MY Heart's Joy5
My Heart's Joy
Surprised, to see you
Surprised, to find you
Surprised, to have you
Surprised, to want you
When she entered the library, she was surprised to see Jae Joong in the library, ‘And, he is occupying my seat, too,' she noticed. “This is a surprise. Often, it is I who's here, when he comes and would sit beside me,” she thought out loud. 'hhmm' She walked towards him and sat right next to him. Amused, thought to herself, 'I am now the one to sit down beside him, and not the other way around hahahaha,' rolled her eyes, 'where is the world has gone to'.
Jae Joong had a headset on and was busy with his computer. He was intently looking at his computer screen, and he was oblivious to the people around him and his surroundings. She looked at the computer screen then looked at him. And was again surprised, he did not notice her, 'So, this is how it felt, when someone does not pay you any attention.'
Look
I never thought I'd miss you looking at me
Eyes
I never thought I'd miss your eyes looking at me
Attention
I never thought I'd miss your attention focused on me
Charm
I never thought I'd miss your charm focused on me
She placed her bag on top of the table and got up to look for a book, he just then turned his head towards her side and noticed her, but she was already walking away. But, then he noticed her bag beside him on the table, 'She'll be back,' and went back to what he was doing.
After a few minutes, she was back with a few books on her arm, and sat down right next to him. He was waiting for her, and half smiled at her. "Hello!" he greeted her.
"Hello!" she was looking at him, she answered back, and then thought, 'Darn face, am I starting to miss that face.'
She turned her head towards her front, and she was half pouting, took a silent deep breath and straightened sitting up, then got one of the books and opened it, and then started reading. Jae Joong was half amused, looked at her for a second more, and then returned to what he was doing.
Smile
I never thought I'd miss your smile
Smile
I never thought I'd wish your smile
Smile
I never thought I'd want your smile
Smile
I never thought I'd need your smile
She was reading a book and Jae Joong was busy doing what he was doing with his computer. There was a silent companionship between them. It passed a few minutes, and she turned to look at him. Looked at his profile up close, and studied it. Then she looked at the screen of his computer, curious at what he was doing. She noticed, he was composing something, maybe lyrics for a song or songs.
'hhhhmm He is good,' she thought.
No, I can't love you
No, I won't love you
No, I can't have you
No, I can't want you
No, I can't love you
No, I won't love you
A space beside me
An empty space beside me
You are not here with me
A space beside me
An empty space beside me
You are not here with me
A space beside me
An empty space beside me
Another time:
She was once again in the library reading a book.
A deep sigh came out from her. She was reading a book for her class, but could not concentrate. She had been reading the same page now for a few minutes and could not understand why nothing seemed to enter her head, the words would not enter her mind. She closed the book and put it down on top of the table and closed her eyes. Sat with her hands on her thighs with her back on the back-chair. She opened her eyes and turned her head to her right, and she looked at the bag on top of the chair beside her.
'It's been several days now," she had a solemn face. ‘You came, one day, and told me you can't come for several days. As if,’ rolling her eyes, ‘I should know your schedule!' scowled, 'As if, I should care! As if,’ her eyes going left and right, ‘I am already your girlfriend! That you should inform me!' she pouted, 'Ye! Right!' puffed her cheeks full of air.
'You told me, you'd be busy with recordings and rehearsals, then making the album with photo sessions, then after that, will be busy promoting the album, here and abroad. And then as if I should know! You have a TV series you'll be making in Japan. And then, in between those, there were commercials you have to shoot. Ye! Right!' she slowly blew the air out through .
'Darn you! You big buffoon! As if, I should be here for you!' she pouted with lower lip protruding, ‘Darn you! As if! As if!’ she rolled eyes, ‘I should wait for you! Big buffoon! I am not your girlfriend!' she inhaled and exhaled.
'Darn you! Now, I am placing my bag beside me, as if, I am reserving it for you. So no one can sit beside me. Darn! Where did that come from!' a deep sigh escaped her, 'Might as well go. Since I don't think I'll accomplish anything. Might as well go and play the piano.'
