Jongin goes back being the Jongin everyone was used to know on Luhan's birthday.

Before that, though, something still had to happen. 

Luhan came at a loss of sleep because of his leg, which forced him in bed for practically the whole day except for showers and meals. Since he didn't really have something to do as his bandmates would go practicing at the company, he would sleep a lot. As a result, during nights he wandered from his room to the kitchen to get some milk before going back to his room again, bored and pouty. 

It's during one of these night that he heard it, a quite loud cry coming from the inside of the closed door of Jongin, Kyungsoo and Yixing's room. Luhan froze, glass at his lips, when he heard a sigh and then a muffled noise of footsteps moving. 

"Here, here. It's over now." he heard Kyungsoo say, patiently "It's over now." 

Luhan frowned, confused, and stared at the closed door. 

"Sorry. Go back to sleep." Jongin said then, his voice low and tired. It sent a shiver to Luhan's back, the boy's face contracting in worry.

"How long do you want to keep this going?" Kyungsoo was heard saying, annoyed yet concerned. 

Jongin didn't answer and Luhan heard a loud noise coming from the room, then footsteps moving again. 

He assumed Kyungsoo had gone back to his bed.

"When are you stopping destroying yourself so quietly and selfishly, Kim Jongin?" 

Luhan couldn't understand anything anymore, worry taking all over his body. Judging from the conversation he was horribly overhearing, it was not the first time it happened, whatever it had happened. 

Jongin didn't answer that question either and Luhan could swear there was a deep sigh coming from Kyungsoo's mouth. 

The two exchanged no words anymore and Luhan stayed there for some other seconds, agitated but conscious he had to leave. 

The thought that Jongin was suffering some kind of unknown.. illness? What was that exactly? It made his heart break into pieces but he hold it back, trying to pick them up and reason. 

If Jongin had something he wanted him to know, he just had to wait until Jongin was ready.

--

Jongin's horrible nightmares torturing him over and over again and Kyungsoo's helpless attempts to pick up pieces of his existence every morning lead Jongin to take an important decision. Luhan had already forgiven him for his strange attitude, everyone in the dorm did, and Jongin could not stand the idea that in the end he would end up repeating the same mistakes.

He did not want fear and contrasting feelings to hurt Luhan anymore, and he decided he would have rather lost the boy's respect and see himself kicked out of SM than see Luhan suffering because of his lies. 

If his nightmares ever turned into reality, Jongin didn't want Luhan to find out the truth because of a scandal. At least, he could have been honest to the man in his heart. 

He calls his manager to arrange a meeting and inform him he has plans for Luhan's upcoming birthday. 

"Arrange something for the others, leave us alone in the dorm. It's important."

"What?" the man asks, startled "How could I possibly explain this?"

"I don't know, hyung. You are the manager." 

The older man stares inside Jongin's expectant eyes and coughs, uneasy. "Okay, but what are your plans? Did you copy some cheesy idea from the internet for real in the end?" 

Jongin takes a mental note to kill Kyungsoo in the most atrocious way ever when he gets home. 

"My business." he whispers, embarrassed, passing a hair through his dark hair and his manager starts to shake his head in amused disbelief. 

But he keeps the promise anyway.

Luhan receives loud and messy "Happy birthday, Xiao Lu!" from s as soon as the midnight of April 20th strikes and they all stay awake until one in the morning to celebrate the second oldest of them all lovingly. 

Jongin receives amused and teasing but also grateful glances by all his bandmates as they all go to bed, anticipating his plans for Luhan's birthday and playing his game. 

Jongin knows they probably expect some kind love confession, and the thought kills him.

Kyungsoo then smiles at him in anticipation before they both could fall asleep.

"Remember what I said about the cake. It has to-"

"Freeze one hour otherwise the icing will melt, yes. I know."

--

Luhan wakes up in his dark room when he feels the urge to go to the bathroom. He rubs his eyes, trying to adjust them to the darkness of the room. Th windows are all closed and sunshine, despite knocking, is not welcomed. 

He notices the two other beds are empty, and wonders what hour it could be. 

He goes to the bathroom, sleepy and still not connected to the world until he pours fresh water on his face, sighing at the nice sensation. As he gets out an intense, sweet smell of cakes and fruit hits his nose and his stomach grumbles. 

