My memory

At that moment I remembered it all

When I see those memories they seem so small

-Ryu: My Memory-

“Remember when I was called by the President of the project?  I was given a task to find more energy sources.  Since I was a geophysicist, my focus was petroleum, coals and uranium,” Erika told her story and the others listened attentively, “And I found this vast sources of petroleum and uranium, two of them.  So, I have this log reading and geological information with me.  I needed to take them to the President.”

“Why didn’t you give them to him?” Yoshikuni asked, although was able to predict the answer.

“I was in front of his room with the report.  Then, I heard his conversation with this one political leader,” she paused, “He said, “The geophysicist will come here with the report.  With those energy resources, the world will be ours.”  I heard that and I ran away, back to our office.  When he contacted me, I told him that the report I got was wrong.  Then, I hid all the documents in the iPod.  It was sort of an emergency plan, this one,” she showed the iPod.

“He didn’t believe you,” Junhyung stated his conclusion.

“He must have suspected something.  You see?  We were separated after that, sent to other places and those attacks happened,” she stopped, “I am sorry that these have to happen to you,” she directed her eyes to Dongwoon, “I am really sorry, Dongwoon.  You have suffered a lot.”

The room went very quiet.  Everybody was trying to digest the new information.  They knew that pre-war, the engineers and scientists were in dispute with the leaders because the leaders were greed for power.  But, it was so surreal that they were directly involved in this because of one undisclosed information.  To think back about it, Erika had information that was very powerful it was able to change the world.  However, nobody knows if it was for better or for worse.

“Well, things happened…and we are all here now…” Dongwoon shrugged, “And I am fine,” he smiled to her.  She smiled back and that was enough to make Dongwoon happy.

Erika didn’t feel the awkwardness that suddenly spread across the room.  Everybody looked somewhere else except for a few persons.  Hyunseung rolled his eyes, knowing that Erika’s smile didn’t contain the love that Dongwoon was waiting for.  Dongwoon knew that too, but he thought that with Erika’s memory kept resurfacing one by one, he would have the chance.  Junhyung felt the awkwardness but didn’t know why anybody should feel awkward.  Wasn’t it good that Erika and Dongwoon were reconciling again?  Finally, Doojoon cleared his throat.

“Where were we just now?” Doojoon asked, only to change the topic.

“The iPod,” Yoseob quickly answered.

“Yes.  Is it possible for you to retrieve the document again?” Erika asked, throwing the iPod to Yoseob.

“Leave it to me,” he answered as he caught it, “I was the one who put it there, so I will be the one to recover it,” he answered confidently.

So, they headed to the basement, where all the computers are located at.  Yoseob connected the iPod to the computer.  His fingers moved swiftly on the keyboard and for a while, the only sound in the room was the tapping of the keyboard.

“There,” Yoseob said, “Let’s open it,” he clicked on the folder.

They went through the files together until the clock showed 11 pm.  Erika recalled all the calculations and deduction that she did to determine the underground energy resources she found.  She went even further by showing them the coordinate of the underground resources.  They were dumbfounded.  Now that the information was in their hands, they did not know what to do with it.

“What should we do with it?” Sierra asked.

“Trash it,” Gikwang answered.

“No.  We keep it.  We could use it against them,” Junhyung suggested.

“What?” Yoshikuni almost shouted, “Are you planning a war, Junhyung?” for the first time, she failed to comprehend him.

“No.  If in case they capture us and imprison us, or worse try to kill us, we could use this against them,” Junhyung explained.

“Oh, are they going to catch us now?” Hyunseung’s tone was unbelievably angry.

“I found traces of evidence that showed movement of at least two persons lately.  Somebody might know that we are here now,” Junhyung said seriously.

“Or maybe you are just paranoid,” Hyunseung argued.

Junhyung was taken aback by Hyunseung’s accusation.  He could sense the tension in his voice.  The whole team were actually surprised by Hyunseung’s outburst.  It was not like him to argue with people.  Junhyung wondered if there was anything he did that annoyed the man so much to point of anger.

