Ignore errors or get out

The steady sound of Kris’ breathing lets him know that the man is asleep and the heaviness of the arm lightly thrown over his bare waist is proof that it’s all too real and he let it happen.

He’s tired, but the sleep he desires doesn’t come and he stays up staring into the darkness of his room with his emotions twirling up inside his chest; the emotions are driving him up the wall mentally and he has this strong urge to cry.

He had with Kris last night, he feels like it wasn’t just ; Kris’ hands on his body the previous night told him the man still remembered where to touch him, how soft his fingertips should be on his skin and how long he needed to take to get Chanyeol feeling like it was only the two of them that mattered and existed in that moment.

Chanyeol removes the lazy arm around his waist and rolls over in hopes of getting at least a few inches away from the warm body. He’s surprised that Kris stayed the night, but is secretly pleased, something he’ll never admit aloud. There’s also a part of him that wishes Kris hadn’t stayed, though.

The man is in his bed sleeping like he doesn’t have the care in the world and Chanyeol doesn’t know what to feel. He can’t read the man’s emotions well enough to pinpoint the man’s thoughts when they aren’t in bed. It’s a ridiculous thing really, leaving his heart open to a man he barely knows and the man is his sister’s current special someone.

He slides out of bed, glad they took a shower and changed the ruined beddings because of his own fluids – Kris has used one of the many condoms Chanyeol has in his drawer – before crawling before crawling back into bed and awkwardly holding onto each other. Kris was just as awkward as he was, but seemed more certain about what he was doing.

Chanyeol blindly reaches out for the crumpled shirt at the foot of his bed and decides to leave the room, not having it in him to stay around Kris any longer because he feels as though he can’t think. He knows that staying in bed will only have him more frustrated and trying to force sleep isn’t working.

The living room is dimly lit and he thinks it’s perfect for how dull he feels as he pads quietly over to the sofa while putting the shirt on and propping on the sofa, there’s a dull pain in his backside when his meets the cushion on his sofa and he groans softly, the dull pain goes as quickly as it comes.

He knows he needs to stop this, but he can’t because he doesn’t know how to stop. His heart’s beating for a man he knows he shouldn’t love. Does he even love Kris? Does he only love how much Kris makes him feel loved in bed?

No, his heart says it’s a whole lot more than getting and letting Kris do whatever he pleases to him. What a pitiful, messy situation he has gotten himself into and his conscience has him feeling like a damn murderer. And he’s out of his mind because he wants Kris.

It’s stupid to want him, especially when he knows and is aware of how much damage it will cause when it’s out in the open.

Telling Yura is out of the question and will only make her suffer a pain she doesn’t deserve and he knows he won’t know how to fix it, he won’t know how to fix the damage once it’s done and he wills himself to take this whole ed up mess with him to his grave.

He doesn’t want Kris to talk to him because he has no answers and everything is a jumbled mess that is slowly driving him mad. He needs to stop, he needs help.

He doesn’t need to hear it for anyone else, about how much he as a person because he knows it all too well himself. Such a sick human being he is, falling into temptation while entirely aware that the man he’s exposing himself to completely isn’t someone he has a right to call his own.

Yura obviously has the right, she knows Kris better than he does and it’s disheartening, makes him even like some sort of failure. Like he can’t function properly and he knows that has to do with his guilt more than him not knowing Kris as well as he’d like.

Being the other one is bad enough and doing this to Yura is evil. He knows this very well and yet, here he is being a ing awful human being.

Chanyeol bites his bottom lip and pulls his legs to his chest, wrapping his hands around them and resting his head on his knees.

Jongin’s question runs through his mind and he brushes it off because he doesn’t know what he’ll do to himself if Kris is actually sleeping with other people.

Is he using me for ?

If he knows Yura as well as he’d like to, she’s a . She once told him she’s waiting until some guy ties the knot with her before she’s ready to give it up.

If she only knew what a he is and Chanyeol feels the ache in his chest intensify briefly and everything feels like a cruel joke. He wants to burst into tears, but his tears will only make him feel worse and his body is too worn out to care about expressing his feeling through waterworks.

