With daylight breaking through the cracks of the closed curtains, I squinted my eyes as a blurry vision of an unfamiliar apartment made its appearance. The lights were off but the shadows of the furniture told me I was sitting in the same spot I was last night. It began to dawn on me my back hurt as well as my neck and that there was heavy pressure on my thighs. I looked down to find EunNeul’s head resting on my lap as the rest of her body was sprawled to the side under a blanket.

I found a smile growing on my lips as I the girl’s hair. She breathed in and out through her nose, and sweat seemed to make her skin sticky. I pulled the blanket from her and gently moved her into the upright position. I stood up and picked the girl up in my arms. It took me a moment to find her bed where I gently laid her down. She immediately rolled over hugging the pillow that rested against the wall. I laughed quietly to myself but was immediately silenced as my phone began to ring, “Oh, .”

I fumbled to find it in my back pocket, seeing that the loud noise bothered EunNeul. I walked to the far end of her apartment and picked up the phone, answering in a hushed whisper, “Hello?”

“Soo Man wants to talk to us…all of us.” Kyungsoo’s voice was tired, but there was a sense of fear in his voice that stopped me from making a snarky remark.

“I’ll be there.”

I ended the call and turned my head to see EunNeul sitting up in bed with her eyes on me, “Is everything alright?”

I slowly walked to her bed and sat down at her feet. I stared down at her flowered pattern sheets and ran my finger along its vines, “Why wouldn’t things be alright?”

Her feet shuffled and she brought her knees up to her chin, “That look on your face says something’s not right.”

I sighed and finally met glances with EunNeul. I reached out and smoothed her hair causing her to grasp my wrist and bring my hand down to her cheek. I ran my thumb over her skin underneath her eye noticing the dark circles that stained her skin, “I’ll call you later.”

I got up from her bed and found my jacket that rested on the chair by the door. I could see EunNeul watch me the whole time and told her she could go back to sleep. She laid down hesitantly as I headed for the door, “Tell JongMin I said hi, okay?”

I turned the doorknob and looked back at her, “I will.”

~*~

The twelve of us sat together at a large conference table. Each of us looking at one another without a word, we all sensed something that wasn’t right.

“What did you bastards do this time?” Kris broke the heavy silence with a question that seemed to be pointed at every single one of us.

In truth, we all had secrets we kept from each other. We’ve all did things we aren’t proud of, but the question was which one committed the crime that pushed our boss over the edge.

The doors opened with the CEO leading the way and our managers by his side, each of them carrying a rather large stack of papers.

Three stacks were set on the table and Lee Soo Man stood over them with his hands in between them. He eyed each and every one of us before he waved a hand to the stacks in front of him, “Take your pick.”

The stacks of papers were in a sense our freedom, but to say it was the freedom we wanted would be another thing.

The first stack of papers was annulment agreements, the second enlistment forms, and the third our old contracts with SM.

Our names preprinted on each of them, our futures were already destined and the only thing we had to do was take it and act like it was our own decision.

One by one we were handed our papers and one by one our faces fell from the reality we now faced.

Four were let go.

Four sent to enlist.

Four were forced to stay.

I stared down at my old contract and flipped to the back to see a new addition was added, I was one of the four forced to stay.

Tao, Chen, Kris, and Lay were the ones let go.

Baekhyun, Chanyeol, Suho, and Xiu Min were the four forced to enlist.

Luhan, Kyungsoo, Sehun, and I were the ones forced to stay.

We were being split up…

“Understand that we think it’s time some of you move on with your careers, others it’s time to take your place as the eldest, to make up for your poor decisions, and for the rest of you…we’d like to continue to work with you in the future.”

None of us were listening, all of us wrapped up in the papers in our hands that read us our future. My hands shook uncontrollably and I looked up to Soo Man, “What if we refuse?”

He chuckled quietly and shook his head, “That’s not an option for you, my boy.”

I looked around the table again but this time found each member consoling the other. Chen and Suho sat together their arms around each other in an embrace that said it all. Luhan looked to Kris who sat off by himself his face in his hands. Lay and Kyungsoo only looked at each other in horror while I had no one.

I was alone. I had no one to comfort me, no one to tell me they’ll miss me. I was forgotten.

“I’ll give you time to think about it and sign.” Soo Man left the room with our managers.

The room immediately buzzed with complaints, apologies, assuring words, and much more. My head was spinning with the muffled yelling of voices when someone placed a hand on my shoulder and squeezed, “What are you going to do?”