“I’m sorry if I anger you at some point,” Junhyung hesitated, “But, I hope you trust me on this matter,” Junhyung carefully stated.

“Okay,” Hyunseung shrugged coldly.  Junhyung was once again silenced by Hyunseung.

The others were sharing a confused expression.  There was this feud going on between those two without the others knowing.  However, Dongwoon knew that it was rather personal.  Hyunseung must have known that Erika liked Junhyung and he had chosen to blame Junhyung for it.

“Junhyung, what is that you want to say just now?” Dongwoon cautiously proceeded.

Junhyung’s attention was directed back to the issue on hand.  He quickly forgot the accusation thrown by Hyunseung as though it had never been voiced.

“Gikwang,” he looked at that shorter man, “When you escaped, did they activated the alarm to alert the guard on your breakout?”

“Yes…they did,” Gikwang answered after taking time remembering.

“How long were you in the government’s anti-war zone until you escape its border?” Junhyung asked.

Gikwang had a hard time recalling it.  He looked at Hyunseung for help.  Rolling his eyes, Hyunseung complied.

“A week, give and take,” Hyunseung replied.

“Were there any searching effort done to track you?  Were there TV news, newspapers, posters or fliers regarding your breakout and the searching effort?” Junhyung asked again.  Yoshikuni started to catch on where this is going.

“Not that I know,” Hyunseung frowned, trying to recall the scene back in the north.

“Gikwang?” Junhyung hoped that Gikwang will be able to tell him something.

“I don’t know,” Gikwang gave his unfortunate answer.

“What is the relevance here?” Doojoon asked.

“I hope to find something that can wrong my assumption,” Junhyung provided.

“What assumption?” Sierra asked.

“That the government did not pursue you because they have other purpose,” Yoshikuni looked at Gikwang and Hyunseung, “They let you go and then send people after you to trace where you are going.  Perhaps, when they find us, that would be an advantage to them,” she explained.  Junhyung nodded.

“If they have been following both of them the whole journey, it is quite possible that they are already here by now,” Doojoon spoke.

“They would have relayed the intelligence of where we are now.  Capturing us wouldn’t be a problem because we are together in one place,” Dongwoon concluded.  Junhyung was suddenly very afraid.

“Let’s not be pessimistic now,” Junhyung hid his fear, “But, I need you to stick to the safety protocols.  Nobody is to stay outside after the sunset.  For now, reduce outside activities.  Starting from tomorrow, I will check the perimeter to ensure its safety,” Junhyung instructed.

“I’ll go with you.  There’s no way I will let you go alone with that hand,” Yoshikuni reprimanded.       

“You need to stay here and guard the base.  Look after the others, just in case,” Junhyung said, eyes connected with Yoshikuni’s, delivering a message only both of them understood.

“I want-”

“I’ll go with Junhyung,” Doojoon quickly volunteered, interfering Erika before she could finish her words.  Junhyung nodded.

+++++

They had their good times together.  They were like every other couple, who went out for dates, teasing each other and encouraging each other.  Dongwoon remembered her eyes – full of life and full of love.  He had seen it again last week, but unfortunately they were no longer for him.  He can’t compete with Junhyung if he can’t return Erika’s memory.

He remembered the day they were engaged.  He had taken her to a dinner date.  It was not exactly a date.  They were having dinner with the members of the unit.  He had said that it was a dinner to celebrate Sierra and Yoseob’s marriage since they can’t have a honeymoon due to work.  Anyway, Dongwoon remembered had it very cliché.  He ordered a cake and on top of it, there was the ring box and the engagement ring in it.  He had made his proposal right then.

“I don’t know the best way to put this into words.  I can’t sing to you because Yoseob already did that to Sierra-” the others laughed, “-but I sincerely want you to be part of my life.  Do you accept me as your future lawfully-wedded husband?” there, he said it.

She did not say anything but stared at the ring.  For a moment, Dongwoon thought that she wanted to refuse.  But, her eyes were so compassionate.  She looked at him with those eyes and that meaningful smile and she said, “I do.”

