(as i always say, what i wrote in this fic are heavily influenced by songs i'm listening to while writing...so please do listen to this. it'll enhance your reading experience^^ eventho the song is too gorgeous to match my lacking writing)

 

 

Hot and dry. Occassional tumultuous rain that came without warning. That summer had been a whirlwind of nature's emotional rollercoaster. And apparently it was no different with the humans as well.   "Yah, why is even the coffee machine doing this to me?! Yah, what's your problem?!"   A mild headache crept into my head, trying to deliberate whether I should fled away as quietly as possible from the pantry's doorway, or whether I should enter but pretended to hear and see nothing, or whether I should just casually say hi to her. I wanted to choose the option that would make her the least uncomfortable after having someone witnessing her vandalising the coffeemaker, but even before I could make a choice, she whipped her head around, furiously, before the facade fell and she had a really embarrassed cringe planted on her face. It was cute, really. Though I bet she wouldn't feel the same.   "Oh...er,...K..Kevin ssi. Uh...good morning?"   "Uh...good morning. I'm just...going to get some water."   "Oh...that's good. Umm...no coff...uh, well, the machine is broken." She let out a nervous, most unnatural laughter I've seen coming from her, and it made me struggled even harder to held myself from breaking down in laughter myself.    She really was a cute woman. Sophisticated and chic in appearance, but really a hot headed clumsy one who wouldn't know how to act cool when caught in embarrassing moments like this, once you got to know her a little better beyond the outer appearance. Though I had no intention to make things harder for her, I still felt like I owe her a lot for not being able to return her kindness and good feelings for me through all those sweetboxes. I don't mean to brag or anything, but it was kind of, obvious...? That she liked me, more than the amount of affection I could return to her. And yet she still acted cool and kept being my friend here. I was really thankful for that. But for reasons I knew not of, I could not return the affection. Maybe I'm just a little awkward at relationship matters, because I never thought of needing one even if I could give advices on this dating topic to the listeners who called in, like a Love Doctor, according to Heechul, Kwanghee's housemate.   For the past months I had gotten a lot friendlier with Heechul who wasn't as quiet and scary as he seemed to appear on first impression. He was quite talkative and funny, and after we became friendly and he learnt that I'm a radio deejay, he started listening to my show and giving feedbacks whenever we met. Strange, but maybe it was because of our different work nature, I had been meeting Heechul even more than Kwanghee. In fact, over the past six months, I've only met him about seven times, counting in the times that he had to leave midway for last minute job call time changes. But I didn't feel too bad. We still would talk through the phone. Although it was still me who made the most effort to call. Well, he was busy. And hadn't it always been this way? Hadn't it always been I, who needed to cling onto him more than the other way around? I was the one who chose this friendship, I had nothing to complaint about it. I had no rights to. And even until this day, I believed that underneath all his cold exterior, he still cared. And maybe I'm a fool, but that was enough to make me happy.       "What kind of a person Im Siwan is? I can't believe it."   "Im Siwan?" My attention was piqued at that name. Naturally. She nodded.   "I can't believe they're actually assigning me to follow him around to shoot this...a whole documentary just about him? Huh...what the hell went into those stupid old men's heads? Why of all people, Im Siwan? I really don't see anything worth to be made documentary out of him. He's just a flower boy actor. Nothing documentary worth." She continued complaining and I just smiled shaking my head at her candidness.   Somehow, once the sweet vibes between us subsided gradually after she stopped giving me those secret sweetboxes, our friendship actually blossomed. Especially ever since Mir ended his internship and went back to his university to complete his studies. Since he had been a cheerful boy with lots to talk about, he naturally became the link between people in the office, even those who never talk to each other before he came. He had special talent, that boy. And with him no longer around, the difference and lack of noise was undeniable, that Erin still would pay a visit at the place Mir used to sit at in the office near my place, but talked to me instead. I found myself actually preferring this kind of relationship. Because of her carefree personality, we could talk about almost anything. This is definitely a much better relationship than the sweetbox one.   