“Reality is a product of our dreams, decisions, and actions.”

“20xx has been a tough year for SCANDAL. Before the year ends, lead guitarist and vocalist, Mami Sasazaki, has announced her departure on the band…”

 “After years of being together and creating music, one of its stars will now soon leave the band. SCANDAL’s Mami Sasazaki was reported to go separate ways from the...”

 “Fans are quiet disheartened about the sudden news SCANDAL was involved right now…”

 “No explanation was made yet by Mami Sasazaki on her departure…”

Mami was absentmindedly switching the channels frequently as she hears the mention of her name or anything about her or her band. After some time, she got frustrated and turned the television off before throwing the remote on the table in front of her. She leaned onto her chair and stared blankly on the ceiling contemplating some things. Mami then closed her eyes and listened at the silent hum of the air conditioner.

"So quiet..." Mami told herself after a minute. She propped herself up and looked around her dressing room just to find an empty space.

It was spacious, less clatter and somehow, bleak. Even though she would not voice it out, deep inside her, she misses the company of her friends and their loud chatters. The racks of guitars, their things strewn out to the table, the clothes scattered in the hamper or the chair, and their talks, discussions, and even their arguments; she misses all of it.

A sense of loneliness crept into her when she remembered the times she was with her bandmates. She was brooding on her thoughts and a tear almost escaped her eyes if only nobody knocked on her door suddenly.

The knock was soft but it made Mami jumped from her seat as it resounded around the quiet room. It snapped her from her thought and she quickly wiped the unshed tears from her eyes.

"Come in." She called out. Naoki came in after that and shut the door gently behind her.

"Mami, we'll start in fifteen minutes. Let's get you ready for your press con." Naoki told her and started fixing her already-fixed make up just to do something.

Then she took a comb and started brushing her long hair. They were left in silence. Nobody dared to speak after that.

"Naoki, you don't need to do that." Mami told her solemnly as she watched her from the reflection of the mirror.

"It's okay. At least let me take care of you for one last time." She told her, with a pleasant smile.

Mami returned the smile to her and they were left in silence again.

"Naoki," Mami started again, "Thank you...for everything." Mami paused and looked at Naoki's stunned face on the reflection. "Even if it was a short time, you've been a great help for me." She continued.

Upon hearing her words, Naoki's hands stopped in the middle of her hair. Her face was masked with sadness as she brought her hand to her quivering lips.

She managed to nod to her and gave her a grateful smile before she continued combing her hair.

"I'm gonna miss you, Mami. I hope you'll be happy on the path you've taken." She said after some time and squeezed Mami's shoulder for support.

"Thank you. Don't worry. I'll keep in touch." She said with an assuring tone.

The silence resumed but the heavy tension in the air was already gone. They were enjoying their company together for the last time until Naoki placed the brush back to the table. She placed her hands to Mami's shoulder again and tap on it lightly.

"It is time." Naoki told her simply but Mami felt her heart quickened from her chest.

She stood up and spun around to face Naoki who gave her an encouraging smile.

"You've got this." Naoki told her before leading her to the door.

It was a quiet trip to the hall but Mami could feel like her nerves were all over the place. She wasn't planning for this. She thought that when she leaves the band, she could go quietly and take a few interviews about it for the people to fully learn about her wish to depart. But a press conference? She wasn't expecting that the admins would ask her to do it.

"We're here." Naoki broke her train of thoughts once more and she stopped abruptly in front of a double door that will lead her to a room full of reporters.

She breathed in and calmed her nerves and was about to open the door when she noticed something on her peripheral vision.

Mami looked at her side and saw Haruna, Tomomi, and Rina walking towards her. The sight of them made her even nervous and even made her think twice on her decision.

No. It’s too late to back out now. You’ve done all the procedures already and this is the last one. She told herself and watched as the three came nearer at her.

