The Separate Journeys

*banner by T3kei

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Fire. Ice. Fire. Ice.

Dara was not sure if she’s still alive or not. All she could distinguish was the feeling of being thrown back and forth to fire and ice. Her dreams were not helping at all. Or, are they dreams or her hallucinations? She was not sure anymore. She wanted to scream, to thaw out. But something was holding her back – pain, weakness or something else? She was not sure anymore. Nothing was certain, nothing. She drifted and floated to nothingness. It’s better this way, she thought. It’s better to feel nothing than feel everything at all.

She wanted to cry. She wanted to cry like a child but at the back of her mind, her guilt was stopping her. Why would she cry over something that was her fault anyway? She deserved this. She deserved this for betraying him. He doesn’t deserve someone like her. She’s a flirt! I’m a flirt!

But I don’t want to give up,a different side of her protested.

I already told him I’m giving him up.

No! I won’t give him up.

On and on, it went. As her fever rose and rose to dangerous height, so did her inner battles. She was so consumed in it that she failed to notice everything around her or, better yet, ignored everything around her.

He doesn’t love you anymore.

Pain shot through her like a heavy metal whip. But I love him.

It’s not going to change anything.

He’s not coming back to you anymore. He’s not. . .

TOP had dark circles under his eyes already. He’d been watching her for about two nights without even taking a nap. He thought she’d start screaming again especially how high her fever was. But she did nothing. Instead, she was frighteningly still and quiet as she sleeps. That’s the reason why he couldn’t even take a nap. The sight of her being so still, quiet and motionless was scarier than hearing her scream as she tries to escape from her nightmares. If not for the rise and fall of her chest, he would think she’s. . .

He wanted to bring her to the hospital of course, but then, Bom insisted that Dara should stay where she was. He argued with her, and it was a huge one. But in the end, she still won. “I know her for some time now,” she told him. “She won’t like it if she wakes up in a hospital.”

“So what?” I asked incredulously. “What’s more important to you, her preference or her safety?”

“I can heal her,” she pointed out.

“Oh yeah?” I scoffed. “Then why am I not seeing any improvements?”

“That isn’t a physical weakness or sickness,” she said, voice trembling. “She’s emotionally sick. And being in the hospital wouldn’t help.”

“Do you think being here would help?” he asked. “Don’t you think she’ll get sicker with that guy and his girlfriend around?”

“Fine!” she said. “Suit yourself!”

Well, the truth is, I don’t have that much faith in hospitals either. I just wanted to argue, I guess. But I still did try to get Dara to a hospital. I told her unconscious form that I’ll be bringing her to the hospital but then, her eyes snapped open and she whispered two words. “Don’t, please.” And then, she went back to her soundless sleep. He looked at Bom desperately.

“She needs Jiyong’s presence.”

“Well, that’s really stupid.”

“Everyone become stupid when it comes to love,” she whispered quietly. It was the first time she used a gentle tone while talking to him and it amused and annoyed him at the same time. “And besides, she lived here for quite some time. She’ll feel more at home here than being in the hospital.”

“If you say so,” he shrugged. “How long do you think she would be like this?”

“She’ll come around when she’s ready,” she said. “Dara is a strong girl. She might not look like it, but she is.”

“Everyone has limitations.”

With that, Bom didn’t say anything further. After some time, she sighed. “I have to attend to Dara, you can leave now. I don’t want any audience when I’m healing.”

“Witch,” he mumbled under his breath and went out of the room.

Bom went to her healer duties and tended to Dara. It was a while later that she straightened up and said, “You don’t really have to blend yourself with the wall, Jiyong.”

There was silence. But then, “Since when did you become so sensitive with my presence?” he asked, tone heavy with sarcasm.

“I’m not,” she answered. “I just guessed,” she added with a shrug.

“Maybe you should take another career aside from healing.”

Bom ignored his sarcasm. “Where’s Sohee, by the way?” she asked as Jiyong stood beside her, both of them looking down at Dara.

“Cuddling your daughter,” he answered.

“Are you jealous?” Bom joked. “That child’s pretty charming.”

“She inherited it from Youngbae, I guess.”

Bom was about to snap something sarcastic back at him but the look on his face as he watched Dara sleep stopped her. “Before, when you started dragging Dara along with you here, I thought you were a bit stupid. When you fell in love with her, I thought you were stupid. But you know what I think right now?”

“You know I don’t read minds, Park Bom.”

“I think you’re the stupidest, dumbest and the most hypocrite person that ever set foot on earth.”

“And why is that?” he asked, chuckling.

“Are you even aware of what your face looks like right now?”

“How would I know?” he returned playfully.

