*banner by aranayad

 

 

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DARA’S POV

 

TOP didn’t show up the rest of the evening. I remained silent as well all throughout dinner and the rest of the night. I just wasn’t in the mood. I was worried about TOP, I was bothered with the conversation I exchanged with Jiyong that I just didn’t find it in me to participate with the others’ planning on what should be done next. I then decided to just go ahead and try to get some sleep. But even if I was all alone in my room, lying in my bed, I still couldn’t find sleep. I’m confused, I’m stressed – I’m just a mess right now.

 

Why couldn’t be life be simple for me? Why does it have to be so complicated? It’s tiring to live each day already. How I wish I were a different person. How I wish I’m just a normal person, a nobody.  It could have made things much easier.

 

And when I thought I would never sleep tonight, the next thing I knew, I was blinking my eyes open to the sunlight streaming from my window.

 

With a heavy heart, I took a bath first before going of my room to check on the others. Everyone was on the dining room, all gathered in the table for breakfast. My eyes instantly zoomed in on TOP. “Choi Seunghyun!” I called out, a bit angrily. “Where have you been?!”

 

He looked up and grimaced. Then, he sighed and bowed his head again on the table.

 

“Ya!” I stomped. “I’m talking to you!”

 

“I was out,” he mumbled.

 

“Well, the next time you go out, inform me first so I don’t have to worry that much if you’re okay or not!”

 

“Sorry,” he mumbled again.

 

I was about to go ranting on again but I thought better of it. With a sigh, I sat down beside him and took his hand into mine. He tried to pull it away from my grasp but I held on tight to his hand. He didn’t bother looking at me when Bom came in to serve the breakfast. I noticed that everyone had the same meal except for me, Jiyong and TOP. The others have vegetable soup, marinated chicken and steamed rice in front of them. While me and Jiyong have a plate of pancakes in front of us. TOP, who looked utterly shocked, seemed to have the weirdest and foulest food I’ve ever seen. I couldn’t even describe it. The food in his plate like a mixture of all rotten fruits, vegetables and meat!

 

“Let’s eat guys!” Bom clapped her hands, looking so smug. I can’t really understand the hostility between TOP and Bom.

 

“Why are we having different breakfast?” I asked. “And are you trying to poison TOP with that food?”

 

Bom looked at me innocently. “Eh?” she asked. “What are you saying? I would not want to poison TOP if there would be other people looking, I’ll get caught, wouldn’t I? That will do him good since he drowned himself in drinking alcohol last night. It’ll help with the hangover. And besides, don’t you like pancakes for breakfast?”

 

For some weird reason, I found myself blushed.

 

“Jiyong, don’t you like pancakes for breakfast?” Bom asked in her most innocent and sweetest voice ever.

 

“Of course I do,” Jiyong answered softly. “I like pancakes for breakfast especially if it’s wet with honey and butter.”

 

I think my face just exploded. There’s no reason for me to blush. But I’m blushing like I’ve never blushed before.

 

“How about you, Dara?” Bom asked who was now seated beside her husband, Youngbae.

 

“W-what?”

 

“How do you like eating your pancake?”

 

What is she doing?

 

I was saved to say anything when TOP said, “This taste better than it looked.”

 

I glanced at him and saw he was starting to eat his meal. At the corner of my eyes, I saw Bom grimaced. I glanced at her and saw her glaring at TOP before looking back to her husband with adoring eyes. Jeez, this woman, really!

 

I looked around the table. Sohee and Seungri. . . they’re being the sweetest couple at the moment. I looked at CL, who was unusually quiet these past days. Somehow, I feel bad for her. I looked back at TOP, who was still refusing to give me a glance. With a sigh, I looked down at my plate. Upon seeing the pancakes in my plate, I wasn’t able to stop myself from looking at Jiyong. As I did, I saw him spreading butter on his pancake. I quickly looked away then and started to reach out for the bottle of honey when he reached out for it, too. My hand was around the bottle while his was around mine. We both looked at each other the same time. I was the one who pulled away first.

 

“Go first,” he said.

 

“No, you go first,” I said. He shrugged and reached for the bottle again and uncorked it. He started pouring some honey into his pancake and I could just stare at how much he meant he liked eating his pancake wet with butter and honey.

 

Dang it! Why am I feeling awkward about this?

 

“You sure do like pancakes dripping with honey, don’t you Jiyong?” Bom then said.

 

“Yes,” Jiyong lazily answered.

 

Ghad! What the heck is Bom doing?!?

 

“Here,” Jiyong said, passing the bottle of honey to me. I cleared my throat as I reached out for the bottle when I noticed that everyone seemed to be watching me, except for TOP and CL. Based on the looks on their faces, they were waiting for me to pour some honey into my pancake.