Haruna's face was haggard and Mami could tell that she wasn't sleeping well. She must be dealing with a lot of stress since she was the leader of the band. Although it was Mami who should decide, as a leader, Haruna should think about the welfare of everyone. If one member couldn't do it anymore, she was the one who will try to talk sense to them and if not, just like on Mami's case, she was the one who would coax the others feelings and make them realize that it was just suppose to be, even if it was against her will too. She gave Mami a sad smile upon seeing her and let out a sigh that Mami couldn't miss. She had been doing that a lot lately, as Mami have observed.

Rina, on the other hand, was a mess. Her eyes were puffy with a trace of wetness around the lids. She was crying before she came to meet her and Mami felt guilty that she was the reason behind it. Everyone knew how much she looks up on Mami. Rina tried to look at Mami in the eyes but she could only do that for a few seconds before casting her eyes back to the floor with a new wave of tears coming from her eyes. She was trying so hard not to cry that it was to the point of breaking her. Mami wanted to go over her and just hold her for awhile, telling her it all going to be okay but Haruna beat her to it and already brought her arm around Rina's shoulder, telling her to pull it all together.

She looked at Tomomi at last after that and she was a different story. Her eyes were directed somewhere and refused to look at her. Her brows where creased and she had her arms crossed around her chest. Her posture was stiff and her jaw was clenched tightly that Mami thought it was already hurting her. She was about to point it out but think twice to cross their bassist. They've grew distant for the past few months due to Mami's lack of participation on their conversation. They didn't talk like they used to and the silence between them just grew without Mami doing anything about it. But even though that was the case, Mami knew that Tomomi was still looking out for her. She could feel it even if Tomomi was hiding it. She is, after all, her partner-in-crime in almost everything.

"We're here to wish you luck. Remember that we will always be here for you." Haruna muttered between broken words as she gave Mami a light touch on the shoulder. Tomomi snorted at the comment and looked away when Haruna glared at her.

"Is it because of what I said during the tour?" Rina asked with a tint of guilt on her voice.

"No! No, that has nothing to do with my choice." Mami quickly told her but Rina only contorted to a painful expression so Mami quickly brought her hands to her face and tilted it upward to meet her eyes.

"I'm telling the truth. It is not due to what you have said before. All you have said to me were true and I accept it. I'm not angry about that. This is my own choice and nothing to do with anyone." Mami gave her a bright smile. Rina managed to return it but her face fell down again.

"You're really going through with this?" Rina sniffed and was in the verge of tears again as she asked Mami. It broke Mami's heart but she only nodded and rests her hand on the top of her head.

"You'll be fine. You're strong enough to be able to handle everything." Mami smiled at her and continued, "From now on, I'll be on the back to watch out for you." Mami told her and even beamed at her for a moment. At that point, Rina's tears spilled from her words. She buried her face in her hands and sobbed quietly, unable to hold in the great tide of emotions.

Mami then hugged her and rubbed her back to comfort her. She told her everything will be okay and tried to soothe her the best she could but she knew, only time could heal her sadness for now.

She looked at Tomomi at that point and saw her bottom lips started to quiver. She was still not looking at her but Mami could see the pained look on her face. Her eyes started to water too but when a tear escape from her eye, Tomomi angrily wiped it and composed herself once more, feeling more determined to avoid her. Mami knew that she will not talk to her and so, she reluctantly let go of Rina and made her way to the door again.

"Well," Mami's voice was too raw with pain for her to speak.

"...I guess I'll see you around." She told them with small, stricken voice before waving her hands and turning her back to them.

She didn't look back. She was scared that if she did, she might not able to control her tears too. Mami blinked back the tears that threatened to overcome her and put on a brave face before she sauntered into the door only to be stopped yet again.

"If you open that door, you'll never see us again."

Mami's hands paused in mid-air as she heard that particular voice she knew very well. Her heart clenched when she heard the hatred as well as longing in that voice. She turned around slowly only to see the fury on Tomomi's eyes.

