*ALICE’S POV*

I didn’t know if I was dreaming or not but I kept hearing Hyukkie’s voice speaking to me. At first it sounded nothing more than just an indecipherable mumblings but it became clearer and clearer. Maybe my mind was playing tricks on me but I could’ve sworn I heard him saying he loved me. But as I awoke to an empty room, I knew right away that it was just a dream. I haven’t had a chance to talk to Hyukkie at all so I was pretty sure there was no way he could’ve told me he loved me. We were still fighting anyway so… that was pretty much impossible. But as I was becoming more and more aware of my surroundings, I finally realized that the room that I was staying in wasn’t mine. I sat there for a good half a minute after I woke up, racking my brains as to how I ended up in a room that wasn’t even mine. Then I remembered the yelling, the pain I felt constricting at my chest as I listened to those yells. And I instantly remembered the panic attack. Oh god, I never thought it would actually happen again, seeing as it had been years since the last time I had an attack. And I guessed that it had been a bad one cause I didn’t remember anything that happened after it. This was like a hangover, only worse. I ran a hand through my hair as I reached for my phone, which somebody had put on the nightstand, to check on the time. Last time I checked, I had another meeting with the documentary team at 12 noon. As I looked at the display, I noticed that there was an unread text. And I felt my heart skipped a beat when I noticed it was from Hyukkie. What… what would that mean? I eagerly opened the text, and it read,

“I kno u’re wondering whr u r rite now. Well, u’re in Hae’s room. He n Siwon had brought u there after… the panic attack. I had put clean clothes in there in case u wanna take a shower first before going back to ur room. I’ll be there, btw. I just… need to see u.”

I felt my heartbeat started accelerating as I read the last six words in the text. I really didn’t know what to make of it. My conscience told me that I need to see him too, to make everything right again. I admit I dreaded the thought of him knowing what happened to me last night but at the same time, I reminded myself that my intention was to let him know everything about me. I reread the text a few times, trying to find out what he actually meant but my effort was pretty much futile. I really wouldn’t know anything if I hadn’t actually met him. I guess it was now or never. I decided to take a shower first before I had to go and meet Hyukkie, knowing that a cold shower would help me to at least straighten my mind up even if it was just for a little bit. Twenty minutes later I already started to make my way towards my room. The thirty seconds journey felt like an eternity when I knew who I had to face once I got to my room. As I reached my room, I noticed that the door wasn’t locked so I just walked in. Hyukkie looked up from where he was sitting on my bed, and for a second I was at a loss for words. I mean, the last thing I remembered saying to him was that I thought he was a jerk, so… I really didn’t know what I was supposed to say.

And the fact that the last time I saw him was when I got pissed cause he didn’t reply my message when he was with Hyoyeon and I practically stormed out on him didn’t help with this matter at all. All I could do was just stand there, looking at him, totally unable to read the expression on his face. I watched as Hyukkie stood up from the bed. He too hadn’t said a word ever since I came. I noticed that he hadn’t changed from his grey drawstring pants and black wifebeater that he used to wear for sleep and that there were still those barely visible stubbles on his jaw, he had just shaved. It almost made me smile as I remember how I love to always watch him as he was shaving just because I thought he looked totally adorable with that shaving cream all over the lower part of his face. And I also loved the fact that he always pouted like a 5 year old whenever I and said that he looked like an Asian Santa Claus. Then he wouldn’t talk to me until he finished shaving and after I said I was sorry for teasing him. But of course I would do it again the next morning. It was then that I realized how precious moments like those were, and that it wouldn’t be repeated if Hyukkie was still pissed at me. But then my mind was just completely blank when Hyukkie walked over to where I was standing, closed the door behind me and pulled me into his arms.  

