And oh my love

I’m holding on forever

Reaching for the love that seems so far

-Westlife: My Love-

“It was me after all,” Erika mumbled.  But, in the silence of the night, with almost nothing to create a sound with, her whispered was audible to Junhyung.

Right after they fled, Dongwoon had collapsed and was unable to continue the journey on his own.  It might be the shock, the trauma.  Erika almost had it too but she was determined not to let Junhyung faced the dreadful situation alone.  It was already very terrible in the first place, when they had failed to move to their safety according to plan.  Dongwoon was supposed to follow Yoshikuni.  He should not end up stuck with Junhyung, with a raging fever to battle with.

So, Junhyung had decided to carry Dongwoon all the way to a shelter.  It was not permanent; nothing was permanent in this kind of situation.  Even the home they had built was evacuated because of this big hide-and-seek game.  But, Junhyung was not in his best condition and Erika was tired.  By sunset, Junhyung had taken them into an abandoned house.  They were lucky.  There was a bed in the bedroom.  Junhyung had taken Dongwoon to the master bedroom and tuck Dongwoon to the bed, fitting him in his sleeping bag.

“You chose to forget,” Junhyung stated, having heard her story of how she had all her memories forgotten.

Erika looked at Junhyung, who was putting drops of iodine just enough in six bottles to purify the water.  Junhyung said he got the water for the water tank and he was unsure of the cleanliness but can’t start any fire to boil the.  They would make themselves obvious.  Even in the cold night, he insisted they slept in layers to avoid getting frozen because he didn’t want to risk starting up fire.  He even had gone as far putting his jacket on Dongwoon and even gave his sleeping bag to Dongwoon for extra warmth.  Erika had received Junhyung’s heat pads and she wondered if the man did not feel cold at all.

“The moment that I realized I had activated the bomb, I was terrified,” she said.

“Not that I blame you.  I will be terrified too,” Junhyung replied soothingly.

He took a basin of water and a towel and sat by Dongwoon’s side on the bed.  He wet the towel with cold water and wrung it, before placed it on Dongwoon’s forehead to cool his fever down.

“The moment everything crumbled, I was in shock.  My brain shut down and all memories of us working together were forgotten,” she paused to think, “I guess I wanted to forget everything that was related to that incident.  That includes work,” she continued.

“Amazing how selective your memory is,” Junhyung laughed dully.  Erika sighed.

“The memory loss thing shouldn’t happen.  I might still be with him if that incident didn’t happen,” she contemplated.  Junhyung was quieted when he heard that.  Somehow, it hurt so much.

“None of this should happen,” Junhyung clenched, “Both of you are supposed to be with Yoshikuni.  I am really useless in this,” his tone suggested that he blamed himself.

Erika did not know how to respond to that.  Really, none of them know how to help Dongwoon.  Junhyung said that Dongwoon had been like that since his nerve injury.  His immune system sometimes decided to shut down and he will fall sick.  But, every time it happened, Yoshikuni was there and she knew just the right thing to do.

“You should sleep,” Junhyung said, probably had seen her yawning.

Erika hesitated for a while, thinking about the idea of leaving Junhyung to be on guard alone.  But, she knew that he would insist.  So, she got up and walked to him and did something she never had, pre-war and post-war.  She planted a kiss on Junhyung’s cheek.  The man was taken aback but did well to keep the surprise to himself.

“I love you, you know?” she finally confessed, orally and Junhyung nodded, giving her a firm grip on her fingers before letting her go.  Erika confirmed again their feelings were mutual.

She headed to the place where she had spread her sleeping bag, also in the same room (Junhyung insisted they should be in the same room), and got ready to sleep.  Somehow, in the middle of this chasing and fleeing, she found peace that she had not had for a long time.  That night, she slept soundly despite all that had happened in the morning.

The only thing that she didn’t know was that Dongwoon had heard that.  But, Dongwoon smiled.  Deep down his heart, he knew that Erika needed Junhyung, just like his own life depended on Junhyung at the moment.  Dongwoon also found peace.  He knew it was time to let go.  He knew that Junhyung would be able to take care of Erika, just like he took care of him.  Dongwoon too, had slept well that night, too well in fact.

When Junhyung was sure that Dongwoon and Erika had gone into a deep sleep, he had begun his routine again.  He repacked their backpacks and made sure they will have the essentials to start the journey tomorrow.  He disposed of the empty cans and empty food packaging properly.  He wouldn’t want the government people to get hold of them.  By the time he finished, he noticed that his bad arm had hurt more than it should but he did not succumb to it.  He stayed on guard, was accidentally asleep for a few times and cursed himself for it (“Damn, what if in that few seconds, we are caught and I fail to protect them again?”) before it was finally morning.

