My Heart's Joy2
My Heart's Joy
Why? Why? Why?
My heart cry!
Why? Why? Why?
Why must you go, and leave me?
Why must I stay, and be alone?
why must we part ways, why?
Give me, give me back time,
When we were together,
Give me, give me back time.
"Can I sit here?" Jae Joong asked her.
She looked up from the book she was reading, and looked at him halfheartedly, her mind was still in what she was reading, "Okay."
"Thank you."
Then she returned to her book. He was surprised, she did not give him a second look. Half smiling to himself, ‘She is cute, on the chubby side but cute.’ He sat across from her and placed his bag on the table, and then opened his bag and took out his notebook. He kept taking glimpses at the girl, ‘She is not that beautiful, now why, why am I interested?’ he asked himself. He left his things on the table and went to look for the books he needed. He had to do his homework and he did not have the books he needed, so he went to the library, and here he was looking for those books. When he found them he went back to his seat and sat down. He still found the girl, sitting in front of him, reading. He opened a book and started reading.
‘That was the first time, I saw you, reading a book. You were so concentrated in reading, you did not notice the people around you. You did not notice me. I kept taking a peek at you under my lashes, but you never noticed me. Funny thing was, I liked it, you did not pay attention to me, unlike the other people around us.’
A smile
I wish to see
A smile
A look
I wish to see
A look
Your face
I wish to see
Your face
You
I wish to see
You
‘I am in the library again, for the up-tenth time, just trying, taking a chance to see you. This is the third straight day, and you are nowhere to be seen. I looked all over the library for you. Where the hell are you?’ he was pouting, frowning, and starting to be in a dark mood, ‘Where do you go? Where do you hang-out? Where? Where? Where? Where the hell are you, my chubby one. This is so frustrating. I just want to see you. Please, please, come, I'm here . . waiting.’
Beauty
There are those
More beautiful than you
y
There are those
More y than you
Glamor
There are those
More glamorous than you
‘You're so plain, so simple, so ordinary. You even wear your long black hair up in a pony tail. You're chubby, not y at all. You don't even wear a make-up. You're the t-shirt and jeans, kind of a girl,’ he sighed, ‘Why, may I ask, why, why I am so interested in you. You don't even notice me, and I'm Jae Joong.’
You bother me
You won’t leave me alone
Even in my dream
You come to disturb me
Even in my work
You come to me
Even in my music
You come to my melody
‘I keep thinking of you. I keep thinking about you. You're a constant thought in my mind. I even dream about you. I sometime thought, I saw you. But, you're not there at all. You . . you . . you are making my world spin around you,’ deep breath. ‘My songs . . are now affected by you. I can't think straight . . because of you . . but who . . who are you? I don't even know your name."
Father and child together:
Time seems irrelevant
Passing us by
When you are here with me
Every moment so precious
Every second is gold
Let me stay like this with you
Let me stay by your side
It is my life wish to be with you
My hope and dream
To spend every waking moment with you
My life is complete
When I am with you
Take me to your side
And never let me go
Tie me up with your embrace and love
I am willing to be with you
There is nothing the world can do
To take me away from you
I am willing to follow you
No matter where you wish to go
I believe I am in love with you
Smile for me my precious child
Smile and let me smile along
Play house with me
Let us spend our time together
Every moment is precious for me
A keepsake to take with me
Let me have all the memories with me
Let me keep it all deep within me
"Appa, am I doing it right?" Yoshi looked at Jae Joong with an inquiring look, she was asking, while beating the eggs. She was so careful and concentrated with what she was doing.
"Ye, you are doing it just right, and you're not spilling anything," he smiled and looked at her, who smiled right back, when he was slicing some hotdogs; then turned back to look at what he was doing. He had already washed some rice and placed it in the rice cooker.
The father and daughter were in the kitchen cooking their breakfast. It was not often that he could cook for Yoshi. And now, she was helping him prepare the eggs by beating them for him.
Refresh a new day
With your smile
Refresh a whole day
With your spirit
Refresh my life
With your presence
Refresh my destiny
With your love
"Hmmm Appa, this is delicious," she had a beaming smile.
"I'll cook for you next time then, how about that," he was smiling, answered Yoshi.
"Cook lunch for me then. hahahahahaha" she was smiling, answered her Appa.
"Your grandma is a better cook than I am, she will probably have something for us, when we get there."
"Ye Appa, grandma is a good cook, I miss her cooking already. I am glad we are going today," Yoshi took a spoon full of food to .
'She looks so cute eating. That is why, I love feeding her,' he said to himself, 'I wish, I can do it often.'
