♥

I wait outside his doorstep, arms and hands hugging my pea coat closer to my body, shivering and silently praying the he is at home.

I haven’t seen him in almost a year, but it feels like I haven’t seen him in a lifetime. It feels like I haven’t spoken to him in over a hundred years, and the length of time we haven’t crossed each other’s paths makes me grow restless inside. What if I just wish that he isn’t at home but staying at their manor outside the city, at a friend’s house, or in another country? Surely the thought of him not being able to answer me will be one of the least humiliating rejections I will ever receive in my life?

I heave a small sigh and begin to step back, for turning around and believing that this is all but a mere illusion conjured by my desperation to contact someone I know and knows me is far better than having to face him, a person I consider a -

“Minji?” His soft voice finds its way to my ears, and the familiar kindness it has always held makes my cheeks heat up. I look up at him, all scared and wide-eyed, disbelief painting my features for he has mentioned my name as if I were someone truly important to him. I see a glimmer of smile ghost his lips as he opens the door completely, beckoning me to come inside.

Giving him a weak smile, I enter his place, and its warmth makes me realize how much I have been shivering outside all this time. I am certain that it isn’t because of the winter air however, but of having to meet him so suddenly, so out of the blue.

“It’s so nice to see you,” He says as he takes my coat and hangs it on an empty coat stand by the door. He hasn’t changed at all - his looks at least - and the sameness allows me to swim in comfort I haven’t experienced with someone since my engagement failed to push through.

“...am I not getting hug from you, Minji-ya?” He chides gently, eyes crinkling in laughter as he grabs my hand so he can envelope me in his arms. He even smells the same, peppermints and Irish soap - and it almost makes me forget why I came to see him. Too many memories, mostly of heartbreak, but it’s him - the only person I can probably turn to now that I am about to leave Seoul for Shenzhen. Change is good, I find myself chanting in my head, but his hug tightens as if to stop me from taking that dreaded leap. I don’t understand his reasons, but I let him.

The Prince holds me and slowly, both hands of the clock running my time comes to a halt, frozen by winter’s touch.

“Hot chocolate, Minji-ya?”

I nod at his suggestion, and he releases me from his hold and leads me to the kitchen, where a pot of water is already sitting atop the open stove. I sit on one of the stools and watch him take out a bag of hot chocolate and two huge mugs from the cupboard. His movements are quiet but efficient, and for some reason it calms me down before I can even take a sip of the hot chocolate he’s making for me. In minutes, a familiar scent wafts throughout the kitchen, A sweet symphony of memories - of that time he introduced this drink to me because he believed it could lessen my sadness. I remember my hesitation then, but as always, he is right. His hot chocolate seeps through my veins and somehow heals parts of my wounded heart.

“So,” He says as he occupies the stool facing me and puts two steaming mugs of hot chocolate on the table for us to drink. “How are you, Minji-ya?”

“I’m...okay,” I start, my voice trembling a little because I have never really been the same after that day, and I want to tell him so. But for what? He is Jongin’s best friend, while I am…

...just some pathetic girl wasting someone else’s time.

Sehun puts a hand on top of mine, a clear expression of worry turning his eyes serious and the corners of his mouth upside-down. “Minji,” he says my name carefully, “You know you can tell me anything.” His gaze makes me grab my mug like an emergency blanket, because having to spill everything to him terrifies me - what if I explode right in front of him, what will I do then? I cannot be in a state of utter mess just when I am about to embark on another journey away from home and everything I knew and loved.

I take a quiet sip instead, letting the bittersweet drink enter my system and calm my nerves. “This is delicious, Sehun,” I rave, if only to avoid giving him an answer. “I missed drinking this.”

“I missed you,” He declares, his eyes never leaving my now ashen face. A flicker of of something - one of his memories about me or what has happened in the past perhaps - passes between us, making him frown. “I am here for you Minji,” He says. “I am here for you as much as I am going to be there for Jongin when he needs me.”