"Tomomi!" Haruna yelled at her but she ignored her completely.

"You still have time. You can still back out from this." Tomomi muttered coldly as she held herself in a stern fashion.

Mami looked at her with a grave, abstracted face. Her heart was in and the dread she felt was palpable.

"I'm sorry," She let out with a weak voice. "I've already made up my mind."

A wave of futile rage swept over Tomomi and before she could even think, she had already approached Mami. Flying into rage, she slapped her face so hard that it left a mark on Mami's flawless cheek.

"Why?! Damn it! Tell me why?!"

Mami was taken aback from the slap and she stayed motionless with her cheek throbbing from the pain. She turned her head back to Tomomi with daze in her eyes and watched as Tomomi seethed with indignation.

"What now? You're just going to leave like that?! Leaving everything we've work so hard behind? Leaving us? Throwing everything we had been through just like that?" Tomomi wasn't able to hold herself anymore and just let it out in one blind fury.

"You're really just a prick! Deciding without even consulting us, what are we to you anyway?" She muttered furiously under her breath. Her eyes glared at her in ruthless impersonality.

"Tomomi! Stop it! You don't know what was going on within her." Haruna scolded her and went between Tomomi and Mami just in case Tomomi decided to slap Mami again.

"Well that's the reason why I'm feeling like this! I felt so betrayed, Haruna! I've always sought for her when I have problems because I trust her so much but she didn't even consider me good enough to listen to her worries." She paused, pressing her lips into a tight line before continuing, "You've never even considered talking to me." Tomomi's tears trickled down her face suddenly that it surprised her so much.

She wiped it out but it started pouring and she couldn't stop herself from sobbing.

"Argh! Why wouldn't this damn tears stop!" She yelled out as she furiously wiped them away. Rina came to her side and held her arm but Tomomi pulled her arm away from her hold and moved back away from them.

"Whatever. If you want to leave, just leave. I don't care anymore." She let out and trudged away from them not even bothering to look at them when they've called for her name.

Tomomi was just too upset to even bother about how others might think of her right now. Her inner voice was screaming in silent anguish and betrayal as she walked away from them.

Mami watched Tomomi's retreating figure sadly and the throbbing pain on her cheek just kept her from remembering the words Tomomi just said. She never thought Tomomi felt that way from all of this. She never considered Tomomi not good enough to listen to her worries. She is more than enough from everything she does but Mami just couldn't tell her how she ended up leaving the band because she doesn't know how to voice it out.

"Tomomi! Come back here!" Haruna shouted but she didn't look back and instead, she walked even faster and broke into run.

"I'll talk to her." Rina suggested to them and gave Mami a reassuring look before following Tomomi. Mami sighed loudly and hanged her head low. Her energy seeped out in her body and it left her physically and emotionally drained.

"She'll come around, Mami. For now, focus on what you need to do and I'll try to do my best to help you." Haruna muttered as she put an arm around her shoulder.

"It's time for you to go out. Just handle things one step at a time." Haruna gave her a smile as an encouragement before handing Mami to Naoki who was silently watching the proceedings since the beginning.

"Let's go, Mami." Naoki told her in a soft voice before pulling her towards the door again. Mami paused for a second with her head still hang low.

"Haruna, will you do me a favor?" Mami started but she didn't look at Haruna's direction.

"Sure. What is it?" Haruna asked, a bit surprised on the sudden favor.

"Will you tell Tomomi," Mami held her breath for awhile, "that the reason behind all of this is that I'm already scared." She stopped and Haruna waited for her next words but she only heard a small sniff coming from Mami.

"What are you afraid of, Mami?" She asked. Then, slowly Mami turned her head to her.

"I'm scared to stand on the stage again. I'm scared to play my guitar anymore."

"What do you mean?" Haruna was getting confused on what she was saying. Mami only looked down as she thought about how to answer her question.