Junhyung had woken up Erika even before the sunrise.  It was deem important to him that they started their journey as early as they can.  They were supposed to reunite with the other group today and use the sewer as their secret way to an abandoned military base not far from where they were at the moment.  He thought it would be better if they started early because his team was handicapped.  By hook or by crook, they should get into the military base by sunset.

So, he was ready to set out as soon as Erika was ready.  He walked to Dongwoon to check on him.  He took the towel from his forehead.  It wasn’t that dry.  Junhyung assumed his fever must have cooled throughout the night.  When he felt Dongwoon’s forehead with the back of his palm, he quickly paled.

Dongwoon was cold, too cold.

He lowered his hand to Dongwoon’s cheek and it felt the same.  For a moment, his heart stopped.  The whole world stopped for him.

“Junhyung?  What is it?” Erika asked, capable of reading the situation.  Junhyung’s expression was dreadful.

Junhyung did not answer.  He took Dongwoon’s wrist instead.  There, he felt the pulse, albeit slow and soft.  Junhyung felt easy to breathe again.  He tried to wake Dongwoon up but he didn’t budge.  He looked at the rise and fall of Dongwoon’s chest to make sure that he was really alive.  He was still with them, but desperately needed medical attention.

“Erika, get him onto my back,” he said while shouldering his own backpack onto his front.  When he was done, Erika complied with his instruction.

“I need you to carry his pack again,” Junhyung said, “Just like yesterday, be careful, do not make a sound.  Contact Yoshikuni.  As soon as we get to her, she will be able to treat Dongwoon,” he continued, at the same time feared that they won’t be able to make it before Dongwoon was completely gone.

The journey was arduous.  They were lucky they got no tail.  But, they had to battle the cold wind, the exhaustion, hunger, and thirst.  Also, not to mention the burden they have to carry.  Erika was carrying not only her own backpack, but Dongwoon’s as well.  Junhyung also had to carry more than he was supposed to handle, plus that bad arm.  But, no one dared to stop.  Erika stole a few glances at Dongwoon, just to make sure he’s still alive.  He was grey, but breathing.  Erika even took her energy bar while walking.  Junhyung was completely relying on adrenaline.  He didn’t even stop to take water.  When the Sun was high indicating noon, Dongwoon slowly opened his eyes.

“Junhyung,” he called.  His voice was so weak Junhyung’s heart shattered.

“Dongwoon!” Junhyung turned his head but didn’t stop his pace, “Thank God!  You’re awake.  How are you feeling?  Are you hungry?  Thirsty?”

“Thirsty…” he muttered.  They were not stopping.  Erika took her water bottle to Dongwoon’s mouth to let him drink.

“Dongwoon, we’ll get you to Yoshikuni.  It’s not that far you know.  We’re almost there.  Only a few kilometres ahead.  We’ll get there.  Hang on,” Junhyung said.  He heard Dongwoon laughed.

“Thanks, Junhyung,” Dongwoon breathed, “You save me again.  Just like before.  It’s always you,” he whispered.

“Of course, Dongwoon.  You’re like my brother.  Stay with me.  This is an order!” somehow Junhyung was very worried.

“You give me a year,” Dongwoon whispered again.  Junhyung was at the verge of tears.  Dongwoon wanted to say goodbye, Junhyung knew it.  “I am very happy.  You let me see Erika again,” he continued.

“Stop it, Dongwoon.  We are almost there.  Almost.  We’re going to make it,” Junhyung said rather strictly.  He did not want to hear anything resembling goodbye at the moment.

And Dongwoon stopped talking.  But, Junhyung knew he was awake.  He could feel Dongwoon’s grip on his shoulders.  He fastened his pace.  Erika followed without any words.  She had to run once in a while to catch up with him, but she knew they had to get there as soon as possible.  When they were only about three hundred metres away from their meeting place, Dongwoon had trouble breathing.  It was so sudden and Junhyung thought his heart had stopped.

It was horrible.  Dongwoon’s breath was shallow and his face scrunched in pain every time he drew breath.  Junhyung quickly got them into a nearby building and lay Dongwoon down onto the cold floor.  He tried to get Dongwoon to follow his own breathing, but it was too painful to even see him trying.  Junhyung urged Erika to contact Yoshikuni.  Erika did as he asked.  She managed to contact Yoshikuni and right after she relayed the information, Junhyung heard an explosion from the place they were supposed to meet.

“!” he cursed, “Don’t tell me they are already there!” Junhyung was angry.  Erika was so shock she couldn’t focus.

“Erika!  Tell me they are not there!” Junhyung tried again. Erika shook his head.

