I have no beta so ignore errors.

The three of them are sitting on the sofa, Yura is practically squished under Kris’ armpits and the guy has his arm over her shoulder, gently pulling her closer to him with the very hand that did dirty things to him 30 minutes ago. The hand is now slowly caressing his sister’s arm in a slow pattern and Chanyeol feels like utter , like a dirty cloth used to wipe the toilet bowl.

He’s sitting there with his jeans too uncomfortable and tight and he desperately needs to take a cold shower, hoping it’ll wash away the guilt creeping into his heart thanks to the little deed he let Kris pull earlier, in his own sister’s home with her oblivious to the fact that the baby brother she loves deeply to the moon and back is letting her boyfriend do sinful things to him.

It’s good he’s wearing jeans, they hide boners well and he’s glad he decided to wear darker ones today, the wet stain isn’t seen at all, but he himself can feel the disgust of being wet and pretending not to be. The jeans may cover up his wetness, but nothing masks the remorseful expression on his face and he has to look away from Yura, she reads his emotions well and he can’t have her pestering him about what’s wrong.

Everything is wrong at this point. He’s the lowest of lowly human beings and feeling sorry for himself isn’t going to erase a thing or take the culpability away. If awards like Worst Sibling of the Year existed, he’d have all of them under his name.

Your best friend getting intimate with your boyfriend (or girlfriend) is one thing and chances of you forgiving them are an option, but your own sibling is another story.

No, Yura isn’t going to forgive him because siblings don’t do this to each other. Chanyeol has messed up and his head aches because of it. Cheating isn’t something people should do or even think about doing. It breaks hearts and people.

It’s a screwed up situation and he can’t get out of it guilt-free. He can’t say he didn’t do it on purpose because he had all his five senses when he let it happen, he just wasn’t thinking rationally and he cannot say that either.

He shifts in his seat and sighs inwardly as he turns his attention to the television, they’re watching an old movie Yura suggested earlier when she burst out of her room in a new fluffy green dress and found them sitting at opposite ends of the sofa, not breathing a word to each other.

Chanyeol knows she didn’t think much of it because she was already in Kris’ personal space moments later and recommending the movie. He fails to recall what the titles is, it looks like some dumb romantic historical movie made in the 90s for fat teenage girls to cry over and dream of men they’re never have.

He runs his hand over his face and has to pull out his phone to check the clock, something to distract him from the stares he knows are coming from Kris. He can’t take it, can’t take the eyes boring holes into his skull.

It’s late and he wants to leave, he’s psychically and emotionally drained. He can’t stick around because he thinks he’ll start to scream bloody murder and spill the beans of what he just let Kris do to him. Staying around Yura any longer will drive him mad.

He hastily stands up as though snapping back to reality and Yura is quick to grab the remote; she mutes the movie hurriedly and giggles anxiously at Kris. Chanyeol accidently lets her hold gazes him and he sees how much she noticeably needs him now, she’s still not comfortable enough to be with Kris.

Something twists inside his chest because she trusts him.

She’s blinded by her own insecurities that she doesn’t read the look in his eyes well, Chanyeol looks away from her.

If she knew what he let happen, would she still trust him? Love him? Two weeks ago he didn’t know who Kris was and today he knows who and what Kris is to his sister and yet, he still let the man touch him.

He willingly participated, he could’ve screamed for Yura, told her that her boyfriend is touching him, but he didn’t because he wanted Kris to hold him. He thought it’d make his desire the touch less, but he isn’t satisfied and he wants – he stops himself.

He is going to leave and avoid Yura until he’s not feeling like he’s going to have a mental breakdown. He can’t look her in the eye, he’ll give himself away. He’ll give away that he’s feeling sorry for himself.

Chanyeol can’t tell Yura that the guy he let him weeks ago is the very same guy she’s dating and possibly in love with, he internally winces. And telling her Kris jerked him off in her own house, right under her nose, will certainly break her.