It took me a couple seconds to fully comprehend what my boyfriend was doing. At that second I even wondered whether or not I could still call him that. But as I felt his lips landing on the top of my head softly and his arms tightened around me, I knew I was still entitled to say he’s my boyfriend. I let myself gave in as I also wrap my arms around him. I didn’t know how long we stood there just holding on to each other, all I knew was that it was the most comfortable state I had been in the past couple days. I could feel the warmth radiating from his body, inhale his familiar natural scent and it instantly brought peace in me. It’s like what happened about two days ago wasn’t even real. It’s like nothing mattered more to me than this moment we were in. We pulled away from each other for a second. He looked at me with his almond-shaped eyes and it killed me how much they were filled with worry and confusion, because I knew I had been the cause. It suddenly became clear how ridiculous I was to think that it was okay to just hide things from Hyukkie. How did I fail to see that he cared about me? And like always, he didn’t need to say that but I could already feel it.

“I’m sorry.”

It was all I could say and it was all that I think was fitting to say at that moment. All the things that I said to him when we had that fight just felt like they were rewinding themselves in my head and pushing me to come up with that apology, because all I wanted was for everything to be back the way they used to be. I wanted my Hyukkie back. By the way he was acting once I was back I actually shouldn’t even worry about that possibility, I knew he’s still my Hyukkie. But I couldn’t help but to feel this sudden wave of relief washing over me as he smiled and pulled me back into his arms, resting his chin on my shoulder.

“I’m sorry too. I guess you were right when you said I was a jerk.”

I pulled away from the hug, but still keeping my arms around him as I looked up to his face.

“No, you’re not a jerk at all. I was the one who’s… unreasonable enough to call you that.”

“But I should’ve known something’s up, I should’ve…”

“You wouldn’t have known, because I didn’t tell you anything. And I should have.”

“But still, what I said to you…”

I smiled to myself as I realized that this could go on for awhile. I felt guilty, he felt guilty, and we were both trying to make up for the fight that was enough to break us apart for two whole days.

“What are you smiling at?”

Hyukkie furrowed his eyebrows as he asked me that, a questioning look painted on his face. I just smiled again and looked intently into his eyes.

“You do realize that we’d keep apologizing to each other and it would go on for awhile, right?”

A smile formed on his full lips and eventhough I shouldn’t even be surprised, I still felt that familiar knot in my stomach started tightening when he pulled me closer to him and smoothly planted a kiss on my lips. And it was like something warm just blew up in me when I felt his lips on mine again, I didn’t realize that I had missed that feeling this badly even though it had only been two days. But then again, the thing that separated us for those two days was something that was way out of the ordinary anyway so I guess… it was enough reason for me to crave for his kisses so much. It was a symbol that yes, we had made peace with everything that happened and we were more than ready to let it go cause to be honest, not being with Hyukkie made me feel so miserable. And as I moved my lips against his, wound my fingers on his hair, and judging on the hint of urgency in his kisses, maybe… that’s how he felt too.

“So we’re calling a truce?”

I really didn’t know why Hyukkie asked that after we pulled away from the much-needed kiss. I mean, he was practically smiling smugly, he already knew I was gonna say yes. Sometimes I really think that he could read me better than he knew he could.

“Yep, a truce. Until the next war, that is.”

His eyes widened as I said that. Which was a surprise, actually. Surely he understood what ‘truce’ meant, right?

“Why are you so sure of it?”

“Hyukkie, let’s face it, with me being me and you being you there’s bound to be something like this again in the future.”

I laughed a little as that infamous pout appeared again on Hyukkie’s face. I swear to god, he’s older than me yet somehow he always managed to make it seem like he was the innocent little boy I was babysitting with that pout and some other child-like qualities that he had. Not that I mind, though, to be honest that was one of the reason why I feel so content when I was with him. Little boys were honest, right? Well, that’s how he was too.

“Okay, fine, that makes sense. But that would only happen in the not-so-near future, okay? Like, LIGHT YEARS ahead of today, I’ll make sure of it.”

My grin was probably enough to cover the whole hotel room when I heard him say that. He’s so amazing, I… I seriously didn’t know what I did in my life or in my past life to deserve him.

“Agreed, then. Truce until further notice which might not be until light years ahead of today.”

