did you like him that much?” Her tone goes soft and his heart hammers even louder in his ears, it’s like a thousand tiny knives piercing into his heart at once and he clenches his fists in his lap to stop himself from crying out.

He doesn’t deserve this, he doesn’t deserve her gentleness towards him and the effort she’s putting in this one-sided conversation she’s been having with him. He deserves the world’s worst for his actions and she keeps offering him the best.

Kris – Kris is currently under his ing bed and Chanyeol almost bursts out into bitter laughter at that. This will never be something to freely talk about in the open; will never be something to joke about.

Stupid, foolish – at the synonyms, all the definitions of stupidity should have his name under them in fat bold capital letters.

He blinks back tears pricking at the corner of his eyes, not wanting to breakdown before her because she'll think it's her fault if he gets more upset.

When Yura rang his doorbell, his heart had frozen and it begun drumming behind his ribcage like he saw death out to get him. He thought he was going to pass the out, he still thinks he’ll pass out at any given second right now.

It’s going to be alright.

Kris’ words had his nerves a little bit calmed down, but his thoughts were – still are – a chaotic ing mess.

Kris complicates him and his heart sometimes, Kris is always confusing him and Chanyeol can't think straight, but now isn't the right time to think about what Kris is doing to him.

It doesn’t have to be now or today.

Kris had said as if to comfort him and in that moment, he never thought he’d wish to have the ability to evaporate that many times under a second because Kris had this determined look in his eyes to get everything out in the open and Chanyeol was freaking out.

She can’t see you.

By that point, Yura was obnoxiously ringing his doorbell and he couldn’t leave her outside, she’d start yelling bloody nonsense for him to come out and face her. He didn’t even want to think about why she sounded so furious with him then.

Bed is all he had whispered to Kris before he dragged himself over to the door. Yura had slapped him twice the second her eyes landed on him, begun running a mile a minute later about how much of an idiot he was for not calling her for days and avoiding her and how the next time she came over, he’d probably be dying of depression in his apartment alone.

He half-heartedly let them both in, Jongin was hesitant but Yura dragged him in by his sleeve – he looked like an unwilling father who gets dragged around a lot by the mother whenever she felt like knocking some common sense into their kid. The situation would have been laughable had he not been in it.

“Chanyeol!” Yura stomps her feet on the ground and he’s brought back to the presence.

“What?” He croaks out, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Do you need a hug?” She asks and he wants to weep like a hungry infant. He shakily gets to his feet without thinking twice, Yura’s arms snake around him in an instant and she’s squeezing him lightly. Her cheek is pressed against his chest and he’s afraid she might hear how loud his heart is beating.

Keeping his tears in is near impossible, but he somehow manages to pull through, forcing back tears that even think of trying to flow.

“It’s ok to cry if you want to,” Yura mumbles into his chest and it works like magic.

“I – I’m sorry,” He’s now apologizing through his tears that are soon turning into grief-stricken sobs and she comforts him the best she can, but that only triggers more tears and causes a dam flood on his face and he suddenly feels like he cannot breathe.

“Breathe, Chanyeol,” She orders firmly.

“I – oh my go – Yura,” He keeps repeating the words like a broken record and she hugs him tighter. He wants to admit everything so he can stop feeling like a criminal, he stops himself because he can barely speak and she starts rocking him back and forth. It brings him back to the earlier days when he came out to his closest ones; he had been an emotional wreck and she had been the one to lift him up.

She now runs her small hand up and down the small of his back slowly, “It’s alright,”

“It’s not –”

“Yura,” Jongin’s loud impatient voice cuts in, “I have work so I need to leave now. Take public transport or –”

“Or shut up, Jongin.” She sighs before pulling away from Chanyeol and cupping his face in her hands. He lets their eyes meet and he sees how quickly her determined eyes shatter and sadden at the sight of his. She’s hurting and a new wave of tears clouds his vision, he opens his mouth to say something but chokes on his words.

