And So It Began
Alice In Real World“Maddie, we’re here. Let’s go.”
Nate’s voice snapped me back to reality as I realized that we have indeed arrived at the cemetery where my mom, dad, and my uncle were resting. This is why June 7th is never easy, because I had to relive the day where my life was changed forever when my mom, dad, and my uncle died in a car crash here in Seoul 16 years ago, just two days after we moved to Seoul from California. Most people probably would run as far as they can from the place where their lives were abruptly changed but that doesn’t happen to me. I always come back to Seoul because this is the place that meant so much for my parents. Aunt Grace told me that my parents were so excited to start their new life at Seoul, the place they met in, got married in, and the place where I was born in. Even though we moved to California not long after I was born due to my dad’s work, their dream was always to come back to Seoul, and so they did… and died two days after that. After the car crash, my Aunt Grace took me in and practically raised me all by herself as if I was her own daughter, trying to pick up all the pieces after her husband was taken away from her and she was left all alone because she and her husband didn’t get to have children. Yes, my uncle who died in that car crash with my parents was Aunt Grace’s husband. Both Aunt Grace and I lost a great deal that day and every June 7th we always visited their grave as both a reminder of the days that we still had them and the day that we lost them. That’s how Aunt Grace ended up working for Nate’s dad, after she resigned from her last job and was offered a position as a personal secretary for the board of directors at the company that Nate’s dad eventually owned. And that’s also how I met Nate, the person who at that time managed to get me laugh when even Aunt Grace had a hard time of doing that herself. It was nearly 16 years ago and yet it feels as fresh as if it had happened yesterday. Mainly because how I felt about Nate hasn’t changed at all. He had involuntarily owned my heart ever since the first time we met and he had no idea that he had done so. For my whole life I had only truly loved one person, and that’s Nate. The saddest part is that he had no clue about it, and I had never had the guts to let him know. As much as I know Nate loved me, I have the worst fear that he’ll only see me as the scared little girl that he rescued from getting lost 16 years ago. And believe me, after 16 years it just gets really easy to pretend that I felt nothing but friendly love towards Nate. Although it doesn’t instantly make my feelings went away because even after all these years I was still hopelessly in love with my best friend. It’s pretty pathetic, huh? I know it is.
“Maddie…”
I looked outside of the car at Nate’s hand that was extended at me, for me to hold. Nate was already standing outside of the car, holding the door open for me as Aunt Grace had already walked towards the grave site. I took Nate’s hand and got out of the car to have Nate’s arm draped over my shoulder in a very protective yet gentle kind of way, Nate’s way. We walked slowly, following Aunt Grace’s lead, as we passed dozens of headstones underneath the warm morning sunlight. It’s moments like this that I always wish to stay forever. Where Nate and I are just Nate and I, nothing comes with it and it was like it was only us against the world. But then even with moments like this, I still had to remind myself that Nate doesn’t belong to me. That girl that he was speaking to yesterday, which he hadn’t told me about, probably had owned him just as much as he had owned me.
“You know, sometimes I really wish I had the chance to know your parents too.”
I threw a curious look at Nate and he just laughed lightly and shrugged his shoulders at that, making him look a lot younger than he really is; a quality that I always envy in Nate. He just somehow always managed to find a way to make himself look like a responsible young man and a mischievous little boy at the same time.
“Why is that so?”
“I bet they’d be really cool. And then some of that coolness can rub off on their lame- daughter who still cried when she watched Lion King for the gazilionth time.”
“Hey!”
I protested and playfully smacked him on his chest after he said that and he could just throw his head back and laughed so earnestly. The poor dude doesn’t know what’s coming to him.
“Nate, speaking of crying when watching Lion King, do you even know why Fishie Lee started calling you Simba?”
I said referring to one of his band mates, addressing the fact that I had indeed told him that Nate cried a little when we watch Lion King when he was like fourteen or fifteen years old. The look of realization spread throughout Nate’s face and his eyes widened in horror as I let slip that little fact, making me cackle heartily because the expression on his face was just flat out priceless.
“So that’s why… I’m gonna get you for that.”
For once, because of Nate, I forgot about where I was, I forgot that I was supposed to feel down when being faced with the day that I both dreaded and cherished so much. But I didn’t mind at all, Nate just always has a way to make me feel the long-lost happiness that I have every time June 7th comes. I was running away from Nate who pretended like he was gonna beat me up, or something, and we were laughing like little kids when I was suddenly faced with the sight of Aunt Grace standing over three headstones with a downcast look on her face. Then the meaning of today just got real again. It’s like I felt my breath got stuck in my throat as I stood beside Aunt Grace, looking over at the name of James, Keith, and Elizabeth Yoon written on the headstones. Both Aunt Grace and I never said a word every time we visited their graves because to tell you the truth, we just couldn’t find a way to put what we’re feeling into words. I handed Aunt Grace the three bouquets of flowers that I had been carrying and she bent down on her knees and put them one by one on each headstones. I heard her whispered something in Korean at the three headstones and grazed her fingers on the one that’s her husband’s before standing up and walking away. But this time I didn’t follow her right away like I used to. Something was still holding me back but I couldn’t put my finger on what it is. Suddenly I felt an arm wrapped around me and I looked over to find Nate’s warm black eyes looking back at me, I hadn’t even realized that he’d been standing beside me the whole time.
