Jaejoong's Entry #2

Forgive me. For I know I can’t bring back the past. Reading your diary made me realized how miserable of a husband I am. I let you suffer for so long that you didn’t even tell me you’re in so much pain. And I became oblivious of it. I didn’t know. I cannot know because you chose to be apart…and it’s all my fault…I’m sorry.

Just like you, I’m a prison in the alley, not knowing how to escape. I haven’t seen the end and I’m not sure if I will be able to reach it. Hurt. My heart is deeply wounded because of the facts that took over my blindness.

Your entries…why do you think I’m like that? Is it not enough when I told you I love you? Is it because I took away your happiness? But you told me you felt that when you’re with me…and that’s when I knew that you’re the one. But you still left me without saying the words I wanted to hear…instead you want to kill me…It’s all too much.

I’m sorry.

I haven’t given you the dream you want to achieve. But the same for you, the dream I desire cannot be continued anymore since you’re already gone. Why do we keep on hurting? Does fate did this to us?

I know you can no longer withstand the hardships but what about me? You became my hope to keep on living, but you let go of me and made me fall in despair.

Killing myself is the option I want to choose but one innocent child needed me as her father. Although they always took her away, I want to be there for her. I don’t want her to suffer like you did but what can I do? I’m still part of this family and there’s no possible way to get out.

Have you ever thought of a name? The name that will mark our daughter’s identity. How am I supposed to call her? If only you are here…if only…

May you rest in peace, Boa. My only love.