“They…they are…”

“!” he cursed again.  He was lost.  He didn’t know what to do.  He looked at Dongwoon who was dying in his arm and at Erika, who was in shock.  The old memory of explosion must have replayed in her mind.

But, then, his walkie-talkie was crackled with sound and he knew some of them must be okay.  They were trying to contact him.  He answered.

“It’s Junhyung!  Are you guys, okay?” he shouted.

“We are.  We are okay,” Yoshikuni’s voice sounded so scared, “They are sending a helicopter to drop grenades,” she informed.  Junhyung can’t take it.  If Yoshikuni was terrified, what about the others?  Then, he heard one thing that he was really feared of.

“Yoshikuni!  Doojoon!  Please…he’s not breathing!” that was Gikwang’s voice at the back and their contact was broken.

Junhyung didn’t even have the chance to say that Dongwoon was desperately in need of medical attention.  Yoshikuni must be panic when he heard such thing about Doojoon.  Junhyung noticed hot tears on his cheeks.  He was helpless.  He looked at Erika, who was also tearing.  He can’t let them down.  He needed to save them.  He asked Erika to hold Dongwoon for him.

So, he took his backpack, which was full of weapons.  He opened it and found what he was looking for, his very own AK.  He quickly assembled it, attached the magazine and headed out.  He took a very determine, accurate aim and waited until the helicopter get nearer and nearer.  Then, he fired a few shots.  First to the pilot and then to the engine and engine again and again, until the helicopter was crashed onto the ground with a deafening sound and a huge blast.

While that happened, Erika was looking at Junhyung.  Her eyes were full of concern and love.  She was worried for the man she loved.  Her eyes were fixed on him all the time.  She did not notice that Dongwoon was looking at her eyes, in fact, into her eyes.

He saw those eyes again, full of love and full of concern.  He always wanted to be at the receiving end of it, as he once was.  But, he knew they were no longer for him.  However, so desperate was him for those eyes, it was enough for him to see from the side line.  It was enough for the last moment of his life.  He smiled while looking at those eyes, although the owner didn’t seem to notice.

Then, Junhyung was in the building again.  He took Dongwoon from Erika.  He was crying and it was her first time seeing him crying.  He hugged him tight.

“Please, Dongwoon.  Just hold on until Yoshikuni gets here,” Junhyung was rocking Dongwoon back and forth.

Erika knew what she was supposed to do.  She took her walkie-talkie and tried to contact Yoshikuni again.  The call connected and with cracking voice and tears in her eyes, she begged.

“Yoshikuni, please…Dongwoon…he’s dying,” Erika sobbed.  Her shoulders were shaking.  Her hands were shaking.

But, she heard Yoshikuni’s crying.  There were people shouting for her to get to Dongwoon, but something was holding her there.  Erika looked at Junhyung who was holding Dongwoon carefully, but had given up in helping him breathe.  Dongwoon was fading away and he looked at her.  Erika caressed Dongwoon’s head and she cried.  All those memory with him suddenly swam through her mind, but she felt nothing more than only platonic.

“I’m sorry, Dongwoon…I’m sorry…”

+++++

They were just hiding quietly.  They were not supposed to be found.  When the walkie-talkie had sounded, it must have exposed their position.  They were ambushed.  Yoshikuni, with Doojoon’s help had managed to take down the entire enemy sent to go after them.  But then, the helicopter came.  Grenades were dropped and there was explosion.  It was so deafening that Yoshikuni’s ears had rung.  Then, she heard that.

Doojoon was not breathing.

Her world was turned upside down.  She thought she saw how it happened.  When the building collapsed, one of the electric cables was broken and hit Doojoon.  He was electrified with power God-knows how many kilowatts.  She screamed and ran to get him.

She tried to revive him.  She did the cardiopulmonary resuscitation she had learned and practiced.  Doojoon was still out of it.  He was not breathing.  His heart stopped.  He was dead.  But, Yoshikuni refused to give up.  He will wake up, she kept telling herself that.  So, when the others in the team asked her to go to Dongwoon, she had refused.

She admitted it, she was selfish.  She can’t live without Doojoon, so Doojoon was her priority.

Her walkie-talkie crackled again.  Erika’s voice was pleading and she cried, hands did not stop pressing Doojoon’s chest.

“Yoshikuni…” she heard Sierra begged, trying to catch her attention.

“Yoshikuni, Dongwoon needs you,” Hyunseung pleaded.

“No!” she shouted, too quickly, “Doojoon needs me.  I need him more,” she said.  She breathed into his mouth and continued pressing his chest.

“Come on!  Come on!” she muttered with every press and fresh tears dropped.

