(actually i did plan to use this song for this setting/chapter..but apparently...what planned to happen had some changes...but nevertheless, pls enjoy the song^^)

 

  "Have you ever been in such a situation where you can't even decide whether you had commited a mistake or not? Well, honestly,..."   An unintentional sigh escaped my lungs right through my lips, and the earpiece attached to my ear filled with warning from the show's PD. I bowed slightly from my seat to the glass wall which separated the studio and control room.   "Honestly, I have. But doesn't everyone go through it? We need to let go of the past in order to strive for a brighter future." The script made me frowned but I read it nevertheless. This wasn't exactly what I sent to the PD nim for approval. Are the past and things that had been done so easy to be gotten over? But it's true that to this day, I couldn't decide whether what happened was a mistake or not. What happened didn't feel like a mistake at all. Everything felt like they just fell naturally. How then,...could something that happened and felt so natural and effortless be a mistake? But then, why did the consequence only made it seem like a huge error? As much as I wanted to stand tall and say that it wasn't a mistake, it did raise a big question mark.      I kissed my best friend of twelve years, one whom I had always seen to remain my best friend until my head would be filled with gray hairs, or white, if I'm lucky. But thanks to that summer where crazy things happened but none crazier than that night, everything changed in the most irritating way possible. Things just got weird once we realized what we had done. Once I realized, I grew scared all over again as we continued our journey back to his place in silence, with him walking at a much faster speed, and once we arrived, he just mumbled a rushed excuse and then went into his room and locked the door, something he had never done before. Before I could even offer any explanation. To be honest, I didn't even have any, myself. It was something that just happened, without any reason, excuse or explanation. Was it a mistake then?   I didn't even know why I kissed him, and not just once, but twice. But I was sure I didn't regret it. Well, maybe.     "Kevin. Get ready. Next caller in five seconds."   I nodded curtly.     "I don't know if I should forgive my boyfriend. I saw him kissing with another person. But he says it's just his best friend and they're used to it. But I can't believe him...You don't just kiss your best friend."   "Oh...is...his best friend a girl?"   A loud beeping sound invaded my earpiece. Which meant I had done a major broadcast mistake with the question.   "Of course! Kevin oppa, what should I do? It's impossible for best friends to have that kind of relationship right?"   "Y...yeah. I guess...but...you know, what if he's speaking the truth? What if there's really nothing between them? Or it could be a one time mistake, you know? Maybe you should confront them both and discuss it with them, find out his priority...his best friend, or you..."     I didn't know what I was saying. I just talked. I knew the PD would be scolding me later on. But the topic itself didn't fit well with my state of mind. And that particular caller only made it worse. So, best friends don't kiss. It was clearly, wrong. In other words, a mistake. But if it was, and if he thought the same way as this woman who called, he could've said no. He could've refused or pulled away the second time. It's not like I would force him. But he didn't. He responded. It couldn't be a mistake. It wasn't. But if it wasn't...why did we came down to this?   It would've been easier for me to confront him if he had just run away or try to avoid directly, but the thing is...he acted like nothing changed when obviously everything did. He continued to call and chatted about basic things we both knew couldn't be a genuine interest like weather or things at work, or Heechul, with his false normalcy, only to end the calls in less than one minute or before I could say anything, with the excuse he's busy. We still met, quite a few times actually, but even then, he made sure that Heechul was there and wouldn't leave the scene until he left first. He didn't disappear, he was right in front of me, but harder to reach than ever. He was trying to avoid the topic, trying to avoid any explanation, without avoiding me directly so I couldn't call him out on it. But why? If it was a mistake, why wouldn't he let me apologize at least? Or he could've just scolded me. It's not like he had never done it. It's not like that's a strange thing for friends to do.   If it was a mistake, how come I could still remember how right everything about it felt?       "Kevin Hyung!"   "Heechul?" I tried to not sound unwelcoming or disappointed, but I wasn't sure how it turned out. When Kwanghee called saying he's dropping by at my office, I knew he would definitely dragged Heechul along, but I didn't know that he would just be sending Heechul instead.   "Uhm, Kwanghee...said he was coming."   "Yeah, well, that annoying Hyung suddenly got called for work. Sheesh, Kevin Hyung...don't you think his workload had increased soooo much these past two-three months? Now he's making me do everything. Tch...even sending me here."   "Sorry you had to go through the trouble to come over."   "No, no...I mean...you don't look happy yourself. And I'm just feeling the same as you. Kwanghee Hyung is being unnecessarily workaholic, and it's pissing people off."   I chuckled, at least he's pretty funny even if entirely wrong, about feeling the same as myself.   "So, what's up?"   "Here." He handed me an envelope. I pulled out a colourful card. A party invitation. But the name on it was one I was sure I never heard of.   "What's this?"   "Oh...Kwanghee Hyung asked to give. The person who throw the party is a stylist who often work with Kwanghee Hyung's team. She throws party every winter I heard. I'm only coming here to see you today because it's something worthy. A party invitation instead of some stupid work related things. Or as date substitute. At least I'm helping you two to get a date again. Isn't that great?"   Again, with the date term. I could imagine how pissed off Kwanghee would be to hear such thing. It made me want to smile.   "So, aren't you going?"   "Last year I had to go because Kwanghee Hyung refused to go and locked himself at home but nagged at me until I agree to go on his behalf. But there's no way I'm going this year. It's just not my type of lifestyle. Besides, you're going with him, right?"   At least, there's comfort in learning that I'm not the only reason he tortured Heechul or lock himself in the room.   "Thanks Heechul. I'll be going then if I'm not busy that day."   "You better, Hyung. I don't want Kwanghee Hyung to force me to go again." He joked and waved his way off.       I was actually surprised he actually dropped by my office that day to go to the party together and even waited outside in the cold and falling snow while I had to finish some work.   "Hey, sorry you had to wait. You should've come in and..."   "No, no...I like watching the snow outside. But we should get going now. Yewonie would be waiting."   Yewonie? I would have asked about it, if only he had not babbled nonstop about his annoying work and Heechul and some people I had no idea about all the way until we actually arrived at a house with a nice lawn, and even a pond, and decorated with multiple coloured lights and there were already many people.   "Oh, Kwanghee-ya, why are you late?! You're supposed to help with..."   The very petite lady's words came to a stop when Kwanghee jumped next to her and wrapped his arms around hers and they both had weird expressions before he cut the awkwardness short.   "Yewonie, this is Kevin, my friend. Kevin, this is Kim Yewon, my girlfriend."   What made the situation weirder, was that Kim Yewon ssi had a bigger surprised reaction than I did, I think, for a moment, before she burst out laughing.   "Yes, yes. I'm Kim Yewon's girlfriend. I mean...no, I'm....his girlfriend." She pointed at him who d