"Okay, let's read another message. Oh...hahah, I get this question a lot actually. Kevin oppa, since now is Spring time, I want to ask you, what is your favourite flower? Hmm...hahah, honestly...my favourite flower is...none. I don't have any favourite flower. I hate flowers... Haha, no, just kidding. I love flowers. Any flowers, all flowers. Just don't send me any, okay, dear listeners...if you're thinking of sending, that is. My office is small and couldn't store them all. Anyway...let's listen to our next song...and I'll read more of your messages when we're back."   I pressed the off air button on my microphone and turned up the music's volume just as Mir barged into the room. He didn't look too well, in fact...he looked upset.   "What's up? Any problem in the office?"   "Hyung! Is it true what I heard? Why are you quitting?!"   "Where did you heard that? Aish...I thought I told Boss not to tell anyone."   "So it's true?!!! Hyung! You can not leave! You just can't! WHY?!!!"    Seeing Mir blew up, surprised me. He was a good natured kid. Maybe a little too loud, but he never crossed the line or getting his lid flipped for any reason, as passionate as he was in work and talking, I wasn't expecting him to get angry over nothing like this.   "I...it's just that there are other things I wanted to do with my life too, than just being stuck here."   "Like what? Seriously, did anyone bully you here? Is it that you get a better offer from other company?"   "No. Nothing like that. I just...wanted to go continue study."   "Yah! Why would you need to study anymore? You're already famous Hyung! You don't need some crappy certificates or degrees to be successful."   A silent sigh escaped my lips. He was out of control and kept blurting his disagreement towards my decision. I couldn't even understand why. It was about my life after all and had nothing to do with him, but I tried to understand. Maybe he was afraid that he wouldn't be able to cope and wouldn't have anyone to ask whenever he had problems or questions about his work. But then again, he's a friendly kid. And he didn't have any problem making friends with other people in the company. So why would he be so against me leaving?   "Hyung...you can't leave now. How will I cope with the workloads? Who will teach me English? The scripts are so confusing and I have to organize everything. And...and...who's going to take over your show? You have to think of your listeners, your fans. You can't just leave like that." The commanding tone in his voice and the anger in his eyes softened almost immediately before I could construct a proper sentence to make him understand without explaining or justifying anything. Because I didn't feel the need to justify whatever decision I would take. This is my life, and I knew what I wanted out of it, even if the world would be against me and telling me that I'm wrong. I had wasted too long to figure out things I should've easily tell. And I had been too cowardly to stood by my decision. But it wasn't too late. I wanted to believe it wasn't too late even if it was. Though every day that passed by without a change, a news, a surprise, a miracle, made my fear grew bigger, stronger, more intense, more suffocating.    What if I would keep counting the days for the rest of my life? What if he really was lying just to make me feel better? What if he really intended to not return? How would I be able to find him when I don't even know to where he exactly went in Japan or if he really did went there and wasn't lying?   Again, I was left in the dark, not knowing anything - anything about his whereabouts, what went on in his mind, or any preview of what the future could be holding, whether or not he would be back. There was only one thing about him I felt sure that I knew, and it was for that one thing that I refused to gave up on him or hopes, or rather, miracle, now. And already three quarter of a year passed. Three seasons, I've stopped counting the days literally by marking them on calendar, because I knew being too aware of them would only made the torture grew tougher. If there was one thing I learned during these past half a year, I learned to not just wait, but do something, anything to make the wait ends. Even if what I was trying to study and work on, and the reason I had to quit working so I could be more focused, was for a completely absurd reason nobody would take seriously if they ever heard it, because it was the only thing I was left to hold on to. And that was all for the one thing I was confident I knew about him.    "I'm sorry Mir, but I really need to do this. And besides, you're already good. You can survive without me here. You've been doing a fantastic job even without my help all these years back from when you're doing your internship until now, and even if you need any help, there are many other people here who'd help you. Don't worry about it. I'm going to further my studies...maybe if I've done what I want to do...maybe I'll come back here. Who knows? Maybe by then, you're already a senior officer or chief editor, who knows? Or even a popular deejay if you ever decide to be one since you'd be perfect at it." I smiled, trying to make him feel better, though I did honestly believe Mir could achieve great heights in the office stratum with his hardworking nature and his friendliness and positive, optimistic attitude.   "Hyung...what is so important you want to study? What course are you taking?"   "Umm..." I contemplated for a moment, before deciding there's nothing I could do but to answer him.   "Meteorology and Climatology."   "What...the heck is that? Why? Doesn't sound like something you'd do."   I patted his shoulder.   "Talk to you later okay. I'm on air right now." I prayed he wouldn't remember what I just said. Because I didn't really intend to have any more conversation with anyone about this. Not when what I really wanted to study and make happen, even made the professors I consulted frowned and looked at me as if I had gone crazy.   Not when what I really wanted to study, was how to make it rain flowers, straight from the sky.         It was another evening, one where I went to visit Heechul to cook for him and have a small chat. A weekly activity that had become a habit. He had said about wanting to move out, because the rent was too much for one person without a stable job, but Kwanghee had locked his own room and kept the key, and every month, Heechul would be notified that the rent had been paid, not by Kwanghee, but his girl...I mean, his colleague, Yewon ssi, whom according to Heechul, paid the rent using a sum of money he had left aside and didn't collect from his salary. Heechul said, he even entrusted her with his bank account. I guess, their relationship really wasn't as simple as I thought.   "Dinner's ready."   "Okay!" He ran forward with a gleefull smile. And we ate in silence, after exchanging some talks about the novel he's working on, and his new part time job, and my radio program. Silence was a routine that had grown more and more fitting between us, when we could no longer pretend to avoid the fact that our main topic of conversation was no longer there, to provide fodder for us to talk and laugh about.   Suddenly there was a strange sound, and I looked up from my own plate, only to see him facing downwards on his food, instead of spooning it into his mouth.   "Heechul...something wrong? Is the food too hot? Or salty?"   He shook his head vigorously.   "Then...did I accidentally put the wrong thing?" Immediately I reached for the food with my bare hands subconsciously, worried that I had tormented the poor guy with my cooking.   He shook his head again, this time, with less fervour than before.   "It's just that I suddenly thought of Kwanghee Hyung...and his sometimes tasteless, sometimes passable, sometimes horrible cooking, sometimes...it's really good. He's never consistent, so unlike you...your cooking is always good." A sob escaped his mouth, in between his words. I couldn't offer any words of comfort, as I didn't know if there was any that wouldn't come off as a lie. In fact, I thought he was so lucky to even complaint. He had tasted all kinds of temperaments in Kwanghee's cooking. While I...had none. Even when he was here, he had always just let me do the cooking whenever I came for a visit. And even when I didn't, he'd just call for takeout. How come then, Heechul had so many memories of his cooking?   "Did he...cook often?"   "Always. Always." He suddenly stared at me with his eyebrows arched and eyes widened, as if seeing a ghost, after repeating the answer. "Why did you ask? Of course you know that too, right...Hyung?" He carefully added.   I smiled faintly, without any answer, determined to quit my bad habit of lying, with hopes that karma would in return give me no more lies from anyone. "Heechul-ah, eat your food, it won't be good when it's cold." I might even had picked up his avoiding skill.   So, he had many friends, all whom were so much closer to him than myself. Heechul, whom he cooked for everyday except whenever I was around, Yewon whom he trusted with his bank account, Im Siwan whose secrets he kept neatly and whom he even helped to get married, Lee Joon whom he would help to style and knew so much more than I did, even though I hadn't seen him for awhile now, ever since I met Kwanghee again.   He had so many people around him, all whom he trusted and allowed to came close to him, in one way or the other. So much closer than he had ever allowed me to be. No matter what I did or say, in the end, he only shoved and chased me away. When I wouldn't go, he was the one who left. Why couldn't I at least be one of them?   "Yah, of course it'd still be good. because you're a good cook." He continued eating, thankfully, before he stopped again.   "Hyung, actually...I'm curious, how did you manage to be Kwanghee Hyung's friend?"   I placed down my cutleries.   "Why did you ask?"   "Just...curious. Kwanghee Hyung isn't really friendly."   "I thought you two are close?"   "No! He would just come back, cook, eat and then go inside his room. We hardly talk and even when we do...he doesn't share things about himself. He just nags mostly or talk about me."   "...oh...how did you become housemates then?"   He grimaced but tried to kept a straight face. Seeing his struggle, I wanted to put the question to rest, but at the same time, it made me wanted to know all the more.   "I don't know how to tell you this...but...I had some problems. I had no money and nobody supported my dream, not even my family...one day I just happen to meet Kwanghee Hyung, and he's willing to let me stay with him while pursuing my dream, even though he nagged a lot that I need to grow up and face reality, just like everyone else. But he cooked for me everyday, so I knew he supported me and loved me. That's when I decided to worship him for the re