And he gave her a necklace with their picture in the heart-shaped locket.  Cliché but Dongwoon loved every part of it.

The world was bright for both of them.  But, duty comes first before love.  About three days after the cheesy proposal, Dongwoon was called to represent the team in a drilling project.  He was told that he needed to be sent to an onshore rig somewhere in the west.  He had no choice except to tell her that he needed to fulfil his duty.

“I have to go,” he paused, “I don’t know why but this departure feel really different.  It is more painful than I thought.  Maybe it is because we are engaged.”

Little did he know that they were going to be separated for more than a year.

“We will see each other again,” she said reassuringly, “We have bigger responsibility.  I am going to the south too,” Erika said.

“I wish we could go together.  You know, like Yoseob and Sierra,” Dongwoon sighed.

Erika laughed and she noticed the engagement ring on her ring finger.  She took it off her finger.  Dongwoon was very surprised by her action.

“What are you doing?” Dongwoon was afraid that she was going to call off the engagement.

Erika smiled and took his hand, “You say that you wish we could go together.”

“But, that is your engagement ring,” Dongwoon emphasized.

“I know,” she answered and slipped the ring to his pinkie, “See?  It fits,” she stated.

“But, Erika-”

“Now, we are together,” she smiled, “I have this engagement necklace,” she held the locket in her hand, “And there’s our picture in it.  You see?  I take you with me and you, me.”

“This ring?” Dongwoon asked.

“I am still your fiancée, you fool,” she smiled and kissed him on his cheek.

Maybe that was what people call destiny.  She lost her memory, but he had the ring in his keeping.  Dongwoon thought that the ring might just be the right tool to make Erika remember again.  Sierra might be right.  Maybe if he let Erika see the ring again, it will trigger the memory of them being together.  If it can’t make her remember everything, at least it can make her remember him as her fiancée.  At least, it can make her remember her feelings towards him.

+++++

He saw her at the end of the hallway, looking outside through the huge window.  The evening wind felt cold, yet so refreshing.  He saw her concerned eyes, staring very far away.  He smiled.  It was just the right time.  She was alone and it was what he needed – privacy.  He needed to try the ring on her.  She might be able to remember.  After all, the cell phone and the iPod had triggered her memory last time.

“Erika,” he touched her shoulder.  She was actually surprised by Dongwoon’s presence.

“Dongwoon,” she smiled, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes.

“I…what are you doing here?” Dongwoon asked.

“I am just…I am…worried,” she smiled, “Junhyung is out there…” her cheeks turned pink, “Well, it’s complicated.”

The statement made Dongwoon’s heart clenched.  He felt his chest constricted.  It was really painful.  Her eyes were not for him.  For a second, he felt really discouraged.  He wanted to run away.  But, the ring was in his fist.  He held it tight.

“He is a trained soldier.  I trust him,” Dongwoon said and despite the pain, he could feel those words of compliment flowed sincerely from the bottom of his heart.

“I know…I just…it’s been only a while that I get to know him…” her voice faltered, “Anyway, what are you doing here?” she asked.

“Well, that…yeah…” he hesitated for a while, “I actually want to talk to you,” he admitted.

“Me?  About what?” she asked, her full attention was now on him.

“I just…want to talk to you about your memory,” he gave her a small smile.

“Oh…that…I think I am doing well as of lately, right?  I remember a lot of things,” she said with that huge smile decorated her face.

“Yes, you are doing very well,” Dongwoon complimented, “Do you remember anything else other than…you know…” Dongwoon did not want to remind her of the self-triggered explosion.

“For now…I think I have regained full memory of my work.  It’s interesting…” she said, still smiling.

“What makes you forget in the first place?” he asked.  She frowned.

“I…don’t know.  When I woke up, I did not have any head injury.  I was fine,” her frown went deeper.

For a moment, both of them looked outside the window.  Silence engulfed them.  Dongwoon asked himself, was it this peaceful here, before the war started?

“Actually, Erika…” he started but didn’t finish his words.

“Yes?” she asked.

“What else do you expect to remember?” he asked.  Erika laughed cynically.

