AN/ I know my updates are few and fair between but please bare with me. School is not the kindest thing in the world.

I didn't want to go to the hospital again. They would poke and prod at me till they knew I was sick. When the ambulance came, they took Sungmin away and wanted to examine me. I refused, saying nothing was wrong, Sungmin needed their help more. Leeteuk refused to believe me and made the EMT's check over me twice. The soles of my feet suffered from second degree burns and they had to take me to the hospital as well.

I rode in a different ambulance than Sungmin. I fought the whole way there, crying and apologizing over and over again. Finally after 10 minutes of struggling, they sedated me and the rest of the ride was a blur. I fell asleep on the way there.

I woke up to the worried murmuring of people around me. I tried to open my eyes but they were too heavy. I groaned, signalling for someone's attention.

A hand clasped mine and started rubbing the tender skin of the top of my hand. They said, “Ryeowook, are you awake?”

I mustered all my strength and opened my eyes, my head spinning as I looked around. Everything was a blur and the light was too bright. My head pounded with the force it took to sit up but was pushed back down by a gentle hand.

Yesung was standing above me, his eyebrows furrowed in concern. He said as soon as our eyes met, “Ryeowook, how are you feeling? Are you hungry? Thirsty?”

I shook my head, letting my eyes close again. I felt detached from myself as I said, “Where’s Kyuhyun?”

Yesung’s grip on my hand tightened, “He’s in the lobby. He didn’t want to see you till you woke up.”

A sudden shudder ran through my body as cold liquid went through my IV. I opened my eyes and glanced to the side to see a nurse silently injecting a clear liquid into my IV. I looked back at Yesung, “Can you ask him to come in?”

Yesung hesitated but stood up, letting go of my hand, “Are you sure you want that?”

“Yes,” I replied quickly. I watched as he left the room, closing the door softly behind him. I waited for a few minutes, my heart pounding and my stomach twisting as I thought about what to say to him. Before I could pull together all my thoughts, Kyuhyun came in.

He looked tired and like he had been crying, even if it was just a few tears. He shuffled his way over to the side of my bed and sat down where Yesung was just minutes ago. He didn’t look at me.

“Hi,” I mumbled, unsure of how to talk to him.

Kyuhyun mumbled back, “Hi.”

We burst out at the same time. “I’m sorry.” “Kyuhyun, I can’t-”

I blushed, “You go first.”

Kyuhyun sighed and still refused to met my eyes, “I’m sorry for all the pain I’ve caused you. I ed you up with my own problems and just added fuel to the fire.”

I stared at him, unsure of how to respond. I started, “I can’t continue this Kyuhyun. I’m going insane. I hurt Sungmin and I…I’m still hurting myself for you. I want you to love me but you won’t.”

Kyuhyun intervened quickly, “I do love you! I love you a lot and I hate myself for hurting you. I’ll do anything to make it stop.” He finally met my eyes as he grabbed my hand, “Please believe me.”

I was tempted to give in to him again, just like every other time before but I couldn’t. “Kyuhyun, if you love me, help me.”

Kyuhyun looked down, his grip on my hand loosening, “I don’t know how. All I do is things up.”

I was tempted to pull away and start crying but I held off. “You know how, you just won’t help me.”