His big grin was matching mine when I said that and he pulled us closer to each other again before kissing my lips chastely.

“Now, that I like.”

I returned his wide gummy smile that I always liked and he kissed me again, this time on my forehead. I was happy, I was content, and it was all because of him. It scared me a little how quickly and easily he made me feel that way but there was actually nothing I could do. I was just instantly drawn to him. His kisses and his embrace were the things I always associated comfort with, and it all happened beyond my control. I knew I had always been somewhat of a control freak, I could never truly let go. I mean, it had taken all of the self control I have to not let any of my feelings show towards Nate for pretty much my whole life. But that felt so far away now, when I realized that I had consciously let myself being taken away by this invisible force that I couldn’t really identify, but I was pretty sure that came from everything Hyukkie had been doing to me.

“I love you.”

And those three words that Hyukkie said with a tone of voice that was barely above a whisper right before he pulled his lips away from my forehead took me to an entirely different level of blissfulness. I had just dreamt about this, and now it actually happened? Was this one of those things that was so mind-blowingly awesome that it just couldn’t be true? I haven’t had anyone, a guy in particular, who said those words to me with such conviction yet sounding so gentle at the same time. I didn’t realize I was just standing there without so much as blinking when Hyukkie carefully said,

“Uh… you really don’t have to say it back if you don’t feel like it, I mean…”

“I love you, too.”

Just like everything else that happened in my relationship with Hyukkie, saying that felt so effortless too. Those words just sort of glided naturally out of my mouth, and nothing about that felt even remotely close to being out of the ordinary. It was like those words were programmed into my thoughts to be said once Hyukkie said them too. Or maybe… I was just about to say them irregardless. Either way, it felt surprisingly good to say that, and to see the look of pure joy that appeared on Hyukkie’s face when I told him I loved him too. He tightened his grip on me, but still keeping his eyes and that smile at me.

“Do you know how awesome it feels to hear you say that?”

I laughed a little at his statement. Didn’t he just say it was okay for me not to say it back?

“I thought you said I don’t really have to say it back?”

Hyukkie just shrugged his shoulders with that cocky look on his face and I could just laugh even more. Honestly, he looked too nice to even try to put on a cocky expression. He didn’t care about it, though, he would just say that he looked bad- when he did that and normally I would argue him on that but not now, I guess. We had just made up, for the love of god.

“Meh, who am I kidding? If you don’t say it back I’ll probably leave right away and go somewhere to sulk.”

“Well I did, didn’t I?”

“Why, yes you did, my spunky girlfriend. Which is why I am still calling you my girlfriend.”

“So if I didn’t say I love you too you’ll leave, sulk, AND break up with me?”

“Uh… yeah, I guess.”

“What an !”

“Why are you calling me an ? I thought you love me!”

“Cause you said you were gonna break up with me!”

“So you don’t want me to break up with you?”

“What the ? What kinda question is that?”

“Oh, you’d like me to break up with you instead, then?”

“You’re crazy and I am not putting up with this .”

“I see how it is.”

Hyukkie’s face fell suddenly as he said that and let go of me. I was a little surprised, I mean, weren’t we just joking with each other? Or was he serious? Oh my god, what did I just do? Okay, damage control, Alice, damage control.

“Hyukkie, look, um… well, I love you and… of all that is pure and holy, of course I don’t want you to break up with me, that’ll major ! So yeah, I demand that you, Lee Hyukjae, to always stay by my side even when I get really y and PMS-y cause truth be told, you got no other choice.”

That solemn expression on Hyukkie’s face was gone as fast as it came and he was already grinning at me.

“Did you realize that I just make you say that voluntarily?”

Oh no, he DID NOT just pull that ty prank on me.

“You !”

