I tried and tried to let you know

I love you but I’m letting go

It may not last but I don’t know

Just don’t know

-Maroon 5: Nothing Lasts Forever-

“Do you have anything to tell me?” Doojoon asked.  He sounded very suspicious and Junhyung’s brows knitted.

“Like what?” he asked, eyes were attentive of any movement, ears were alert of any sound.

“I don’t know,” Doojoon shrugged, “Anything.”

“Erm…” Junhyung took his time thinking, “Today we have to be more focused.  We are going to check the second water aquifer,” Junhyung stated, smirking at Doojoon, hoping that the other man understand that he was implying something else.

They had spoken in coded language since they first started their mission yesterday.  They acted as though they were setting out to check their sources of water.  The truth was they were trying to find any sign that will lead them to the existence of intruders at their supposedly safe zone.

Doojoon sighed, “I know that one,” he emphasized to show that he understood what Junhyung were implying, “I mean, do you want to talk about Iota?” he tried again.

Junhyung frowned even deeper.  Why did Doojoon suddenly ask him about Erika?  He assumed Doojoon wanted to talk about her progress in remembering her past.

“Well, I think it is good that she has recovered some of her memories,” Junhyung shrugged.  Doojoon rolled his eyes.

“That’s good, obviously,” he retorted, “Has she recovered anything else other than the last two?” Doojoon continued.

“I don’t know,” Junhyung answered nonchalantly.

“Has she been acting weird lately?” Doojoon asked again, more straightforwardly.

Junhyung was caught by surprise at Doojoon’s question.  It was a wonder why Doojoon decided to ask.  Junhyung was aware though, that Erika was acting different lately.

“Why?” Junhyung looked at Doojoon.  Doojoon, however, did not answer but his face was enough to show that he certainly noticed that Erika, in fact, had been acting weird.

“Okay, she certainly has been weird,” Junhyung admitted verbally, looking at his military-issued GPS device, stolen from a deserted army camp long ago.

“This morning, she had sent us off,” Doojoon stated, eyes focused on the ground, “In fact, she had sent us off yesterday morning too.”

“Yeah…that one is weird,” Junhyung nodded, “There are more though,” he continued.

“Oh, yes?  Like when she smiled creepily as she mentioned your name,” Doojoon stated casually.  The other man stopped his pace.

“What?  No!  She didn’t-wait.  Did she really do that?” Junhyung asked with face a mixture of disbelieve and disgust.

“Forget I say anything,” Doojoon quickly spoke.  They started walking again, “You were saying?” he tried to get Junhyung back to what he wanted to say.

“What?” Junhyung was quite confused of the flow of the conversation.

“You were saying there are more evidence of Erika’s weird behaviour,” Doojoon started to become impatient.

“Oh, that,” Junhyung paused, “Something’s going on between Erika and Dongwoon,” he stated his suspicion.  That caught Doojoon’s attention.

“What do you mean?” Doojoon frowned.

“There were many awkward moments between them.  Don’t you notice that?” asked Junhyung innocently.  Doojoon nodded.

“That’s because he’s the only one that remembers their relationship,” Doojoon gave his opinion.

“I don’t know.  There’s something going on between them.  I could sense the tension.  Dongwoon seems to know something.  Erika…I don’t know…she was certainly the weirdest yesterday,” Junhyung declared.  Doojoon became even more attentive.

“Yesterday?  What happened yesterday?” Doojoon required.

“She cried,” Junhyung studied their position from the map.

“Why?”

“I don’t know,” Junhyung answered, “We had just come back and I headed straight to my room.  But, I bumped into Erika right after I reached the upper floor, at the stairs.  She was crying.  And at the end of the hallway was Dongwoon,” he explained yesterday’s situation to Doojoon.

“You didn’t ask?” Doojoon asked curiously.

“I did.  But, she refused to disclose any information,” Junhyung paused to recall, “Then I asked Dongwoon if there’s anything wrong.”

“What did he say?” Doojoon was getting more and more impatient.

“He said he doesn’t know.  He told me that Erika had just come out of her room and he had been at the window since forever.  But, they were suspicious.  I think something is definitely going on between them,” Junhyung hesitated, “Maybe Erika and Dongwoon are together again?”

Junhyung was surprised at how it pained him to even consider voicing that statement.

Doojoon sighed, “Or maybe you are going on between them,” he emphasized.  Junhyung took some times to process Doojoon’s opinion.

“What is going on between them?” Junhyung asked again.

“I don’t know,” Doojoon answered with an annoyed face, “Maybe Erika has a thing for you.”

Junhyung wanted to laugh.  That statement was funny.  He can’t even believe Doojoon will consider such thing to happen.

“Should I laugh at that joke?” Junhyung smiled broadly.  Doojoon’s face became more distorted with annoyance.

