♥

And in the end, the rose sheds off its last petal.

 

Its edges slightly browning, the final piece lands on the dry ground with the softest thud only those who went through the misery of letting someone go can hear.

To sum up all the things that have happened between us is like piecing tiny fragments of glass so clear and beautiful you didn’t care if your hands begin to bleed just so you can see it whole again -- back to being pure and untainted, the cracks still evident to serve not as a painful reminder but a memory meant to last forever.

That’s how I see him now, and perhaps that’s how I will always remember him and the times we’ve shared in the years to come.

Painful, but worth it.

I stare at myself in the mirror, looking every bit of a woman who is about to tell the world that she is about to spend the rest of her life with the only man she will ever love.  The bliss that my reflection seems to radiate off however, begins and ends with my make-up and my dress, because underneath the lustrous layers of color and fabric I am almost like a shell; hollow except for the faint beating of my heart.  

This is the night that will change everything. The fact that I have been trembling almost goes unnoticed if not for my mother suddenly enveloping me into a warm, motherly embrace. My scattered thoughts makes me fail to feel her presence, but the comfort of  her hug and her breath on my neck and cheek brings me back to the better side of my future reality -- that my mother will always be there for me, no matter what.

“Are you ready, Minji?” Mother presses her body closer to me, as if she wants to shield me from everything that will happen once I go out of my room to finally take control of my fate. “I know I have asked you this for countless times now, but I just want to make sure…”

“Umma, I’m going to be fine,” I assure her, but deep down I am as terrified as she is. Mother doesn’t deserve to bear my troubles for me anymore, what with all the suffering I have already brought upon him and father, so I continue my act. “After this everything will be okay.”

“Oh, Jangmi,” Mother rests her head on my shoulder as she begins to weep. “Oh, dear. If I could only. If only you would let me.”

Her faint sobbing crushes my heart in a way my practiced expressions and rehearsed lines can never prepare me for, and it causes my legs to almost give out if not for mother holding onto me as if I am the only possession she has in this world.

“Mother, stop,” I plead, my voice thin. “I can do this. Don’t worry so much.”

Mother responds with another batch of fresh tears, further dampening my shoulder. She is making it difficult for me, and the longer I stay with her the more I feel like I will never get through the night. I cannot give up just because of mother has been openly grieving for the consequences that I might possibly face in the days that will follow.

“Mother,” I call her more strongly this time as I try to push her away from me. It hurts me to treat her this way, but I know that doing this is for the best. “I will be late for the celebration. You should go back to father so you can leave too, I’ll meet both of you there. Come on now,” I place my hands on her shoulders as I try to her out of my room. “you know how father feels about arriving at an important event late. You better hurry --”

“Minji, there is another way to do this --”

“This is the best way, mother.” I throw my arms around her, hoping that my gesture silences her, if not finally convince her that I am strong enough to keep my decision. “This is the best way.”

She turns around to face me, her face still wet from crying. “Are you sure?” She questions me. “You don’t have to do this. Jong In --”

“I am certain.” I say to her, the finality in my tone obviously cannot be overlooked by her nor anyone anymore. “Just let me do this.”

My mother stares at me, her glassy eyes begging me to stop, but I know that she is aware that there is nothing that could keep me from doing what I am supposed to do tonight. She leans forward to leave a kiss on each of my cheek before quietly walking out of my room. There is a thin cloud of fury around her as she closed the door, crying out for what I have become because of all this, but her love overpowers it. Mother chooses to stand by me, regardless.

“Well then,” I whisper to myself as my icy fingers smoothen my dress. I am absolutely scared, but I tell myself that this is something that cannot kill me, therefore, I must carry on.

“Just be strong, Minji.”

