Yun Hee's POV

“I'm sorry. But I can't meet you today.”

This sentence, that represents a typical refusal, had devastatingly been played by a broken recorder since a while. For the simple reason, that these few words have left your lips for far too many times, I was able to degrade them to the same level as a common “Hello” or “How are you?”. Expressions which were able to revoke disappointment and sadness the moment you combine them, were suddenly so present in my before primitive life, that they were able to numb me like a bad drug. 

How much I wished for them to become obsolete and for you to adhere to our planned meetings again – just the way you used to. However even though I longed for these days to return, I caught myself to never struggle against your improper behavior and to never be able to voice out my disenchantment. Always only invariably exchanging your apologize with a “It's fine” in hope of protecting you from the sweeping guilt and mostly to abate the abominable pain that is slowly but surely eating through my already seeping heart.

Deplorably today wasn't a exception as I was standing here and patiently waiting for you to arrive. But just like always forbearance never paid of as like I exactly estimated, the now horrific ringtone that immaculately crushes my hope, resounded mercilessly. Expecting nothing else a cancellation was thrown through the receiver with the expectation that I would embrace it uncritically. And guess what? Just like always I did.

The routine of me walking around the park alone and ostracized from the world replayed once again. Merely being surrounded by couples and happy families, who seemed to mock my lonely ghost-like form and thus just like always I really looked out of place.

Even though watching the couples being happy with each other were only able to invite anguish and chagrin, I couldn't force my eyes to avert themselves from the ideal scenario. Seeing them being so natural made me remember the times where you and me were in their places doing similar interactions. Interactions which were only feasible by pairs.

Flashback

We were sitting in a small café and enjoying our cold drinks with the additional frozen treats. It was a hot day, in the middle of summer and the coffee shop we were occupying at the second was filled with couples, whose laughter could be heard throughout the shop. Sitting by the window and not really being engaged in a conversation, I took the opportunity to observe Jungguk, who was looking at the various love birds and seemed to be caught up in a train of thoughts.

“Let's try it too.”

Jungguk steered his attention back to me and imprisoned me in an unescapable eye contact. Suddenly being confronted with his sentence, I sensed how confusion clouded my face.

”Try what?”

“Feeding each other. All the other couples are doing it so let's try it too.”

At first I was against that idea as the the image of having other people see us in such a strange act, made a great amount of blood accumulate around the area of my cheeks. However due to Jungguk's persistent character and mine acquiescent disposition one, I ended up agreeing to his suggestion.

I witnessed how he scooped a spoonful of his ice cream, which was by the way chocolate flavor, and extended his arm, so I could eat it. But unfortunately him resembling a giant puppy, the moment an unfamiliar noise resounded, he obviously turned his head around to identify the cause. For that reason my hair was forced to make acquaintance with the cold cream as instead of pushing it into my mouth, he stuck it into my hair. 

Being surprised myself I uttered an inhuman noise, which was able to flawlessly draw his attention back to my slightly messy self. The minute his eyes landed on my iced hair he started to panic and before I realized it, he already tried to wipe the unwelcome guest out of my long hair. However unfortunately his attempt to change them back to their initial state failed miserably as instead of reducing the stain, he ended up spreading it even further into my hair and hence the worsened condition I found myself in.

Not wanting to be a walking bee gum, we decided to stop loitering outside and instead walk home to maybe just watch a movie. Throughout the whole walk Jungguk kept apologizing for firstly dirtying my hair and secondly to have ruined our date. And even though I kept assure him that I didn't feel angered by the sticky hair or offended by the shortcoming date he still kept chanting “Sorry”, that in the end they just bounced off me. 

Maybe our first time trying the new interaction did end up in a big mess, but exactly that abnormal event made the whole date even more memorable to me.

Even though my heart definitely didn't feel like smiling, my face couldn't succumb to his depression as only remembering that unforgettable memory made the before frown turn upside down. Regrettably it only lasted for a brief second for the simple reason that after all it was only a distant memory, that right now seemed to be impossible to recreate...

Wanting to hide from the curious peers who seemingly had developed a six sense, I hurriedly searched my way back home, where hopefully a remedy for my perforated heart would wait for me. After all there was no reason for me to stay outside anymore and the leaking animating organ was starting to be unbearable.