I haven’t heard his name for so long, and the sound of it makes me catch my breath. “I don’t want to b-b-bother any of you -”

“You will never be an inconvenience to me.” Sehun says it as if it were some truth he has vowed to always live by. “Minji, I know what you’ve been through. I was there, I saw everything. And while I can’t undo all the hurt and the pain we’ve caused you -”

“It’s not you or anyone’s fault -” I begin to argue, but he stops me and continues with his piece.

“- we’ve made some mistakes. Wrong decisions and choices, and if it were truly up to us - Jongin included - we wouldn’t do a solitary thing to hurt you -”

“Please, Sehun,” I implore him to stop. His stare cuts right through me, but he respects my request and says nothing. I feel his cool fingers wipe away some of the tears that have slowly cascaded down my cheeks. I curse under my breath, thinking how much of a loser I must have looked to him, barging into someone’s home in the middle of the night because she had no other friends to talk to. Sehun doesn’t deserve this.

“You can drink as many hot chocolate as you want,” He offers kindly after making sure that there aren’t any traces of tears on my face anymore. “Even it takes all night making every single cup.”

“I might get sick after drinking so much,” I wrinkle my nose disapprovingly at the thought, making him laugh.

“Or we can just talk.” He says, smiling. “I don’t have work tomorrow, it’s going to be a long weekend and…”

“Can I sleep here?” I blurt out, and even I am surprised by my brashness. Sehun blinks, obviously not expecting such request from someone who isn’t really that important to him  and -

“Of course,” He says simply. No questions, not even a single comment on how absurd I must have sounded at that very moment. “You’re always welcome here, Minji-ya.”

“Thank you,” I say gratefully, tears threatening to spill from my eyes again, but his thumb brushes the corners of my eyes before I could cry some more.

“It’s fine,” Sehun assures me. “You’re going to be okay.”

----

“That’s the smallest one I could find…”

“No, this is perfect, Sehun,” I tell him contentedly as I attempt to roll up the sleeves of his old pyjamas he’s lent me. He went ahead to fix the guest room the moment I finished the last drop of my hot chocolate, apologizing profusely for not being prepared for my arrival as we headed upstairs. “I’m so sorry,” He kept on saying, “The guest room hasn’t been used for quite some time now, I would have changed the sheets if I had more time…” I had to reassure him that it was okay, and that I should be the one apologizing to him, if anything.

“You look cute in it,” Sehun remarks as he continues watching me fold and refold each sleeve. “Midnight blue suits you well.”

“It does?” I question, glancing up to see a glimmer of amused smile dancing on his lips. “I rarely wear anything blue.”

“You’re often in pink.” He states an observation I know a lot of people could readily agree with. “You look pretty in pink, anyway.”

“Eh,” I say dismissively, a little embarrassed to hear small compliments from him. “I like other colors sometimes, like this one. Secondly,” I approach him, taking in his gaze despite suddenly feeling shy to be in his presence, “These are so comfy. I feel like I can wear it all day.”

Sehun raises his brows. “You can wear it all day. You can stay here all day.”

“But --”

“You can stay for as long as you want.” He ruffles my hair playfully before taking each sleeve and folding it neatly so it’d stop falling all the way to my hands. “Until you feel better, Minji.”

“Thank you, Mr. Oh,” I whisper, utterly at a loss for words and variations of ‘thank yous’ to say. He looks up, smiles at me and then takes a quick glance at the edges of my pyjama bottoms almost covering my feet. “Should I fold them up, too?”

“No, let it stay that way because it keeps my feet warm.”

“I think I have socks about your size in my closet, I can -”

“Sehun,” I can’t help but giggle at his over attentiveness. “These are more than enough.”

He sighs, but doesn’t argue further. “If you say so.”

“Thank you.” I hug him, for I realize that it is all I have left now that I’ve abused saying ‘thank you’ for every single thing he’s done for me tonight. He seems taken aback by my gesture at first, but recovers easily and returns my embrace, spreading warmth all over me. The very same warmth melts emotions I’ve held frozen for a long time now - hurt, frustration, anger, fear - some seeping their way out to my tired eyes and some filling me up inside and drowning what’s left of me. I hold on to him tighter, and he responds to it automatically, without questions.