Don't disturb me!
Don't come to me!
Don't stay and annoy me!
Don't stay with me!
Don't be with me!
Go away!
Stay away!
Don't change me!
Don't! Don't!
She opened her bag and picked up her book and placed it inside her bag, and then closed the bag. Took a deep breath, stood up and carried her bag. Walked out from the library, headed towards the music department, to look for an open practice room, to play the piano. Perhaps, she can find solace in playing music.
Hide me music
Take me away
Take me far away
Hide me music
Fly me away
Fly me far away
Enfold me to you
Embrace me to you
Shelter me to you
Keep me to you
I need your notes
i need your cords
I need your keys
I need your sounds
Sound, Music, song
Raise me up to a higher level
Raise me up for I am so low
Raise me up so I can be better
Raise me up so I am not so weary
Raise me up so I can be stronger
Raise me up so I am not so weak
Sound, Music, Song
She was in the music practice room:
With eyes closed, she was in front of a piano, playing a classical piece, hearing each note, hearing each sound, hearing each key, flying to a different world, a world she had created by her hands. Filling her mind of only music. Trying to keep her mind from thinking anything else but music. She had succeeded . . but only for awhile . . tried. . but not completely succeeded . . even here. . her sanctuary . .a thing that made a whole sense to her . . he succeeded to invade . . His face showed up in front of her . . now, with each note she made, he was there . . a vision . . coming to life . . she opened her eyes. . continued playing the piano. . and she can hear his voice . . saying, "Hello!" joining her song.
She stopped playing, with a strong drop of her hands on the keys making a loud sound, showing her frustration, she folded her arms on top on the keys and then bent down her head on top of her arms, "Darn you!" she was scowling.
"This is so like you, even in my music, you would try and disturb me. You won't leave me alone. Darn you! Where the hell are you? You said only a few days, and you have not showed your face up to now. Ye, see, you are so busy. You don't show your face anymore. Then . . then . . you want me . . ME! To be your girl! YE! RIGHT!" she was inhaling and exhaling.
"We are not even together, and what?!?! hmmmm? What?!?! You don't have time to show yourself! YE! RIGHT!"
"This is why I don't want to be involved with you. You are so darn busy. And where? I ask where? You would expect me to be? YE! HERE! LIKE THIS! WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! DARN YOU! YOU ARE A BIG BIG HUMONGOUS BUFFOON!" her heart beating fast.
"And . .then what? Ye, I can see it now . . I am going to be in the background, always in the background. YE! RIGHT!" A quiet whisper, "And . . to top it all . . you could never admit it. . I am your girl, I don't believe you could admit it. . not in a million years!" she whispered, "You would never ever ever admit it! Would you? You'd keep me a secret."
She shouted, "DARN YOU! NO! NO! NO! I WILL NEVER DO IT! NOT IN A MILLION YEARS!?"
