“I’m done with your s.” I mumbled to myself. “I’m done with you.”

I was stupid indeed, waiting for an unreturned love, but what could I do? I sighed and looked up as I felt tears welling up in my eyes. I waited … and waited even though I know, the result would be the same. He would still go after her and I would still be the invisible one who watches their little play.

 No one. I’m no one. He knew I like him. At least, I prayed, at least he could come up to me and asked me to forget him, or even a ‘get lost’ would help but no, he knows about it and left me hanging. I laughed, absurd. It is totally absurd how I could stand a person like him.

Our first meeting was not really the best first meeting ever no, I actually laughed at him when I first met him. 2 years … even I can’t believe that it has been that long … 2 years.

I thought no one could make me forget my past but he did. I … the person who has been making me wait for years actually made me forget my passed pain. In a way, I’m grateful towards him for making move on but at the same time,  he’s making me stuck again … to him.

Why do you even like him? – A really common question I get from my friend. Why? I don’t know. Maybe how he walks sleepily just right when he arrives at school, how he kicks the ball even though he didn’t make any goal – I even doubt if he even know how to play football.  The passion he has for doing the things he loves the most, I fell for that … or the smile, the bright smiles that rarely appears on his face – I love that smile.

It sometimes feels like I’m alone … in this world sometimes I feel lonely. I’m not the type to spill out my feelings but when it comes to you, my mouth can’t stop moving. The littlest thing that he has done the weirdest and sometimes the dumbest thing—I find it all amusing.

I had to admit, at first liking him started as a joke. Days passed, and they become weeks and soon months, and real feelings started to develop. I wanted to get out of this mess, this lonely world, but I’m trapped. It’s a cruel world indeed.

You followed me first- SNS. Was it just to mock me? You resend everything you talked with her. Was it supposed to hurt me? Because if that’s the case, congratulations dude, you won.

I lied, it hurts a lot. Much much more than you can ever think of.

I hate that girl. I have everything about that girl. How she could easily make you laugh … how caring you seemed towards her. It’s her … and not me. Why her? Not me?

You’re with her now. Are you happy? “I’m happy if you’re happy.” <-- what is this bull? Whoever said this is a liar. You’re happy but I’m not.

I need time …give me time. Just enough time to forget. Goodbye … Kim Jongin. 

I