Hyukkie blew up laughing at the undoubtedly violent, not to mention pissed off, expression on my face as I proceeded to land punch after punch on his arm. Not that it would inflict pain on him or whatever, he worked out so much that my punch would only feel like gentle pats, or something. But the highlight of everything was that I was laughing again, he was laughing again, and we were just… happy. I really wanted to settle down on this feeling of incredible lightness that took over me when Hyukkie and I were joking around, playfully punching at each other before we ended up getting tired and just decided to watch a movie instead. But I knew I couldn’t stay that long in that comfort zone we managed to create. I still had something to do, or to be specific, a lot of things to say. I looked down at Hyukkie, who was lying with his head on my lap as I sat leaning my back against the headboard, totally engrossed in the movie we were watching. I almost didn’t want to bother this calm and peaceful atmosphere but I guess… it’s now or never.

“Hyukkie, I… I still have something to tell you.”

Hyukkie got up and sat in front of me as soon as I said that. By the looks on his face, my bet was that he already knew what I was going to say. But even as he sat there looking at me, waiting for what I was gonna say next, I knew he was giving me the full decision of telling him what happened to me or not. The look on his eyes was not that of someone trying to coax the truth out of me, I knew that would only make me feel pushed, but all I could feel when he looked at me was… freedom.

“If you feel like you do that because I want you to… I’d rather not hear it. I don’t wanna hear what you don’t wanna tell me.”

When Hyukkie said that, I knew for sure that I was free. I smiled at him and took both his hands in mine.

“If there’s one person who hasn’t known and deserves the most to know, it’s you. I’m done keeping things from you.”

He smiled back at me, as if saying ‘go ahead, I’m ready to listen’. So I told him everything. I told him about the bullying, and how it went from a simple name-calling to physical abuse and just flat out ual harassment, how those boys would walk past me in my middle-school hallway and shove me until I stumbled towards my locker before… slapping my or grabbing my chest or whatever the that they felt like doing that day. How I used to always follow the teacher around after school, asking all sorts of questions just so I would be with someone at least until Nate came to pick me up and we’d walk home together, how Nate was the only friend I had in that entire school, how I used to cry to Nate after recounting whatever went down that day and making him swear not to tell anyone because I was too ashamed to even think about the prospect of someone else other than Nate knowing what those boys did to me. How I eventually couldn’t keep it as a secret any longer when the school guard found me almost unconscious with five boys surrounding me after they beat me up and one of their older brothers ing my school uniform with the obvious intention of… me. How both Aunt Grace and Uncle Choi, Nate’s dad, filed a police report only to find that because I wasn’t actually the police couldn’t do anything about those boys. How that was the reason behind Aunt Grace sending me to live in the States, how those things that happened affected me in every relationship I had in the future.

Talking about it again almost physically hurt for me, because it meant opening up the wounds I had been trying to forget for pretty much my whole life. And it reminded me about why I managed to stay in love with Nate for all those times, because he was the only one who knew about everything yet wasn’t even remotely disgusted about it. For so long, he was the only one from the opposite that I could feel safe with and had the most intimacy with. Well, that was before everything between Hyukkie and I started. For as long as I was telling him everything, he just sat there, listening intently and holding on tightly on to my hand. His jaw clenched slightly a few times, all sorts of expression fleeting through his face, from overwhelming anger to just plain sadness. I was glad for it, he made me feel like I wasn’t alone in all of this.

“That’s where the panic attacks came from. It took me a few years of therapy to finally be able to live without being constantly scared that I would just collapse from the attack. It’s not completely cured but I guess I’m lucky that it’s not as bad as it was before. And… that’s also why I freaked out so much when I thought we had and when you think very lightly of it. Hyukkie, you’re about the only guy I went that far with in my whole life, I was… so scared to think that it didn’t matter as much to you as it was to me, that I myself didn’t matter much to you.”

“So… if we did have that night I would be…”

“Yeah, you would be my first.”

Hyukkie looked away from me, let out a sigh and ran a hand through his hair, while still having the other hand holding mine. I could see that he was thinking hard, trying to process all the things that I just told him. But then he looked at me once again and smiled.

“How can you possibly think that you didn’t matter much to me? You’re one of a kind, I wouldn’t find someone like you again even if I try. Whatever it was that happened in your past would only bother me if it bothered you and… they surely won’t keep me away from you.”