With my words I tried to stop you
With a look I tried to stop you
With silence I tried to stop you
With ignoring you I tried to stop you
You wouldn't want to be ignored
Your look wouldn't want to be ignored
Your charm wouldn't want to be ignored
Your smile wouldn't want to be ignored
You are so on to me
You are so on to me
You are around me
You are around me
You quietly charmed me
You quietly touched me
You quietly affected me
You quietly invaded me
I have done all I can to stop you
I have done all I can to ignore you
I have done all I can to stop you
I have done all I can to ignore you
Now, all I think is you
Now, all I want is you
Now, all I know is you
Now, all I love is you
No longer will I push you
No longer will I stop you
No longer will I push you
No longer will I stop you
A bleak future is in-store for me
Unknown future is in-store for me
Tears in future is in-store for me
Heartache in future is in-store for me
I'll take what you can give me
I'll have what you can give me
I'll store what you can give me
I'll keep what you can give me
I'll take you for everything you can give me
I'll take you for all your time you can give me
I'll take you for all your smile you can give me
I'll take you for all your charm you can give me
I'll take you for all your kiss you can give me
I'll take you for all your hug you can give me
I'll take you for all your comfort you can give me
I'll take you for all your love you can give me
You enclosed me in your embrace
As if you want to imprison me
You enclosed me in your embrace
As if you want to keep me
You enclosed me in your embrace
As if you want to hold me
You enclosed me in your embrace
As if you want to love me
I am afraid, yes I am afraid to love you
Knowing you will never be completely mine to keep
To have you only for a borrowed moment
To touch you only for a moment
A brief spark in my life only to dwindle right after to hopelessness
And that moment will be compared to my eternal loneliness
I am afraid, yes I am afraid to love you
Knowing the love you'll give me and I to you
Knowing the love of having you
All of you is just for me
The magic of your arms engulfing me
Your sweet kisses you'll bestow on me
I am afraid, yes I am afraid to love you
To live only for those moments I will be with you
To breathe only for the moments you can be with me
Sharing the bliss of ecstasy of having you and loving you
To have you only for a borrowed moment
Knowing you will never be completely mine to keep
I am afraid, yes I am afraid to love you
When time has passed us by and I am no longer with you
How am I going to live my life, when my life was you
You will go on and live your life, with me standing looking only at you
I only have an empty arms and cold nights to look forward to
A long cold nights of having only my pillow in my arms
Of the days wishing for rains, so I could stand in the middle of it's hard pour to let out the pain
Only then can I let my emotion flow with the coming of the rain
To let the rain touch me and fill me so I can breathe again, so I can wait for the next rain to come again
I will have to hold my breath till the next rain can come again
To exist but not be alive, for you took my life from me and have nothing to gain
To destroy me and build a new person just to be with you
To be caged by your love and not see the light of day
To lock my future and throw away the keys
I change my world to live in your world
To love you is to love myself less
To be a pawn to stay in your loving presence
Will I remember me, after all these things are through
Will a trace of me remain, after all these things are through
Fear, fear is stopping me to love you
You, who is bigger than life and I, who is simple in life
Fear, fear is stopping me to love you
The world is in the palm of your hand and the book is in the palm of my hand
Fear, fear is stopping me to love you
You seek the world and glory in it and I wish to only be in the background
Fear, fear is stopping me to love you
You can do whatever you wish and I can only do few things I wish
Fear, fear is stopping me to love you
You got the Midas Touch and I am as poor as a rat
Fear, fear is stopping me to love you
* * * * * * *
One time:
The world is brighter
The sky is shining brighter
The world is brighter
The room is shining brighter
The world is brighter
My world is shining brighter
The world is brighter
My life is shining brighter
The world is brighter
Coming into the library, in her usual time, heading towards her favorite spot, to read. And had to stop in her track and had to inhale deeply for the shock of seeing Jae Joong sitting on the chair right next to her favorite chair, with his head bent down and his arms across his chest, and looked asleep.
Staring and eyes blinking, 'He's here! It's him, right? I'm not dreaming, right?' she touched her cheek; then held the strap of her bag, and then proceeded to walk towards him with a ghost of a smile; then was replaced with a frown, and thought, 'You took your time to come.'
You are a sight for sore eyes
Sitting there sleeping
You are a sight for sore eyes
Sitting there dreaming
You are a sight for sore eyes
Sitting there calmly
You are a sight for sore eyes
Sitting there handsomely
She quietly sat down beside him, and with her head turned towards him and slightly bent, she looked at his sleeping form, and studied his profile, 'You do look handsome, even with just half of your face, but you look tired, even from this view,' she thought to herself.
