“Sometimes, you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory.”

                                                                                                                                                                                -Dr. Seuss

Three months after Mami left the band…

The soft glow of the sun beats down the smooth, weathered rock of the cliff side. The sky was clear, revealing a wide vast of pale blue that seems to reflect on the clear water of the ocean. A wave would gently lull on the rocky precipice and the breeze that softly blew carries the distinct smell of salt water. The horizon stretches in the most spectacular fashion. It was serene and inviting.

In the midst of the stunning view of the ocean, Mami sat with her legs pulled up to her chest and her arms wrapping around it in one of the smooth rocks along the ocean. Her blonde hair caught in the wind and the breeze tenderly caressing her cheek. Her eyes overlooked at the beautiful scene presented to her and she can’t help but smile on how tranquil it made her feel. She tilted her head back and closed her eyes, feeling the warmth radiating from the sun contrasting the cool breeze that hugged her body.

Calmness swept over her and she felt bliss and contentment on her situation right now. She let out a happy sigh after some time and then placed her chin on her knees as she watched the waves roll from afar.

“Finally, I’ve found you.” Mami heard from a distant and looked up just to see the smiling face of Tamotsu coming over her.

“It took you long enough.” She replied with a chuckle and focused her eyes once more on the ocean.

“You should stop disappearing from me. I only have my weekends off for you,” Tamotsu said before dropping beside her.

“You are a pretty lenient soldier, you know.” Mami commented and looked at him playfully. Tamotsu only shrugged and force out a breath before running his hand to his cropped head.

“You have no idea what I have sacrificed to be able to get that privilege.” He shivered remembering all the laundry he had done that month just to have his weekends off for Mami.

Mami softly laughed beside him and encouragingly tapped his back lightly as she saw the frown in his face.

“Well, you shouldn’t have taken your weekends off for this month. I’m fine, really. You’ve got nothing to worry about.” She said confidently and flashed a smile to him. Tamotsu only creased his brows more and shook his head.

“Nothing to worry about? You’ve disappeared suddenly and didn’t let anyone know where you’re going, except for the times you have sent me different post cards containing tales of your recent expedition.” Tamotsu told her disapprovingly but Mami only laugh.

“At least you know where I’m going. Oh, scratch that, where have I been.” Mami grinned at him.

“I wish you would just stop though. How long are you going to travel around Japan anyway?” Tamotsu asked.

“As long as I have some place to go,” She said, “Or found the right place for me.” She added softly before burying her chin to her knees again.

Tamotsu regards her for a moment and was about to say that she already had the right place before, if only she didn’t decide to leave but then he didn’t said it out loud and just brought his arms behind him to support his weight as he leaned back.

“Well, sooner or later, you’ll realize that you need to settle down in one place. Just let me know where you’re going so I wouldn’t worry.” Tamotsu muttered, his eyes wandering at the ocean.

“Okay. I will.” Mami reaffirmed him and a smile finally made its way on Tamotsu.

They were silent after that, enjoying the view and the feel the ocean had enveloped them until Tamotsu sat up right back.

“You know, I’m glad that you’ve finally brought that.” He commented as he nodded his head to Mami’s other side.

Mami then turned her head and looked at the black leather guitar case lying just beside her. Inside it was her Fender American Standard Stratocaster. The all-black guitar with a melting ice cream design had sat together with her other guitars on her parents’ home for months now. Mami doesn’t want to bring it especially that she considers it as a troublesome luggage but her parents insisted and she had no choice. She shook her head in irritation and sighed before looking at her brother once again.

“I’ve visited mom and dad this week. They kept bugging me on bringing one guitar so I won’t be lonely, they’ve said.” She chuckled at the last part of her sentence.

“Well I bet they’re getting lonely after you’ve left them on our parents’ care. No one can play them other than you in our family.” Mami only laughed and hit his brother’s shoulder for suddenly treating her guitars like a person.

“You’re weird.” She told him.

“You’re even weirder.” Tamotsu replied back.

“Well, I guess it’s in our blood.” With that comment, they’ve both laughed and forgot about the talks of guitar.

They’ve talked about other things after that and lost track of the time until they’ve noticed that the sun hang low from the sky and a mix of orange and yellow filled the dark blue sky.