It was as if he had read my mind. What was I so afraid of again? What made me procrastinate in telling him the truth again? My paranoia earlier before I told him all of this sounded so ridiculous now after I heard what he said. I’ve known him for a long time, how could I not see this side of him? I smiled hearing what he said, then situated myself practically sitting on his lap and hugging him tightly sideways. He lightly laughed at my impulsiveness before looking up slightly and kissed my cheek.

“Thanks for telling me all of that, I know it must’ve been hard for you. And… I’m not gonna push you or anything when it comes to and all that stuff, we’ll get there when we get there, if and when you’re ready for it. But just so you know, when that day comes, it’ll be like the second best day of my life ever since I knew you.”

“Huh? Why is it the second best?”

“Well, you still remember that night where you kissed me for the first time, right? That’s the first.”

I grinned and shook my head at what he said, not quite believeing his corniness and at the same time, thanking God and all His grace that I was in a relationship with this particular corny guy, cause truth be told, his sweetness slash corniness was too endearing to make fun of. Well, I did every once in awhile but we’re not gonna talk about that right now.

“I don’t know if you’re gonna like hearing this or not but… that night was probably one of the worst for me.”

Hyukkie’s face that initially supported a wide grin quickly turned into a frown once I said that. Aaandd the infamous pout came back again. Oh, I was just having too much fun with this. He teased me all the time so I guess it wouldn’t hurt to do that to him some time, right?

“And may I ask why the best day of my life is your worst?”

“It’s cause… once I knew how it felt like to kiss you I was doomed. I knew can’t stop. It’s even worse than taking drugs cause it only needs a 3-times-a day dosage while kissing you is like this uncontrollable need that I just can’t shake off and then I just wanted to kiss you all the time and…”

Throughout my constant rambling, the grin had managed to creep its way back on Hyukkie’s face and he just cut my ramblings off when he slightly tilted his head back and captured my lips in his again as I smiled into the kiss. I wasn’t lying about the addiction to his kisses, I’ve told you this, right?

“I guess you’re a lot more evil than I gave you credit for.”

“Meh, I learn from the best.”

“Who? Kyuhyun?”

“Seriously, Hyukkie, it’s just you and me here, how in god’s name can you come up with Kyuhyun?”

“So you’re saying I’m evil? I am not! Well, like, 90 percent of the time I’m not.”

And here we go again with the silly little argument we always have. But I prefer this than any other thing in this world. I’ve got my boyfriend, he loves me for who I am, and I love him just as much if not more. I wouldn’t wanna have it any other way.

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*EUNHYUK’S POV*

“Yah! Just because you’re no longer fighting doesn’t mean that we’re automatically immune to wanting to vomit because of your constant PDA!”

Alice and I pulled away from the kiss that we’ve only shared for a mere two seconds. Seriously, no one can blame us for that since we were at the very back of the bus and everybody seemed to be asleep the last time I checked. But apparently Hae wasn’t asleep and he stood up from his seat which was three rows in front of us, in the exact same time that Alice and I started kissing. Anyway, we were at this bus because the band plus the SNSD girls and the whole team was off to Chengdu for a little two-day getaway. I thank God for that since we’ve been working for a few weeks non stop here in China and well… it came at the most convenient time, around a few days since Alice and I just made up so I guess… it was a holiday for us too. I noticed that she had been working hard too these past few weeks, judging on the fact that she seemed to be a bit thinner than usual and her temper was even shorter these days so yeah, I was thankful for this holiday in more ways than one.

“Hae, are you ing kidding me? First you ing… demolished my TWO MONTHS cigarette supply and now this?”