“I can’t expect anything because every time I remember something, I know that I hurt people.  You see, I triggered the bomb and those people who worked with me at the site were killed.  Then, that iPod, I inflicted this war directly to all of you.  So far, I am disappointed with myself,” answered Erika.

“What if the next time you remember, you could change it?  You could change it, so that you won’t hurt anybody else?” Dongwoon asked again.

“What do you mean?  Is there anything else that I should know?” she asked.

“I…asked you,” he pulled her hand gently and slowly placed the ring onto her palm, “And…you said yes,” there, he had told her the truth about their relationship.

There, Erika had it again.  This time she didn’t feel any pain.  She didn’t feel like a hammer knocked her head.  She felt slightly dizzy though, as the memories filled her brain.  She saw Dongwoon and his proposal.  She knew at that moment that they were engaged.  She saw how they first knew each other through their work.  She saw their moments together.  She felt the love.

She felt the love, strongly and firmly, but it was not for him anymore.  It was for another person now.  At that moment, she found out that her heart was not for the memories, but for the present moment.  She looked at him.

“Erika?” Dongwoon asked, “Do you remember anything?”

She looked into his eyes, the same eyes as in the reminiscence.  The eyes, full of care and love, they were the same as those played in her mind.  She can’t hurt him.  She looked at the ring.

“Erika?” he asked again, looking into her distant eyes.

Now, they all made sense.  Since the first moment she saw him, she saw the hope in his eyes.  He had conveyed that feelings to her, but she failed to feel anything.  Now that she felt it, it was for another person.  But, she can’t hurt Dongwoon now.  Not after he was looking at her with those high hopes.  She can’t let another memory hurt anybody else.  She thought of a way to get through this problem.

At last, she shook her head.

“I’m sorry…” she said, returning the ring to him, “I am very sorry…” she said and she went away.

Dongwoon was at the verge of tears.  He can’t read her.  He thought she had not remembered anything.  He thought he failed in recovering her memories and now she must thought of him as a desperate man.  She left him.  He followed her only with his eyes.

Suddenly, when she was about to turn at a corner connected to the stairs, she bumped into someone.  Junhyung, just at the right moment, appeared to secure Erika’s feelings for him.

“Erika, I had just came back-why are you-are you okay?” Junhyung asked.

Even from far Dongwoon could see Erika’s eyes when she looked at him.  Those compassionate eyes were belonged to him once.  He knew that look very well.  It was not for him any longer.

“Junhyung…” there was a relief to her tone and Dongwoon knew that Erika was happy that Junhyung was back, “I am glad you are back,” she said.

“Oh.  Is that why you are crying?” he .  Erika smiled, although her eyes were filled with tears.

“I…nothing,” and she left, going downstairs.  Junhyung was left confused.  But, he saw Dongwoon at the end of the hallway.

“Hey, what’s wrong with her?” Junhyung asked him.

“I don’t know,” he shrugged calmly, as though nothing had happened, “I was right here since just now.  She just came out of her room,” Dongwoon lied.  Junhyung was even confused.

“Oh,” Junhyung blinked.

“I am going downstairs.  Are you coming?” Dongwoon asked.

“Nah…I think I need to shower,” he said.  Dongwoon nodded.

When Junhyung closed his door, Dongwoon can’t curb his feelings anymore.  Tears strolled down his cheeks.  It hurt.  She saw Erika’s gaze towards Junhyung.  What hurt him even more was that Junhyung’s gaze was mutual.  They liked each other, even though one of them was too blind to realise it.  It hurt him more than any physical suffering he had experienced before.

But, at that moment, Dongwoon knew that he needed to back off.  At that moment, he knew that the ring was really destined to be returned to him.

Song: John Legend - All of Me

Mood: Full stomach :p

So, Chapter Ten, Eleven and Twelve are here.  Triple updates since I haven't update for so long.  Also, I have to credit my sister for the recent chapters and upcoming chapters.  She helped me with a lot of scenes - storyline still belongs to me ;)  Anyway, yes, I hope you enjoy it.