Forehead frowned, Luhan walks towards the kitchen and his eyes widen in disbelief at the sight of a focused Jongin arranging the table for a never-ending breakfast, a deer-shaped headband raising from dark, messed hair.

"Jongin?" 

The boy looks immediately up at him, opening into a sweet, shy smile. 

"Good morning." he greets with such a youthful smile on the handsome face that Luhan loses his breath. Jongin takes his hand and leads him to take a sit around the table, pointing happily at all the kind of food he has been able to cook for him. 

"Wait, did you do this?" Luhan manages to ask, his beautiful eyes glittering.

"Kyungsoo led me his receips. Luckily enough I did not burn the dorm down." 

Luhan chuckles and Jongin catches his smile with an expecting look. The birthday boy starts eating, thanking Jongin and inviting him to join. Only then Luhan suddenly blinks, starting to look around.

"Where's everyone?" he blinks again, this time in Jongin's direction and the boy smiles, embarrassed.

"Schedule."

"Schedule? But-"

"Actually, I think it's more of a day off. I needed to be alone with you for a while, Luhan. Everyone helped." 

Luhan gets from his pale skin color to a bright purple in a few seconds. "Alone with me?", he's blinking again, confused, and Jongin's stomach hurts.

"Yes. Alone, with you. But I don't want to speed this up. Come on, enjoy your breakfast."

Luhan is not sure on how to feel but he is sure his face is still purple because he feels hot and because Jongin giggles every time he looks up at him, the sound making Luhan's body shaking completely. 

"It's delicious," he says at one point, to change the topic, making the other grin "How impressive of you, Jongin." 

The doorbell ringing few minutes later interrupts their eating. Luhan questioningly turns around and follows as Jongin rushes at the dorm's entrance, yelling a -They're here- and the last thing Luhan's sees is Yeonsu running smilingly towards him. 

The little girl wraps her arms over Luhan's neck and holds tight, "Happy birthday, oppa!" 

Luhan's smiles widely, hugging Yeonsu even closer and kissing Byul on the cheek when she also enters the kitchen with Jongin.

"I am so happy to see you." the birthday boy confesses, kissing Yeonsu's puffy cheek.

"Really? Because Jongin-oppa wanted us to have a little family-celebration for you birthday."

Jongin loses his smile, "Yeonsu!"

"What, now?" Byul intervenes, winking over to Luhan and Yeonsu's side "The kid is honest." 

Jongin rolls his eyes, ignoring the amused looks Luhan sends him. 

"I get why you cooked all of this, it was for the four of us!" Luhan then says when they all sit around the dining room's table, Yeonsu already devouring some pancakes.

"It was not," Jongin protests "But you are not that much of an eater, are you? Even Yeonsu eats more."

And the baby receives three pairs of eyes staring at her as she eats furiously, non stop, mouth completely full with a mixture of sweets. 

Everyone bursts out laughing, Luhan leaning his whole body over Jongin's one in the seek for support, and the other holds him, consuming their smiles slowly. 

They later eat the cake Jongin has prepared for Luhan's birthday early that morning, as soon as the others had gone-Kyungsoo did not help at all, he swears on his abs- and it was so delicious and perfect Luhan has to ask if it really is his first time baking.

"He likes baking," Byul explains, winking happily to an embarrassed Jongin "But he has never done it before for others apart from Yeonsu."

"Luhan-oppa is stealing my Jongin-oppa," Yeonso then teases, slicking her oh-so-honest tongue out and her older brother chokes, making her laugh breathlessly "Oppa! It's not funny when you are so easy to capture."

"Who taught you this one now!" Jongin asks, shocked, as soon as his coughs stop.

"Baekhyun-oppa." 

Jongin should have known. 

Luhan starts laughing so hard he can't eat anymore. 

 They spend time like this until it's almost noon and Byul calls Yeonsu to go home. The kid protests a bit, placing a paper on Luhan's hands and presenting it as her birthday present. 

Luhan observes the drawing with a soft, amazed smile because Yeonsu is so sweet, and talented, and she has just gifted her with a drawing that portrays the four of them together, all smiling and stick-bodies and enormous heads. 

Better than Kris' masterpieces.

Jongin observes the scene secretly, heart starting to pump too hard in his chest. He takes advantage of Luhan's distraction and glances over Byul-noona, who is looking back with worried but supportive eyes. 