------

“My lady,” The Kim’s trusted head of staff greets me solemnly as I enter the palace alone; I am not supposed to take this stop, but I do it because there is something I have to accomplish before I face what will lie ahead of me after tonight. The place appears to be empty except for me and the attendant escorting me to where Jong In is supposed to get ready for the wedding announcement about to take place at a private estate the Kims own on the outskirts of Seoul -- the Lady specifically wanted to have the announcement happen there because it was where she announced her own marriage to her husband more than 20 years ago. No place can be more perfect than the one where two of the country’s most powerful families became one dominant and intimidating entity two decades before; the Lady will consider nothing but that estate if history were to repeat itself, that she has made clear to everyone.

“I was not informed that you would arrive at this hour.” The head of staff states politely, whatever surprise or annoyance he felt for having to assist me without notice perfectly hidden in his rich, no-nonsense tone. I only nod at this, too distracted with my thoughts as both of us climb the stairs, the carpeted steps absorbing whatever noise the soles of our shoes are making. The higher we get, the faster my heart beats, and for a moment I wonder if the head of staff can hear how it desperately wants to get out of my chest if that will stop it from thrashing relentlessly inside.

“My lady?” He calls my attention, a mild questioning look registered on his face as he coolly surveys my appearance. His voice makes me notice the large double-doors beside him, all mysterious and unwelcoming of any living presence who dares to enter them. The room where we stop doesn’t seem to have Jong In  inside it, for  nothing can be heard at all. Everything is quiet, so much that as  if death has quieted the whole place down for reasons no one could exactly explain.

“Is he inside?” The uncertainty my voice possesses carries over to  the head of staff’s trained ears.

“You are seeking for the  young master himself, are you not?” He counters. “He is inside this room.”

“Can I talk to him?” I ask for his  approval just in case, even though something in his face tells me that what I’m telling him is none of  his business.

“The guards left because the Lady has summoned them to give an important instruction just now.” He says instead. “But they will  be back.” He briefly glances at his watch to add, “In fifteen minutes.” Go talk to him if you really have to -- this is the most perfect time, his eyes seem to say, but I am not sure if I should read his dark, almost lifeless orbs that way because there is a possibility that it is only my desperation warping my brain; how can the head of staff even understand my feelings and be in my favor?

“My lady,” The head of staff presses with more urgency this time. “the  clock is ticking,  and I believe in a pace that is going against your chances. If you have to speak to him, do it now.”  

He is working on my side. The discovery leaves me gaping at him.

“Young master Sehun has personally spoken to me last night. He asked me to help you, my lady.”

“But, but...what about the Lady’s orders?” It is clear that he is defying her, and that he will receive the most severe of punishments once Jong In’s mother learns of his involvement. The consequences are as clear as day, but it seems like he has  already prepared himself for whatever  might happen to him.

“I have known these young masters ever since they were born,” The head of staff shares with a small smile. “I have seen them grow up into young,  promising men they are today. I might have been working for their parents all  these years, but my lady, the young masters are already like my sons. I will help them in every way that I can.” He turns around, takes out the keys and starts  unlocking the large doors. His skillful hands open them without a sound, careful not to make any noise that might immediately send the guards running back to where Jong In is being imprisoned. He turns to  me and signals me to enter the room right away.

“I will be back in ten minutes, my lady.  Before the guards find out.”

“Thank you,” Overcome with emotions, I stop to give him a quick  hug. “I will never forget this.”

“Good  luck, my lady.” He doesn’t return my hug but he allows himself to  lightly pat me on the back. “You are brave. Now go on.”

I pull away from him and my legs begin to trudge the darkness waiting for me all this  time. I am already a few steps inside when the head of staff closes the door, eclipsing the light coming from  where he is standing, almost rendering the room in black  ink except for a huge window near the bed-- I can see the moon guarding the room from the outside, the sky peppered with twinkling stars that I would  have enjoyed staring at had this been a different night.

My eyes can already make  out Jong In’s back. He is looking at the very same sky I wanted to  admire,  unaware that I am already near him.

I am  seconds away from telling him that…

“Jong In.”

My hand ghosts on his shoulder. Almost instantly he turns around, looking up at me with surprise.


“Minji?”