I will not let anything take away

What’s standing in front of me

Every breath, every hour has come to this

One step closer

-Christina Perri: A Thousand Years-

The Sun had long set at the horizon and Erika had stared at the change of hue, from red to purple and then to dark blue before it turned very dark.  She had hoped to see the stars, except that the sky was too cloudy to see even one, not to forget such factor as pollution.  She had wondered this time if somebody could just explain the truth, which everyone seemed to know except herself.  It was one thing that she did not understand what was going on but it was another thing that she somehow knew that the thing she did not know was centred about her.

But it was deemed impossible to ask, with everybody was kept busy with something.  Dongwoon had caused quite a scene earlier in the evening and therefore was unable to provide her the answer she needed.  Yoshikuni, of course, being a physician she was, was rather busy with her duty in treating the ill.  Junhyung was interrogating and Doojoon was providing assistance in questioning those two strangers that appeared, somehow in the midst of Dongwoon’s predicament.  Those two strangers, one of them seems to know her well enough to be able to shout her name and give her a hug.  Rather curious, the situation was.

Erika had even considered to ask Yoseob or Sierra, which happened to be her wife (another thing she just knew) about the confusion, but she had to hold her horses because they had taken responsibility to take care of the dinner for the family.  Erika wanted to leave them because she had confirmed they hid something from her.  They knew her more the she knew herself.  But, she knew she can’t, not that she had someone that she can trust more out there.  At last, she resorted to help Yoseob and Sierra in the kitchen.

It was not that by busying herself with the food would make her forget the whole event that occurred early in the afternoon.  She found it hard to concentrate.  Her eyes bore into the rice, which she was supposed to wash.  If people couldn’t understand any better, they would say that she was trying to cook the rice with her hazy gaze.  Sierra noticed her friend’s distraction when Erika almost dropped a basin full of rice and she didn’t think that wasting rice was a good idea now that it was almost scarce.  She quickly took it away from her friend.

“Erika, we will handle this.  You sit down and rest.  You had quite a long day,” she said.

“No, I got this,” she said, trying to argue that she was fine despite the distraction evident on her face.

“Erika,” said Sierra sternly and she paused, giving Erika a look that was the combination of sad and resentful before she continued, “You might not even notice if you accidentally poison our food,” and that delivered the message to Erika.  She really couldn’t possibly be able to cook in this condition.

“What should I do then?” she asked.  She knew that sounded stupid but she wanted to make herself useful, more likely to keep herself occupied.

There was something about their stares towards her.  Something that told her they knew the situation very well.  They must know who the two strangers were.  They knew everything.  They were not clueless. She was the only one kept in the dark.

“Could someone just tell me what’s going on?” she asked, with a hint of frustration.

Sierra looked at Yoseob, as if asking him to explain everything that happened.  Yoseob sighed but he understood what he must do.  He put down the knife and washed his hand.  Yoseob knew that Erika must be told something.

“Are you sure you can do it alone?” Yoseob asked Sierra, referring to dinner that they must prepare for everyone.

“I got this.  You go,” Sierra nodded.  Yoseob was satisfied with the answer.  He looked at Erika.

“To the basement,” he said and walked pass her, leading the way.

They walked in silent.  Yoseob might be formulating how he was going to deliver the information to Erika.  Erika herself was thinking on how she would digest the information, for all she knew, it might be so bad that they kept her in the dark.  After all, why would anybody else know you more than you do yourself?

When they reached the basement, Yoseob took his usual seat in front of the monitors.  She took the seat right next to it.  She could see that the alarm was activated and the security system was at the highest.  That must be Junhyung’s instruction.  He was a bit wary of the situation.  From Erika’s observation, Junhyung tried very hard to figure out how those two people earlier, who seem to know them very well, managed to locate them in this deserted land of war.  It didn’t make sense at all.  They can’t possibly just hit the road to the south, randomly searching for them.  That was like searching for a needle in the haystack.

“So, Erika.  I know you are very curious as to what is happening right now.  You’re an open book and I can tell that you have at least thousands of questions.  That, I might be exaggerating, but yeah, where should I start?”  Yoseob asked when they were both comfortable on their own seats.

“Who are those two?” the she blurted that out.  Yoseob breathed.