He’s too much of a ing coward to tell her. He doesn’t want her to hate him; he doesn’t think he’ll be able to stomach her anger and hate.

He can’t exactly go up to her and say it just happened because that’s one of the dumbest lines ever used. He knew what he was doing half an hour ago, but he can’t be honest with her.

“I’m tired, Yu.” He stretches to make his point and forces out a breathy yawn. His heart is pounding behind his ribcage because he’s scared; can’t she hear how loud his heart is beating? He’s not sure why he’s scared, he has no right to be scared. Scared of being caught or wishing for more? He knows he’s going to burn in the deepest pits of hell. “It’s pretty late.”

“This is why you can’t go!” She cries out and looks around like a lost bunny, its genuine concern for his wellbeing, “Its dark out and you didn’t drive here.” She pauses before turning her attention to Kris who was staring intently at their little interaction in silence. Kris looks at her and it’s like they have this silent conversation he’s not invited in with their eyes only.

“I’ll take you home,” Kris says as he looks from Yura to him and Chanyeol is quick to turn him down and firmly shake his head. He doesn’t want to be near Kris; he doesn’t want Kris near him because he’s not sure of what he’ll do if he’s around Kris.

Yura frowns deeply and Chanyeol thinks she looks a lot like their mother when she does that. He and Yura argue like little children and he doesn’t dare give in.

Chanyeol is soon slipping his feet into his shoes and Yura’s helping him with his jacket minutes later, zipping it up to his neck as if to strangle him for being determined not to stay and not backing down.

“Be safe and call me as soon as you get inside, alright?” She pats his chest a few times and smiles brightly, it doesn’t match her eyes. He sees fright in them. She’s scared and as much as he wants to stay with her, to be her shoulder and comfort, he can’t because sooner or later, he’ll be the reason she breaks.

He doesn’t say goodbye to Kris or spare him a glance as when he walks out, never turning to look back.

¤¤¤¤¤

Chanyeol is a few blocks away from Yura’s and shaking like a heroin addict going through some sort of relapse. He’s knees are wobbly and he doesn’t think they’ll hold him up for too long.

He stops walking and reaches for his phone, he pulls it out from his jacket with a trembling hand and slides the keypad to unlock his phone and immediately goes to his contact list. It’s annoying how many Kims he has in his contact list, but he finds the right one and he doesn’t hesitate to click Call.

Tonight has been eventful, just not in the way he expected or wished for. Thinking about the events has him almost crying his eyes out in frustration, but he doesn’t get a chance to because an annoyed grunt comes from the other line.

“What?” And Chanyeol feels an enormous swelling form in his throat and his vision gets blurry with unshed tears. It’s ridiculous because he’s not much of a crier.

“I messed up, Jongin,” He sounds pathetic and he knows it. His voice is on the edge of cracking and he tries to avoid it from doing so, he clears his throat and clamps a hand over his mouth.

“When have you not messed up?” Jongin groans and Chanyeol pictures him roll his eyes.

“I ed up.” He swallows and stays silent as if waiting for Jongin to get into his mind and read his thoughts because he’s not ready to voice them out yet. Oh, you know, my sister’s boyfriend jerked me off and you remember that guy at the club I told you about? Yeah, that’s her boyfriend. We live in a small world, huh? Voicing it out only makes it more real.

His heart is flooded with self-loathing and shame the more he thinks about it to the point of it almost swallowing him whole, it’s overwhelming and he can’t handle it on his own. He has to tell someone who isn’t Yura and Jongin is the only available individual he trusts because Jongin knows Yura.

Something in the back of his mind tells him Jongin will not take kindly to his little confession, but he brushes it off and clenches the phone against his ear in an even tighter grip.

“Chanyeol –”

“I don’t want Yura to hate me, Jongin, I can’t tell her.”

□□□□□

Orly, Chanyeol? You should’ve thought of that before you ed up jfc I ate too many sweets I picked Jongin because he’s mentioned in the first chapter. Next update will be on Friday. Till next time and peace out :]