I was released from the hospital a week later and given strict instructions on eating habits. I was ushered out of the back of the hospital towards a darkened van just for me. I was alone in the back of the van except for the driver who stayed silent the whole ride.

When we arrived at the Super Junior dorm, I hurried out of the van, surprised at the absence of camera’s and rabid fans. I scuffled inside and upstairs to the 12^th floor. I was told in the hospital by Leeteuk that there had been a few movements so I would be staying under the close watch of Leeteuk.

I timidly knocked on the door, tugging at my oversized jacket.

Donghae answered the door, letting me in hesitantly. He shut the door behind me and followed me into the kitchen.

Leeteuk and Heechul were talking over some freshly brewed tea. Heechul’s eyes locked on me with a burning hatred while Leeteuk set his cup down and opened his arms to me.

I instantly collapsed into his chest, smelling the faint chai tea on his clothes. Heechul excused himself and left us alone. I whispered after a few minutes, “Do you think I’m insane?”

Leeteuk chuckled, the feeling travelling through my body, “No, I could never think any of my dongsaengs were insane.”

I didn’t respond, closing my eyes and relaxing.

Leeteuk kept quiet as well, sensing my need to be simply held, not talked at about my problems.

I moved into Donghae’s old room, Donghae opting to stay in Eunhyuk’s room rather than ‘risk being touched at night’ by Yesung. It was lonely in the room, only me in a tiny bed with hardly anything to keep me entertained.

Sungmin had returned long before I had, his hand was healed except for faint pink scars that ran up the bone of his thumb. He didn’t say anything to me about it when I saw him again.

The whole group had adjusted to life without me, Leeteuk and Sungmin now cooked for the entire group, Donghae had taken most of my parts in songs, everything was different. Now, against their will, I was forced back into their lives and they had to adjust once more. I could feel the uneasy tensions every time I was awake and outside of my room.

I tried to make relations better but failed. Leeteuk tried his best to get everyone to accept me again. Heechul bluntly ignored me, Shindong tried to make casual conversation with me every once in a while, Sungmin ignored me as well, Siwon I didn’t see much of, Eunhyuk and Donghae bared with me in the back room when we went to perform and Kyuhyun rarely talked to me. Yesung, other than Leeteuk, was the only member who had full conversations with me.

We were backstage before a performance when I passed out, my heart fluttering minutes beforehand. It made my breathing speed up and my muscles relax and tense spontaneously. I was on the floor before I could cry for help. As I drifted out of consciousness, I scoured my mind for reasons why. I had done everything the doctor’s had said, I had eaten correctly and even gained a few pounds. I didn’t know what I did wrong.

/AN So I have to end this soon. I'm sorry if it's abrupt and whatnot.