Luhan tried to process what Taemin had just told them. It was too much for him to take. Too many words were pouring out of Taemin’s mouth but Luhan couldn’t concentrate on what his  brother was saying anymore.

Although his brother had never mentioned any idols when he used to talk to Luhan before, Luhan had already known that Taemin was close to Key. He had seen quite some pictures of them together on the internet. Articles about them said that they were sort of best friends. Luhan would have never guessed that there was more to it. He couldn’t believe that his brother had kept so many secrets from him, that he was suffering so much. Never once had he questioned Taemin’s cheerfulness. Never before had he seen his brother this broken.

Luhan nervously looked to Sehun who didn’t seem nearly as shocked as Luhan was.

“I told you to stay away from him from the start.” Sehun muttered as he finally stopped the cold act and sat on the bed next to Taemin, awkwardly embracing the older.  He had known about Taemin’s rather complicated love life for a while now since Taemin finally opened up to him about his uality. He at first had tried to give Taemin some advice but the older never listened to him anyways so he eventually stopped.

“I trusted him.”

He kept repeating that sentence over and over again in between his sobs. Luhan still felt out of place. He couldn’t believe that even Sehun knew about it. He couldn’t believe he was the only one in the dark. His brother never told him about this. He never told him about being in a relationship with Choi Minho, about Key who was his good friend but also a friend with benefits, about all his heartache and the trouble. Luhan was still confused because he didn’t understand evrything his brother tried to explain but it was enough for him to feel betrayed. He would always tell Taemin everything. When he had a crush on someone Taemin was always the first person he called. He couldn’t believe that his brother turned out to have never trusted him. He knew this was not the time to feel anger since his brother needed his help right now but it was hard to suppress the urge to start yelling at his brother. Luhan took a deep breath before making his way to the door. He needed fresh air.

“And that’s exactly why I don’t want to be entangled in the world of celebrities.” He mumbled as he aimlessly started walking around. He tried to sort his thoughts and to understand what his brother had tried to explain. It really didn’t sound like Taemin, using other people for his own benefits. So basically Taemin had a huge crush on Minho, the two started dating at some point but it didn’t last long since Minho found more interest in someone else. In his misery Taemin used his friend Key, well aware that the fellow had feelings for him, as a buddy to get over Minho. Luhan didn’t quite understand the rest Taemin told him about, it was really confusing and actually he still didn’t understand what Key was doing in their hotel room earlier.

With so many thoughts going through his head he entered the next coffee shop in sight and decided to stay there for as long as possible. He ordered an iced Americano and sat in a corner, lazily watching the other customers. He noted that there were many girls, sitting around in pairs or groups. Sometimes their voices would get louder from excitement, sometimes out of frustration.

Luhan noted that many of them were talking about boys. About not understanding why their lover hurt them, not knowing what to do to get over someone, being frustrated because they didn’t know if their crush liked them or not. All in all Luhan noted that their problems were not jut “girls problems”. Boys in fact go through the same things. Actually boys and girls are not that different. In fact they are very similar in many aspects. Luhan had met girls who were all tough and boys who were all clingy and cheesy. Gender didn’t decide anything. When Luhan was younger he always wondered what it’d be like to be a girl. Nowadays he noted that he doesn’t have to be a girl, to understand a girl’s troubles. Same goes for the girls sitting in the café. Most of them complained about how they didn’t understand boys. But all it takes is to try to take a look from the other person’s perspective.

Maybe Luhan should go back and tell Taemin this exact thing. His brother should stop being subjective and start seeing other people’s point of view. Maybe then he wouldn’t feel like the only victim anymore and could see how he had hurt others as well.

Luhan was already sipping on his second iced American when a girl about his age approached his table and asked if it was okay for her to sit there with him because there were no free tables anymore. He gave her a short nod and continued sipping on his drink. The girl took a book out of her bag and started reading while taking small sips from her tea from time to time. For some reason her presence calmed Luhan down. She was not a beauty but she had her own charm. Luhan felt mesmerized by the fact that she looked like she was in her own little world. She was absorbed in reading her novel,  the loud surroundings didn’t seem to bother her at all. At times she would twitch in her seat, slightly changing her position, eyes never leaving the pages she was reading. Luhan wished he could be like her, caught in another world, mind free of all the worries the real world had to offer. He considered visiting a book store soon to buy a new novel. Just watching this girl made him realize how much he missed reading.

