Boa's Entry #3
Hopeless DreamBoa's Entry #3
My stomach hurts. I try to withstand the pain. I want to call for help but…I don’t think I can trust anyone. I kneel on the floor. I clench my fists. I cry again. It’s just too much.
Then I see blood. My baby. No!
Vision becomes blurry. Dizziness comes. There’s no hope. It’s my fault. What actually happen? I finally see darkness. I’m about to enter the hell. I take that back. I’m about to end my hell. I should be glad.
I’m sorry Jaejoong.
‘Wake up, my child’ A soothing voice like my mother’s. I’m blinded by the light. It’s different from my usual dream. I see her face. It truly is. Am I in heaven? We’re together now. I tell her but she shakes her head. I look at her. Confusion can be read on my face.
‘You need to go back’ She points at the white tiles. It becomes clouds all of a sudden. It shows him. He’s looking at my photo. Then his tear drops. Why?
I feel someone touching my face. I slowly open my eyes. There he is. Again, beside me.
‘The doctor said you’ll be fine’ He assures but I’m not satisfied. I should be dead. Why? I ask him. Why am I still alive? He shows displeasure.
I hate him. Because…because…he’s the reason why I’m contemplating not to leave. I still love him. Really. I hate myself.
‘Please don’t say that’ He kissed me. I just stare back at him. I despise him. A lot. Together with his family. They should be ruined.
‘Leave me alone’ I push him again. My body sore and so is my heart. It hurts all over.
I want to go back. The time I didn’t know he existed. He just came to my life and it made a severe impact. The impact that resulted deaths for many people.
Tired. That’s what I feel. I have enough of this crap. I want to kill him. I want to kill his father. He’s a monster. He needs to vanish. Curse him.
‘Call me if you need anything’ He stands up. I ignore him. Will he do it if I say that my anything is to take his family’s life? Rather not. He’s loyal to them. Who am I kidding? Darn.
Life is a piece of trash. We’re all trash. We need to be disposed. Tch.
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