“Do I look like I am joking?” Doojoon asked back.  Junhyung was silenced by Doojoon’s words.

“Come on, Doojoon.  You know that Erika always has a thing for Dongwoon.  Erika is always for Dongwoon.  Just look at them.  They are like, what?  Spoon and fork?” Junhyung cringed at his own analogy.

“That’s hilarious, Junhyung,” Doojoon retorted, “But, yeah…Erika is for Dongwoon.  Should anybody wish to mess their relationship, they will have to be ready to face my hatred.”

Junhyung swallowed.  Doojoon was warning somebody.  Somehow, Junhyung could feel that the threat was directed towards him.  He could feel that their trust towards him had slowly crumbled like pastry.  First, Hyunseung and now, Doojoon.  Next?  Yoshikuni, his own best friend?  Somehow, it hurt a lot and Junhyung wished he knew why these people were slowly lose their trust towards him so that he could correct what he did wrong.

While dwelling with his emotion, he caught a movement somewhere at Doojoon’s right.  He quickly dropped his GPS device and pretended to pick it up.  Doojoon stopped walking to wait for him.

“I’m sorry.  I thought I saw something just now.  Just the shock,” Junhyung grinned sheepishly at Doojoon.  Doojoon picked up the message instantly.

“It’s alright.  It’s a long walk anyway.  I am sure you are tired.  Are we there yet?” Doojoon’s cryptic message reached Junhyung.  Junhyung pretended to look at his GPS device.

“Actually…we are here,” replied Junhyung cryptically.

“Are you sure?”

“Positive.”

Doojoon kept his hold on his rifle tightly.  Junhyung had just confirmed that there was, indeed, other presence of human near him.  While Junhyung pretended to buckle his boots, his eyes were staring at Doojoon’s right.  Doojoon followed his gaze nervously and looked to the exact direction Junhyung was looking at, an abandoned shop.  But, he can’t see anything suspicious.

Well, it was not like he was really alert though.  Yesterday, when they set off at six in the morning (it was really cold and early but Junhyung claimed that early risers always have an advantage over others), Junhyung pointed out that he was really sure there were two persons wandering around their self-claimed perimeter.  When Doojoon asked, he said that he followed their boots traces but Doojoon can’t seem to find one.  At that moment, he was in the same situation.  Junhyung could see something he couldn’t see.  He even narrowed his eyes to properly look that far.

“Doojoon…” he heard Junhyung called his name, “Lower your gaze.”

“What?” he looked back at Junhyung.

“You make it kind of obvious.  They know that we know they are there,” Junhyung stated carefully, pretending to look at Doojoon but eyes stealing a look at the supposedly hiding place.

“What?”

“Too late,” Junhyung pulled Doojoon to the ground and a shot was fired.

Doojoon could feel the bullet narrowly missed his head by inches.  As he fell to the ground on his stomach, he quickly turned his body.  He saw Junhyung was already firing a few bullets to the abandoned shop.  Doojoon looked again at the shop and saw fire lights.  Somebody was shooting at them.  No, Junhyung was right.  There were two lights.  Two persons were firing at them.  The sounds were deafening.  But, he could hear somebody called him a few times.

“Doojoon!” he was pushed to the ground again and when he opened his eyes he saw Junhyung kept firing and ducking, “Doojoon, I need you to focus!  Can you do that for me?” he shouted.

“I think I can,” Doojoon nervously replied.

“Get into the building behind us!” Junhyung instructed while changing his weapon.  His rifle was out of bullet and now he was using his pistol, “I will cover you!”

Doojoon nodded.  Cold sweat was now visible through on his forehead.  He had escaped safely from what supposed to be a war zone before.  He had trained to shoot before.  He should be able to get through this.  He gathered all his courage and ran quickly into the building behind him, followed slowly by Junhyung who was still firing his gun.  The two intruders weren’t firing back.  Doojoon knew exactly why when he was safe behind the concrete of the old building.  Junhyung’s shot was so accurate that none of the intruders were brave enough to even raise their hands to fire, let alone their heads.

“Doojoon, listen to me,” Junhyung said once they were both safe in the building, “I need you to focus, okay?”

“O…okay,” he stuttered.

“Are you injured anywhere?  Do you feel any kind of pain?  Or lightheaded?” Junhyung asked many questions at a time.

“No, I’m fine,” he quickly answered.  He was shocked, certainly.  But, he still was fine enough that he can focus.  He can’t let Junhyung fight the battle alone.

“Now, I need you to listen carefully,” Junhyung instructed and when Doojoon nodded, he continued, “Those two are not experienced soldiers, based on my evaluations.  I just need you to distract them.  I need you to keep firing from this window-” he gestured the window above them “-and only stop to refill your rifle-” he gave him all his full magazines “-okay?  I will run there to maim them.  I need to keep at least one of them alive for questioning afterwards, okay?”

