Continued... for Hyun

Well, here I am, three months after I wrote the first part of my letter.

So... I broke up with you. Wow, imagined it'll always be you that broke up with me. 

Well, that's what you wanted, and you're the princess in the Yonghwa World.

Kyuhyun seemed to take care of you well. You seemed to be doing fine. I was doing better than I thought I would.

Then he kissed you and everything changed.

I wanted to walk over there and stop him right away, but I didn't. I needed to show you I"m moving on, so you'd have an easier time forgetting me completely.

Erasing me permanetly.

One day, I remember, I accidentally threw away your essay. You thought you had it, then you walked into class and totally freaked. You didn't talk to me a whole day.

I have that day marked as WORST DAY EVER on my calender.

Permanetly... that's such a big word. I don't think anything's permanet. They all fade away eventually. Then why bother right?

Well, we bother because in that moment, the thing you have matters so much. Although we know it won't last, that's what makes us want to hold things with us and treasure those moments.

I get it, you wanted other things to hold on to. But I hope, one day, you can look back on this and realize that I was the one that you needed the most.

Big, fat chance of that happening, huh?

I will always be there for you Hyun, in spirit, and in person while I'm alive. Although you may think I abandoned you, I'll always be there, watching from a distance.

Just in case that idiot Kyuhyun breaks your heart, so I can catch you when you fall.

I will always be there although you will not.

Anyway, you wrote the song, Baby Maybe? You sung it for me 6 years ago, with a different tune.

I know the song was for me then, but who is it for now? Kyuhyun?

So... since you wrote a song for me although it was six years ago, and all I got you was a crummy necklace barely $5, I gave songwriting a try. 

I was going to post this on YouTube the day you asked me to break up, but you never asked me. So I guess, when I told you I wanted to break up with you, I guess I was, in a way, protecting myself. 

So I wouldn't get hurt. So I'd still have the tiniest bit of hope that you might still love me. 

Okay, now I'm stalling. ^^ I'm going to write down the lyrics. Give it a tune if you get the chance.

Inside out stopped memories, I see you smiling

You're hugging me and you whispered "I love you I love you"

You are my everything, although you left

More than you, more than you, I have more tears than you, that's why  I feel sadder

More than you, more than you, I miss you more, that's why I can't let you go

A day will pass, a year will pass, but just in case that you might come back to me

I can't forget you, I can't let you go, that's why I'm still loving you like a fool

More than you

If we could spend more time together, if you smiled just a little longer

My love, if you hugged me, I love you I love you, if I told you how I feel

You are my everything, although you left me

More than you, more than you, I have more tears than you, that's why I feel sadder

More than you, more than you, I miss you more, that's why I can't let you go

A day will pass, a year will pass, but just in case that you might come back to me

I can't forget you, I can't let you go, that's why I'm still loving you like a fool

More than you

More than you, more than you I'm not kind like you, that's why I'm getting punished

More than you, more than you, I didn't do much for you, that's why I regret it so much

As much as my tears, as muuch as it hurts, just be more happier, that's all that matters

Because I love you, because I love you If you're happy, that's all that matters

You more than me

Heh. What do you think? I know, it's not as good as Baby Maybe, but it's decent enough to get  me a few view, right?

I thought of you the whole time I wrote this.

I think of you every day of my life.

When I eat, brush my teeth, listen to music, play guitar, turn out my lights, wake up, play games, go outside, I think of you.

I think the song pretty much wrapped up how I'm feeling.

Hyun, I hope you understand why I broke up with you. Breaking up with someone doesn't alwaya mean letting someone go because you don't like them anymore.

Sometimes, it means you're letting them go because you love them. Because you want them to be happy. Because you know they're not happy in the jail next to you.

I will soon be a loner. No one will be able to help me. I'll be all alone to deal with whatever comes after death. 

We need people in our lives. They might not be necessary like food or water, but they give meaning to life, so you have a reason to stay alive.

I'll be alone in the hole in the ground. And I won't have you Hyun. I won't have you to drag me out of the darkness like the first time.

You were my love light. You lit my way and showed me how to live like a civilized human.

I say I love you every single day to you. You might not hear it, but I do. Even if I'm alone. My one wish is to hear I love you from you. 

People say I love you tor remind the other person that they do indeed love them.

You didn't remind me for so long, that I nearly forgot. 

I nearly forgot that once upon a time, you were in love with me too. Now, that seems like ages ago.

Love was just a word for me. I didn't know what was the big deal until I met you. Love was a word, until I met you. Then it became my world.

A kiss? Pfft, gross. Until I met you, and it became the sweetest thing on the planet, even more than chocolate. 

And you KNOW how much I love my chocolate.

A hug? Was that for choking? Whenever someone hugs me, I feel like choking. Until you came along, and I began to want it naturally.

Holding hands? SWEATY, especially during summer. Then you came along. And it turned completely normal and I actually felt nervous when I wasn't holding your hands.

Hyun, you taught me to love. But you were evil, because you taught me to love no one else but you. Sometimes, I wanna blame your parents for making you so darn perfect that I can't forget you.

I really wish I could love Shinhye. She'll 100% not leave me and stay with me for the rest of my life. 

I like certain things. Things I can count on. 

I could've loved Shinhye from the start. 

But taking a risk by loving you... you who might leave me any second, that's what made my life enjoyable.

What's the fun of living if you already know everything that's gonna happen?

Death is certain. It happens for everyone, without exception. Then why do we try so hard to protect our lives?

Wheather you were rich, poor, smart, or dumb, it all fades away. It happens to everyone. 

Then why did I try so hard to protect you?

I really don't know. And we perhaps may never know. But one thing's for sure.

When you're in that moment, it matters so much. It matters so much that you need to be happy.

Now that I look back on my life, I realize how dumb that is. It doesn't feel like anything, like it's just a faded picture.

You were the greast gamble of my life. I put everything on it. If you left me, I lose everything.

That's why I lie, Hyun. I lie to myself so I'd believe that I haven't lost everything.

I still tell my family you're my girlfriend. My cousins came over, and I showed them your picture, saying that it's my girlfriend.

Because we're not broken up. I didn't let you go. At least not for me.

We're not broken up. You are still my girlfriend, Hyun. Although I may not be your boyfriend...

And I don't want you to forget this fact, so I'm going to remind you again, for the millionth time...

I love you Hyun.

To be continued... from Yong