What have you been doing
That you look so tired
What have you been doing
That you look so worn
What have you been doing
That you'll fall asleep
What have you been doing
That I ache for you
What have you been doing
Jae Joong’s thoughts in the poem:
Wanting to see you
Wanting to touch you
Wanting to have you
Wanting to love you
If you'll see me, too
if you'll touch me, too
If you'll have me, too
If you'll love me, too
The truth is I want you
The truth is I love you
I want to know if you want me, too
I want to know if you love me, too
Slowly opening his eyes, yawning. He straighten his head a little. He was puzzled for a second, and was wondering, where he was. For a moment, he forgot where he was. His eyes looked, and traveled ahead of him, and saw the bookshelves, and there were tables and chair in front of him and a few occupants.
'oh, yeah, I'm in the library. I came here, after putting my bag down at home. After that flight from Japan,' he turned his head to his left, and found her sitting beside him, again reading. He gave a ghost of a smile, 'ahh, My chubby one.'
You are a sight for tired eyes
Sitting there reading
You are a sight for tired eyes
Sitting there wandering
You are a sight for tired eyes
Sitting there calmly
You are a sight for tired eyes
Sitting there beautifully
He quietly sat there, with his head slightly bent looking at her, gazing at her head slightly bent down, reading her book, and studied her profile, 'You look beautiful , even with just half of your face, but you look tired, even from this view,' he thought to himself.
What have you been doing
That you look so tired
What have you been doing
That you look so worn
What have you been doing
That you have dark shadow beneath your eyes
What have you been doing
That I ache for you
What have you been doing
A look
I want that look
A face
I want that face
A smile
I want that smile
A hug
I want that hug
A kiss
I want that kiss
A love
I want that love
Jae Joong still had his arms crossed in front of him, and with his head still bent and his chin touching his shoulder, and was gazing at her, wondering to himself.
Talking to her in his mind:
‘Hello there, my chubby one. How are you? I missed you, almost went crazy, with missing you. If you only know. hahahahaha I almost took an airplane ride back here, just to see you,’ he was smiling, ‘even if, that was going to get me in trouble. hahahaha Almost did! hahahaha’
‘I just kept looking at those pictures I took of you. Which was not enough, mind you. I did not have your phone number. I wanted to hear your voice. I wish I recorded it,’ he was still smiling ‘even if, you're being sarcastic,’ a small pout. 'I still wish I recorded our conversation, when we were eating out that one time,’ deep sighed with a pout.
‘You were so different then, so happy, always smiling at me and laughing,’ remembering with his lower lip protruding, with a small pout, ‘And not be your usual self,’ he Inhaled and exhaled, ‘I missed you, chubby one. Why? Why do you affect me like this? There are a lot of girls around me, and yet,’ he inhaled and exhaled,’ I find myself missing you. Darn, that face! I think, I already memorized that face. I want to kiss you, so bad, I want to touch you, so bad. You have no idea. No idea at all, do you?’ cheeks puffed of air and slowly blowing it out, and then he pouted.
She turned her head to him and caught him looking at her, and was surprised, finding him already awake. He straightened his head and his posture, and placed his hands on his lap and smiled so sweetly at her.
A look
I missed that look
A face
I missed that face
A smile
I missed that smile
A hug
I want that hug
A kiss
I want that kiss
A love
I want that love
She was gazing at him, wondering to herself.
Talking to him in her mind:
‘Hello there, Mr. Kim Jae Joong’ she did not show her emotion, ‘Darn, I missed that face, and that darn smile. I never thought, I'd miss you. Now, you're with me right now. And I can't get enough of you,’ she was studying his face.
‘What have you done to me? You buffoon! Will you be responsible for what you have done? Will you be responsible for me? I think . . I am now crazy, because, I now realized the truth of this matter, I think I have fallen for you. Darn you, buffoon! Darn you! Did I say, not in a million years?’ she was pouting, ‘ It was not enough, I guess. I should have said, never, ever! I don't know if that would have worked either. Darn you! Nothing I did worked with you. Not a thing. Now, where do we go from here? Do you have any idea? Do you have any clue?’
Jae Joong spoke in whisper breaking the silence, "Hello!"
She whispered back,"Hello!"
