Jongin keeps the image of Luhan's hesitant, sweet and shy back hug the boy gifted him with the next day, after their practice for Time Control was over.

He didn't say anything, nor did Luhan. He stayed still, body fighting to relax under the gentle hug, Luhan's face pressed on hit sweaty back.

A silent and sweet thank you flew in the air and Jongin could catch it so easily, finding strength to lift his hands to Luhan's ones around his waist. 

They hadn't talked, before and after, and now Jongin is lying on his bed, contrasting emotions bursting into him as he stares at the Deer photo frame. He is distracted by a weight falling over the upper part of his bed.

He lifts his eyes up, gazing Kyungsoo's firm expression.

"Let's talk about it." 

Jongin is not sure of what he means, so he just raises an eyebrow.

"Why did you have his Cd's signed as a gift if you are still behaving like a brat?"

"I am not behaving like a brat."

"Someone running away from his best friend, or whatever, for reasons unknown to the world outside, behaves like a brat."

Jongin snorts, avoiding his eyes. "What do you want, Kyungsoo."

"Stop treating me like I am out if this."

"You are out of this." 

"I'm not, because I worry over you almost every night, because I worry for Luhan's sad eyes when he gazes at you running away, because I can't stand this tension anymore. I can't leave my room so you can die of nightmares alone just because you don't give a about me seeing you like that. It's ill, Jongin." 

"I can't control them." Jongin says "And I'm sorry for having you worry, Kyungsoo. But I can't do anything-"

"Seriously?" Kyungsoo crosses his arms "You were not like this before, Jongin. Stop fooling yourself. You have nightmares because something worries you and you have decided to take it with you in your grave. Except you can't, cause we are a group, and we are into everything you go through, like you do with us. It is supposed to be this way."

"Kyungsoo-"

"If it's something you can't share with us, then at least share it with Luhan-hyung. Make him understand, make him support you."

"Not in a billion years." Jongin states, cold, and Kyungsoo groans "Please, stay out of this." 

"No."

The older boy frowns rapidly. "What exactly do you expect from this? I get you are worried for me and for Luhan but-"

"Worried for you and Luhan-hyung?" Kyungsoo almost yells back "No, Jongin. I worry because you have unstoppable nightmares, and you cry out for Luhan-hyung's name often. I worry because you are tiring yourself to death just to avoid thinking about something, at the point that staff, seniors, bandmates, even other trainees and your older sister are seriously worried that you could end up in a hospital because of a break down."

Jongin breathlessly stares at Kyungsoo's angry expression.

"I worry because Luhan needs you, and you need him. I worry because you have always protected him from anything, and I can't believe now all you have to protect him from.. is you." 

There is a moment of deep silence in which time seems to stop. Jongin doesn't look at Kyungsoo's attentive and irritated expression as he leaves the room, un-focusing his sight somewhere over the room. He blinks twice, trying to digest the deep words his roommate has thrown at him.

He blinks again, eyes catching sight of something on the wall in front of him.

Kyungsoo's TVXQ calendar appears clearly, almost shining at the sudden sunshines radiating from the close windows.

April 20th is coming is a few days. 

--

It all happens so quickly no one really understand, crowd of screaming people pushing from one side to another, until Luhan's scream of pain rings out in the airport. 

Jongin turns around so fast he feels like his neck could have broken, and his heart skips a beat when he sees Luhan lying on the floor, in pain, holding his right leg while big, rude men from the security push screaming girls away from them. Jongin rushes to Luhan, kneeing down and helping the boy to stand up slowly, helped by Kris's strong arms, the muffled sound of the fans' screams hitting his brain hard, hurting like a shot right in the heart.

"Step aside!"

"Let me take a photo, you bastard!"

"Luhan, look at me!" 

He rushes his way out as fast as he can, holding back tears from the all the anger that is filling his whole body up. He hears some of s yelling, maybe Sehun has shed silent tears also, but he is too focused on Luhan's aching expression hammering his heart at every blink.

Kris and him adjust Luhan comfortably and softly on the boy's bed as soon as they all arrive at the dorm. Luhan blinks, gritting his teeth as his hurting leg stretches.

Outside his room everyone stays silent, frozen, waiting for the horrible experience to fly away from their minds. But it doesn't move.

Their manager has already called for the doctor to rush there and is now trying to calm Tao, Sehun and Yixing's shaking anger. 

Baekhyun is wrapped around Chanyeol's arms, fingers twirling with an almost crying Junmyeon who, as for himself, has pulled Kyungsoo inside in own arms where the boy lies, completely breathless. 

Luhan has calmed down. He is still a bit aching but his face is not showing anymore, not like before. He does nothing if not staring a his leg in shock, disappointment and sadness making him shiver. He looks up when he hears his manager's voice entering the door and sees Jongin is pulled outside firmly by Kris, reluctant, and his protests get muffled by the Canadian's hand.

--

Jongin doesn't even let the doctor coming out of Luhan's room that he rushes inside, closing every distance between Luhan and him is a matter of seconds. 

