Siwon and I broke up three years after that new year. We became both busy. Really, really busy but never did I had intentions on breaking up with him. He was the one who initiated it. It was very painful. Jessica ( who just revealed that she wants to have her own design company e-t-c that I don't really know ) and I became much closer after the broke up, though she was very happy about the idea of Siwon and I dating, and I really feel jealous when Jessica and Yuri go out and play together. But years passed by, and I became just as mature as I am now. Seven years since debut. Year 2014.

The beginning of this year was a breakdown for not just SONEs but us as well. Yoona and Seunggi dating. Kyungho oppa and I dating. I didn't know what to say to everyone. I felt really guilty, especially for the members. But SONEs are really the best. I felt really thankful. It felt really good, they're like family. I never knew things would get worse. Our dating lives, one by one, were revealed to public. Taeyeon's was by far the worst, I really pitied her and I felt really guilty for that pity. I really hate seeing her cry. Really, really, really hate it.

Jessica finally had Blanc. At first, it was really fun seeing her enjoy. We would try the dresses she made, and she would ask opinions about her new designs and all. I personally thought she's born for designing. In our room, I would make my own designs and show her. She really liked it. But after some weeks, it wasn't a really pleasing view. She became really stressed out, tired and such. I wanted to beg her to rest first before we rehearse, or atleast eat something. She became very busy and we hated seeing her that tired. But she wouldn't stop rehearsing, and singing and dancing, and designing and creating all these plans for Blanc, and rehearse again and go abroad. IT WAS A VERY PAINFUL SCENE. She loves designing, and she loves us and I just.. we just don't want to cause her such pain. We had to ask her to choose. That night, I thought I wanted to die.

Jessica cried. I cried. Nine of us cried.

Few days after, the news about her leaving the group happened. I knew it's gonna come. I knew it. I just didn't know it really would. I don't know. It was very confusing, very painful, very worldwrecking, very.... very.