(sorry i couldn't provide a proper translation for the song but this beautiful song fits..i think. anyway, i can spazz over this guy's songs forever. ugh. just listen to it)         It's a busy time at the broadcast station. Early of the year. Near Valentines day. Many discussions went on about special edition of the radio programs to be designed to celebrate lovers. Compared to the usual, it still hasn't snow this winter, and that affected people's mood for romance and strangely, for almost everything. It never occured to me it would have such a big impact that all listeners who called would whine about how they hope snow would fall even though it's already late winter and unlikely for snow to begin falling now. Maybe it's because, it snows every winter naturally, and I never even felt the need to stop and think how would it be when there's none.   Months has passed. He still hadn't call. I went a few times to that area where we met, trying to catch a glimpse of him just in case, because I didn't know where else to go to find him. Okay, I lied, it was more than just a few times. But apparently, he was just there for a one time shooting, that was what the security guard told me. And the security guard didn't know him. And Lee Joon, I never saw him anymore either. After failing to contain my curiosity any longer, I went to ask Erin about JS, and he too, had stopped being the fixed guest for her show. Everything just changed just like that, and nobody questioned it, nobody even seemed to notice it. Everything just went on as usual, day in day out.   Once again, he lied. That son of a...no, that's wrong. His parents were nice people. I shouldn't curse them for their son's horrible tendency to lie all the freaking time. But then again, I was the idiot for letting myself succumb and surrender to his lies even though a loud voice inside my head already yelled at me to not believe him, to not let him go. For some reason, from back then even up till now, he always somehow manage to get his way. He come and go as he pleases. He can hide anything he want and he can escape even when he's right under my nose. What is so great about him that he can always get his way, and what is so lacking with myself that I'm always the one who cling onto him and still couldn't move on without him, even when he could hold just fine, without me.     "Kevin hyung! Your breakfast!"   I purposely rubbed my ear, lightly and gave a wry smile, to remind him that his voice was still too loud as I've told him a few times already that he could turn down his volume since I could hear just fine.   "Oops. Sorry Hyung. I was talking quietly but you didn't hear me the first time so..."   "Oh, really? Sorry."   "Here. Eat well, Hyung. By the way, have you read my suggestions for the special broadcast for Valentines day?"   "Uhm, ...no, I haven't. You left it here?" I looked over the messy papers, files and CD cases on my table, trying to find it, but he took my hands and placed the usual breakfast he always gave me on my palms - a pair of sandwich, and a styrofoam cup which I'm sure contained tea, as always. Although I had been wondering for awhile, why tea, and not coffee, since everyone drinks coffee in the morning, don't they? Not that I mind to have something different.   "Hyung! Just eat first. I actually, left it two days ago on your table, you know? You hurt me." He sulked.   "I...I'm sorry. I'll find it and read it now and get back to you okay?" The weight of guilt that suddenly hammered on my stomach made my unnoticed hunger suddenly grew into an uncontrollable wild fire. Lately, I've been skipping meals a lot. Except for breakfasts. Thanks to this chirpy kid. A new intern that came not too long after I met Kwanghee again. And ever since the sweet boxes stopped appearing on my table which I didn't notice when it began to disappear, my breakfasts had turned from sweets into this. Sandwiches and tea. I've tried telling him off many times that he need not do this just because he's under my supervision here. I even told him I would write good report on him. But he insisted, saying he's brought up to respect the elders and authorities and everything. I complied. There were many other things to be done other than arguing with a wide eyed hyper kid. Besides, it's not all that bad. His presence had made the office a brighter place and he seemed to be adapting and getting along so well with everyone, and the office would always be filled with laughter of people he joked around with and his own.   "Hyung, just eat first. I was just joking. Those paperworks can wait. Your health is more important okay."    There he go, nagging me again. Despite being a respectful kid who loved joking around with everyone, he had a serious side to him when working and he had this habit of nagging me, his supervisor. I didn't mind it though. Sometimes, he reminded me of Kwanghee so much - the nagging, the sandwiches, the innocent cheerfulness, and so many other things. And when that thought took over, I would make myself appear busy to avoid any conversation with him. Because the more I let myself indulge in delusions, I feared that I might start to see him as Kwanghee. Or some sort of replacement. I don't want any friend who could only reminded me of him. I want him. Not someone who reminds me of him.     "Hyung, aren't you going back yet?"   I looked up from the paperworks and saw him at the door, smiling while ruffling his own flock of messy brown hair. And then I noticed outside the window, it's already dark.   "Why are you still here? Aren't you supposed to finish in the evening?"   "Yeah...just...hey, Hyung, you're still here too. Aren't you supposed to finish in the evening too, today?"   "I'm just...trying to get some ideas."   "I can help you, Hyung."   "Nah, it's okay. I'll probably continue tomorrow. I'm tired now." I just knew that even if I try to explain that I'd do the work on my own, he would insist to help. He was just that energetic and excited in working, I guess.    "Hyung, that short song...Missing You...the one you narrated and sang last year, I think you can use that as theme for this Valentines special show. You know, maybe make a special segment for people to call out on loved ones they're missing."   His idea, it was nice. But somehow, made me frown.   "You...know that song?"   "Yeah, I listen to your show even before I applied here. That song is awesome. Hyung, you should just become a singer."   I only smiled as he continued to blabber, knowing it wouldn't be easy to stop him until he stops himself. I did sang a bit of a song I came up on my own last year. That was at the time I was feeling so depressed that an inspiration just came and one day, I just decided to sang the song on broadcast, and dedicated it to a caller who was missing his girlfriend whom he had some argument with which caused a separation. The song wasn't created for them, but I was a little happy I got to sing it on the show, and share the pains I never quite manage to let out, with everyone who listened, even if they wouldn't understand the exact feelings. It was just something created by itself in the spur of the moment after all those time, collecting disappointments, of missing a person.   But how did this kid noticed it or even remembered it?     "Well, I'll think about it. And you, young man, should go back now."   And then he continued arguing that I should go back too, as usual. Until a phonecall disrupted him.   My phonecall.   "Hello."   That noisy, young intern, Mir - the name he told me to address him with excuse that his name was too unglamourous and complicated to be pronounced, kept babbling in the background, again. I signalled for him to stop talking since I couldn't hear the voice in the line.   "Hello?"   Still, only silence slammed my eardrums in response, and Mir started talking in his loud voice again, complaining that it must be prank call. Oddly, I still didn't feel like ending the call. That's when a thought of possible stupid hopes came again.     "Kwanghee?"    The background became silent again. Mir had stopped talking.   "Ya, how did you know? You've grown a little smarter." He laughed at the end of the line. A laughter that sounded almost the same, but weighed with tiredness, unlike his airy cheerful laughter back then.   It's really him. That bastard.   "Anyway, your place sounded so noisy. You must be busy, huh?"   What was that supposed to mean?   "Where are you?"   "Hmm, outside Ariyang building, I guess. I just wanted to pass something to you, but if you're busy..."   "Don't even think of going anywhere, bastard."   "Yah! What did you just call me, huh?"   I made sure to not let the call end while making my way out of the building, and rushingly asked Mir to turn off the lights in our office since I'd be going back. The kid looked dumbstruck, but I couldn't care to explain. I had no time to be wasted. What if he went off again? When I got out of the building, I couldn't see him. I could feel the rising temperature burning my head and neck even in the cold weather. The thought of him playing around again and disappearing irritated me so much. I clenched my fists, and swore to at least yell at him once I manage to capture him.   "Y...yah, where are you?" I turned to left and right, towards the endless road that was still filled with blinding lights from passing cars, still talking to the phone.   "Right behind you, idiot." A chuckle, and a finger tapped on my shoulder.   "Yah, idiot. What is with your face? Why so agitated? Were you in a rush to get back to work or something? I thought I said..."   "How did you know to find me here?"   "Yah, I just discovered that you're a radio DJ now. You've become popular, huh?" He talked cheerfully, but there were traces of...was it sadness? Particularly towards the end.   "Not really. You're still more popular." He only laughed in response, but it came out dry and lifeless, almost forced instead of his usual cheerful nature. It made me scared suddenly. How much have we actually changed in these past few years? Why does everything feel so strange and unfamiliar? He was standing right before me, yet I felt almost like I was alone. I couldn't find the happy little boy who used to not mind to entertain himself whenever everyone else ignored him, looking at the young man in front of me, who still unable to hid the sombreness even while laughing, and even when standing on badly lighted ground.   There were so many questions I wanted to ask him. So many explanations I wanted to hear. In fact, I wanted to hear every single thing that I've missed. Yet, seeing his tired eyes and forced laughter, I couldn't bring myself to say anything. What if I hurt him?   "Oh, here. I'm not sure if you still want it, but since I was cleaning up stuffs to make some space at home, I figured I'd just return this."   I took the paper bag handed out and eagerly opened it. A red plant.   "Is it the same one from before?"   "What do you think?"       It was weird how one moment everything felt to had fallen out of places, scattered everywhere, and blown by the rough winds to the unknown, and the next moment, two boys were eating their sandwiches peacefully, back in their p