NOTE: please read the foreword before reading this chapter.
the foreword is actually the start of the story. so please do.. domo arigatou gozaimasu~!
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CHAPTER 1.
childhood memories

I Know you paused it! (laughs) stop crying best. PLease, Listen to this. Maybe you'll know me better after hearing this- and of course, hate me more. But God knows, I Love you.

It started when I was young; young and innocent. I grew from an elite, isolated and hypocrite world. In a mansion
behind a black tall gate, surrounded by the tallest of all the fences in the neighborhood. I grew.

I remember when I brought you there and you insist on giving up my apartment. I know, I smiled back then especially when you told me that it was your dream house and that it looked like a castle. I see it differently. I wonder if you saw, that, in my eyes, it is not a castle, where you dream, it is a huge prison, that crushes it.

I am (long pause)... what do you call that? ahhh frail! frail is the word, I am frail, frail and crippled. You see, I was born with such a deformity. I can't walk and have a heart disease.

and that shows how they feel about me. I was never loved, or if somebody did love me. I was just numb by pain and self pity that I did not perceive that love.

My parents was the first one. to have my heart broken, In my young age, I learnt that I am crippled- crippled sick because of my mother. I was never loved, never loved by anybody. Who could possibly love somebody who was not even loved by her family?

They never wished for me. You know how I felt back then?
(sobs)

... that I am a ing bastard!!!

(cries and laughs at the same time)

No, I am not a bastard. My mother killed herself on my 8th month at her womb and its because she doesn't want me to live.

(sobs a little)

You see, in my fraility, nobody accepts me, everyone pushes me away. I don't have any friends, because friends meant that I have to go outside and I hate it.

You know how it feels living in a dark place and then suddenly you see light? It will hurt you as if blinding you.when the large gate and the long tall fences confined you for a long time, you will be weary if you ever try to go out.

But no weariness can stop a soul longing for acquaintance....

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I am sorry for those who are having a hard time understanding this story/monologue. I am the only one to blame.

for my very first reader ( or the first one thoughtful enough to comment), jlynne,I'll try to grant your request.thank you. ^_^

tvxqfever, yay! thank you for that thoughtful comment, Jaejoong is going to be on this story too. XD

please continue reading and posting your suggestions/ critics. thank you! arigatou!