 

Ghad!

 

“Aren’t you going to spread some butter on it first, Dara?” Sohee asked.

 

“Oh, yeah. . .” I mumbled and placed the bottle down. I reached for the butter first. To distract everyone, I started up a normal conversation with Bom. “Where’s your daughter, by the way?”

 

“Had her safe and sound with my mother far away from home,” she answered. “I have to make sure she’s far away from all this hassle. She’s a very sensitive and intelligent little thing. She’ll notice something’s wrong.”

 

“Oh, I see. . .” I nodded absentmindedly as I finished spreading butter on my pancake. I then reached out for the bottle of honey and started pouring some to my breakfast. I feel bad for Bom and Youngbae. It’s because of me that they have to stay away from their daughter.

 

“Oh, so you also like pancakes drenched with honey, huh?” Bom’s voice broke into my senses. “Yours looked more drenched that Jiyong’s pancakes here.”

 

Upon realizing that my plate was swimming with honey, I immediately settled the bottle down, blushing again. What the hell is going on in here?!

 

“I was distracted,” I mumbled.

 

“If you say so,” Bom shrugged.

 

I ignored her and started eating my pancakes. While I was at it, the blush on my face seemed to grow deeper and deeper and I don’t know why. Then, as I was about to be finished, I heard a snort – a familiar snort until it turned to a soft chuckle. I looked up and saw Jiyong chuckling. When our eyes met, he eventually burst out into the loudest laughter I’ve ever heard from him.  Laughter made his face looked so. . . gentle, so young, so light. And even if I have a strong feeling that he’s laughing at me and that I should be angry at him, I found myself staring at him with a smile gently curving my lips.

 

“I-I’m s-s-sorry. . .” he laughed. “I’ll finish eating mine in the living room, hahahahahahaha!”

 

And with that, he stood up, grabbed his plate and went to the living room.

 

“What’s he laughing at?” Seungri asked while Sohee was wiping the corners of his mouth with a tissue.

 

“I think he’s laughing at Dara,” Bom answered, staring at me with an evilly smug look on her face.

 

“I wonder why?” Youngbae murmured.

 

“Well, let’s admit it. A blushing Dara is adorably cute,” Bom said.

 

“I’m not –!”

 

“Oh puh-lease!” Bom exclaimed. “Don’t even start denying you’re not blushing because you obviously are. But anyways, I’m done, gotta go and started cleaning the dishes. When you’re all done, bring your plates to the kitchen.”

 

“I’ll do the dishes,” Youngbae said. “Just take a rest.”

 

“Aww, you’re so sweet.”

 

“We’re done as well,” Seungri said, standing up and grabbing Sohee’s hand.

 

When the four of them left, an awkward silence hung on the dining table. I wanted to talk to TOP about last night but I didn’t want CL to be awkward and made her feel like she’s out of place or something so I remained silent.

 

“I’m done,” she then said after a moment. “See you guys later.”

 

The moment I was sure CL was out of earshot, I turned to TOP. “We need to talk,” I started.

 

“What do you want to talk about?” he asked, sighing heavily.

 

“Why did you drink more than you can handle?”

 

“I’m. . . I guess I wanted to escape from all of this . . .”

 

“It’s rude to swear in front of a girl. . .”

 

He snorted. “Dara, you don’t know how much I want you to call me names, bad names right now. You don’t have any idea how. . . how.  . . I wanted to go and confront Minzy and Daesung, how I wanted to crush Ahn by even thinking of hurting you. . . you don’t know how I. . .”

 

“You can’t do that!” I gasped, horrified. “You’re a strong shadow but you won’t stand against them! You can’t put your life in danger like that!”

 

A sad smile curved his lips. “I’ve been searching for the black phoenix for a long time now so the old woman will be healed. I’ve dedicated most of time to find out anything about the phoenix. But when I found who the phoenix was, how you are related to her, I totally forgot that I’ve been looking for the phoenix for my adopted mother. Instead, all I could ever think of was you, of how dangerous it would be to you if shadows will find out who you really are. But I saw your reaction, your face when we’ve seen Sohee and Seungri before and Sohee told you about the real deal with them. You were so distracted that I got angry, jealous and frustrated. When I went to visit my adopted mother, I told Minzy and Dae about the truth. I never really thought they’d. . . . Dara, please believe me, I never thought they would go to Ahn and inform him about the truth.”

