"Yah! Stop reading and pay attention to me." 

"Wait! I'm at the good part!" She said wrestling the book out my hand. I held onto her tightly as she tried to resist. 

"Pay attention to meeeee!" I whined.

"Oppa~" She said shushing me with her hands. "Aubrey is sleeping." We looked over at our beautiful baby girl fast asleep in her crib. How lucky am I to be with such a wonderful woman and have such a beautiful baby? This was the dream. This is what everyone strives for in life, and I have it all. How blessed am I?

"Thank you." I said kissing her and hugging her tighter.

"For what?" She giggled. "Too tight! Let go." She said slapping my arm. 

"For everything. You've given me everything." I said resting my head against hers. "I love you." She placed a hand on my cheek and chuckles. "I love you too." 

I get up silently and rush over to our walk in closet. I rummage around in a compartment that held all the cameras and photos. I took out the hand held camera and turned the camera on , facing myself. 

"Hello, I'm Lee Joon. Proud husband of Lee Vanessa. Ah. I meant soon to be husband of Lee Vanessa. We are getting married in half a year. Aren't you all excited for us?" I pretend that I was the audience and made cheering sounds. " I'd like to say that I'm very happy with my life and I would like to thank the woman who made my life much better. I love you." I said smiling cutely into the camera.

"What are you doing in there , Joon?" She said from outside of the closet. 

"See, see how wonderful you are? I've been in the closet for only a minute and you're already worried about me." I chuckle to myself.

"Appa! Aubrey needs another bottle." 

"I love when she calls me Appa. Gotta go, duty calls!" I closed the camera and walked out of the closet and down the long pastel blue hall towards the wood stairs. I placed the camera on the counter as I prepared the milk. 

"Appppppppppaaaaaa. Your baby is crying!" She said , but this time her voice was closer. 

"Appa is almost done!" I shouted back as I tested the milk on the back of my hand. Just the perfect temperature. "Feeding time! Come here!" I said walking towards Vanessa. She held Aubrey close to her and rocked her gently as she sang softly to her. I couldn't help but stare at them. In this moment Vanessa looked more beautiful than she ever did on the red carpet and there was no denying that there was nothing more beautiful than a mother and her child bonding. 

I took a few steps back and retrieved my camcorder from the counter and started recording Vanessa. "Shhh. Shh. Appa is almost done." She said as she rocked Aubrey and lightly her back. The only sounds that could be heard from little Aubrey was her satisfied sighs. 

"Joon." She said once she spotted the camera. "What are you doing?" She said frowning at me. I couldn't help but smile at her. 

"You just looked so motherly I had to record it." I said turning off the camera and approaching her. 

"You and your love for that camera. I swear you love it more than Aubrey and I." She said shaking her head at me. 

I gasped and frowned at her. "Wrong! I would never." I said looking at Aubrey who laid still against her mother's chest. "You little booger." I said kissing Aubrey's little head and holding onto her hand. 

"Kiss for mommy?" She said pouting. 

"Yes, kiss for mommy too." I said leaning in and kissing her passionately. 

"I'll set her down." Vanessa said walking towards the stairs. 

"No wait! I wanna hold her while she is sleeping." I said opening my arms. 

"Joon. You always end up waking her." Vanessa said hesitating.

"I promise this time I'll be more considerate and careful." I said still standing there with my arms open. 

She sighed and handed over Aubrey. "Hold this." I said giving her the camera. 

"Yahh~ it was recording the ground the whole time." She said before the camera cut off. 

And just like that she was gone again. I sat there with the camera replaying her videos. It was the only way I could see her now. It was the only way I felt like she was here again. Every time the video ended I felt a sudden pain my chest as if my heart was telling me that this is reality. She was just a person who only exists in a camcorder. 

Lately, I've been drawn to the boxes in the corner of my bedroom and living room. I swore I wouldn't touch them but as the anniversary of her death was drawing nearer, I couldn't help but think of her. I kept thinking to myself, what could have been.

I imagined so many things for us, but now I have to do all of that alone. If only I wasn't so reckless, then she would have been here for her daughter's graduation, the day her daughter meets that perfect man, and the day she gets to hold her grandchild in her arms. Heck, we might have had a another baby girl or boy , but now I'm just left with two boxes of her stuff and a camera with precious moments. 

"Thinking of me again?" I didn't look, but I knew she was here again. She placed a hand on my leg and squeezed it. "It will get easier." 

"When?" I said looking down at her hand too afraid to touch it or she will disappear. 

"When you forget about me." She says simply. I felt her reach up and wipe a tear that was sliding from my cheeks. "Your mom is worried about you, don't do this to her, Oppa. Call her back and talk to her." 

"I don't want to."

"Why? Cause she will bring up my death?" 

" You're not dead." I say still looking down at my feet.

"Joon, as much as I want to be there with you, we both know I am no longer around. Talk to her, you will feel better." 

"I don't want to , Vanessa. I just can't. If I talk about it then it will become real. And I don't think I'm ready for this. I'd rather pretend you are still with me." 

"Oppa. I didn't come back to haunt your dreams or try to prevent you from moving on. I came back to watch over you and hope that I will be able to help you get back up. It's my last wish. Just let me see that you're truly happy and that will be enough for me. Just do this for me. Call her." 

I sighed and looked over at her. As soon as I turned to look at her she began to disappear again. I sighed again and placed my head in between my hands. 

"Why couldn't you just stay with me for a little longer?" I massaged my temples and reached into my pocket for my phone, I scrolled down the call log and clicked on her number and placed the phone onto my ear. 

"The number you have called has been disconnected. Goodbye." I look sadly at my phone and delete Vanessa's contact. I scroll down the call log again this time clicking on my mother's name. 

With each ring my heart started beating faster. 

"Hello?" 

"Umma. I'm ready to talk about it."