Time to go,” Tamotsu said and pulled himself up before lending a hand to Mami.

Mami gratefully took it and stood up before bending over to take her bag but her brother beats her to it.

“I’ll be carrying this. No need to thank me.” He smirked and Mami only hit him on the shoulders.

“Don’t worry, I won’t. But I’m surprise; you’re being a gentleman so suddenly.” Mami teasingly said but Tamotsu only chuckled.

“I’m always a gentleman. You just don’t want to believe it.” He retorted back and earning him another punch on the shoulder.

“Yeah right. Keep moving already or we won’t find a place to sleep in.” Mami said and started pushing her brother.

“Okay, okay. No need to push.” Tamotsu said and started moving. Mami then pulled her guitar from the ground and held it at her side before looking back at the ocean in front of her. If the ocean showed her a stunning beauty awhile ago, nothing compares it right now. The setting sun looked so beautiful on the horizon and the contrasting color of orange and dark blue started forming around it.

Mami was fascinated at the different colors it suddenly made and found herself getting closer at it. She stopped just right at the edge of the stone and felt the progressive rise of the waves as the water reached into her feet. The wind picked up its strength too and felt a chill run down her spine due to the cold breeze.

She shivered and pulled her cardigan close to her body but she kept her eyes on the horizon. Although it was beautiful, Mami felt that she still did not belong there. What a shame. She told herself and knowing she would be moving again the next day.

Tamotsu watched as his sister solemnly looked at the setting sun. He saw the fleeting emotions shifted into her face and knew that she will be leaving again the next morning. Even with the wonderful place and the good prospect of building her life again there, Tamotsu knew that it will not stop her from leaving the next day.

He let her marvel at one of the wonders of the earth before he noticed how good she really looks with a guitar. He smiled and even took a photo of her overlooking the ocean.

He looked at the picture and remembered when he was able to go to one of their concerts. The photo he just took looked a lot like that. Tamotsu was on the backstage and the lights coming from the opposite side of the hall illuminates Mami’s body just like what the sun’s fading rays were doing right now.

“I hope you realize that your place is to stand on a stage,” He whispered and hoped that the breeze would carry it to her. But Mami didn’t budge from her place so Tamotsu just chuckled on thinking that the wind will do his bidding.

Feeling that he was intruding or watching something he shouldn’t, he turned his back to his sister and gave her some enough space before he stopped from walking and watched as a bird fly towards the setting sun. Tamotsu was also lost on how free the bird is and somehow, deep inside him, he wished for that freedom too.

Mami didn’t notice that her brother had moved. Her eyes were only focused on the sun as it shrinks on the horizon. I’ll enjoy this for awhile. She told herself and let her mind quiet down for once.

Mami thought that nothing would go wrong now but often times, things aren’t what they seem. Out of the blue, Mami felt a sudden tightness on her chest. She would have able to calmly assess what to do instantly and what might have caused it but then she felt herself having a difficulty on breathing. She instantly moved her hands to her chest and tried to take huge deep breaths but it seems not to work. She started gasping for air and her eyes gone fuzzy. Mami begun panicking and was bent over from the pain but nothing helps at that point.

Mami tried to call out for Tamotsu but she was out of breath that she couldn’t even speak properly. She tried to move but her legs shook beneath her. Her senses started to dim and the last thing she had seen was that her brother looked at her direction with a horrible expression on his face. She heard him called her name but then it was drowned by a loud splash and the sound of rolling waves around her.

She felt like she was suspended in time.  A cold, smooth silk started caressing her body but it didn’t feel as relaxing as she thought it should be. She tried to open her eyes but her lids were too heavy.  Mami tried to move her arms and legs but her extremities stayed limp.

So sleepy, Mami had thought and was about to let go of everything when suddenly, she felt a tug on her waist.

It shocked her to the point that her eyes opened briefly but it was enough for her to see something that weighed her heart a ton in her chest.

In the deep, crease of the ocean, Mami saw the faint glint of a golden clasp in the distance. Her eyes were still fuzzy but she knew instantly what had reflected on the dark abyss of the water.

No…Wait…She let out but only tiny bubbles came out from . She tried to reach for it but the more she does, the more who was holding her waist tug her up, away from the glinting piece. Mami wield herself to fight the drowsiness she was feeling. She tried to fight the one who was holding her but all her efforts were fruitless as the glint faded from the background.