-You can do it-

Jongin shivers, wanting to believe her. It's not until she and Yeonsu leave with loud and happy greetings that Jongin feels forced to face the tall and dangerous wall he is about to attempt to climb, for Luhan's heart to accept him completely. 

Luhan hugs him out of the blue, leaving him speechless cause he was so absorbed in his thought he didn't even notice him getting close.

It's something different from every other hug they have shared. Luhan would always hug him so hesitantly and softly, afraid Jongin could step back, afraid to bother him, but not this time. This time Luhan hugs him like he knows he is born to fit in Jongin's arms. 

"Thank you." 

Jongin feels the whisper on his chest, winning over the fabric of his shirt and brushing on his skin. He hugs back, trying to enjoy the moment with his racing heart, trying not to think that Luhan could reject him in few minutes.

He reluctantly lets go when Luhan smiles a breath-taking smile, tilting his head to on side lightly. 

"You are my family." he states, firm and deep, making Luhan's eyes widen a bit "Of course we would celebrate together." 

Luhan doesn't answer and instead, he quickly eyes the ground, too embarrassed, and Jongin takes his hands with his trembling ones. Luhan looks at him then, concerned.

"Why are you shaking, Jongin?" 

The boy just leads him on the dining room's couch, asking Luhan to sit down. There is a awkward silence in which Luhan's can't understand why Jongin looks so tormented all of sudden.

"Jongin-"

"You are my family," to boys interrupts repeating the sentence, starting to let the hard words out of his mind "And as such, Luhan, there is something you need to know. Now, from me." 

Luhan nods, sending him a supportive stare Jongin refuses to accept. "No one apart from Byul-noona knows about this." he states, as it could explain how much he trusted him to let it out and effectively, it does, because Luhan's eyes widen. 

He collects his breath, playing with his own thumbs. "Luhan, I- You- I care so much about you. So much." 

The other boy stays still, eyes studying Jongin's expression.

"I care for you so much that I can't lie anymore. You trust me, you support me.. I would have liked to never start this in the first place but.. it's something that I've lived with for years now. And I know you will feel angry.. but it will still be better than me lying at you while swearing to protect you."

Luhan's expression has gone blank and Jongin notices the boy has slightly gotten paler. His eyes glitters with worry. 

"What are talking about, Jongin? Why would I ever feel..like this, to you." 

Jongin smiles weakly, biting his lips. "Just remember that whatever your reaction and decisions will be, I will accept them without protesting."

"Jongin, stop. You are scaring me."

The birthday mood got destroyed so quickly that Jongin has to ask for Luhan's forgiveness about it, except Luhan doesn't care at all and just begs him to continue, moving closer to him until he can touch Jongin's face with soft fingers. 

Jongin relaxes under the touch, shutting his eyes closed and spilling out those words like he was chocking. 

"I am not Yeonsu's older brother. I'm her father." 

The only thing Jongin can hear now is the echo of the loud beats of his heart. He is so absorbed in the sudden loss of strength that he can't even imagine how Luhan had reacted to his confession. He is sure the boy has frozen, probably he is looking at him in disbelief, angry and ready to slap him. 

Some of the scenes from his harsh nightmare start filling his mind and Jongin tries to escape them, but they are so likely to happen he doesn't dare to open his eyes. 

He senses the loss of Luhan's fingers on his face and tries to open them, his scared eyes, only to face Luhan's body standing still and steady besides him. 

Tiime stops and Jongin can already imagine his friend walking away from his miserable self as fast as light, bringing all the others away with him, away from the liar he was.

But Luhan doesn't move, keeps on standing so still Jongin starts to fear he may have turned into stone. 

He is about to let out a broken whisper when Luhan's voice break in, shaking. 

"Why..?" 

Jongin's heart explodes in his chest at the simple question.

Luhan looks up, letting Jongin meet his eyes.

He is disappointed, insecure. Jongin's nightmares start to materialize. He keeps his head down, trying to breathe. 

"Jongin." 

"Jongin." 

"Jonginnie." 

Jongin weakly looks up then, sees Luhan's eyes staring firmly at him, unwilling to let go. He knows he has to speak.

"When I was sixteen, there was a girl I fell for," he starts, clearing his throat but his voice still comes out as a broken whisper "She was older, and came from a rich family. She liked me back, at least I thought so, until it happened.. she got pregnant."

