♥

Not one to give up, the Lady throws a big party for Jong In and I out of the blue.

 

‘It’s not an official engagement party,’ the Lady had assured my parents the week before the announcement had been made. ‘An engagement party takes a lot of planning and I want to make sure that that event will be something everyone will never forget.’ A hollow laugh followed her words as my parents and I watched her silently. ‘Of course, apart from their wedding that is. You should definitely put your worries to rest.’  We left the Lady’s private villa on the outskirts of Seoul an hour after she had laid out her resolute plans, a little dazed with the sudden turn of events and mostly exhausted with not having the choice to even voice out what our family truly felt about the situation. While we were having a family discussion at home later that night, I asked my parents why we had to follow the Lady’s selfish demands when we could just back out -- our company is not in danger of collapsing into ruins after all, but just as my mother was about to chide me for touching sensitive business matters, father finally spoke,

“We follow what the Lady wants if we want to realize our visions for the company in the soonest possible time, as simple as that.” I had forgotten that my father had ambitions too, and that he could be as ruthless as Jong In's mother if the need arises. He stared piercingly at me,  making me want to return to my room and never come out. Voice stern, he added, “If that meant you having to marry his son tomorrow then so be it.”

“Min-sung!” Mother cried in horror as she held me protectively in her arms, stunned that father was that hellbent on satiating his hunger for more power and influence. “How could you say that to your only daughter?”

There was hurt in mother’s voice, and even if it was clear that father had noticed it, he paid no heed to the pain mother was feeling. “I do not see the problem, except for putting our company at risk if we decide to cancel everything right now. And,” Father looked pointedly at me again, making me squirm in my seat. “Does she not love the Lady’s son? Why the sudden opposition to getting married to him?”

My heart began racing as father stated my ‘feelings’ for the Kim’s only heir, and I could have sworn mother had felt how fast my heart was beating, too. She dared not to challenge my father anymore after that.

It was settled. There was going to be a party for Jong In and I, whether we liked it or not.

------

“You look so beautiful, my little  *jangmi,” Mother lovingly smoothens my hair with a brush, her eyes watching me adoringly from the full length mirror before us. The party for Jong In and I will be held tonight; it will be something about a formal announcement concerning our families’ plans to merge our respective companies before our official union as husband and wife happens months from now.  Mother knows how nervous I was, so she has volunteered to help me dress up and prepare for the occasion. 

True to herself, she tries her very best to keep my spirits up, but I can’t seem to oblige to her requests even if they've sounded so simple -- I try to smile back at her, but my lips falter halfway into doing it.

“Minji, just think of your father,” she pleads quietly to me. “Jangmi, you know how much your father loves you, right? He’s doing this not for himself, but for you. For your future.” The last one was partly a lie, mother and I know it, but  I do understand what she is trying to say. Father loves me, but then, so does the company and his family’s legacy.

“Of course, mother,” I say, trying my best to mask the sadness in my voice. “I understand. I love you both, and if this is what you really want me to do...”

“Oh, Minggki!” Mother throws her arms around me in relief. “Oh, my precious daughter! Do not forget how much we love you, too!” She begins kissing my cheeks, making me laugh despite the growing dread inside me.

“Mother,” I gently pry mother's arms away from me, giggling at how childish she looks. “don’t ruin my make-up. We might arrive late at the party, father wouldn’t want that. Let’s go.”

---------

We arrive at the party just as it was about to start, but the Lady summons me and my family before we can even enter the main ballroom where the party will be taking place. A small army consisting of his bodyguards and assistants us to a private room where the Lady and Joing In is waiting for us.

Jong In. My heart lurches at the thought of him. We haven’t spoken to each other in a week. I am certain though, that as always, he is totally against this party. He never really agreed with his mother’s ideas, even if  he has admitted to me countless times that he likes my company.

Just not as his fiancée. He has never directly told me this, but just like everything about him so far, I know that he doesn’t see me that way. For his heart only belongs to...

“You better behave properly,” Father instructs me as the huge mahogany doors open for us. “I am telling you Minji, if you mess this up...”

“Stop it, Min-sung!” Mother hisses at him as she squeezes my right hand to lessen my nervousness. “She knows what she has to do. Would it really kill you to just give her support instead of threats?”

My father gives no answer to this, but instead links my arm with his as three of us enter the room.

----------

The Lady welcomes us with a victorious smile, triumphant that her plans are going smoothly so far while Jong stands stiffly beside her, looking like he just lost a major battle he has fought so hard for. Not surprising; the Lady never faces defeat, or else everyone will suffer her wrath.

“I am deeply honored that you have granted my humble request,” The Lady greets us in an austere manner instead of a modest one. Humble request -- if only I were not aware of how the Lady can be deceptive with her words I would have believed her, but no, I am pretty sure that it isn’t a request but a grave order. My parents nudge me to bow at her and I do it as quickly as possible before the Lady makes me pay for my impudence.

“Thank you for arranging this party for us...mother.” the Lady appears to be delighted with my submissiveness, but her expression changes the moment she looks at her son. Jong In percepts this easily and bows at me and my parents.