It was when she reached  out her hand to take another sip from her tea, when their eyes met. She gave Luhan a warm smile and turned back to reading. She kind of reminded him of someone. Smiling to himself Luhan recalled Sehun’s face whenever he was listening to music he would have the same facial expressions. He would look calm and at peace, his eyes would look distant, too caught up in his own little world.  

Smiling to himself Luhan took out his phone , checking the time he realized it had been slightly more than two hours since he had left the hotel. Looking through his messages he realized that Sehun had texted him, asking where he was. He wasn’t sure if he should answer Sehun or just ignore the message. After a while he ended up sending him the name and the address of the coffee shop. 

Right after he had sent the message he already felt regret. Sehun would be there soon which meant that they most probably would have to talk but Luhan didn’t feel like talking at the moment. He enjoyed the silence, he enjoyed his own personal space, he didn’t want that peace to be broken just yet.

Sighing he drank the last bit of his Americano.

“Are you okay?”

Luhan looked up to see the girl staring right back at him. She had put her book away for the first time that day to look at him.

“You just sighed and you kinda look exhausted. I know we’re strangers but if you need someone to talk to, I’m here to listen.”

She gave him a heartfelt smile and Luhan felt like melting right there.

“Thanks. That’s really nice of you but I’m afraid I can’t talk about anything right now. Sorry.”

“It’s fine. I just hope you’ll feel better soon.“

Another smile. Luhan smiled back at her. No more words were exchanged. She went back to reading and Luhan silently watched her with a smile still plastered on his face.

Just a couple minutes later Luhan saw Sehun entering the coffee shop. Not wanting to disturb the reading girl, he decided that it would be the best to talk to Sehun outside. He reluctantly stood up from his chair, waved at the girl, who looked up to him upon hearing the sound of his chair moving, and walked over to Sehun.

“Hey.“

"Hey. Do you mind not staying inside? I’d rather sit outside.“

Sehun shrugged and went outside while Luhan followed him. They sat in silence. Luhan was awkwardly looking at his own hands while Sehun was looking through the menu. Just after Sehun ordered his drink did he look at Luhan.

“I guess I should start explaining, shouldn’t I?”

Sehun’s face was pained for some reason Luhan didn’t know yet. Luhan wasn’t sure if he wanted to hear any explanation anymore. Honestly he felt like it didn’t matter right now. He eventually needed to hear the truth but now was not the right moment, not yet.

“I don’t think I want to know about it anymore.”

“Are you sure about that? Luhan, you know, or we both know your brother screwed up big times. But I hope you can still forgive him. Sometimes when you’re in love you tend to do dumb stuff. When you just can’t get over a person you know isn’t good for you, you do anything to try to erase them from your heart. That’s just how people are. Blinded by love, blinded by the pain. And if you’re in pain it doesn’t matter if you hurt others as well. You just do so to feel better about yourself. I understand that you must be disappointed in Taemin. Honestly I was disappointed in him as well. But I am not anymore. Because now I know how he feels. I was about to do the same thing as him. To drag in another person and maybe even hurt them without thinking. And I’m truly sorry for that, Luhan.”

Luhan sat there confused. His heartbeat picked up, he had a bad feeling about what he was about to hear.

“I don’t understand, what do you mean?”

Sehun shamefully looked away as he started to speak again.

“Just the other night, after I found out about my ex-girlfriend’s actions, I was furious. Furious and blinded by anger. Anger caused by love. Even if you want to argue and tell me that I didn’t love her that much, I still had feelings for her, maybe not real love but I liked her and I liked her enough for me to get jealous and angry at her actions. Anyways that’s not the point and I don’t even know how to start saying this without screwing up big time but just as her I was about to please myself with someone else. With you, Luhan, to be exact.”