“They’re probably waiting for you to say something to them after all these years, Maddie.”
What Nate said felt so true and so right at that moment that it took everything in my power not to break down and cried my eyes out right there. But my eyes had indeed betrayed me, because after that I felt them started heating up and my sight was suddenly blurred by the tears that I really didn’t see coming. And I just said the simplest and truest thing that I can think of at that moment, summarizing everything I feel for all these years that I spent without my mom and dad.
“I just miss you guys so much.”
Then my tears fell with nothing stopping them at all. Being here, finally admitting that I had indeed been missing them wasn’t easy as I had spent a good part of my life telling myself I was okay and fine without my parents. Nate pulled me into his arms and I just cried freely on his chest, releasing all this grief I felt constricting me.
“You’ll be fine, Maddie.”
As simple as those words were, but it meant the world coming from Nate’s mouth and I just instantly believed it. I do.
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I walked into Aunt Grace’s house at around 10 in the morning after my usual morning walk around the neighborhood with my love, other than Nate, of course. Now, don’t go and tell me that I’m a promiscuous for this because to tell you the truth, when I said my love other than Nate I just meant my most-prized Canon DSLR. I’ve always loved photography for as long as I can remember and that’s also how I won a scholarship for photography major when I just finished my business management degree in California. There’s probably some major head-scratching involved when you look at the two majors that I took and how they’re so different from each other, contradicting even. But to me, the two just complemented each other. As I got to the living room, I smelled something highly familiar which was no doubt the smell of French toast and fresh coffee brewing. Oh wow, Aunt Grace was working her usual magic when it comes to breakfast-making. To my surprise, both Aunt Grace and Nate suddenly stopped talking and looked up at me as I walked into the kitchen.
“Oh, my two favorite person in the world! Hold it, I need to take this.”
I picked up my camera which was slung over my neck and quickly took a picture of the two of them. I flashed them a big grin out of pure satisfaction as I realized that I got a good shot out of them while they just smiled and shook their heads at that, probably already aware at how crazy I get when I had my camera with me.
“Fancy seeing you here this early, Nate.”
I said as I put down my camera carefully on the kitchen table and walked towards the coffee machine as I seriously need my morning caffeine fix. But something made me stay rooted to my spot. Nate and Aunt Grace just looked at each other smiling after I said that, the look on their faces suggested that they knew something I didn’t.
“What is wrong with you two?”
“Just tell her.”
Aunt Grace said to Nate still with that knowing smile on her face. I was starting to get really agitated seeing their behavior because if there’s one thing that I don’t like in the world is to be kept out of something that involves me.
“Was I interrupting something?”
None of them answered my question, but then Nate stood up from his seat, still with that dimpled smile of his and walked over to where I was standing, completely and utterly confused as to what was going on. I know Nate like I know the back of my hand and judging by the way he was smiling so excitedly I could tell that this was something huge either for him or for me. Nate put an arm around me before finally saying,
“Well, Aunt Grace and I were talking about how you and I never get to spend much time together every time you visited Seoul in the summer for the past couple years because of my schedule so… I kinda came up with a solution for that.”
“Which is…”
“I’m taking you on tour with me this summer as the group’s official photographer. I’ve showed the management your portfolio and they were really happy with it and wanted to hire you in a heartbeat so… aside from the fact that we’ll be together for the whole summer you could also think of it as your first official job as a photographer too.”
To say that I was surprised with what Nate said would be an understatement because I was so totally ecstatic about it I could barely lift up my jaw that must’ve instantly hit the floor when Nate broke the news. And then all I could do was scream like my life was depending on how loud I scream so that the excitement filling me up won’t burst out and killed me from the inside. Nate and Aunt Grace just laughed as I also broke into a weird dance and stomped my Converse-covered feet excitedly on the ground. It’s like a double win for me this summer, spending the whole of it with Nate and my first job as a photographer. Life is good to me.
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Woohooooo!!!! There's the 3rd chappie... Things are gonna get A LOT more interesting after this... Hope everybody are still enjoying this story... :)
Btw, I just have to post this pic :
WonTeuk for real... :P And um...is it wrong that I'm by this? O_o
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