"The expectations to me went up too much that I couldn't handle the pressure." She said, "And along the way, to meet those expectations, I've lost myself into improving my skills but," She paused and she grimaced from her sudden thought, "I couldn't hold my guitar. I couldn't play it like I used too. And with that, I started hating it." She trembled at the word she just used because that was the only time she had admitted it after a long run of denying that fact.

"I know you could understand me, Haruna. You've felt it too before. The pressure, the expectations, and the worry everyone gave you when you've lost your voice." Mami faced Haruna again.

"Yes. I do know what you feel," Haruna muttered, "But I've done something about it before. I've went all my way to get my voice back. If you've lost your passion, then you need to find it again. Hate is a strong word to associate it to something you have loved all this time."

Mami hanged her head low again and thought about her words. "You might be right." She said softly. A smile curled on Haruna's face as she saw a flash of hope suddenly making its way on Mami. Maybe, just maybe, everything was still not at lost on Mami, Haruna have thought at that moment.

At that time, Mami looked up on Haruna again with a determination on her face.

"You've said before that I need to focus on what I have to do first." Haruna nodded and a bit optimistic on what will Mami would say.

"Well, please understand that I need to do this first. This is my way to find myself again." Mami told her and Haruna understood right away.

"Of course. You do things differently from the start."

"But I couldn't promise...that after this...that I will...I could..." The words won't come out of Mami so Haruna moved to her and smacked her hand against Mami's back almost causing her to pitch forward face first. Mami let out a cry and rubbed her aching back but Haruna only chuckled.

"Whenever you're ready, we'll wait for you."

Haruna beamed at her and Mami felt happy but also guilty to suddenly putting hope on Haruna.

"But what if it takes years? Or I wouldn't come back? What will you do?" Haruna only rubbed her head like she was irritated but Mami could clearly see that she was hiding a smile.

"I told you, take things one step at a time. You'll soon find out your answer to that. If you come back, we'll welcome you warmly, but if you didn't," Haruna suddenly paused and looked a bit disappointed to even think about that, "Well, if you didn't, we'll have to do what we need to do." Mami looked at Haruna for some time until Naoki called out for her again.

"Thank you. I'll let you know about my answer as soon as I figure it out." Mami told her reassuringly. A side of her was already telling her to tell Haruna that she couldn't do it because she really couldn't stand holding a guitar for a second but a side of her told her that she should take this opportunity to find herself first.

"Take your time. I'll be handling the girls for now, especially Tomomi." Haruna smiled and Mami only nodded before walking back to the door.

She pushed the door open and stepped into a crowded room full of reporters and photographers ready to question her. A voice suddenly rang out from all the commotions and she paused once more, surprised to hear it just before she takes her place in front of the crowd.

"When you're done being a scaredy-cat, come back as soon as you can so I can give you a good beating." That high-pitched voice resounded softly and Mami looked back just in time to see Tomomi and Rina standing besides Haruna, still with a tear-stricken face but not that angry as she did a while back. Her lips were in a tight line but as soon as Tomomi was directly looking at Mami's eyes, she broke into tears and with that image, Mami knew that the old Tomomi was back. Rina brought her arms around the crying bassist and tugged at it roughly, trying to comfort her before beaming at Mami.

Mami gave them a genuine smile before she felt someone put a hand on her back and started dragging her into the front of the room.

She watched where the girls stand, in between the closing doors, for as long as she could before turning her head in front of her and facing the crowd bravely.

She took her stand in front of everyone else, alone, and eventhough it was still a few minutes since she'd seen them, she already missed her bandmates terribly.

Mami drew a long breath before focusing on the questions thrown at her and at that moment, she could finally feel the result of her actions. Mami will be just a normal woman now with an abundant past following her. She's no longer the lead guitarist of the band, SCANDAL.

No more guitars.

No more singing.

No more gigs.

All that was left is an endless option on how she’ll live her life now.

And this has become her reality.