Luhan looks up hesitantly, an apologetic expression on the beautiful face, and notices his fuming expression with a shy smile.

"Are you hurting a lot?"  Jongin asks, voice low and dark.

Luhan shivers at that, "Just a bit."

Two worried Baekhyun and Jongdae enter the room, followed by Junmyeon who is holding a glass of water for Luhan, and Chanyeol and Minseok who have prepared a bag collecting all the things Luhan could need. 

"Hyung, how are you?" Baekhyun asks.

"It hurts, doesn't it?" Jongdae also asks, concerned, and they stare at him.

Luhan only smiles reassuringly.

"It' just a momentary pain, guys. The doctor said I have no serious injury whatsoever, so don't worry." then he thanks Junmyeon, Minseok and Chanyeol for their kind thoughts.

Jongin doesn't remove his eyes from Luhan's body even once, struggling to repress  his anger because he knows Luhan would hate it, if he exploded. 

Sehun then enters the room as well and places himself at the edge of Luhan's bed, standing still. "Hyung, is there something you need?"

The older shakes his head, "I'm fine, Sehunie, don't worry." he says sweetly "Actually, you all guys, I'm fine really." 

"I'll stay with him." Jongin suddenly says.

Luhan eyes him while the others immediately nods, taken a little aback, but not willing to protests to the boy's firm statement. 

"We are going out for dinner, then." Chanyeol announces "So you can rest properly, hyung. Do you guys need anything?" 

When Jongin shakes his head Luhan sends him a guilty look. "Jongin, you go, too. Please, I'm fine." 

"Why would I do something so stupid." 

Jongin then sits on a chair which he places besides Luhan's bed, making his bandmates giggle silently. 

From outside the room, Kyungsoo feels a smile slipping out from his lips.

The other boys greet them, telling Luhan to relax and rest, and sending warning looks to Jongin. Sehun blows a kiss to Luhan and before he leaves, Yixing sneaks his head inside the room to do the same. 

Then they all leave. 

Luhan catches Jongin's eyes on him. Concerned and hurt, the sight of them makes his throat go dry.

"Jongin, I'm really fine." 

"How could they do this to you." 

The words come out is a loud whisper. 

"It was an accident." Luhan tries.

"You are hurt. They hurt you." Jongin keeps on whispering, eyes fixed on Luhan's leg "Just like I did." 

A moment of silence follows and Luhan's mind goes blank at the sight of Jongin's wet eyes. "Please, don't stay angry." 

Jongin immediately nods at his beg. "For you, I'd do anything." 

Luhan would like to tell him to go then, enjoy his meals with the others, but Jongin would just get angrier. He would like to ask him why all that happened happened in the first place, why he had been so strange and distant in the last weeks, but his hand instantly moves towards Jongin, who immediately takes it inside his own.

"Just hold my hand then.You never do it."

And this time, Jongin does, and does even more. He closes his eyes, bringing Luhan's hand to his mouth to leave a soft, shaking kiss on it. 

Luhan shivers at the touch, Jongin still holding his hand tightly, breathing on it. They stay like that for a long time and Luhan stares at Jongin's long lashes, feeling the boy's hot breath on his skin. He falls asleep like that, with Jongin's breath singing the lullaby he was too shy of singing for real.

He is sure he hears an almost imperceptible whisper before his tired mind falls asleep. I'm sorry.

Jongin only then opens his eyes, when he feels Luhan's hand relaxing completely, meaning the boy's fallen asleep. He sends a look to Luhan's injured leg but lifts his eyes up quickly to meet his angelic sleeping face.

He looks so relaxed, Jongin is pleased to notice, and the boy has to fight his instinct not to sneak into the bed himself. He wants to hold Luhan tightly in his arms, to fall asleep with him, to kiss his delicate pale cheeks, his perfect nose. His soft lips. He wants to make love to his beautiful body. 

Jongin's heart aches, deeply, but he doesn't look away. He doesn't move.

He knows he has done wrong, trying to protect Luhan from himself by leaving his side, the side he had swore to protect. Everything hurts more now, because Jongin has understood why he needed Luhan so much, why he needed to see Luhan happy so much, why his heart would skip a bit every time he sees him and Yeonsu being happy together, why he always wishes to give up on everything just to help Luhan out with his needs, why his body heats up every time he gazes at Luhan's beautiful features, his body, his skin, why Luhan made him feel like being torn between Heaven and Hell. 

Jongin shares a lonely tear but his eyes smile at the sight of Luhan's relaxed expression, breath moving his chest up and down, slowly and gracefully.

He could deal with an aching, broken heart, but he couldn't deal with the loss of Luhan is his life. 

A/N

Here we are with a double update this time as well^^

I'd like to say that this chapter comes quite as a coincidence with all that happened yesterday at Baekhyun's hyung's wedding.. My frustration and my sadness over what those "fans" have done is hard to express :( 

Stay strong, EXO!

Back to the chapters.. what do you think?? 

Thank you for following my story, you are precious! <3