It's been two longest days in my life because Seunghyun's still not home. I have tried dialing his number million times but he's unreachable. It's either his battery drained or he turned off his phone. I think he's avoiding me. But why?

I groan as I slam my glass to the table. I honestly don't know how many bottles have I drunk because I drink every time I feel anxious. I feel dizzy, it feels like something banging my head really hard. I scrunch my face as I feel my eyes heat up and tears begin to fall. I pick my phone up and I press Seunghyun's number, trying to call him again.

"The number you're trying to dial is-"

I hung up the phone and I fall down to the floor, crying. I wonder, where is he? What he's doing right now? Does he know that he's killing me? Doesn't he know very well I can't not be with him? For God's sake, can't he pick up my call even just for once? Or something happened to him? Have I lost my chance? I feel like dying.

My head's exploding with questions of Seunghyun's whereabouts. It's really painful. I pass out as I mumble his name.

--

"Hyung, why do you love to scold me in public?"

"You know I didn't mean any of it." I pinch his cheek.

President Yang just visited our apartment in Tokyo along with Big Bang TV crews. I jokingly called him slave and scolded him all the time. I didn't know that he's in his cranky mood today. He's usually fine with it, even joking along. I guess I picked a wrong day. He sighs, and he mumbles something that I can't hear.

"What is it, Seunghyun-ah?"

"I accidentally dropped hints to them that I want to sleep with you. Which we do everyday." He sighs again, "I hate being like this hyung. Not able to show affections toward each other freely."

I lower my head, "I hate it too, but-"

"Then just do it. It's okay to show your affections, just tell them you love me as a brother!"

"Seunghyun-ah, it's not that simple."

"You made it complicated yourself."

"Seunghyun-ah, please understand. This is the best-"

"Whatever you think best, hyung." he walks away.

--

I open my eyes slowly only too see our apartment is pitching black. It's already evening and not a lamp is . I close my eyes again, not caring the darkness. I already am in darkness anyway.

I remember the time we first bought this apartment. I asked him to move in with me, and he accepted the offer. Seunghyun was the most excited when we arrived here for the first time. I remember it clearly when he was running around the empty apartment like a little boy. I could only laugh, he's always been adorable to me.

"Now it's us alone." He said that time, celebrating our relocation to the apartment. We celebrated it with a glass of champagne and passionate . I tremble as I remembering how good it was. I can still feel his body pressed against mine and I can still hear his moans. I sigh and I open my eyes, facing reality again. Those were good times.

I check my phone, hoping there will be message from him. But as expected, there's none. "I hate you, Seunghyun-ah." I sob.

I groan again, this time in pain. I can't breathe, literally can't. I can feel my heart rate's slowing and I want to throw up. I try to stand up but I stumble and I throw up. I shiver, I feel so cold. Weird enough, I'm sweating, cold-sweating. My whole body turn pale and I pass out again as I throw up for the second time.

--

I run to the emergency unit in the hospital right after the concert ends. Seunghyun has just recently fractured his foot during dance routine and now he is injured because of firework on the stage. I was worried for him throughout the concert, especially after he finally gives in and rushed to the hospital. When he was hit by the firework, I swear to God I wanted to run to him and treated him immediately. My Seunghyun did a brave thing to continue the show.

When he came back to the stage, he smiled at me, trying to convinced me he's doing fine. But I knew he's not, and it happened. He almost faint in front of me, so I catched him and staffs brought him to backstage. The next thing I knew, he's rushed to the hospital. His manager told me that Seunghyun was mumbling my name.

"Seunghyun-ah, wait for me a little more." I wipe my tears as I run through emergency stairs to the floor he's in. I can feel his pain, I can hear him mumbling my name.

I finally arrive at the floor he's in and I rush to his bedroom. He has just woken up and he smiles brightly as he sees me entering the room. "My Jiyongie is here."

I hug him, worried. "Are you alright?"

"I am now."

"You fool, you make me worried."

"Aigo, I'm happy, my Jiyongie is worried about me."

I start to cry, I don't even know why I'm always emotional around him. "Of course I am."

"I''m fine Jiyongie, don't cry. I will join tomorrow's concert."

"Why did you force yourself, Seunghyun-ah?"

He holds my hand, "Because you gave me strength to continue."

--

"Jiyong-ah, you're okay?!"

I open my eyes and I see Youngbae beside me. I try to talk but I choke again. "I will cook you some food, I'll feed you. Now let's clean you up and put you to bed."

I blink my eyes, confused. How did Youngbae enter my apartment? We surely didn't give him a duplicate key. As if he can read my mind, he answers my confusion.

"I tried calling you several times because you and Seungri haven't showed up for two days to practice, which is very rare and strange, but you didn't answer, so I came here and ask the staff to open the door for me. They let me because I told them I'm your cousin. Aish, let's just talk later."

I nod weakly, still confused, but I leave it alone for now since my head hurts real bad. I even remember that we have dance routine today just now. I never forget our schedule before. He cleans me up and helps me wash my face. After that he puts me to bed. 

I pull the blanket and cover my whole body with it. I scrunch my face, crying under it. I don't know how long will I last if Seunghyun keeps doing this to me. I'm literally dying by loneliness. I wish that I'm only dreaming, that the pain I feel right now isn't real. I feel out of place and out of time, I think I'm going to lose my sanity as well. 

After crying for ever, Youngbae knocks on the door and he walks into my room. He pulls the blanket and he holds me up to the sitting position. 

"Now, eat first. You have to eat."

"I don't want to."

"Jiyong-ah, why are you being like this?"

"I don't know." I fold my hands and I continue sobbing.

"You have to eat, Jiyong-ah." he tries to feed me but I ward his hand softly.

"I don't want to eat, Youngbae-ya."

"Just a little, please."

"I don't want to!"

He falls silent and he puts the bowl to the table. "I'm going to clean up the house."

I hold his hand, "I'm sorry I'm being like this."

He pats the back of my hand and let it go, "It's fine, Jiyong-ah."

I lie down and I close my eyes again as soon as Youngbae leaves the room. I want to sleep, hoping once I'm awake Seunghyun's already home. I won't be mad at him, just like I've promised him. I swear I'll make you happy, Seunghyun-ah. Just give me the chance.

--

"Well, uh... I have always adored you as the leader in this group, and..."

I stop him, "That's enough. I know the answer already. You'll think I'm a freak from now on."

"But I haven't finished." he looks up to me. "I'm just as freak as you are."

"What?"

"I like like you." he grins, "I want to be your boyfriend."

--

"Seunghyun-ah, it's still too early." I mumble, because he's kissing me. I haven't even fully awake yet. Wait, Seunghyun's home?! I open my eyes in shock, and get even more shock as I see who's been kissing me.

"Youngbae-ya?"