“Hyunseung and Gikwang,” he answered.

She looked into his eyes.  Gikwang, that name rang a bell.  No, not just rang a bell.  She knew him.  The only one she knew.  All those dreams were not random.  They were visions of what already happened.  She knew Gikwang.

“Gikwang is my best friend?” she couldn’t tell whether she was asking or making a point.  But, Yoseob’s eyes immediately went wide.  He leaned forward to her.

“You know Gikwang?” he asked.

“I had visions, like some dreams.  They all made sense now,” she her lower lip.

Yoseob looked into her eyes, trying to find anything that can say that she had already came back to them.  That she already knew everything.  That he did not need to explain anything because she had remembered everything.  But, he saw that emptiness.  Erika took Yoseob’s silence as a sign to continue.

“Only Gikwang makes sense.  Everything else doesn’t,” she paused, “Am I supposed to remember anything?  Am I supposed to know all of you before we met here?  Do we have any history?” she asked, no more ‘one question at a time’.

“Well.  Yes.  Yes.  And yes,” Yoseob answered.  It was Erika’s turn to silent.

“Erika, some of us were from the same college.  We were colleagues.  We were friends.  Gikwang was your best friend,” Yoseob said.

“Gikwang is my best friend,” she corrected Yoseob.  She still remembered Gikwang, well now she was.  But, she can’t remember in detail.

“There it is.  He is your best friend,” he said while throwing his hands in the air.

“We are colleagues?  Explain that,” she said.  Yoseob looked at her, seems annoyed now.  She looked back at him, eyes levelled, challenging that look.  Yoseob breathed deeply.

“You, Gikwang, Sierra and Doojoon were from the same college.  The same department in fact,” Yoseob started.

“Alright,” the knowledge startled her but she nodded, as a sign for Yoseob to continue.

“All of you graduated.  There was this global programme on energy sustainability, agreed by a lot of countries.  They saw it as our new future.  Experts from these countries went for exchange programme, sharing knowledge and technology to achieve this desire effect of energy sustainability,” Yoseob paused.

Erika cannot see how this information will eventually help her in understanding the current situation but she knew that Yoseob was serious and not in the mood to joke.  She nodded, encouraged him to continue.

“At first, the programme was successful.  They wanted more scientists and engineers and analysts to be involved as the apprentices, so fresh graduates were called for interview.  Those were selected were from different regions, but they were sent scattered all over the world.  That was how we met,” he said.

“Okay, so I was selected too,” she stated, quite impressed with the information.  She was selected out of millions of graduates all over the world.  How can she not be proud?

“Yes, you were selected.  We all were.  Our first day at work, you introduced me to Sierra,” Yoseob stated.

“I introduced you to Sierra?  I did?” she asked, still remembering her conversation with Dongwoon in the afternoon.  Dongwoon’s words were still fresh in her mind.

“You did,” Yoseob paused, “Thanks,” he said and it sounded very sincere to Erika that she thought that might brought her tears.

“You’re welcome.  I mean…I-I feel honoured to be the one,” she said, wracking her brain for the memory.  Nothing, there was nothing.

“Anyway…yeah…that was how we knew each other.  Shortly after that we met Hyunseung who then introduced us to Dongwoon,” Yoseob continued.

“I see,” she blinked, trying to absorb the information, “Wait!  How did we get to know Junhyung and Yoshikuni?  I mean, they were in the military, right?  What does military have to do with this energy sustainability?”

Yoseob laughed to that.  Erika didn’t know what so amusing about her question but she knew a second later that Yoseob was not laughing.  His eyes were angry and it seems like his laugh was more evil that sincerely amused.

“All those agreements the global leaders ranted on were rubbish,” he said.  Erika could see tears were flooding his eyes, threatening to spill over.  Yoseob was crushed inside.  She could see it now.  Yoseob was so wounded and for a moment Erika felt really bad for making him reliving whatever horrible past he had.  But, her curiosity got the most of her and she still wanted Yoseob to continue.

“Some got so power hungry and some were so greedy.  You see, petroleum was so important, so wanted, to keep a country moving and they did not want to share.  They wanted to be the one in control.  The pact was forgotten and the countries started to fight,” Yoseob said, his eyes were so distant.