“Oh, baby,” She says sadly, “How do I fix it?”

¤¤¤¤

Yura leaves after an hour of coaxing him into silence and he doesn't feel better, but he pretends to for her sake. Jongin drags her out this time, already impatient with her and not willing to put up with her nonsense as he calls it.

Chanyeol unsteadily walks to his bedroom when he's sure they're gone, heart heavier in his chest and eyes aching from the crying and lack of sleep.

"C-Clear," He says drily, his body feels like he hasn't had any sleep in a decade and he's sure he looks like a truck ran over him nonstop. He leans against the door for support as he waits for Kris to roll over from under the bed, he does and Chanyeol doesn’t attempt to offer his hand.

Kris is up in seconds and by his side, Chanyeol's eyes are dull and being flattered about how much concern Kris is showing him makes him feel tier than he already does. He drags his gaze to the floor, finding the patterns on it more interesting than the look Kris is staring at him with.

"I need you to leave." He says plainly, arms loosely dropping to his sides in defeat, "Right now," And he's glad Kris doesn't argue with him, the man seems to hesitate though but he does walk further into the room and puts his clothes on.

They don't talk or touch as Chanyeol walks him over to the door, they both stop by it and Kris turns to look at him, but doesn’t touch him. Something in him wants Kris to hold him, he pushes the urge aside because he’s still shaken up from the event earlier and doesn’t think he’ll be able to hold himself.

“Don’t break up with her.” Chanyeol mumbles when Kris is standing right outside his apartment door, the older man turns around and stares at him blankly, “Don’t break up with her – you can’t hurt her.”

“Leading her on will only make it hurt more; it’s too late for guilt,” Kris voices out gently and for Chanyeol, it’s like hard knuckles connecting to his nose and breaking it in the process, he has had a broken nose before and he knows how much that hurts the moment he felt it break.

“You’re such a bastard,” He tells him shakily and curses under his breath, trying to glare at him but failing because of his trembling lip and glassy eyes. Why is he never in control anymore? Everything seems to go out of hand more often now and it’s taking a toll on him. “Why do I even…”  His thoughts are never clear enough for him to voice them out properly; in fear of hurting anyone he shuts his mouth or trails off.

“I wish I met you before I met her,” Kris mutters.

¤¤¤¤

"He broke up with me," Yura says in a monotonous tone from the other end of the line and Chanyeol's eyes grow unbelievably wide in size, sleep gone from his system. Kris broke up with her when he specifically asked the man not to and that was two days ago.

Yura sounds different from the time she'd broken up with Jongin, she was a lot more hysterical then but that had to be because she saw it coming with Jongin. Chanyeol never did understand how their relationship worked; he knew how bad it had gotten over the course of a few months.

"I can't believe..." She trails off and the sniffle that follows after has his heart numbing. "I thought - why am I never good enough?" She continues, "Is it because I cling on him? One month too soon to fall?" She pauses for a second, "Oh," She mumbles and more sniffles are heard. "Is it because I'm a ?" He can barely hear her now.

"Chanyeol?" She calls waveringly when he doesn't reply. He's too busy trying to learn how breathing works to give her any sort of answer. His brain has jammed, thoughts are frozen and his mouth is tightly shut.

"I need to tell you something," He rasps out finally and sharply inhales, chest heaving like he has some breathing problems and his lungs expand for air.

"What is it?" And just like that, the pain in her voice is replaced by concern for him.

"I - I..." He feels rash but he wants to ease his guilty conscience even though it means causing her more hurt. She’ll hate him for this and he knows he’ll never forgive himself. “I need to see you. It’s important, Yura.”

¤¤¤¤

chanyeol grew some balls not really, i see jfc what do i do now omfg ( 　ﾟ,_ゝﾟ) I’m going to wrap myself in my blankets because winter is being a cold sghdjfkgl update on Wednesday!