29TH OF JULY.

It’s been three days since my girlfriend died, and still, here i am again, crying inside of the church, reminiscing our short yet memorable past.

I can’t still accept the fact that half of my life was taken so early. How could He let me suffer like this? Why didn’t he just get me too? There’s no other reason why i still need to live. Since the day i met her, i’ve learned to live for her. Her to be my inspiration, her to be my sun, my air, and my water. If i’ll ask you, can someone still survive if those things suddenly lost?

I can’t also help not to blame myself. I didn’t take good care of her that day. If only i just insisted to give her a drive and just forget about the surprise, this thing won’t happen. If only i could bring back time... this things won’t happen.

Those words kept on repeating from my mouth since she died. And IU who’s still working on our company told me that it’s not my fault. But whatever they say, i can’t help not to blame myself. I killed my girl. I killed myself.

“~niga hoksina nae maeumeul alge doelkkabwa
arabeorimyeon uri meoreojige doelkkabwa
nan sumeul jug yeo
tto ipsureul kkaemureo
jebal geureul tteona naege ogil~”

I took out my phone from my pocket and looked who’s the caller, it was from Sajangnim. I wiped my tears, put down Hee Young’s picture frame beside me as i sniffed.

“sajangnim?” i tried not to let him notice that i was crying again.

“Ji Yong ah, are you crying again?”i heard the sad voice from sajangnim. He never fails to know if i cried or not. He has been with me since Hee Young died and he never let me alone. He knows when to comfort me and when to just let me be alone and cry over her death.

“sa...sajangnim...” i think i don’t have any strength to keep those tears from him. I’m broken, i’m down. Wherever i am, whatever i am doing, once she’ll bump into my mind, i can’t help not to cry. I don’t care if people might see me as a crazy person but i just want to be honest on myself. I won’t get tired crying over her.

“sshhh.. stop crying Ji Yong. You’ve been crying non stop since her death. I know it’s hard on your part but please, she doesn’t like seeing you like that. Have you ever thought that she’s also crying wherever she is right now when she sees you crying?” Sajangnim said.

He’s right. I’m so selfish. I should also thought about how she feels if she sees me in this state.

“i know you’re at the church again, please just go home and fix yourself. You’ve been stressed out so much since the accident. Take a shower and shave your mustache. You look 30 years old already.” I know sajangnim’s just cheering me up but he knows that i can’t give him any kind of smiles yet. Especially laugh.

I sighed before i answered back. “arasseo sajangnim. I’ll go home now.” With that, i closed my eyes before hanging up the phone.

Once again, silence filled the whole church. Only the chrips of the birds from the outside will be heard. I looked at the big cross image in front of me... staring into it.. whispering and praying something.,..

“please, give me second chance to change things. I love her so much. She wanted to become a great singer someday. Let me help her to achieve it. Please dear Lord.. let me change the past.” I prayed silently before a tear fell silently on my eyes again.

Sighing, i stood up and kept her picture on a locker near the church chairs. I walked with a heavy heart still tears were visible on my cheeks. I was busy walking while looking at the ground when suddenly, i felt the ground on my . I bumped into someone.

“oh! Mianhae.. mianhae...” i immediately stood up helping the girl to stand up also. I felt a bit guilty for not looking on my way and knocked down an innocent girl walking towards the church.

“ani.. it’s ok. I’m fine.” I suddenly frozen on my place when i heard her voice. She has the same voice with my Hee Young.

I tried to peek for her face but i was failed. Her long yet curly hair was covering her face because she was busy dusting her dress.

But then, my world suddenly stopped when she looked at me. Our eyes met and i felt something weird in my heart. The pain, the love and happines came back into me.

“Hee... Hee Young?” i asked still with the wide eyes.

She looked at me innocently before nodding her head slowly.

“how... did you know my name? Do i know you?” she asked eyeing me from head to toe.

With that, i never did second thought. I hugged her tightly almost crushing her in my arms.

But the thing that hurts me a lot is when she pushed me hardly and yelled at me.

“what do you think you’re doing?! Who must be you hugging me so suddenly?! I don’t know you!” she yelled while glaring at me.

“i..i’m,.. i’m JiYong... can’t you remember me?” i asked with teary eyes.

“Ji Yong?.. G Dragon of YG?” she asked calmly but the glares from her eyes were still visible.

“yes.. it’s me.. it’s me GD.” I happily took both of her hands and smiled at her.

Once again, she yanked my hands from her.

“i know you. And i’ve been your fan since you started composing songs. But i’ve never expected that you’ll be such a ert. Hugging a girl all of a sudden. I’m sorry but you’ve disappointed me.” She said giving me one last death glare before she passed through me and entered inside the church.