Doojoon nodded vigorously, “Keep firing?  Yeah, I got that.”

Junhyung nodded and looked at his GPS device again.  He kept low and started to crawl.  Doojoon didn’t have the chance to ask him to be careful when he disappeared to the back of the building.  He was now alone.  He knew why he needed to keep firing.  Distraction, that was what Junhyung needed while he moved towards them.  That was what Doojoon was going to provide.

So, he kept firing.

Not long after that, he heard another shot from the other side.  Then, they were no longer firing towards him.  Junhyung must have reached the other side.  He waited only for a while when he heard Junhyung screamed in pain.  Without any hesitation, he stepped out of hiding and quickly ran to the other side.  As he ran inside, he saw one of them was already dying on the floor.  There was too much blood.  The other intruder was pinning Junhyung on the ground.  He gripped Junhyung’s bad arm (the one that healed slowly because of past shooting), taking advantage of it.  He had a small knife in one hand, both the knife and Junhyung’s old wound were bleeding.

That was when Doojoon realized that these intruders had long observed them.  They knew that Doojoon was not a soldier.  He knew that Junhyung was injured, where and when exactly.  Therefore, again, he collected what left of his bravery to kick that man.  He was certainly proud of that kick because that man hissed in pain.  That gave Junhyung the time to roll over and now pinning that man down.  Doojoon aimed his rifle to the man as he was about to attack again.

“No, Doojoon!  I need to question him!” Junhyung reminded, his good hand punched the man in the face.

Doojoon lowered his aim but did not know what to do next.  He was forced to watch the terror of unfolded in the next minutes.  Junhyung sat on the man, immobilizing him.  He then grabbed a larger knife from his belt and it, using his left hand, with all his might, through that man’s shoulder straight to the floor.  It penetrated the wooden floor and pinned the man right to it.  The man screamed loudly.  Then, Junhyung grabbed the man’s own knife, a smaller one compared to his and put the blade right next to the man’s neck.

“Who send you here?!” Junhyung shouted at the intruder.  Doojoon was shocked.  That was the first time he saw Junhyung that angry.  The unknown man was scared.

“Don’t…don’t kill me…” he was too scared to the point of stuttering.

“I’ll spare your life if you answer my question!” Junhyung threatened.  The blade had pierced the man’s skin at the neck and blood trickled down, “Who send you here?!”

“The government!” he answered, “Please…”

“Why?!” Junhyung’s voice was thunderous in the small, deserted building.

“T-they want us t-to spy on you,” he stuttered.

“How many of you are on us?!”

“Just two of us…Please…”

“Tell the truth!”

“Yes!  Yes!  That’s the truth…only two of us…please…” he begged.

“How much do they know?!” Junhyung roared again.  That man shook his head.  Seeing that, Junhyung cut his cheek, deeply, “How much do they know now?!”

“Please…” the man cried, begging.  Junhyung cut his cheek again, on the other side.

“How much do they know now?!”

“Everything,” the man said, “They know where you are now.  They know you are surviving in that house.  They know exactly where you are.  They will send a force after you.  Just run away from them…” the man cried.

He looked at Junhyung with pleading eyes.  Doojoon looked at the pitiful man.  He had thought Junhyung would spare the man’s life.  But, he didn’t get to say anything.

Junhyung buried the knife into the man’s neck and with a force, ripped it with a forceful jerk.  Blood splattered everywhere and Doojoon had to use all his strength not to vomit or pass out.

“Let’s get them, Doojoon.  We need to run away.  Fast,” Junhyung’s eyes were so fiery and Doojoon complied, still shocked from the recent event.

+++++

When they reached the base, Doojoon was already used to the shock.  Just now, he found himself trembled, but that was no longer the case.  However, Junhyung still wore that dark look on his face.  To make the matter worse, Yoshikuni was so furious that they did not report to the base.

“You asked us to stick to the safety protocols.  But, you breach it yourself, Junhyung,” she dragged him to the emergency room to be treated.

The wound was nasty and Yoshikuni really didn’t appreciate that.  Only two weeks ago she had mended that arm, but it was torn again.  She had nagged Junhyung the whole time she was treating him.  Luckily, this time he was not hanging in between life and death.  Even so, he still had to face Erika’s anger.

“You!  I told you to be careful!” she barged into the emergency room as soon as she heard the news.

Yoseob and Sierra followed closely behind her.  Gikwang came after that with a very worried expression.  Hyunseung also had come in with concern decorating his expression.  Finally, Dongwoon entered the room, looking closely at Junhyung.  Doojoon didn’t say anything at all but Junhyung felt the need to defend himself as he felt it was not his fault.