Mami’s heart broke to a hundred pieces but she doesn’t have the energy to even move or cry. She was numb from head to toe and felt helpless like she did before but this time, it was much worse.

The overwhelming feeling of sadness and hurt made her decide to shut her eyes close and turn the whole world off, surrendering herself to whatever force was trying to take her. It didn’t even take long as her body welcomed her decision. Her vision went blank at that moment and all she could feel was the sorrow she felt for losing the one thing she just realized more important to her than she have thought of. She found herself on a dreamless sleep but occasionally, she would be getting a glimpse of a golden clasp sinking deeper into the ocean.

~*~*~*~

“What are you talking about? I’m sorry but I just don’t understand what you’re saying.”

Mami heard a confused voice from the depths of her consciousness. She was cringing from the inside because the voice was only making the pain on her head explode.

“I’m sorry if I can’t explain more than this. It is beyond my expertise and I would like to recommend you to another doctor.”

Mami heard another voice from somewhere but this one sounded soft with a tinge of sympathy on his voice. Mami tried to concentrate on the conversation but her consciousness kept slipping away and she could only get a snip s of their conversation.

“…Dr. Hirayama…a specialist on…like to move her in an inst…”

Confusion started clouding on her head. Where am I? She asked but she doesn’t know if she said it out loud. Mami tried to open her eyes but once she did, lights streamed instantly into her vision and she needed to cringe from the sudden brightness. Mami groaned and tried to pull her arm to her eyes but noticed that there was something sticking to it.

“Mami?”

The first voice she had heard suddenly called out but this time, she heard it loud and clear. She recognized the voice instantly and moved her head to where the voice came from.

“…Nii-san?” She said and found her voice so rasped and burned from the effort.

“Thank God!” Mami heard her brother let out a relief side before coming to her side.

She tried to open her eyes more slowly this time and tried to focus on only one thing.

When she had successfully opened her eyes, she found herself lying on a white covered mattress and a white blanket was covering her body from feet to her chest. The room was all-over white too with only a few colors coming from the other furniture on the room. The smell of disinfectant and alcohol lingers to the room and it invades her nostrils instantly.

Mami looked at her side and found her brother holding her hand tightly. Just as she had thought, something was sticking on her arm and found a tube that was connected on a bottle of fluid just hanging above her head. She got more confused on what was happening and that was when Tamotsu spoke to her.

“You’re in the hospital, Mami,” He said to her. His voice sounded worried but at the same time relief which Mami couldn’t put what had caused the sudden mixed emotion.

“Hospital?” She said again and ignored the raspy feel on .

“What happened?” She asked and saw the fear from his brother’s eyes crossed in an instant.

“You almost drowned. Don’t you remember?” He asked and watched Mami’s reaction.

Mami stared at him blankly at first and then the memory slowly came back from her. An alarmed look passed to her face and she took a huge breath like she was having the experience all over again.

“It’s okay, it’s okay. Shh, you’re safe now. I’m right here.” Tamotsu quickly moved his hand to her head and started Mami’s forehead and hair. It took a minute for Mami to calm down and that was when she had noticed that there was also something on her nose. She raised her free hand and touched another tube that was securely placed on her nose.

“Don’t take it off. It helps you to breath.” Tamotsu muttered and gave her an encouraging smile. Mami brought her hands down to her side and just looked at her brother.

“Although I’m glad that you’re awake after a day and a half of being asleep, I still want you to rest and take your time, okay?” Tamotsu whispered and Mami was astound that she was asleep for more than a day.

“A day and a half?” She asked incredulously but her brother only lauged. “Yeah, you slept like a bear.” He said but his face suddenly went to a serious one, “Don’t do that to me again, Mami.” He said to her. “Don’t make me worry again.” Tamotsu added and saw how worried her brother was.

“I’m sorry if I did. I will not do it again.” She promised and that put a smile on Tamotsu’s face. He leaned forward to her and kissed her forehead before moving to the refrigerator in the room.

“I’m guessing you’re thirsty. Here’s some water.” He offered a bottle of water and Mami gladly accepted it. She sat down to her bed and remembered the talk she had overheard, or dreamt, she was not entirely sure if it was true, but decided to ask her brother anyway.