I really was about to retort at Hae but my girlfriend kinda beat me to it. And I could only hold my laughter in seeing the two of them. I knew that I had played my part in that by giving Alice’s room key to Hae awhile back and so far she hadn’t known about it. And I really wanted to keep it that way. Seriously, when she found out that Hae had thrown away about three cartons of her cigarette, she was scarily furious. I could swear I saw the veins on her temple nearly burst when she stormed out of her room, mumbling something about finding Hae and breaking his legs so he had no choice but to retire from Super Junior cause he wouldn’t be able to dance for the rest of his life. Uh… yeah, she’s just scary like that sometimes. It’s still hilarious, though, the way she constantly fought with Hae. But everybody knew nothing was serious about it and they actually cared about each other underneath their constant bickering. That’s just the way they roll, even since Hae and I started to get pretty close with Alice. I mean, Hae was seriously worried when Alice had that panic attack that he even yelled at some of the SNSD girls and I remembered how a few years ago she cut her holiday at Jeju Island short and flew back to Seoul before taking a four-hour bus ride to Mokpo to be with Hae when his mom got sick.

“And like always, buster, I will not apologize for anything. When will you ever learn?”

“Lee Donghae, do you actually wish for a murder last Christmas? Because it WILL happen, mark my words. And you’re gonna be the victim, by the way.”

“Buster, you’re not gonna…”

“Oh dear god, quit it! Jeez, these kids. Baby girl, come sit beside me, you’ve had enough time with Hyukjae today and lord knows it’s not like you’re not gonna see each other again at night.”

Once Heechul hyung said that, it was almost positive that Alice wouldn’t argue. If there was one person here that she really listened to, it’s him. Alice rolled her eyes grudgingly before standing up from the seat beside me.

“Fine, oppa.”

She said as she walked through the narrow gap between seats towards where Heechul hyung was sitting at. Hae was still standing beside his seat with the biggest grin on his face like he just won a lottery or something as he kept looking at Alice. Surprisingly, Alice only smiled at Hae and did nothing. But, uh… a few seconds later I knew it wasn’t surprising at all because just after she walked past Hae, she managed to slap the back of his head before quickly sprinting towards the seat beside Heechul hyung, giving Hae practically no time to react. I covered my mouth with my palm so I wouldn’t laugh outloud as I saw the murderous glare Hae was shooting at Alice while she ‘maturely’ stuck her tongue out to him. Hae only rolled his eyes at that as he took the empty seat beside me.

“Hyukjae, teach your girlfriend some manners or so help me god, I will be the one to do it.”

“Hae, seriously, if you really think that you could do it, be my guest. I’ve given up on that a long time ago. Do you know how hard it is to get her to call Heechul hyung ‘oppa’?”

“That makes sense. I’ll leave the task of disciplining that little buster to you, then. How is she these days, by the way?”

See my point? Hae actually cared about her, he just had a weird way of showing it. And a few days ago, Alice finally told Hae all the things that she told me when I convinced her that she’d been close friends with Hae for a long time now and that he also deserved to know, seeing how worried he was when she had that panic attack and he didn’t know what caused it. She amazingly agreed with me and told Hae everything right away. I didn’t know if it was just me but she seemed to be more carefree, livelier and happier around me and Hae after we both knew about her past. It was almost like a burden was released from her shoulders once she told us that. And that only made me even happier and more thankful to the fact that I could see her being that happy.

“She’s… doing well. She’s been eating well, sleeping well, she hadn’t smoked or drank coffee in the past few days so I guess… it’s all good.”

“That’s good, then. And… I take it you now know what those girls did to Alice that made her relapse and got that attack again, right?”

“I do. Hyoyeon told me everything. She had no idea what the other girls did that night, she wasn’t even at the hotel but she knew why they did it.”

“Don’t you think it’s a little ridiculous, though, that it actually started from Tiffany? I mean, I’m still surprised why those girls went that far just because Tiffany is jealous of Alice because how close Alice is with Siwon. I mean, you’re dating Alice and you’re not fretting about her relationship with Siwon, right?”

