Myungsoo's POV

When I finished letting go of my anger, half of my kitchen stuffs is shattered all over the floor. And for the last touch, I throw my iPad and it smashed the wall. I go to my bedroom and leaving all the mess behind. I saw Alpha is hiding under my bed, he must be afraid. I step on to my bed, and call Alpha to lie next to me. I hug him, his fur and then I cry. I just cry out loud, I yelled, I shout and scream my throat off. ! Now I feel like I wanna die. I cried until it hurt my throat, I cried until I lose my breath and until I felt asleep out of the tiredness.
 

I woke up in the morning feeling so damn dizzy, after effect of too much crying last night. And when I remember why I am crying, I start to feel so damn miserable again. This time, I cried until I throw up. I choke myself and I’m coughing badly until I throw up.

I'm not leaving my rooms for the rest of the day, I didn't touch my phone, I didn't eat and I didn’t switch the lamp on. Practically I’m just curling on my bad and feeling so damn depressed and wrecked. All that I can sense is my own heart is shattered inside, and no matter how hurt it is, I can help but enjoy the pain. Because the pains help me to make my brain numb and I don’t have to think about anything.

I don’t know whether I was asleep or fainted, I woke up at 4PM the day after and feel so damn weak. So I walked outside my room and get shocked that all the mess that I left before was get cleaned up, and I can’t see Alpha anywhere. At my dining room, I can see a pack of food and a note beside it.

I took Alpha, you can get it back when you already have time to feed him. Eat this kimbab! I know that you don’t have any proper utilities to even make food for yourself now, and don’t starve yourself to death! Take care and don’t be such a crybaby.

I sit down, and eat the kimbab. And tears are flowing on my cheek.

Every time I woke up from my bed, there’s a food at the table, and I start to cry again while eating the food. All I do is circling around sleep, eat and cry. But all this time, I closed my mind from any thought; I refused to think about what happen, I refused to think about me, about Sungjong and –the most important- about our feeling. I’m going through this miserable phase for about a week, a full freaking week, until I made up my mind, I know what I want to do now.

So I write down a note and leave it on the table ‘Thanks for the food. You don’t have to come anymore. Please take care of Alpha for a while, I’ll send you the money to buy his food’. And then I grab my phone, touch on the twitter icon, and writing a new tweet ‘Let’s get party tonight! , you’re all invited, drink on me!’ And get prepare for tonight.

That night, I’m partying with all my drink buddies. They all glad that I finally join back after a long vacuum since, well, since I meet someone that I try to forget. I drink and I drunk and I struggling to get sober the day after, only to get drunk again. At least it help, this kind of lifestyle help me to forget everything that I don’t want to remember. After all, this is how I lived before, I can get used to it, I just have to keep myself drunk and everything is gonna be ok.

It’s been a month since I’m getting back to my previous life. I’m pretty much screw my brain at this stage, as if there is a particular part in my memory that I forced to lock, and drunk is the only solution to keep those m