“The scientists, engineers and analysts were frustrated.  Well, you know, the reason we agreed to this is to create an optimum community, where each of us got our own part.  Justice…that was what we were looking for.  After all, it was not that we work in our own land.  We were on some other countries where we were sent to work with, to share what we have.  We continued to work hard on it but the leaders were adamant.  They wanted things to be their way.  They thought we were rebelling,” Yoseob’s voice cracked in the end.  But, he was holding it in so well.  It did not look like he will let the tears fall anytime soon.

“Some politicians were insightful.  They knew things at that time would lead to a massive war.  Securities were tightened.  The security forces were sent to where they thought such wrath will be targeted at.  That was how we knew Junhyung and Yoshikuni.  Their unit was sent to guard ours.  They did a very good job to our office.  There was no security breach.  You know how Junhyung is,” Yoseob smiled.

“So we were a unit?” Erika asked.

“Yes,” Yoseob nodded, “As I told you.  The experts were sent to different regions.  We worked together as a unit at one region.  You see?  You were the geophysicist, Doojoon was the geologist, Sierra was the petroleum engineer, Dongwoon was the mechanical engineer, Gikwang was the financial analyst, Hyunseung was the petro physicist and I was the computer scientist.  Junhyung and Yoshikuni were with us.  We worked together.  We were friends.  It was so fun working that I never expected any of this would happen,” Yoseob looked truly broken.  He rubbed his face tiredly.

“If we worked together, how was it that we were separated?” Erika asked.

“As I said, we did not give up on the prospect of energy sustainability.  While the whole thing was highly idealistic, we still believe that we can work on it.  We wanted to be the one to provide people.  So, we worked very diligently.  We shared our expertise with other units.  Dongwoon was sent to another state for two weeks to help with the drilling.  Doojoon was sent to somewhere offshore.  Sierra and I was up in the very north, working on oil shale.  We were working with other units too because we shared the same passion,” Yoseob explained.

“Then what happened?”

“Security was very tight is this region.  While in the other regions the war had already begun, we were still working safely here.  It was very stupid of me to think that it will be continuously safe for us,” he said.

“So the war started here, when we were all scattered at different units?” she asked.  Yoseob nodded.

“It was bad.  Gikwang who were at the office at that time were told not to go anywhere.  Junhyung quickly get in touch with me to tell me that the war had begun in our region.  In fact, it started with where you worked at.  We were worried.  Sierra cried straight away at the news,” he said.

“My workplace was bombed.  But I survived,” she paused, “Am I the only one?” she asked again.  Yoseob shrugged.

“We thought nobody survived until you showed up after more than a year,” Yoseob looked at her, “We thought you were the only one until Hyunseung showed up today.”

“Hyunseung was with me?”

“Yes.  It was devastating to know that we lost two members of our unit.  Yoshikuni tried to call Doojoon but the reception was bad offshore.  So she tried to get help from other security unit for a rescue mission.  Junhyung did the same for Dongwoon.  It was very worrying that the communication to Dongwoon’s place was controlled.  Junhyung quickly gathered a force for Dongwoon’s rescue mission.  But, too late.  Dongwoon’s place was bombarded before they could reach,” Yoseob shuddered at the memory.

“Wait.  Are you saying that our unit was targeted?” Erika asked, starting to get a glimpse of what had happened.  The thought of being a prey scared her so much that she thought she did not want to listen to any more of Yoseob’s tale.

“Yes, Erika.  We were targeted.  I don’t know why though.  Maybe they thought we were the greatest rebel.  While Yoshikuni and Junhyung were on the rescue mission, Gikwang was kidnapped.  But, he was smart.  He sent Sierra and I an encrypted message to tell that those scumbags got him.  He also told us that we lost you and Hyunseung.  Dongwoon and Doojoon’s status was still unknown.  So, we didn’t wait for rescue.  We ran, rescuing ourselves I guess, because the next day we came across news that our workplace was also blown up after we had escaped,” Yoseob breathed.

Erika did not know what to say.  She was thankful now that she had none of this memory.  Perhaps this was the reason they kept her in the dark, because it was so painful to even remember any of those events.