Sehun paused for a second and dared to look at Luhan whose face had paled. He was biting his lip rather harshly while his eyes looked like they’d shed tears any moment.

“I think you know what I’m talking about. When we spent the night together in your bed. I was flirting with you. I don’t want to justify that action by saying I was drunk because being drunk is just an excuse not to face one’s responsibilities, I know that. I also know that nothing indeed did happen that night because I was able to stop myself. But just knowing that I was thinking about using you to get my revenge on her, using you to feel better about myself and to forget about her, I can’t put in words how sorry I feel for that. I’m glad I had enough self-control to stop whatever I was doing because I seriously don’t want to use or hurt you, Luhan. I don’t think it’s right to use someone you don’t have any feelings for. And I guess Taemin also came to understand that. Both of us learned our lesson.” 

Luhan stiffly nodded his head. Inside of his mind everything was spinning. Once specific sentence made him want to throw up. ‘I don’t think it’s right to use someone you don’t have any feelings for’.

“If that’s all I’d like to leave now.”  Luhan’s voice was slightly shaking.

“Are you not going to say anything about that?”

“I don’t really know what to say to be honest. I don’t understand. Why would it be me? I’m a boy and last time I checked you weren’t attracted to men.“

Sehun awkwardly rubbed his neck, not answering Luhan’s question any time soon. They sat in silence for a while until Luhan got out of his seat, motioning for Sehun to follow him. They walked back to the hotel without any words being exchanged. Both would sigh from time to time, absorbed in their own thoughts. Luhan couldn’t get over what Sehun had told him. He felt sick, he didn’t understand the world anymore. Why would Sehun want to use him out of all people. It didn’t make any sense to him. It was so absurd. Luhan kind of felt angry at Sehun. Honestly he was glad that Sehun had told him the truth but he would have liked to know what it’s like to be with Sehun. He knew that it was impossible for them to actually be together that’s why he wouldn’t have minded a one-time thing with Sehun. Not at all. He would have willingly done it. He would have done it and probably regretted it later on. Because if he’d get a sip of it he wasn’t sure if he could stop himself from wanting more. Just imagining it made him crave for Sehun’s touch. His thoughts were running wild and it started to make him go crazy. He looked up at Sehun next to him who seemed to be in deep thoughts as well.

One time won’t hurt, right?

When they finally arrived to their hotel room, it was empty. Taemin was nowhere to be seen.

“Where did that idiot go again?” Sehun mumbled as he threw himself on Taemin’s bed.  He started to type a message to Taemin, not realizing that Luhan was still awkwardly standing in the middle of the room.

“Would it still be a terrible thing to do if I agreed?”

“Huh?”  Sehun looked up from his phone to take a look at Luhan who was staring at the ground, his hands were clenched into fists.

“Would it still be something bad if I agreed to you using me?”

Sehun slowly stood up from his lying position on the bed.
“Luhan I don’t really understand?”

“Tell me!”

Luhan’s voice was getting louder.

“Tell me. Because I don’t mind. I know what it’s like when you can’t get over someone. I know the hardship and the pain. If that’s what it takes for you to feel better then I’m willing.”

Sehun was about to decline Luhan’s offer, to tell him to stop joking around but when he saw Luhan’s teary eyes his words got stuck in his throat.

“It’s fine since there are no feelings involved, right?”

Luhan was smiling at him but his eyes looked hurt. All Sehun could do was stay silent and stare. Something was definitely off with Luhan’s behavior.  Sehun was still in trance when Luhan sat next to him on the bed.

“Kiss me Sehun.”

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Hey guys! First of all (yes I'm super late to say this but) OMG THIS STORY GOT FEATURED ?!?!?!! I still can't believe it, I really don't deserve this but omg I'm just so thankful to everyone and again thank you for showing so much support for this rather dumb story of mine. I love you guys so much ;;;;;

Btw for everyone who is not comfortable with , there will be no yet. For all the s out there, wait a little longer, sorry guys I'm more about fluff hehe

I recently made a twitter acc so you may follow me if you want and kick my when I'm online instead of working on the next chapter lmao 

https://twitter.com/kjdaeddy