I wanted so bad to argue with what Hae just said, I wanted so bad to tell him that I no longer trust Siwon’s so-called platonic best-friend type of feelings towards Alice, and that I was guessing that Tiffany had the same suspicion as me, only she dealt with it by taking it out on Alice. But I couldn’t tell him that, and my gut feeling even told me not to let Hae or anyone knew, for that matter. I’d just deal with this my way. And just as I thought of that, I saw that Siwon stood up from his seat, before taking the empty one beside Alice, although not directly beside her as it was separated by the space between seats. He poked her arm and showed her something on his phone before the two of them broke into a fit of laughter. I couldn’t actually hear what they were talking about but they seemed to be having so much fun that Alice began playfully punching Siwon’s arm as she was laughing almost hysterically. And then I was probably about two seconds away from jumping off my seat and dragging Alice back to sit beside me when… while Siwon was trying to stop Alice from punching his arm, he put his hand over hers and let it stay like that for a period of time that was much too long for my liking. The words ‘get your filthy hands off my girlfriend’ seemed to be replaying themselves in my head as I saw everything happening and it surprised me to no end. How could I even felt this hostile towards Siwon, one of my best friends and my band mate?

“Hyukjae… Hyukjae… Dude, are you really out of it?”

I didn’t even realize that I had been staring at Siwon and Alice for quite awhile until Hae brought me back to reality.

“Uh… yeah, sorry, I spaced out there for a few minutes.”

Thankfully, the bus halted to a stop just a few seconds later, signaling that we had arrived at our hotel in Chengdu, practically saving me from having to answer Hae’s possible questions about why I zoned out earlier. He wasn’t my best friend for nothing, he always managed to spot what was wrong with me before I even say it. And I really didn’t think he should know about this one just yet. Everybody in the bus rose from their seats and began reaching for the compartment above the seats for their own belongings. One by one, people began descending the little staircase by the exit, leaving the bus. Alice walked back towards where I was sitting at since she left her backpack there. As soon she grabbed her backpack, she took my hand in hers and was about to pull me away towards the exit but I stopped her. I needed to do something first.

“You go ahead and check in first, okay? I need to talk to my manager about my schedule.”

“Oh, okay then.”

I planted a quick kiss on her forehead before she left with a smile on her face, causing me to also smile. I love this girl, I didn’t want anything, or in this case, anyone to ever come between us. Which was why I needed to do what I was about to do. The bus was completely empty now, except for me and Siwon, he was busy untangling his headphone’s cables, probably not even realizing that everybody had left. I took a deep breath before walking over to him, patting him on the shoulder.

“Oh, what’s up, Hyuk?”

“I need you to come with me. We gotta talk.”

 Judging on the suddenly tense expression on his face, I guessed that he already knew what it was all about. We exited the bus together, and walked silently to a spot that I deemed to be quiet enough so we could have our talk on the side of the hotel’s building. For awhile, we only stood there looking at each other like two strangers who just met for the first time, which was odd considering that we had known each other at least 7 years now. But after what recently happened, it was like there was an invisible wall that suddenly came between us, putting us back to square one when we were introduced for the first time by our agency’s representatives. Things had been great after that introduction, and Siwon became one of my closest friends, albeit not as close as Hae was to me but he was still close. How the hell did we end up like this?

“So what is it that you wanted to talk about?”

Siwon asked, breaking the agonizing silence between us. So I decided to just go straight to the point, to possibly put an end to this once and for all.

“I know you have feelings for my girlfriend. Your best friend.”

“I don’t…”

“Don’t even try to deny it, Siwon. Just… respect yourself by telling me the truth. At the very least, that will respect our friendship.”

Siwon only looked at me for the longest time, as if he was still contemplating about what to say to deny my previous statement. But as I saw him close his eyes for a few seconds before letting out a sigh, his broad shoulders falling for a little bit, I knew that he was ready to tell me the truth. And as much as I had been prepared to hear what he had to say, my heart still beat wildly as I was anticipating his answer. I didn’t know if I was quite ready to hear him.

“I do. I’m in love with Maddie.”

And with that, my worst nightmare had come true. This was what I knew I would hear, but still, to actually hear it coming out of his mouth didn’t help with this sudden surge of emotion coursing through my body. And for a second I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know whether I was supposed to yell at him, get angry with him or even beat the crap out of him now that he had actually admitted that he’s in love with my girlfriend.