The moment I tread into the apartment, I sensed that another person was already emitting vitality and flawlessly spreading it around. However I didn't feel like participating in making the habitation more lively and thus I wanted to unobtrusive pass the person to reach my sanctuary called bedroom. While trying my best to eradicate all the noise that were able to be produced by me, I sneaked past the kitchen, where I heard noises coming from.

But unfortunately my aunt seemed to be a hawk in human form as even though almost no sounds where performed by me, she still sensed my presence.

“Oh Yun Hee. You are back.”

Being caught and not wanting to appear rude I forced my lifeless being to halt by the doorframe of the kitchen.

“Yeah. Something came up and we had to cancel the date.”

“That is too bad. But Yun Hee are you feeling ill? Because you are awfully pale.”

“I am? I didn't realize.”

To tell the truth I wasn't aware of the fact that I resembled a ghost and thus I couldn't come up with an explanation for the unhuman condition. I might have noted that I felt really anemic and just walking home demanded an seemingly enormous amount of energy. However I bet it on to the great disappointment and sadness, that were aggregated in my system and came to the conclusion that that was the cause to my pathetical self, which even was mirrored by my body.

Not wanting to worry my already way too busy aunt, I merely shook my head.

“No I am really alright.”

“You sure? We might better go to a doctor to check you up.”

“There is no need for that. Thank you for asking though.”

Before she could inquire me any further I swiftly escaped the scene to run into the arms of solitude, who was already waiting in my bedroom.

However I should have considered her suggestion as the mental blank only stopped the moment I heard a sobbing coming from my left. A cry that was able to lure me back to the real world and at the same time to sent a chill up my spine. Not being able to slip into unconsciousness any more I pried my eyes open only to be met with whiteness – pure bright color in my whole eye field. 

Obviously being confused by the new surrounding, I remained frozen for a while. However after going through my knowledge and allowing my brain to decode my current situation, I came to the conclusion that I must be rooted on a stereotypical bed in a hospital.

Following the noise, that I earlier had already identified as a cry, I saw my devastated aunt sitting on a hard chair. Her hair were slightly unkempt and I saw how her petite hands tried their best to fight of the unintended tears, that streamed down her pale cheeks.
I was startled by the image my aunt was displaying at the moment and trepidation ruthlessly knocking the air out of my lungs.

Wanting to know the cause of the symbol of sadness she shed and the reason why I was at one of the few unpleasant places I had put on my list, I reached my arm out to touch her trembling hand. She must have been startled by my unannounced action as she widened her eyes and jerked back slightly. It took a few seconds for her to come back to the ongoing world and understand what happened, but when she did and was aware that my hand was the opposing object, she immediately grasped it with her own ones. I noted how she held onto them like she was scarred if she lessened the force, I might slip away from her.

“Yun Hee. You are finally awake.”

I noted the slightly quavering voice, which fitted perfectly with the wet trails on her cheeks and the sadness in her warm loving eyes.

“Why are we here?”

The minute the seemingly ominous question left my mouth with a hoarse voice, I witnessed how my aunt congealed and remained silent for a while. It took her a minute to thaw and when she succeeded, she immediately averting her eyes. Seeing her acting so unnatural I knew that something serious was up and even though the news wouldn't be so pleasant I still wanted to get inaugurated.

I squeezed her hand slightly and got surprised once again due to the fact that it seemed like I had pushed the wrong button. The second I pressed a cascade of tears oozed out of her eyes and she dropped down onto her knees.

“Yun Hee. Why does it have to be you? Why did god give you a Glioblastoma multiforme?! Why?”

With that announced to the world I sensed how my cracked world finally started to grumble. Rapidly falling apart and being pulled down by gravity in an endless black hole. However even though I now knew I was lethally ill and the dark pitch was everything else but welcoming, I noted that that wasn't the worst thing.

The gravest realization that stood ontop of all was that I could sense that no one would be able to stop the rocks from crushing me.

Oh I think I am finally nearing the ending.

To you guys: Hope you enjoy and sorry for mistakes. Was talking with someone while tipping...

My mind has been drawn to another idol already and I am losing motivation (>.< )