There is a long pause in which Jongin recalls all those moments with a silent sigh. He doesn't even dare to look up at Luhan.

"She wanted abortion, I did not. Then everything became clear, and I discovered she was already engaged to a young surgeon from some other rich family in Japan. I was.. a game, to her. I begged her to give birth, at least, because I did not want my own baby to.. die, only because I was young and stupid and immature enough to let a woman play with me. In the end, she accepted. She gave birth secretly, from her parents and her husband to be, who all lived in Japan already, and then she left."

Jongin trembles, taken back when Luhan wraps his arms around him, almost violently, making their bodies crash onto the couch. He doesn't know what to think, his head hurts at those memories and at the attempt to register the situation.

Luhan takes his mouth to his ear, whispering softly into it. 

"I'm sorry." he says, and Jongin can't believe his ears "I'm sorry I asked you. I shouldn't have." 

The other shakes his head in disbelief. "I am sorry."

Luhan has him to look up and stares into Jongin's eyes so deeply the other feel his soul abandoning him "This is the reason to your nightmares?" 

Jongin's eyes widen and helooks away, trembling. Luhan places a soft touch on his cheek to lead him to face him again "Look at me." 

"How?"

"I've heard you, a few days ago." 

Of course. Jongin didn't even know how could the entire dorm not wake up at particularly high screams, when they occurred, and Kyungsoo has told him it happes quite often.  

He nods, avoiding Luhan's eyes.

"Look at me." Luhan repeats, softly.

"I was so selfish and stupid all the time, Luhan. Believing such a dangerous lie could be harmless to my baby, and to you all. But it isn't. Every night I see a scandal breaking up. I see you leaving me. It kills me."

Luhan doesn't say anything and only runs a hand through his hair and messes it around, the affectionate gesture sending shivers through Jongin's spine.

Luhan was not leaving.

"Aren't you angry?" Jongin asks then, cautious.

"Yes, I am." Luhan doesn't deny, adjusting himself closer to Jongin's body and the other instinctively wraps his arms around him "Lies are unhealthy." 

"What am I supposed to do? I would like to stop, but now-I even dragged you into this-"

Luhan doesn't give him time to continue any further. He places his hands around Jongin's neck and pulls him near, leaving a shaking kiss on the boy's cheek. 

Jongin's heart almost hurts for how fast it's beating. 

"I am your family too, am I not?" Luhan whispers on the same spot, wandering then down to Jongin's neck and resting his head there "I won't let go."

If Jongin didn't have to hold back his tears, he would just lose his mind at the sensuality and intensity of those touches.

"I'm sorry. You would be better off without-"

"Without you?" 

Their eyes meet, a mixture of feelings that makes Jongin just want to pull Luhan inside his arms and let him rest there until the end. 

"Yes, without me." 

"Stupid." 

Luhan offers him a weak smile and Jongin runs a finger to touch the other's lips. "Wouldn't you?" 

"How could I even leave you?" 

"I did wrong."

"Together we can make up for it." 

The last words leave quite an impression on Jongin's already messed mind. Luhan makes him go crazy, sending him the brightest smile he has ever seen and it's so dazzling and out of place, in that moment.

"I don't deserve that smile." That beautiful smile, he would have liked to add.

"See? You are so stupid." 

Luhan giggles and Jongin never stops staring at his every movements and blinks. He follows every breath Luhan takes like it was his own breathing.

"Were you that sure you would lose me for this?"

Jongin, honest, nods. Luhan bites his upper lips thoughtfully.

"There must be something wrong in the way I show you my love, then." 

Jongin reacts quite abruptly to Luhan's innocent and attentive statement, losing his breath and quickly trying to recover it. 

He would like to tell Luhan so many things but in the end, when the boy turns to him and tries his best to reassure Jongin he is not going to leave, with a beautiful smile, Jongin just falls silent again. 

Luhan's body is wrapped in his soft hug and they stay like that on the couch for too long before any of them decides to separate, both absorbed in their train of thoughts and leaving soft touches on the the other's body.

There is a moment in which their eyes suddenly meet, caring and longing, and important words fly up in the air, filling it without any need for them to speak.

Needless to say, Jongin did not have nightmares anymore. 

Also because he could finally sleep properly, Kyungsoo was happy.

A/N

This chapter was so hard to write I swear.. I hope you all with like it!

<3