“Why? Why now? Why after she’s with me that you…”

“I don’t know, Hyuk. It’s not like I wanted this to happen, it’s not like I was intending to fall in love with her right after she became your girlfriend. What the hell do you think I was supposed to do?”

“You were supposed to stop it! You were supposed to realize that she’s mine and you should just back the off and leave us alone! You weren’t supposed to be in love with her!”

“How do you expect me to do that? I couldn’t choose who I would fall in love with.”

“Jesus Christ, you have a girlfriend! Do you realize how many feelings you’re trampling on right now by doing that? Mine, obviously, Tiffany’s and Alice’s.”

“Stop trying to cover your selfishness by dragging Tiffany or even Maddie to this matter.”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Did he actually think that putting the blame game would be enough to stop this?

“I can’t help but to be selfish, Siwon. Someone’s trying to mess things up between me and the girl I love.”

“Are you really in love with her? Or is it just some sort of infatuation for finally having her?”

“I love her, so damn much. And you know this. You were there, you were there when I realized that I had developed even stronger feelings for her and I asked you… , I actually asked you was it okay for Alice and I to be together and you said… I still remember this clearly, you said that whatever makes her happy makes you happy too. What happened with that?”

“I didn’t know, Hyuk, I didn’t have a damn clue that I was falling for her. I had been replaying that conversation in my mind over and over again and how I wished that back then I had told you that I wasn’t comfortable with it, that I didn’t want you to pursue her because I still had this unresolved feeling when I thought about her being with someone else…”

“THEN WHY DIDN’T YOU DO THAT? If you would’ve told me back then that you didn’t want me to go after her, I wouldn’t go after her! I would’ve respected your decision because you’re one of my best friends, you’re my band mate, you’re practically my brother!”

My breath was racing from that fit of yelling but most importantly, it was racing because apparently talking about this with Siwon, trying to confirm my suspicions, didn’t help anything at all.

“What happened to us?”

Siwon asked, looking at me helplessly, wanting answers that I knew I wouldn’t be able to give him. Not when I also didn’t have any clue about what to do.

“We fell in love with the same girl, that’s what happened.”

We fell into another silence as soon as I said that, trying to piece together our messed up minds, although I have a strong feeling that nothing will be resolved once this conversation was done.

“Siwon, I can’t do anything about it now. I can’t pay for your mistakes, I can’t help you with this now. She’s mine, I love her and she loves me too, I know this because that’s what she told me. And I won’t let anything ruin that.”

“What happened with letting her make her own decision? Don’t you think that she needs an informed decision? That someone else other than you is in love with her too, before she decides anything?”

“What the hell was I saying? That was before I knew you were trying to mess things up between us. Now I won’t ask you to stay away from her because I know how much you mean to her and she would be devastated not to have you in her life. But so help me god, if I even see so much as you trying to take her away from me, I wouldn’t stay still and do nothing.”

“What if someday she realizes that she loves me too? Afterall, I am her best friend and she would come to me for everything.”

“We’ll cross that bridge when we get there. For now, I would do everything in my power to keep her.”

So I left him there to be alone with his thoughts. His last words got to me, and I guess he knew that. But I couldn’t let that overpower me. For all I know, he was just bluffing and that he was about as clueless as me when it came to that possibility. One thing I knew for sure was that it would take so much for Siwon and I to be the friends that we used to be.

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So... I hope that was worth the wait. >.<  And I'd take this chance to apologize beforehand cause this would be the way I update in the future (which is suuuuper late >.<). I have no other reason other than I would be too preoccupied with school and work and I don't have as much free time as I used to have when I started this fic. But just know that I wouldn't give up on this because this fic is my baby, the very first one that I ever posted here. :D So I hope you guys can understand and keep supporting Alice on her journey. As usual, a big THANK YOU to all my readers, subscribers and commenters. I love each and every one of you guys. Seriously. :D Hope you enjoy this.