“Nii-san, what are you talking about with the doctor earlier?” She asked and saw his brother paused from what he was doing. Tamotsu only looked at her before running his hand to his shaved head.

“Your x-ray result came up,” He paused again and was thinking how to tell her what he had learned to the doctor.

“”They’ve said there was something odd in the result and ask me to permit them to take you in another test. I agreed and awhile ago, the result came up to that one too and the doctor couldn’t explain it.” Mami looked at his confused face.

“What is it? What did they saw?” Mami asked. She should also feel worried about it but for some reason, she was calmly handling the situation she was in. Maybe, she thought, that she was trying to be strong for her brother right now who seemed to have gone through a lot while Mami was sleeping.

Tamotsu, on the other hand, looked at her with fear in his eyes. He couldn’t tell her what it is but he knew she needed to know. After all, it is her body they were talking about. He let out a sigh before grasping on Mami’s hand again and answered her question, “…On your spine, a piece of your bone seemed to be missing,” He said softly and found it strange on how it sounded. Tamotsu heard Mami let out a chuckle. He was sure she doesn’t understand it.

“Missing? What do you mean?” She asked, amused on what he had said.

“Mami, it meant that it should be there but it wasn’t. There is a gap on your spine.” Tamotsu let it sink on Mami and he saw the change on Mami’s expression.

“Gap?” She repeated and Tamotsu only nodded.

“The doctor doesn’t know how to explain it since it was his first time to see it. There’s nothing more I could say to you more than the doctor had told me.” Tamotsu sadly told her and watched as she stayed motionless.

After a few moments of silent, Mami let out a breath and looked at his brother with a determined look on her face.

“What do we do now?” She asked and Tamotsu looked at her dumbfounded. He doesn’t know where Mami suddenly was getting all the courage she was having right now and receiving this news so calmly but he appreciate it a lot because it meant that she was determined to beat whatever this is.

“He referred us to a doctor in Tokyo that seems to be a specialist of this case. He met him during a conference and felt like he was the one who could shed light on this. The doctor I have talked to said that he already send the results to him and was only waiting for you to wake up.”

“When did this happen?”

“A few hours ago. Everything happened so fast and I just let them do what they needed to do. Besides, I couldn’t get any answers from them too so might as well have a specialist.”

Mami regarded everything Tamotsu had said and analyze them as best as she could. She admit that her brother made a good call on that one and felt grateful that she wasn’t going to deal with this alone. That made her happy a bit in spite the nervousness and the fear of what was happening to her she was feeling then.

“Thank you. That’s the best decision for now.” Mami said and smiled at Tamotsu.

Tamotsu only looked at her confused and before he could stop himself from talking, the words were already out of his mouth. “Why are you so calm about this?” He asked which surprised Mami too but she only grinned at him and patted his shoulder.

“There was once a woman told me to take things one step at a time. The answer will come to me eventually and being worried and thinking of other things will just make me lose my way.” She smiled as she remembered the person who had said that to her and how useful her words had been to her up until now.

“That’s a smart person.” Tamotsu only commented but a smile finally broke to his face.

“Yeah, and a good leader too.” Mami added and a peaceful silence kept them.

It was then that Mami remembered the time she was under the water. The feeling of suffocation and the feeling of the waves turning her body under the ocean made her tremble so suddenly but then a glint of gold from her memory showed up and her heart started pounding in her chest as fast as it could possibly go.

“Nii-san, where’s my guitar?” She asked with a fear in her voice but she knew the answer to that question.

Tamotsu only looked at her like he doesn’t know understand what she was saying until it dawned to him and a realization crossed instantly on his face.

“I…I don’t know…” Tamotsu softly said and saw Mami’s face fell. She looked out to her window where she could see a glimpse of the ocean. It was calm and beautiful like she had remembered it but deep in its water lays the guitar she had cherished for all these years and just because of her own issues, abandoned without a second thought. She winced from the thought of just abandoning it not long ago and felt terrible all of a sudden.

“What have I done?” She muttered to herself as her eyes reflected how broken her heart had gotten.

No one knew and expect that a guitar could break someone’s heart, but for Mami, she had learned that it is possible and it hurts more than what she had experienced before.