I can’t keep my eyes off you
With your pink cheeks
With your beaming smile
Your cheeks full of food
Your eyes looking at me
Saying how you’re enjoying this
I can’t take my eyes off you
Enjoying myself watching you eat
Look
Look at our child
How beautiful she has grown
So pretty
So intelligent
She is you
A little version of you
My heart ache
When I look at her
How I wish
You are here with me
Looking
Looking at our child
You with me
You with us
Me and our child
Happy together
You bring joy
To my heart
My precious one
You bring warmth
To my heart
My beloved one
You bring happiness
To my heart
My only one
"hihihihihi Appa"
"Come on, we need to hurry," Jae Joong had the faucet open, and was washing the face of Yoshi, who was standing near the counter, while she was trying to get him wet by reaching out at the faucet, and by splashing water at him.
"hihihihihi" she was giggling and being playful.
"hahahahahaha Stop it, now," he took a towel and wiped her face. "You need to brush your teeth, Yoshi. Go back to your room and get your tooth brush."
"I can't reach it, Appa."
"Alright, then stay here and I'll get it," Jae Joong walked to her room and into her bathroom and took her toothbrush and toothpaste, which she favored. He went back to his bathroom, to her. He placed toothpaste on her toothbrush and gave it to her. "Here, brush your teeth."
"Brush with me, Appa," smiling, he took his own toothbrush and was about to get his toothpaste, when. . "Wait, Appa, use my toothpaste, so we are using the same." Yoshi was smiling at him.
"hahahaha Alright," he took her toothpaste and applied it to his toothbrush.
The father and daughter was brushing their teeth together in his bathroom.
A breath of fresh air
A drive into the countryside
You beside me
A chance moment
A brief encounter
You beside me
Share the moment
Share a smile and laughter
You beside me
Come and bother me
Smile and talk to me
You beside me
Let me love you
I’ll let you love me
You beside me
A moment I’ll lock in my memory
A moment that I’ll treasure
You beside me
* * * * *
Adorable model
A tiny princess
Fashionista
A pretty me
You are me
A girl me
A tiny me
A model
‘You looked so cute and adorable with your dress and shoes. You could be a young model, I'd pay you to model. You could carry your clothes really well, just like me. You’re the girl, me. A pretty girl, me.’
I found the person
Who can beat me
A tiny creature
Living with me
She has the flair
To be a model
A great dresser
My daughter
‘I would love to dress you up, change your clothes, again and again, just to see you wear them, and fix your hair in all sort of ways, so I could see you look so pretty. You’re my living doll, my Ko, my daughter.’
I am missing you
More now
You should be the one
To look after our daughter
Fix her up, dress her up
You should be here with her
Doing this thing I’m doing
You should be the mother
‘Look at our daughter, how pretty she looks. You should be here, doing this. You should be the one, looking after our Ko, the one dressing her, the one fixing her hair, the one putting on her shoes, you should be the one, you should be here with us, you should be the one.’
Together
I wish we are together
I want us to be together
I need us to be together
I ache when I see families together
Eating together
Playing together
Laughing together
Sleeping together
I wish we are together
I want us to be together
I need us to be together
I ache when I see families together
A moment in the past:
A simple beauty
Entranced me
A simple beauty
Enraptured me
A simple beauty
Enchanted me
A simple beauty
Delighted me
A simple beauty
Charmed me
A simple beauty
A simple beauty
Can’t take my eyes off you
A simple beauty
I want to keep looking at you
A simple beauty
I want to be with you
A simple beauty
I want you to be with me
A simple beauty
I want you
A simple beauty
Finally
Wonder of wonders
I finally found you
I finally saw you
Finally
‘I'm going to the library, for the chance to see you. It's been several days now. Still, can not find a shadow of you. I'm walking with heavy steps, climbing these stairs, and a heavy heart. Will I see you?’ his thoughts while his head was bowed, looking gloomy, with a black shoulder bag, wearing a sleeveless v-neck gray t-shirt beneath a black collared polo shirt and a fitted gray jeans and black rubber shoes.
‘I don't know why, I keep doing this. I keep coming here, when you are not even here. I'll look all over the library for you, look at all the faces, look at all the occupied tables and chairs, looking at people, and look for you in all the corners of the library. By chance, you might be one of them or you might be somewhere in the library.’
‘I'm opening this door with a heavy arm and hand. Walking through the door with heavy steps. As soon as I enter, I know, I already started looking for you. My eyes, automatically looks for you. I'm looking around, when I saw someone, who looks like you, I took a second look, just to be sure. I can't believe it, you are here! It's you.’