He was gazing at her reached over and lightly like a feather, touched her arm, whispered, "I missed you," and then worriedly withdrew his hand quickly, "Sorry, I did not mean to cross the boundary," he bowed his head looked down at his lap, and then returned his gaze back at her, and was waiting for her reaction or outburst, afraid, for being too forward.
She was just gazing at him, and he was gazing at her.
'Nothing. Nothing happened. What did he expect? Something for sure,' he thought, 'What got to me, I did that.'
"I'm sorry, promise, I'm not going to do it again. Please, don't get mad at me," he whispered.
She smiled at him, whispered, "Buffoon!"
'She smiled at me!' Jae Joong thought, and was surprised to see a smile.
"Promise, I won't do it again," he was still worried. He then felt his stomach grumbled. "This might be sudden, and I know you're busy, but can I invite you to eat? Maybe, to the restaurant we went? I haven't had a proper meal, you see. I just got here from the airport," he asked her.
She pondered on it a moment. She was gazing at him. He waited for her answer, and was gazing at her.
"Why not, I'm hungry anyway.”
Jae Joong was surprised. His face showed it, his lips going to a small letter O, his eyes got bigger and stared at her.
Musing to herself, 'Darn that face, that's a precious look from him. Surprised you, didn't I? hahahahaa' "Let's go," she spoke, and started fixing her things, and opened her bag and placed the book inside and closed it. He watched her, and then she stood up and carried her bag, and he stood up, too. She turned to walk and had taken a few step, and turned her head back to gaze back at him and half turned to him, who was still standing on his spot, "Are you coming?" she turned forward again and walked.
"Oh, yeah," he was smiling, walked after her, and then he caught up with her and walked beside her.
A treasure in my arms
A treasure like no other
A treasure with no measure
A treasure worth than its weight in diamond
A treasure more precious than my life
A treasure I will not harm
A treasure I will keep
A treasure I will love
Present day with Jae Joong and Yoshi:
They were nearing his parents home. He looked at his mirror and saw that Yoshi was still fast asleep, looking so peaceful. He then turned his eyes back to his driving.
Jae Joong thinking to himself:
'You are just like your Omma, you can sleep while I am driving.' he smiled, ‘but then again, you two can talk, hahahahaha but, then again, you two can be so quiet, it's disquieting. hahahahahaha You got that look, with your eyes from your Omma, hahahahaha I don't know how you do it, you just got it. hahahahahaha’
He was solemn faced and was silent for awhile, then said in whisper, "I just remembered your Omma, I missed her. And, I got you, to keep me company. My precious Ko." He looked at his mirror, "I need you," and then, back to his driving. "At least, I have you in my life." he pouted, 'I don't have your Omma.'
Jae Joong reached his destination, and drove into the yard, and parked his car. Opened the back door with a switch, stopped the engine and took off the key and pocketed it. He unbuckled his seat belt, opened his door and got out; then closed his door quietly. He walked towards the backdoor and quietly opened it, and while Yoshi was still sleeping, he unbuckled Yoshi's seat belt, and carefully and quietly carried her out from her seat, and carried her out of the car. While he carried Yoshi in one arm against his chest, he then carefully closed the door.
Arranged his arms to carry Yoshi more properly, and stood up straighter, and, held her with Yoshi's limped arms on the side of his arms, her head turned to her left side on his right shoulder, her chest pressed to his chest, and her thighs on his waist, and he had one arm beneath her buttocks to hold her and the other arm on her back.
A precious bundle
in my arms to keep safe
A precious gift
in my arms to keep safe
A precious life
in my arms to keep safe
A precious child
in my arms to keep safe
You are my life
You are my breath of fresh air
You are my reason for living
You are my reason for working
You are my beautiful girl
You are my precious bundle
You are my love
You are my life
There is nothing better than you
Nothing better than you in my arms
To have your breath against me
To have your heart beat against me
To have you sleeping in my arms
You are my beautiful girl, my Ko
There is nothing better than you
Nothing better than you in my arms
My new year's resolution is to update this lol
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