 “It turned out that Doojoon had also escaped before Yoshikuni even came for rescue.  Junhyung took Dongwoon somewhere safe.  He was barely surviving.  Junhyung quickly got Yoshikuni to tend him while he gathered more information on our whereabouts.  But, of course he didn’t find anything.  We were on the run.  Doojoon somehow found them after that.  Sierra and I also found them a few months after.  It was like we were fated to meet each other again, even though you have not a single memory of what happened,” he said.  Erika blinked.

“Do you know why?”

“Why what?” Yoseob asked.

“Why I do not remember a single thing?” Erika asked.  Yoseob looked into her eyes.

“Do you think that it was I that should ask you that question?” Yoseob said.  Erika sighed.

“Yeah,” she shrugged, “The story you told me.  It is so…unbelievable.  I mean, it could be a fiction,” she said.  Yoseob’s expression was stony.

“I have no other option than to just believe it, right?” she asked, more to herself than to Yoseob.  It was Yoseob’s turn to shrug.

“Dinner?” he asked.

Erika nodded and both of them rose to their feet.  Erika thought that she couldn’t stomach any food at the moment, but the smell of the food became stronger as they made their way up the stairs.  She finally noticed that she was hungry.

+++++

Dinner was unexpectedly normal compared to what had happened the whole day.  To Erika’s surprised, even Dongwoon joined the dinner like nothing bad had happened to him during the day.  Sure, he looked peaky but otherwise he was standing on his legs just right, albeit a bit shaky.  Well, it took enormous amount of convincing to persuade Yoshikuni to allow him joining dinner with others.  Although a bit reluctant, Yoshikuni took Dongwoon’s words that he was fine and permitted him to join dinner with a strict warning that he should not forget his medication afterwards.  She had Dongwoon swore to that.

Hyunseung eyed her happily, Erika noticed.  She was a bit confused now.  She was sure that Gikwang was her best friend but it was Hyunseung that was abnormally ecstatic to be able to see her.  Gikwang, on the other hand was beyond relief to be able to see Dongwoon safe and sound.  When she came to think about it, it was Hyunseung who hugged her when they first met.  Gikwang was happier to see Dongwoon.

“Is there something on my face?” Erika asked Hyunseung after she swallowed spoonful rice porridge.  The warmness spread through her.

“Oh, no,” Hyunseung shook his head, “It is good to see you Erika,” he said but his smile faltered when he met Junhyung’s gaze.

Junhyung looked like he could battle a dragon at the moment.  There was something raging on inside.  Erika was sure that he was still suspicious with the two beings but she think that they meant no harm.

“Junhyung, it’s okay.  I can’t remember everything and I don’t know why.  But, Yoseob had already filled me in.  I know that we were friends and we still are friends, aren’t we?” she said.  At that, Junhyung’s gaze softened.

“We are,” he said and Gikwang nodded vigorously.  She smiled to him and he smiled back and immediately all those vision came back to her.  She really knew Gikwang.

“It’s good to see you, Gikwang,” she said and the whole table suddenly became so quite that the sound of the wind was so clear to her, “Alright.  I remember only Gikwang.  I’m sorry.”

Everybody resumed eating.  Her eyes met Dongwoon’s and hurt was evident in that eyes.  She couldn’t fathom what actually was going on between him and Dongwoon.  Nobody seems to say anything to her.  She assumed it was his normal reaction to her memory, or lack thereof.

Before anyone could say anything again, Doojoon took the lead.  He instructed that everyone was to finish their dinner and go straight to bed.  They will have to get up early the next day to listen to what Gikwang and Hyunseung have to say.  Junhyung scoffed to that and Doojoon gave him a piercing glare that made him shrug afterwards.  If there were not in quite a serious situation, Erika would laugh to that.  It was hard to see Junhyung act immaturely.

They walked to their own room, except for Gikwang and Hyunseung.  They were to sleep at the infirmary on Yoshikuni’s instruction.  She explained that she needed to know their vitals.

“You alright?” Dongwoon asked her before she went to her room.

“I think it is a question that I need to ask you,” she said.  Dongwoon shrugged.

“Good night,” he had said before he went into his room.  That hurt expression haunted Erika the whole night.

Listening to: Cloud - Zach Sobiech

Mood: Restless