Chapter 5

Hongki and Jonghun sat with a group of other third years in the cafeteria. Hongki was, of course, the life of the table, joking about something stupid while the other guys laughed hysterically. Jonghun didn’t join in like he normally did; he just faked a chuckle.

He knew Hongki was trying to dodge the topic of yesterday.

Jonghun needed to make sure Hongki knew there was nothing strange going on between him and Seunghyun, which was the last thing he wanted his best friend to think. But every time he tried to approach him, he was surrounded by different girls and guys. He couldn’t fathom what would make him so touchy about the subject.

He sat, wondering why he’d never told Hongki. He felt like he’d known him all his life.

Maybe deep down he felt like if he told him the secrets that he only kept in his head, their relationship wouldn’t ever be the same, and they’d eventually become distant. He didn’t want to lose him. He didn’t know what he’d do without his closest friend.

He thought back to the time when he had had a crush on Hongki. He remembered when they would hang out together at the park, laughing and screaming like little kids. He remembered them sitting by the tree eating apples from the market. He remembered his smiling face, and when he had done that.

That.

That kiss.

He remembered how Hongki’s face changed after he had kissed him. He quickly shut his eyes in an attempt to ward off the memories. That was all in the past.

“Jonghun, what’s wrong with you?”

Hongki’s voice interrupted his thoughts. He glanced up. “What?”

“You’re so out of it. All nighter?” Hongki and another friend were talking to him while other guys at the table joked about other things.

Jonghun stared at Hongki. “Mm, nothing. Just thinking.”

“That’s not like you. Getting intellectual now, huh?” the friend said. “OH. I got it. It’s a girl! You’re thinking about a girl. She confessed to you, didn’t she?!”

All the boys joined in, calling out “what?” and “who?”

“I bet it’s Kwon Yuri.”

“No no no, it’s definitely Seohyun. She’s been looking at him all the time, the lucky bastard.”

“I think it’s Son Ga In.”

“God, you’re all wrong. It’s Shin Se Kyung.”

“She’s taken, idiot!”

Hongki stood up, pulling the unusually silent Jonghun up with him. “I’ll consult him about this.” As they were walking away he whispered to the other guys, “If it’s Yuri, I’ll beat him up for you guys.” They cheered and high fived each other.

Hongki smirked and rolled his eyes as he turned around. He knew Jonghun had been waiting to talk to him all day. Hongki had been too, and he was ready.

They walked to a quiet, darker hallway. They’d been walking for a couple minutes now.

Hongki rest his back against a wall and stuck his hands in his pockets. “Alright, you can talk now.”

“Okay, look. I know what you saw, but it really didn’t mean anything. Not anything romantic. He was just… helping me out with something.”

Hongki scoffed. “With what? A hug? Do you hug people while you play guitar too?”

“No no, he was… he was helping me out with some problems I’ve been having. Nothing big.” He started to tense up.

He backed off the wall. “You could’ve told me. We’ve been friends for a long time now. We’re friends, aren’t we?”

Jonghun flinched at this. Seunghyun had said the same exact thing, but the mood this time was very different. “Of course. Of course, we’re best friends. It’s just… it’s… complicated. I didn’t want to tell you yet.”

“And you tell him?” Hongki’s pointed to the hallway back to the cafeteria referencing to Seunghyun. Hongki was always loud, but the type of loudness that came from him raising his voice in anger made Jonghun shake. “You’ve known him for two months. What am I to you then, hm?”

Now Jonghun was pressed up against the wall while Hongki faced him. Hongki’s eyes looked watery, twinkling even brighter from the window light. Jonghun looked away. “Hongki…” he choked, “I’m sorry… I just can’t…”

Hongki’s horrified face from that day played through his mind over and over. He was surprised they had stayed friends. He really felt like he was going to lose him, but he hadn’t. And he didn’t want to lose him today.

“Am I not enough?”

Jonghun looked at Hongki. “Enough for-”

Hongki forcefully pushed his lips into Jonghun’s. The harsh impact caused their lips to start bleeding. Jonghun, in shock, couldn’t move. He was numb all over. Hongki kissed harder, putting his hands on Jonghun.

The memory of “that” flooded his mind. It had been so much more different than this. His heart had been an earthquake in his chest. He’d felt happy and giddy. The smell of apples filled the air. This time his heart was thumping like crazy, but… he didn’t want this. It didn’t feel right anymore.

Jonghun finally regained feeling.

“Hongki… ah…” Jonghun pushed Hongki’s chest. He fought back, pressing closer.

“Hongki! Stop!” Jonghun finally bit him in the lip, causing him to step back and cry out in pain. They both covered their mouths with their hands at the same time.

They stood staring at each other, panting. Their faces were flushed. He now had the horrified face that Hongki had so long ago. It was as if they had switched places.

Jonghun his lip, wincing at the metallic taste of blood. Tears welled in his eyes. Everything was too overwhelming.

“Don’t… ever do that again.” Jonghun muttered coldly. He walked quickly down the hallway in the direction opposite of the cafeteria.

Hongki put his hands on his face. He wasn’t mad anymore; he was only left with an empty feeling. He remembered Jonghun’s kiss just as well as Jonghun did, and he’d rejected him. He now regretted his decision more than anything.

He squatted to the ground, hiding his face in his arms. “Aish… what am I doing…”

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Okay, I'm sorry if this chapter totally and the story is getting confusing.  o________o 

I'm having brain fart, writer's block, loss of motivation, story confusion, etc. xD

I'm  getting all confused with my story. I think, subconsciously, I'm creating Jonghun to be the uke instead of the seme. o_o
I've always thought of him as a seme because of his face, but all of a sudden I'm making Hongki and Seunghyun these really determined, go-for-it kind of guys and Jonghun's more depressed and doesn't know what to do, like the kiss. He's all hung up on these things... 

But yeah, Jonghun is still a seme. His manly seme side will come out sooner or later.. xDD

So yeah.... like I said, I'm having massive brain fartage. I really don't know what to do next with the story. I have scenes planned out, but no idea how to incorporate them in the story and stuff. o.o 
So suggestions are cool! :DD

Don't forget to comment and subscribe~ x)