“I don’t want to impose anything on you Minji, but I can stay here if you need company.”

“Will you, really?” I choke out between sobs. “Will you, Sehun? Will you do it, please?”

“I will,” He promises. “Now let’s get to bed.”

----

Sehun stays beside me, holding me as I cry and tell him about the current state of my family, the true aftermath of the failed engagement, the mortification my parents felt after the dust had settled, how the others looked down on us - on me - a heiress so stupid and useless she let the would be most important day of her life slip right through her fingers just because of an absurd concept called ‘love’. Our world never understood feelings with such depth and intensity, and thus, I looked crazy in their eyes. To them I am deranged and a threat to any family that I would marry into. The Kims are the most respected and revered of all chaebol clans in Korea. To fail their standards so horribly would mean failure to meet the standards of the rest.

“I’m going to leave for Shenzhen,” I reveal to Sehun, hours after we told each other that we should go to sleep. Turns out I couldn’t, and he wouldn’t - not until I’ve calmed down. He remains quiet upon hearing my revelation, but urges me to move closer to him, my hair as I cry some more into his chest.

“I’m so scared, Sehun. I don’t know anyone in China. My parents explained everything to me - father said that it’s merely looking for a better future now that Korea has closed all of its doors on us. But it’s marriage Sehun - they’re giving me away, throwing me away. It’s another shot at getting married, I can feel it even mother keeps saying that it isn’t so.”

“...what if they hate me there, too? Who says they haven’t heard of what happened to me here in Korea? The Lady for sure has made everyone know the trouble I caused her family. You know her Sehun, she would stop at nothing if it would mean my family and I would suffer.”

“They’re not going to hate you,” Sehun murmurs, his chest heaving as if he were also in great pain. “We don’t hate you.”

“Jongin did,” I reasoned through tears. “He hated me the first time he learned about our engagement.”

“He doesn’t hate you.”

“Maybe not anymore...but how about the next man father and mother will choose for me? What if I enter another engagement, not knowing that the man I am about to marry is already in love with someone else? Just how many relationships will they make me break just to uphold my family’s reputation?”

“If only your parents could wait…” He says, but mostly to himself. I hear it all the same, but I couldn’t understand the longing that has come with it, so I stop myself from wondering what he really means. “...surely leaving Korea is not the only way...if only…God, if only...”

“I don’t want to leave Korea too, Sehun. But most of them think so lowly of me. I don’t regret what I did, but sometimes I wish they’d see me as -”

“You’re an angel, Minji-ya.” Sehun whispers to my ear, so sincerely that it almost makes me want to weep once more. “Angel, please stop crying, even just for tonight.”

“...stop thinking about Shenzhen, or of marrying someone in China. This room and I won’t give you away to that world just yet.”

---

I wake up before he does. I waste not another minute the moment I open my eyes, making sure that I am out his place before sunlight begins to sneak in from the curtains and touch everything in his room. His protective arms have made it difficult for me to escape as swiftly as I can, but I am thankful that exhaustion has kept him from rousing as I stealthily move away from the bed we shared.

I change my clothes, sneaking glances at his sleeping form, worried that he might wake up and catch me leave him without saying goodbye and at the same time feeling sad that I couldn’t find it in myself to bid him a proper farewell. He’s been a good friend, and I want to keep the moments we shared last night a memory uniquely his.

I want him to have that part of me he’s called angel last night forever, something he can play over and over again if he likes, for there will be no return for that same Minji he held so closely once I step out of his apartment.

I take a small notebook and a pen from my bag. If not myself saying ‘so long and see you again’, perhaps, a note will do?

Sehun, thank you for everything.

Days will turn into months and months will turn into years, but whatever you think of me by then, no matter how much I have changed, for better or for worse, please do remember…

...you will always have a piece of my heart.

                                                              - Minji