“Hey...” Chanyeol slowly lifts his head up to look at man standing by his bedroom door through the dim lit room.

“Hey,” His own voice is hoarse due to his dry throat and the fact that this is the first time he’s opening his mouth to release something other than his moans and whimpers, that was his whole embarrassing vocabulary the previous night.

“Come back to bed,”

Chanyeol’s exhale comes out rugged at that and he has to look away from Kris, he weakly shakes his head and is determined not to give in, he doesn’t want to crawl back into bed with Kris even though the words hold no hidden meaning.

Kris walks across the room to him, he sits on the sofa beside him and Chanyeol lets himself be held. He allows Kris to pull his closer because he doesn’t have the energy for anything else.

“I wanted you the moment I saw you,” Kris says after he places a warm kiss on his shoulder and a tingle runs down his spine.

“Stop,” He whispers softly, but leans into his touch, his back against Kris’ chest and the arms around his waist tightens a little.

“Don’t you believe me?” Kris continues, his lips soft on his skin and Chanyeol wants them to stay there forever, “You’re beautiful,”

Chanyeol’s voice fails to come out, he slowly shakes his head. “Yura,” He murmurs and Kris tenses behind him. “I can’t hurt my sister,”

“I know,” Kris whispers, “And I’m sorry,” He unwraps his arms from Chanyeol’s waist before getting off the sofa and kneels before him.

Chanyeol lets Kris hold his hands in his and almost chokes up when the tip of his fingers are kissed, “You’re all I want,” Kris mutters and Chanyeol looks into his eyes through the dim light surrounding them, his heart is pounding and has no idea what response to give.

“But Yura –”

“I don’t love her.” Kris cuts in and Chanyeol watches how the man’s throat moves up and down when he swallows, “You’re all I think about,” He declares and Chanyeol doesn’t know what to feel, he’s paralyzed and his tears sting his eyes, this time they fall before he can keep them at bay.

“Why are you doing this to her?” He questions because his feelings don’t mean a thing when Yura’s heartbroken expression is slapped into his brain, if she’s ever to find out what they’re talking about. Kris’ words would kill her and he’s being a useless sibling by listening to what Kris is saying, none of it makes him happy. He only feels more hollow and empty.

Kris’ grip around his hands tighten, the older man looks up at him with a strained smile, “You don’t trust me,”

Chanyeol in a deep breath before he yanks his hands from Kris hold and glares down at the man in annoyance, “You’re dating my sister. You cheated on her with me,” He continues trying to be confident and boy, does he sound like a hypocrite. He has no right to get angry about any of these things. He’s angrier at the thought of Kris being with other people than dating his sister, “Is there –“

“Only you,” Kris jumps and Chanyeol’s bottom lip trembles, his fake confidence smashing to the ground.

"I'll break up with her, Chanyeol." Kris says firmly and everything is Chanyeol’s head is spinning; his heart is in his throat. Kris' words ring in his ears like an echo, they make him a little angry and yet at the same time a little hope inside him grows, but Yura.

He stands on his jelly like legs and stumbles forward but Kris is quick to catch him, arm s around his waist and steadying him. He's still tense like a damn brick in the arms that set his skin on fire on command and he suddenly feels foolish.

"I don't need -"

The doorbell ringing has him stopping mid-sentence and everything goes silent. Chanyeol's stomach turns and his throat dries up.

"Calm the down, Yura!"

His blood runs ice cold in his veins and his heart seems to stop at the sound of Jongin's panicked voice. Chanyeol's eyes are glassy and he stands there frozen like he's been put under a spell.

It’s not even 8AM and Yura’s here. Why is Yura here? He's not ready for this, he never will be. He turns his attention to Kris and the guy looks as white as a sheet, no doubt his complexion is the same.

“Shut up, Jongin.”

She sounds livid.

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Next update is uhhhm idk, whenever if I finish my assignment due this Friday? (╯◕_◕)╯Ok, I'm going to get ready for life so laters C: