By the time I woke up the following morning, news of our breakup was everywhere from our internet café to the front page of entertainment magazines. The reaction was mixed from the avid fans continuous tears to the oblivious netizens that didn’t even know who we were. I scrolled through pages and pages of reactions, feeling more like a joke than missed.

      “Hyung, I’m heading out with a friend!” JongMin came out of his bedroom to find me at our dining table. I looked up from the laptop, “Sleeping over?”

       He shook the bag in his hands and nodded, “Yeah but just for one night.”

      “Alright, text me then when you’re coming home.” I smiled at him as he waved goodbye and headed for the door.

       Once he left, I sunk down into my seat and shut the laptop off. I looked around my living space and sighed. I felt empty. I knew that going back to the dorm wouldn’t be a good idea and heading to the company would be an even worse scenario. I wasn’t ready to face my fears of signing the contract when in truth I didn’t want to.

            This was my chance and I had to take it if I wanted to be free.

            ~*~

            I stepped into the dance studio, taking off my sunglasses and surveying the lively venue as little kids scurried from their parents to their respective classrooms. Some excitedly ran while others dragged their feet. Music blasted from one room to the other blending an array of sounds from smooth jazz to the bass pounding music of hip hop. The atmosphere was good, comforting almost.

            “May I help you?” A young girl, maybe a little younger than me, behind the front desk brought my attention to her with her question. She smiled at me, in a friendly way, and waited.

            “I’m looking for someone actually, do you know where I can find Choi EunNeul?”

            The girl bit her lip in thought when she held up a finger and scurried to one of the dance rooms. I stood around waiting, continuing to eye the people that came through the door all of which were young kids.

            “She’s waiting for you in the first room to the right.” The young girl came back and motioned to the room that was just beside us. I nodded and thanked her before heading in the direction she told me to go. The door was already opened and I peeked in to see that the room was occupied by a class of girls in pink and black outfits with tutu’s around each of their waists. The teacher was not EunNeul but instead an older female that seemed to have years of experience as she studied each girl’s body forms. I peeked my head when I spotted who I was looking for off to the side stretching. EunNeul wore black tights under a pair of shorts with a loose fitting white shirt that fell off her shoulder. Her black hair wound up in a loose bun she leaned over the railing touching her toes.

            “Teacher, there is someone at the door!” A little girl called out catching the attention of the teacher. The whole class turned to face me as I awkwardly stood by the door. I shuffled in and hugged the wall as I bowed to the class.

            “May I help you?” The elder woman came closer to me when I eyed EunNeul at the corner of my eye to see she was oblivious to my entrance.

            “I came to see EunNeul shi but it seems that she is in the middle of a class,” I rubbed the back of my neck and gave an awkward chuckle when the teacher told one of the girls to get EunNeul’s attention.

            “She was just finishing up with us actually.”

            I watched as the girl tugged on EunNeul’s shirt and whispered something to her. She turned to me, surprised and shyly walked over to where I stood waiting, “H-hey.”

            I looked down at her and smiled, “Hey.”

            She turned back to her teacher who nodded at her. I felt a hand interlace with mine as I was pulled out of the room, “Come on.”

            I was led down the hall to another room, her hand still in mine. I could feel as her thumb brushed against the back of my hand and the tingling sensation it sent up my arm. Goosebumps formed and my body gravitated closer to her, itching for an embrace. EunNeul opened up the door to the room and motioned for me to go in first. I did so, and waited for her as she shut the door behind her and switched on the light.

            It was another dance room similar to the one we were in the first time we came here. Though this one was filled with stacks of chairs and other items that made it seem more like a storage closet rather than a dance room.

            “So…” EunNeul walked over to me her head down and her hands tugging at her shirt.

            “So what?” I raised a brow at her and she her lips as she brought her voice to a whisper, “Is it true?”

            I knew what she was trying to get at and slowly nodded my head. She already knew the answer and played with her fingers as she paced the room. I watched her intently, seeing that her face had fallen. I sighed and turned away not wanting to see her disappointment. I had already disappointed a lot of people and was tired of seeing the same saddened face.

            “You know, I used to think people like you were crazy.” I spoke up to fill the silence when she lifted her head to me and cocked her head to the side, “People like me?”

            I nodded and took large steps around the room. I was faced with the mirror and let my hand run across the bar that was attached to it, “Our fans. I thought you all were crazy…I took you all for granted.”

            The thoughts I used to have. I always felt I had the upper hand when it came to the people that liked us. With just a wave of a hand, they were under my spell ready to do as I pleased. They were like well trained pets that did as I pleased because I had what they wanted.

            “What do you think of us now?”

            I glanced behind me to see she still stood in the center of the room with her hands behind her back. I thought for a moment.

            The real person or persons with the upper hand in this relationship was not the idols but the fans themselves. What we did was to please them from fan service to the kind of music they wanted to listen to. Without them we were nothing but a group of people performing for ourselves with no crowd to appreciate our hard work. They were our everything and we needed them just as much as they wanted us.

            I turned around and leaned against the glass, staring at EunNeul. I motioned for her to come closer to me, hesitantly she did so when I reached out a hand for her and tugged her to my chest. I caught her by the waist and felt her gasp as I wrapped both of my arms around her, “You’re all I have left.”

            I let out a shaky sigh and my grip around her tightened as my will began to crumble. My throat closed up and I could feel the sting of fresh tears form in my eyes. I hugged her closer to me, holding onto her like my life depended on it and felt her own arms wrap around me. I buried my face in her neck, letting my tears stain her skin as I wept uncontrollably. I could no longer hold up the strong front I had for so long as I felt her comforting me with each of her hand on back, “You’re all I have left.”

            I continued to cry while EunNeul continued to my hair comfortingly not saying a word. My body shook as a cold chill ran through my body but as I felt her soft lips meet my head I stopped moving. Her lips lingered on my head, like a mother’s would when comforting her child. I pulled away from her and stared at her as she my face and wiped the tears that covered my skin. I took her hand and pressed it to my cheek as I could feel another round of tears forming. I sniffled and turned my head away from her. She brought my face back to look at her and I sighed in defeat, “It’s really over.”