 

I sighed. “To tell you the truth, when I heard it from. . . Jiyong, the first thing I felt was fear, not betrayal. I care about you and I know you care about me, too. I didn’t really think about how Ahn knew who I really am maybe because I already have this feeling that this day would come, that I really would have to face and acknowledge who I am, that I really have to confront those shadows going after me. But even if I have that feeling, I can’t help the fear in my heart, that I might die or my mother or anyone I care about. Then I remembered that even if I die, I can still be brought back to life in expense of someone else’s life. And I immediately thought of you. You have to promise me that if that would happen, you’re not going to sacrifice your life for me, that you would not allow anyone to sacrifice their life to bring me back to life.”

 

“I can’t promise that,” he said.

 

“Why not?” I demanded.

 

“Because I can’t fight Jiyong off,” he said.

 

“W-what?”

 

“He talked to me last night,” he started. “He still loves you, you know. I don’t think he’ll allow you to be hurt or to die. And even if you do, he’d probably sacrifice himself for you and I can’t fight him. He’s much stronger than I am.”

 

I opened my mouth to argue but no words came. I cleared my throat. “I. . . don’t care about. . . h-him,” I whispered silently.

 

“I know you still do.”

 

“I care about you,” I said. “And why are you bringing him up to our conversation?”

 

“You should stop caring about me, Dara. . .” he said. “I’m the reason why Jiyong broke up with you and now, I brought this mess up on putting your life in danger.”

 

“I’ve already forgiven you,” I said. But then, Jiyong’s words came back to me. Sometimes, the hardest to forgive are the people who you loved the most because you have so much faith in them that they would not do anything to lose your trust.

 

But that’s not it, isn’t it? I just can’t find myself to hate TOP. Yes, that’s it. That should be it.

 

“I’m sorry,” he said. “But I would never think of myself deserving of anything from you.”

 

My heart started beating fast in my chest. He’s rejecting me as well! He’s abandoning me. “So. . . that’s just it? You’ll just throw everything away. . . just leave me like that?”

 

“Dara, please understand. . .”

 

“Let me understand then!”

 

“I can’t be with you anymore after everything I’ve caused!”

 

I shook my head. “No. . . That’s not it. You think I’m going to die, don’t you? And if I turn into a phoenix, I can never be a human again. . .”

 

“That’s not it!”

 

“Yes, it is!”

 

“No!” he said. “Can’t you see? I’m not the one for you!”

 

“And who are you to tell me who’s right or wrong for me?! I have my own mind, I can make decisions on my own!”

 

He shook his head. “I’m sorry but I can’t. . .”

 

I felt angry. I felt so angry that I just wanted to hit him. But looking at him, I can clearly see in his face that he can never be talked out of it. “Let’s make a deal.”

 

He looked up, his eyes narrowing. “What kind of a deal?”

 

“Let’s fight for it,” I said. “If you win against me, I’ll leave you alone. If I win. . . you’ll just have to deal with me whether you like it or not.”

 

He was silent. But then, he shook his head again. “I can’t agree to that.”

 

“Why not?” I demanded, my nose flaring.

 

“I don’t like your terms. . .” he said.

 

“Fine!” she said. “If I win, you have to respect whatever decision I’ll be making.”

 

“Fair enough,” he said. “But I have one condition. You have to make sure that you’ll think of your decision first.”

 

“There’s nothing to think about,” I stubbornly said.

 

“No Dara, I’m serious,” he said. “I want your decision to be what you really want not what you think you should decide.”

 

“Fine,” I said, my lips tightening in a thin line.

 

He then nodded. “Where are we going to do this, then?”

 

“Outside.”

 

We walked past by the others who were lounging in the living room.

 

“Where are you going?” Bom asked.

 

“I have a fight,” I simply said and just went ahead. I went to look for a place in the midst of the hovering trees where we can fight. When I found one, I stopped and faced TOP only to be surprised to see the others followed us and now gathering at the edge, watching us.

 

But I didn’t mind them. “No holding back, TOP.”

 

We stared at each other, both of us in an offensive stance. After a few heartbeats, I attacked him but he was quick enough to dodge me. Adrenaline then rushed through my veins. And I felt myself smile, maybe because I know TOP would not hesitate to fight me back. I heard a snap to my left and without even looking, I went down and give my leg a swing to the left. I heard a thud but then, my leg was trapped between his legs and he grabbed my arm, twisting it. I gasped but then, I twisted my body around and elbowed him in the stomach. He gave a grunt and let me go. I rolled away from him and stood up. I was about to launch into an attack again when he suddenly jumped to his feet and attacked me. This was like the training I had. And for some weird reason, I was confident I’ll win against him. Just watch and see Jiyong.

 

I was surprised with the thought that I got distracted. He managed to almost pin me down with five moves when I was able to escape his grip. I have to end this, I can’t be this distracted. So, with nothing but determination vibrating all throughout my system, I brought him down with three moves.

 

“Whoa!”

 

“How the hell did you do that?”