“Glad to see you, mother, father.” He extends his arm to me just as my father frees his arm from my grasp. “Minji, if you will let me...”

“Of course she will let you,” the Lady intercepts him rather coldly. “Show your fiancée around the palace, Jong In. Make her feel comfortable before the celebration officially begins.”

I see Jong In flinch at this, but he doesn’t respond to his mother, as it is obvious that the Lady is not expecting a reply from him at all. I take his hand and both of us say good-bye to our parents, hearts heavy but relieved to be free of their oppressive reins, even just for a short while.

---------

“I used to play a lot here,” Jong in shares to me as we find ourselves in one of the Kim palace’s many gardens. “It’s one of my favorite places in the house, because it’s partly hidden from the rest and people just rarely go here. It’s like a forgotten garden of some sort. See that?” He points at something behind me and I turn to look at the flowers that almost covered the walls. “The yellow ones are called evening primrose, and the white ones --”

“Casablanca lilies,” I finish for him, and that makes him stare at me in astonishment. “Both only bloom at night. Did you have them planted here so as not to attract people from coming here during the day? So you can have this place all to yourself?”

“How were you able to guess that?” Jong In wants to know. “That’s exactly my intention. Damn, and I thought I am going to be the one to do all the talking here...”

I find the disappointment in his face a little comical for some reason, making me giggle  as I occupy the small bench facing the fountain, as Jong In trails behind me. My laughter dies down the moment he sits beside me, suddenly feeling hesitant to continue our conversation.

“Mother is truly relentless.” The despair in Jong In’s voice makes our situation even more depressing than it already is. “I’m afraid...if this is an engagement party, I...”

“It is not,” I assure him. “If it is, then I will protest. They cannot do this to us.”

“Sure. But knowing mother...”

“Maybe we should stop being so scared of the Lady. Maybe we should actually fight back. I mean --”

“Minji, I tried that. It didn’t work. You know mother, she will stop at nothing to get what she wants. Have you already forgotten about Jeju? You spent a day crying about it, right? Besides...can you really disappoint your parents like that? Forget the Lady, and just think...think about your parents.”

“So, are we going to get married?” I challenge him. “What about Jina, then?”

“Aish.” He looks away from me. “I’ll take care of that, Minji.”

“Then stop meddling with my business. I’ll deal with my parents.”

A slow smile spreads on his lips, obviously amused by my stubborness. “Are we fighting again?” He asks me, but there is no trace of irritation in his voice.

“No.” I answer simply as I look down to stare at my shoes. I am suddenly having the urge to free my feet from these evil pair of four-inch heels, even though they make my feet and legs look nice.

“Damn, that must be hurting you real bad right now,” Jong In comments as he looks down at my shoes, too. “How can you even walk in those?”

“I don’t know. They hurt like hell, but they can be lethal when used as a weapon. Maybe I can just throw it at your mom’s face for when I get fed up with her antics, no offense, but yeah. Who knows.”

That makes him laugh, genuinely this time, and I let myself enjoy listening to the melody of his laughter, the complaints about my shoes forgotten.

“You are so weird,” Jong In tells me after recovering from laughing so hard. “If you were some other heiress I’m sure you’d be yakking about our wedding that will never happen, complete with baby names and .”

Wedding that will never happen. Something about how it sounds erodes a little bit of happiness left in my heart, and I pray Jong In doesn’t notice the slight change in my mood. But alas, he does, but instead of stating  it, he says,

“You look beautiful in your dress, Minji.”

I look up at him, not sure if I have heard him right.

“I’m not saying this just to make you feel better, okay?” He tells me as he looks at me straight in the eye. “That shade of pink...”

“Old rose,” I tell him. “Mother picked this dress for me, her jangmi, as she would often call me.”

“I can actually see why she calls you her ‘rose’,” Jong In reaches out to touch my dress. “Jangmi. You’re delicate, but you have your thorns -- thorns that don’t symbolize your imperfections, but your strengths.”

My heart swells with unexplainable joy upon hearing his words, and it makes me fervently wish that nothing really stands in the way of our engagement, that I can marry him, the he can...

love me. Love me not as a friend, but as his real fiancée, his true soon-to-be-wife...

“I wish we are really getting married.” So caught up with my emotions, I let a part of what I’m really feeling slip. Jong In’s eyes widen, but I hastily clarify myself before my words impact him and our relationship in ways I might never repair again if damaged. “That’s a joke, Jong In. I mean, can you imagine...”

“R-right,” He stammers, laughing awkwardly as he adds, “We’ll just be fighting everyday. And then it’s going to be so lonely, I mean, as a friend, of course I would like to see you happy with someone you truly love, someone who loves you more than you love him...”

“Of course, hm. Sure.”

Silence. As Jong In grows still beside me, I let my eyes focus on the flowers -- evening primrose and casablanca lilies that only open up at night. For a moment I envy them, of how they can avoid tomorrow and just live at night, where the darkness can blanket fears and hopeless dreams.

I don’t want to be a rose.

For I think I cannot face the days without Jong In by my side.