‘Am I wishing too hard, now I'm seeing things? Am I hallucinating? Is this real? I'm already walking towards you, even before it registered in my head I was doing it. I'm taking deep breaths. I think I'm a little dizzy. I can't take my eyes off you. I might lose you, if I do.’
My lonely heart
Wish to be with you
Be beside you
To hold you and hug you
To spend time with you
Even to look at you
To stare at you
I long to be with you
Can not the season
Give us a chance to be together
Can not the heavens
Allow us to be together
Can not the universe
Give us a space to be together
Can not time
Give us a moment to be together
I love you
With all my heart
I love you
With all of me
I love you
With all I got
I love you
With all my being
I love you
I have seen you
I have you
I have found you
I have you
I have a hold of you
I have you
I touched you
I have you
‘I see you, I can't believe my eyes. You're in front of me. Finally, you are here. I've longed to see you, to have even just a glimpse of you. I'm breathing hard, my heart is beating fast. I can't take my eyes off of you. I sat where I can look at you, and not be too obvious. I want to approach you. And ask your name. I have to know your name, my chubby one. What can I do? What can I say? What must I do? I can't let you go. . and not know your name.’
Hello Hello
I'm finally meeting you
Hello Hello
I'm finally talking with you
Hello Hello
I'm finally going to know you
Hello Hello
I'm finally going love you
"Hello, can I sit here?" Jae Joong asked her. She looked up from the book she was reading, and nodded her head; then went back to the book she was reading. Jae Joong felt a dejavu, and thought, 'This was like the first time I saw you, reading a book, hahahahaha' smiling at the bowed head reading a book. Pulled the seat, and sat down, 'Now, what?'
"I've seen you somewhere before," he said.
She slowly looked up; then looked side ways, and there was nobody else with them. She returned her look to him, "hmmmm? You're asking me?"
Smiling, "Yes, and my name is Jae Joong, I'm student here."
Her eyebrow rose a little, "Of course, you're a student here, why would you be here, otherwise."
He bit his lower lip slightly on the side, he thought to himself, 'Why did I say that, I sound dumb. ' " I'm not always in the library, you see."
Her eyebrow rose a little again, "I'm often in the library."
Jae Joong was thinking fast, 'I'm not doing this right.' "I major in Music, and minor in acting. My schedule was busy a bit."
"Ah, I see," she answered back.
'She won't even give me her name, and I already gave mine,' he was lost for words on how to approach the topic.
Cute
That is what I could think of you
Beautiful
That, too is what I could think of you
Gorgeous
That is what I could think of you
‘Who is this guy? Is he, the guy, who belongs to a Kpop group? What is their name again? hmmmm I'm not into Kpop. Why is he in front of me, right now. Can't he see I'm busy reading. Why doesn't he just go away, and leave me alone. He is too beautiful for my taste, he is prettier than me, how can a guy be more beautiful than a girl? Hmmmm He is cute, I can give him that. Darn thing, biting his lips like that. hmmmm’
You
It's you
A memory
Returning
‘Ah, I remember now, it's you, that is why your face is familiar. I was reading, and you sat across from me. You went to look for your books, and sat back down. You were reading, I guess, you had an assignment you had to do that day, but, so was I. I had to finish reading my book, to do my assignment that day, too. Now, we are back here in the library. I have a book in front of me, but you don't. I know why I'm here, why are you here? Where is your book?’
Present day: (Jae Joong musing to himself)
I whisper your name
In my heart
Wanting you near me
Could not even speak of it
Speak your name
Say it out loud
How I long to say it
Say it once again
"I have pictures of you, I have albums full of pictures of you. But, I could not open any of them. I could not look at them, and not miss you. I could not even say your name, and not feel the pain."
"Was it only yesterday? It feels like that to me. It was only yesterday, I had you with me. I live in our world, our time together, that keeps me going, but it hurts to think of you sometimes. It hurts to think, to know you are not here with me."
"Wanting you, desiring you, needing you . . should I go on . . I know, I am fooling myself, living this way, living the way I do. But, I don't know how to go on in any other way. Only you, it's only you. I can have anyone, anybody . . there are so many of them wanting me, desiring me, who wants to need me, but, to me, it's only you. It's always been, only you."
"I may meet other girls, but I only end up comparing them to you. Your eyes, your hair, your lips, your clothes, your smell, your smile, your voice, your sarcasm, your wit, your intelligence, you . . darn you . . you still got me hooked."
"I wouldn't know how I would had been, if I don't have our daughter with me. I wouldn't know, if . . life was worth living . . if it was worth working my off . ." he sighed.
"I sometime find myself drinking, if it would ease the pain, if I can ease this pain in my heart. It is so hard to say your name, so hard even to whisper it."