But her question today, triggered in me the same curiosity. What kind of a person Im Siwan is? What is it about him that made Kwanghee changed so much and became a lot more subdued and secretive, not as innocently cheerful and straightforward as before? What is, so great about Im Siwan, when even I, who had been his friend for over a decade couldn't have half of such an impact on him? It left me with bitterness.   "I think that show would be good. I want to know what kind of person Im Siwan is, too."   "Huh? Seriously?!" She scoffed and stalked off.       And so when during a visit to Kwanghee's and Heechul's place, I learnt from Heechul about Im Siwan's new movie premiere, and how Kwanghee had always given him free passes to go even though he would rather stay home writing his novel or watching TV, I couldn't let go the opportunity to find out the answer myself.   "Oh, Kevin... you're here? Yah Heechul, have you eaten?"   "Yeah. Kevin Hyung cooked for me. His cooking is sooooo good."   "As usual." He answered nonchallantly and rolled his eyes, leaving quietly into his room before reappearing a minute later.   "Kwanghee-ya, come and eat, before the food get cold."   "Huh? I'm not...I already ate before going back."    "Kwanghee Hyung! How could you be so cruel? Kevin Hyung came all the way to cook for you and you wouldn't eat?"   "Yah, Heechul...I know you're happy about it. So just shut up and eat. Sorry Kevin, I didn't mean to...well, you really shouldn't trouble yourself with..."     I really hate it.    I really hate it, this new, polite, considerate Kwanghee whom I got to know along the unification with my old friend, Kwanghee who wasn't like this at all. Whenever he started to say all these polite detached words, I just felt like slapping some sense onto him so he could return to the Kwanghee I knew all along. I'd rather the clueless, cruel Kwanghee as Heechul said it, if that would make him felt less alien.   Is it because of that bastard Im Siwan too? The recollection of him, made me nudged Heechul who was there next to me.   "Oh, Kwanghee Hyung, are we going to Im Siwan's new movie premiere? This weekend right?"   "Yah...since when are you interested in those events?" I noticed his quick glance towards myself and how he grew slightly scowling at the mention of his crush.   "Yah, tell me hyung, is it this weekend? Do I get ticket? Pleeeaseee."   "Yeah...yeah. Okay. Just...eat quietly. Why are you so eager this time?"   "Okay, Kevin Hyung. It's yours. I don't want to go."   "What?!"    I ignored his sudden high pitched yelp.   "Heechul, usually how do you go to the premieres?" I asked while keeping my eyes fixed on my friend, not wanting to miss out on his reaction.   "With Kwanghee Hyung, of course."   "Then that means I'll be going with Kwanghee."   "Of course."   "What the hell, you two are plotting against me."   "Yah, Kwanghee Hyung, this isn't plotting against you. I'm just helping you and Kevin Hyung to have a date together. That's all."   "A...what? Yah, Heechul! You can't even use words properly, and you still think you'll make it as a writer? Stupid."    "A date sounds good. It's a date then, what time should I be here, Kwanghee-ya?"   "You should come the night before and have sleepover here or Kwanghee Hyung might just disappear and run off on his own seeing how he's overreacting now."   "Really? Should I?"   "Yeah. You can... you know...bring some things to cook too."   "What the....you two are so idiots. I can't believe I'm wasting my time listening to all these nonsense. You know what...have fun...I'm going to sleep now."   He slammed the door, seemingly kind of, moody.   "That means, Kwanghee Hyung approves." I looked to Heechul who was chuckling to himself.   "Huh?"   "If Kwanghee Hyung hated or really disapprove of something...no way he would end up agreeing to it. He would fight until he won, unless he's really willing to."   "Oh...you sure know a lot about him, huh?"   "We've been housemates for more than a year. What do you expect?"   How nice would it be, if I too, can brag about our friendship aged twelve years old, just as confidently as Heechul bragged about knowing him so well after just a year of living together. It made me wonder, if Heechul ever felt any wall separating them or if that wall was just reserved for me, or only in my own imagination and that I'm just too sensitive. Am I placed behind that wall because this friendship was something he never wanted and it was just me forcing it on him and he only accepted out of sympathy? Or because we were both the unwanted ones by society that we naturally grew tired of the loneliness and knew that the only one we could turn to is the person who would knew that very feeling? Would we have ever bonded, if it weren't for that desperation and loneliness? Or would we have remained in our separate worlds? Always near and in sight, but never really attached?       "Do you never miss any of Im Siwan's movie premiere?"   That, took his attention away from the window pane. There really was nothing interesting anyway, outside. The weather was surprisingly burning that day. And he was very quiet compared to the usual, though he was still as stylish as e