actually, this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IDz71qRsJj4 strangely has lyrics that fit better....but the emotions in the song i chose above fits the mood better i think.whatever...xD         Not even blooming colourful blossoms graced along the sidewalk on the way to work could make the scenery any less dull in my eyes. When I realized, it was too late to change who I am. I always thought my life was surrounded by many people, personalities, colours, experiences, ever since school ended and later on my working life began, but apparently, that was only true for as long as I was inside the broadcast studio, interacting with the callers - my audience, or working in the office with colleagues who mostly only talked about work and had their own life outside of the building. They were the ones that deluded me into thinking my life was filled with people, colours. Or maybe it was just myself.   But the truth is, I had lived my life for all these years from when I was a child, to a grown up, depending on one person completely, without sparing any space to welcome more people in. And when I realized, how empty my life really was, and how I actually had no other friend besides that one boy, it was already too late. I couldn't change the way I am anymore. I had already gotten too comfortable, too inseparable with this me to change into a new, different me.   Without him, I simply floated on the dusky air, not touching the warmth of the earthly ground, in a land filled with only dullness. The flowers were still blooming, but they're all gray. He was the colour that had painted my whole surrounding for so many years. He still had other friends to continue living with, even without me. In fact, he's doing well on his own or even better without me. But I, I had let him take control and be the sole direction of my life for so many years that when he left, I became lost. Directionless. Colourless. Even as spring continued to bloom with colourful flowers.   With or without colours, life continued to move along, and days passed by so fast like Dandelions blown in the wind. I thought when you're unhappy, days would drag longer, but apparently I was again and again proven wrong. Or maybe it's just that I wasn't so much unhappy as much as I spent the days trying to not think anything, and just do what I had to do to keep surviving and living, spending over fifteen hours a day inside the office building and only spending the remaining time to sleep. It really wasn't as bad as it seemed.   I only tried calling him once after that night at the party, and he didn't pick up, nor did he returned the call. So, I didn't dare to bother him again. Perhaps he was so busy spending time happily with Im Siwan after that night. This time I wasn't being paranoid or making it up. I did got in contact once with Heechul, who called me, saying he missed me, before later on admitting he missed my cooking and that he felt Kwanghee was purposely torturing him or punishing him for something because the cooking had gotten so bad at times. That silly kid. I wanted to ask him about Kwanghee, but I was afraid he would get suspicious that we're no longer on speaking terms. I didn't want him to bother Kwanghee about it, if he knew something was off. But he did mention something. He said that Im Siwan was so much handsomer in real life than in dramas and that Kwanghee's so lucky to be surrounded by famous people. He had met Im Siwan within the time frame. So, that only meant that their relationship lasted more than a day to the point that Im Siwan could even visit their house.   That's...a relief, I guess. I'm happy for Kwanghee. I really am. And I hoped that Im Siwan dude wouldn't do or say something stupid and hurtful to him, once he gets bored. I hope he would never get bored. Not until Kwanghee gets bored of him first, if ever. Although it's always worrying because the dude's a celebrity with crazy fangirls. What would they do to Kwanghee if they knew? Honestly, he deserved better than to be hated for someone like that. But...no. I should be happy for him. After waiting for years in the dark, the person he had been hoping for all these while finally noticed him. That's a wonderful feeling I was sure. I couldn't blame him if he forgot to return my call. Or if he just got pissed off after our argument that he just refused to call. It was all my fault anyway. After all, he's probably busy spending happy times with Im Siwan. Though I was still unconvinced by that dude. But I knew love is just so intoxicating it could make us forget so many other things and people around us, including friends, even if I had never been in love or a relationship, myself.   Maybe if we meet again after some time, things will be better again? Maybe I was not ready to face him, well, them. I felt like I had become a corrupted person. I kept reminding myself that I should be happy for him and that I am. But no, there was an ugly, upsetting feeling somewhere inside of me. At times I felt mad at him for being so blindly trusting to that unworthy person he should know better, for being so stupid. At times I wished Im Siwan would just die or disappear. At times...just sometimes, I even wished Im Siwan would dump him because I knew he wouldn't do that. He's just too stupid.   If that wasn't corrupted and despicable enough, I don't know what is. And that's why, I'd rather live like this, letting the days float by, letting time passed through me, trying to not think of anything, and just concentrate on my work, volunteering at any opportunities to increase things to do in the office building or anywhere outside of my own personal space. So i wouldn't have to go through the horrifying sights of gray flowers outside, I was so used to seeing them in vibrant colours.       It was just any other usual morning of strolling into the office, when I noticed an unusual sight on my desk. But immediately brushed off the strange thought. It's not uncommon to receive fangifts though usually they wouldn't reach my desk but placed inside the radio program's mailbox. I never knew a radio deejay would have fans too, but it seemed, I did have some. And I was thankful that they liked me that much to send gifts even without having to meet me ever. It was still something i find weird though. How could you like somebody you don't even know in reality? Maybe there's a special feeling between a someone who serves the public and the audience that I didn't know but they knew. Kwanghee would know that too since he had been adoring Im Siwan for so long.     I placed aside the box that had some holes on top of it and started working, and later on went to the broadcast studio for my routine airing. Nothing special happened.    Until that evening, the ahjumma who occassionally cleaned the office made me jump with her loud shriek.   "Ommo!!! I forgot to tell you! The guy said this box needed to be opened fast and be placed in open air. I forgot to tell you this morning! Ommo, I'm so sorry."   "It's... alright ahjumma. Don't worry about it." I smiled and dismissed the poor frightened woman. I mean, it's just a gift. But one that needed to be placed in open air. What could it be?       A potted plant. And a note with scribbled handwriting, which oddly appeared like two different handwriting.   'You'll never see the beauty, until you let it grow. Happy Birthday, friend.'   What plant could this be and who...I stared at the box, unable to slow down my rapid pulsation at the flickering guess that only pointed to one person. It couldn't be...no, it had to be him. But what if it wasn't? What if? I had to find out the answer. But I still felt scared to call him. Scared of being ignored. Even though once upon a time, I was used to that. But what other choice do I have? I didn't know his work place since he told that