A name
Carved in my heart
A name
Owner of my heart
A name
Cause of my pain
A name
Cause of my loneliness
A name
Cause of my heartbreak
+ + + + + +
A memory returning
A memory kept
A memory priced
A memory revered
Jae Joong was musing, deep in thoughts, while driving. The traffic was only light going to the countryside. The lane, did not have many cars, nor the opposite lane. He was half focused, to what he was doing. There was music playing in the background.
"Appa, are we there, yet? Is it still far?" Yoshi asked, who was sitting at the backseat with a seat belt strap on, and she had books with her and a few toys.
Jae Joong did not hear his daughter. He was looking straight ahead.
"Appa, Appa . . Appa," she tried to get his attention. In a louder voice she called to him, "APPA!"
That got his attention, and he looked at his mirror, to look at his daughter’s reflection on the mirror, "hmmm, What is it, Ko?"
Pouting, "You're not listening to me."
"Sorry, Baby, Appa was driving. What was it about?" he asked, and then he took turn looking at the mirror and his driving.
"Are we there, yet? Is it close?”
"No Yoshi, we are not yet there, maybe two more hours drive to get there, but, will get there."
"Oh, Okay," she was quiet again, and opened her book. She looked through her book, looking at pictures, though, she can read. Then yawning, she went to sleep holding her book.
A trip with you
To see our love ones
You feel safe with me
You can sleep through the ride
An angel, sleeping
Going to the dreamland
Flying with angels
Dreaming, innocent dreams
* * * * *
A walk in the past
A memory returning
A time with you
A sweet moment
Jae Joong remembered a past he shared with her:
‘I was driving, just like this, and you're sitting in the passenger's seat, you're smiling at me, making jokes, commenting on certain issues, and gesturing with your hands. Then you'll touch my thigh, then talk, animatedly, smiling the whole time, even, laughing.'
‘From time to time, touching my arm, then wait for my comment. Wait, for my glances. Wait, for my smiles. You'd touch my hair, touch my face, move closer to me and put your hand on top of mine. Or we'd intertwine our hands while I'm driving, and have it on top of the shift gear.’
‘Our alone, together time. Often, it's in my car, with me driving. Not going anywhere in particular, just driving around. We love to drive in the motorcycle, too. Your arms on my waist hugging me tightly or holding onto my jacket. Your chest pressed to my back, so warm, like the sun.’
‘There were days, you'll be sleeping soundly beside me. And I'd be driving, looking at your sleeping form from time to time. I'd want to wake you up sometime, so you'd talk to me, but, I enjoyed it, too, watching you sleep.’
Present day:
‘But here I am, driving once again, no one beside me, but an empty seat. And our daughter behind me sleeping like an angel. You should be here with me while I'm driving, talking to me, joking with me, laughing with me, touching me, holding hands with me, and keeping me company.'
"Why do I feel alone?"
A memory returning
Words exchanged
A fight between us
Words expressed
How fierce you were
How you loved me
How you fought for me
How you fought with me
Jae Joong remembered a fight they had in the past:
"Who do you think you are? Just because, you are well known? I don't give a horse about that!" she said to Jae Joong.
"That is not what I mean, and you know it. And I did not say anything about me being well known," he answered back.
"Well, if you want to chase after all the skirts, then, go ahead! I'm stopping you! Don't come knocking on my door!"
"I am not, chasing skirts . . as you describe it! Woman, you are trying my patience!" he was pist.
"Now! It's me! It's me, who is trying your patience! Well, I have the best solution for that! Let's call it quits! Let's end all this farce! I had enough of this up to my neck!" Her hand on her neck, glaring up at him.
"Hey, Come on, let's not get to that," Jae Joong was saying in a lower and softer voice.
"Don't tempt me, Jae Joong! Don't tempt me! I can do it! And you know it!" she said to him, "I don't care if, you are the all mighty Jae Joong. I can, and I will, I'll leave you! Do you think, you are the only one with a future to think about? Do you think I'm stupid?"
"Please, sweetheart, don't say that! Please, let's not fight anymore, please! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! It was my mistake! I'll take all the blame! Please, sweetheart, don't be mad anymore, please!" he spoke, pleading to her. She was silent, looking directly at him, not blinking.
She was glaring at him, and then he hugged her tightly, "Sweetheart, you know, it's only you and no other. I love you, and only you."
"Then don't let me catch you! You're dead meat, if I do!" Jae Joong tried kissing her, but she tried to turn her head away from him, away from his kiss, "Don't kiss me! You buffoon! I hate you!"
"And this buffoon, loves you!" he kissed her on the cheek.
My new year's resolution is to update this lol
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