 

“Is she really Sandara Park?”

 

Those were just the reactions I’ve heard from the others. I smugly smiled at TOP. “I won,” I said.

 

“Like what I’ve asked, you have to think of your decision first.”

 

“I will,” I firmly said. I stood up and held a hand out to help him up. He accepted it with a smile.

 

“You’re much better now compared before.”

 

I grinned at him, feeling proud of myself.

 

“Wow, Dara!” I heard Seungri called out. Then, he was next to me. “Wow! Did you really make those cool moves? Wow, just wow!”

 

I grin at him. “Really?” I asked.

 

“Yeah! You were really cool! You move like a panther! You even remembered some of Jiyong’s moves back in the arena and you’ve executed them perfectly! I mean, I’ve tried imitating Jiyong’s moves before but I failed. But you. . . it was perfect!”

 

My smile left my face. No! That’s not true!

 

“Want to have a match with me?” a familiar voice called out.

 

My head snapped to Jiyong.

 

“Oh, that would be fun!” Seungri excitedly said.

 

“Ri,” Sohee called out. “How could be excited about this? Dara’s a girl and Jiyong’s a well experience fighter.”

 

“I think it’ll be interesting, don’t you think?” Jiyong asked. “For training’s sake?”

 

I don’t want to! I wanted to scream those words but then, I just felt myself shrugged. “Sure, no problem.”

 

Seungri excitedly went back to the others while TOP gave me an encouraging nod and smile. To my surprise, Jiyong suddenly stood in front of me. He was so near that I suddenly felt claustrophobic when in fact, I’m out in an open field.

 

“Are you ready?” he asked, his breath fanning my face.

 

Oh dear. . .

 

“O-of course. . .”

 

“You’re not nervous, are you?” he whispered in a low, husky voice.

 

“O-of course. . .” I answered. When one corner of his lip quirked up, it then dawned on me what I just told him. “I mean, of course not!”

 

“Good,” he said. “I don’t want you distracted.”

 

“You’re too near!” I heard myself whined.

 

“Sorry,” he chuckled then stepped back. “Is that better now?”

 

“I. . . y-yes. . .”

 

“Shall we start then?”

 

“Yes,” I said more firmly this time. We both raised our arms up, both on our offensive stance. But I didn’t attack, I just waited.

 

“Aren’t you going to attack me?” he softly asked.

 

I shook my head. “No. . .”

 

“Why not?” he asked. “Don’t you want to hurt me for rejecting and abandoning you?”

 

My heart beat faltered then speeded up. No, it’s unfair for him to say those words in that tone. He shouldn’t sound so hurt. He shouldn’t be!

 

So I attacked him, pulling up all the moves I’ve learned from Han Eul, TOP and to my horror, some of his moves when he was still fighting in the arena. I realized how much of a better and experience fighter he was. Even if I was moving way too quick than I used to, he was able to dodge all of my attacks without even hurting me. In an instant, he was behind me, holding me immobile. “I’m not perfect as well, Dara,” he whispered so that I’ll only hear him, his nose skimming the side of my neck.

 

I twisted away from him and launched another attack using my feet. He easily dodged it and made a move that almost tripped me but before my face even hit the ground, he pulled me back right up. “I make mistakes as well. . .”

 

My jaw tightened. I don’t want to hear him talking in that tone! I don’t want to hear him in that painful tone, I don’t want to!

 

“You want to know what the painful mistake I ever had?” he went on as I was getting frustrated in trying to bring him down.

 

“Shut up!” I gritted.

 

“The most painful mistake I ever had. . . .” he said as he dodged my frustrated attacks. Then, in one sleek easy move, he pinned me to the ground with him on top of me. “. . . was letting you go.”

 

And in that instant, I finally accepted it. I finally accepted that I will never stop loving this man. I tried, hell I tried. I’ve even convinced myself that I succeeded. I’ve even thought that I’ve already moved on, that he means nothing to me already. But hearing those words from him in that painful tone and looking at his eyes this near, I knew I can no longer deny it.

 

I will never stop loving him. It has always been him and will always be. This heart, this stupid heart beating so fast inside my chest right would never stop beating for this guy.

 

Never.

 

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another update! toinks!

to those who dont' know. . . i'm probably the most pabo when it comes to techie stuff..

BUT!

ta-da!

i'm so proud of myself! ah..... *pats own head*

 

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL..

 

Anyways. . .

a friend of mine, obliviousangel aka anj has a friend who joined a pageant. . .

to all of you who has FB account, can you please help anj's friend by liking this link? (err, i'm not really sure if liking the link or photo coz i don't have an FB acct so i can't view the page, haha!)

http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.433499873347786.96914.429235160440924&type=1

 

CIAO!