“I was careful.  But, I need information from them,” Junhyung said in his defence.

“You risk your life just for tiny little information?” Erika was frustrated.  Everyone could see that she was holding tears.

“I risk my life for tiny little information that might save all of you,” Junhyung corrected her.  Erika felt really irritated.

“Why can’t you, just for once in your lifetime, look after yourself?” she spat.  Junhyung decided to ignore her and looked at Yoshikuni.

“Yoshikuni, I need to talk to you.  Together with Doojoon.  It is very important.  But, I need privacy,” Junhyung said.

“What’s so important and so private that you need to hide it from us?” Erika went again, “Why can’t I know it?” she was getting impatient.

“You’ll know later.  But, for now I need to strategize everything properly,” Junhyung tried to control the situation now.

“Yeah.  Strategize everything,” Erika nodded cynically, “You can go on working your out at your death point because after all, people don’t really care about you!” she stormed out of the room.

The others were dumbfounded.  Erika was really angry to the fact that Junhyung did not try to sit down and rest after he had been injured.  But, in Junhyung’s defence, he was perfectly capable in handling that situation.  It wasn’t like he was losing his hand or anything like that.

“Erika,” he tried to chase after her.  The moment he moved his arm, he had winced and Dongwoon had pushed him onto the chair again.

“Stay, Junhyung,” Dongwoon said and he looked at Gikwang.  Gikwang quickly caught the signal.

“I’ll handle her,” he said and ran after her.  All people in the room were stunned.  Only Dongwoon’s coughing filled the room for a while.

“It’s okay, Junhyung.  She’ll be fine,” Dongwoon told Junhyung, still coughing.

Yoshikuni shrugged, recovered from her surprise and continued her work.  The others stayed silent and just watched Yoshikuni busied herself with Junhyung.  Dongwoon was the only one who was calm enough to be able to help.  While helping to clean Junhyung’s wound, he started a conversation Junhyung wished he never heard.

“She really cares about you,” Dongwoon said and he paused.  For a moment, Junhyung thought that he wasn’t going to speak anymore, “In fact, she loves you,” Dongwoon continued.

His statement made the situation even more awkward in the room.  Even Yoshikuni stopped working on the wound.  Hyunseung looked at Junhyung with disgusted expression.  Doojoon wore a distrustful face.  Yoseob and Sierra were confused.  Junhyung faked a laugh.

“Haha.  Are you trying to be Doojoon here?  Not funny, Dongwoon.  And I am not really in the mood to joke,” Junhyung said.

Dongwoon looked at Junhyung with a serious expression.

“Come on, Dongwoon.  You know that she’s for you and you’re for her,” Junhyung faked a laugh again.

“I’m serious,” it pained Dongwoon a lot to reveal that secret.  Junhyung was gobsmacked.

“Junhyung, listen,” Dongwoon tried again, “I tried the engagement ring on her yesterday.  It didn’t work.  She doesn’t remember me.  And I have no right to prevent her from loving someone else.  I’m letting go,” he said calmly, although his voice cracked in the end.

“No…impossible,” Junhyung said, shaking his head, “Try again,” he urged.

Dongwoon shook his head.  He looked defeated.  Damn, he looked unhealthy.  He didn’t look in his best condition now that Junhyung was looking closely at him.  Junhyung shook his head and looked at Doojoon and he saw the ‘You’ve betrayed’ expression on his face.  He looked at Hyunseung next.  There was hatred on his face.  Then, Junhyung looked at Yoseob.  He saw disbelieve written all over his face.  Sierra was not better off.  She was disappointed.  Finally, he looked at his own best friend.  Yoshikuni was angry.  And Junhyung felt hurt.  He was hurt by their rapidly changing perception on him.

Without the slightest care of his own condition, he stood up.  He ran.  He ran as fast as he could, to find Erika.  He heard Dongwoon called after him, telling him that he needed to be treated.  But, that wasn’t important now.  He needed to see Erika and he found her with Gikwang, in front of her room.  He ran to her and grabbed her shoulder.  He looked into her eyes.  Gikwang was perplexed.

“Look into my eyes, Erika.  Look at them and tell me, honestly, that you didn’t remember Dongwoon as your fiancée.  Do that, Erika,” he said urgently.

There was a pause.  Gikwang was curious, waiting for the answer.  Junhyung waited until she looked him in the eyes.  There, he saw the sincere guilt in her eyes.  He saw it.

“I’m sorry, Junhyung,” Erika said, “I’m really sorry,” she said and Junhyung took it that she really didn’t remember Dongwoon.

Junhyung closed his eyes and breathed.  That moment he knew that he had lost the trust they had on him.  He had lost their trust at the time when he needed them to trust him the most.