Then, Yoshikuni heard Doojoon gasped.  He opened his eyes and looked at her.  Somehow, those eyes sparkled more when she thought she almost cannot look at them again.  When she was sure he was alright, she hugged him, tightly.

“Doojoon!” she shouted, “Thank God!” she said and Doojoon’s expression was confused.  Yoshikuni kissed him on his forehead and quickly stood up.

“Look after him, Yoseob!” she instructed, “And go to Junhyung’s location once he is ready to move,” she continued.  Then, she ran off, leaving Doojoon still in confusion.

+++++

Dongwoon tried to take Junhyung’s hand, but his vision was fading.  But, Junhyung received the sign.  He took Dongwoon’s hand.  Then, he felt it.  Dongwoon was passing him something small and round.  Dongwoon opened his mouth to say something, but his voice was too weak that Junhyung can’t hear it.  Junhyung moved his ear to Dongwoon’s mouth.

“Use it to propose her.  Promise me,” he whispered.

Junhyung was surprised.  He looked into his hand and saw the ring.  It was Erika’s engagement ring from Dongwoon.  Junhyung shook his head.  Tears rolled down his cheeks.

“Dongwoon…no…” he sobbed.

“Promise me, Junhyung,” Junhyung had to read his lips to understand what he was saying.  Dongwoon was fading.  There was nothing he could do.  Junhyung was shaking from head to toes.  He had used all his strength to actually curb his feelings.

“I promise,” Junhyung nodded convincingly, “But, stay with me, Dongwoon.  Please…I don’t save you for you to die again, you bastard,” he cursed.  Dongwoon smiled when he heard that.

“Thank you…” and that was his last words before he closed his eyes, before he stopped breathing and before his heart stopped beating.

Erika, who was loyally watching them from the side line sobbed even more.  Tears can’t be stopped anymore.  Junhyung hugged Dongwoon tight, as if he didn’t want to let him go.  It was very painful to watch them.

Finally, Yoshikuni arrived.  She walked to them, assessed the situation and dropped to her knees when she was fully aware that Dongwoon was gone.  She punched the floor again and again and wept sorrowfully.  She felt pain in her chest, physically.

Then, the others came and they broke down as well.  Sierra cried on Yoseob’s shoulder, but Yoseob was not any better.  His hold body shook, trying to cope with the loss.  Doojoon and Yoshikuni cried on each other’s shoulders.  Hyunseung had pushed Junhyung away and took Dongwoon in his arms.  He also had cried, but eyes were full of anger when he looked at Junhyung.  Gikwang was crying too, but he was still able to calm Erika down.  Both of them felt the loss of a good and caring friend.  Junhyung stayed in a corner, weeping alone, bearing the hurt alone because he knew they still cannot accept what he had done to Dongwoon in his last moment of life.

They stayed that way until Yoshikuni voiced.

“We cannot stay here.  They will come and get us.  Let’s get back to business,” she said.

“What about Dongwoon?” Hyunseung asked, although he could predict her answer.

“We have to leave him here,” Yoshikuni answered with cracking voice.  But, nobody objected, they understood the need to get to safety.

Junhyung had walked to Dongwoon’s body again.  Hyunseung saw that and pushed him hard causing Junhyung, who was exhausted, unable to control himself and hit the wall with a loud thud.  He winced but only Yoshikuni saw that.

“You don’t deserve to hold him, you piece of !” Hyunseung spat.  Gikwang pulled Hyunseung away from Junhyung to control him and his anger.

Junhyung didn’t care.  He was not even angry.  He thought he deserved it.  It broke Yoshikuni’s heart to see Junhyung, who was always strong-willed, to be like this.  She looked at Junhyung, who was now kneeling beside Dongwoon’s body.

He caressed Dongwoon’s head and ran his finger through Dongwoon’s hair.  He held some of Dongwoon’s hair in his fingers and gave them a firm tug.  He got some hair with him, to its roots.  Yoshikuni was wondering what Junhyung was trying to do especially when he kept Dongwoon’s hair in a sealed and clear plastic bag.  But, everybody brushed it off thinking that Junhyung needed to take some of Dongwoon with him to grieve, although they thought he didn’t deserve it.

Finally, when Junhyung had put Dongwoon into his sleeping bag and laid his body nicely on the floor, they made a move.  Junhyung gave one last look at Dongwoon.

“Rest well, Dongwoon,” he whispered and a single tear dropped.

Here's triple update...and this is not the end.  There will be more chapters but this story is ending soon.  I hope you will be patiently waiting.

Mood: Hungry, tired, jetlag (Save me...)

Listening to: Beast - On Rainy Days