“I think the problem here is you. You haven’t really forgotten and forgiven yourself for all the things that you’ve done to her before but then, you went on saying that it was she who hasn’t forgotten and forgiven you for everything.”

“Can you speak in a language that I can understand?” he chuckled. “You’re not making any sense.”

“I’m right, aren’t I?” she went on. “And when you saw her with TOP, you got jealous, angry and hurt. But then, underneath that all, you’re scared. You’re scared that maybe TOP deserves her more than you do.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said, waving the topic as if it didn’t really matter.

“You’re punishing yourself,” she concluded. “You’re pushing her away, hurting her because seeing her in pain would hurt you thrice even more. And you think you deserve to be in pain. Don’t you think that’s a bit ridiculous, Jiyong? Hurting the person you love just to hurt yourself thrice more, to punish yourself for what had past?”

Jiyong shook his head. “The past have nothing to do with this,” he said with finality.

“You can always say that,” she said. “But you’re the best liar there ever is, aren’t you?”

“I already told you, if she was able to betray me with another man which means she’s not happy and contented with me anymore. So why should I bother –?”

“Then why bother lurking in the shadows, blending in the darkness just to get a glimpse of her?” she cut him off. “And why just a while ago, when you were watching her sleep, your face looked as if you would rather die than see her suffer?”

Bom, your ideas are getting worse everyday,” he laughed. “Are you into reading romantic novels these days? Or are you pregnant again?”

Bom stared at him for a long time. “I can feel that you’re lying,” she said. “And you’ve never lied to me before, at least none that I remember of. What’s really going on, Jiyong?”

“What’s going on is my wedding to Sohee.”

“Sohee is a nice girl,” she said. “I hope you make it worth her while to be married to you.”

- - -

DARA’S POV

I feel like I was drugged into sleep and I’m just slowly waking up. I blinked my eyes several times. I stared at the ceiling for a moment, as my mind was still blank. Instincts told me that someone else was in the room. I turned my head sideways and saw TOP slumped in a chair beside my bed. He looked so. . . tired. But what amused me was the innocence on his face. I smiled. He was really a handsome guy, even through his disheveled hair and ungraceful position. He probably felt me staring at him because he slowly stirred awake. I didn’t even look away to pretend that I haven’t been staring at him for a while now. He rubbed his eyes and yawned, stretching his arms out a little after that. Then, his eyes met mine. I smiled at him.

“You’re awake!” he suddenly exclaimed, eyes wide. I can’t help but laugh at the expression on his face.

“Yes I am,” I chuckled. “What happened to the race anyways?”

He grimaced. “Minzy and Daesung won,” he said. “And now there somewhere off to Hawaii to enjoy their prize.”

My eyes widened. “The prize was a trip to Hawaii?!”

“Yep,” he answered, smacking his lips. “The two were kind enough to mock me endlessly about it.”

“Sorry,” I murmured. “I’m such a weakling,” I mumbled, grimacing. “I always get sick.”

“It wasn’t your fault,” he said. “And besides, it’s not as if Hawaii’s going somewhere anytime soon, right?”

I chuckled. “Right.”

“I can always go there in the future, anyways.”

“Ah,” I sighed. “We could have won it if I didn’t get sick.”

“Probably,” he shrugged.

“I could just imagine Seungri’s face after Minzy and Daesung won. I bet he was all grumpy.”

“Quite the contrary,” he said. “He was quite pleased. I think he was grateful he didn’t win or he could have been forced to go to Hawaii with CL.”

I went silent. “Poor CL,” I murmured. “I want to talk to her. Do you know where she is?”

He suddenly went awfully silent. I stared at him. He was tensed.

“Are you alright?” I asked.

“Y-yeah, I am.”

I stared at him again. “No, you’re not. Did something happen? Where’s CL? Where’s everybody?”

He remained silent.

“TOP?”

“They’re not here,” he whispered.

“Did they go somewhere?”

He nodded.

“Where?”

A heartbeat passed before he looked up and said, “To Jiyong and Sohee’s wedding.”

I knew I told Jiyong I wouldn’t come after him anymore. But I even begged TOP to transport me to the venue. We argued a while ago since he said I’m not that well yet. Yes, it’s true. I really am not well. How am I going to get well if Jiyong’s going to get married to someone else? In the end, he heeded. I might have been asleep for a few days to have known that the wedding was today. “You should have woken me up!” I told him repeatedly.

As soon as we arrived to the place, I sprinted down the hallway to the venue. Memories flashed into my mind. This is where we held our ball before, where Jiyong went as Sulli’s date. I could still remember how handsome and dashing he looked that night. I could still remember how surprised I was seeing him with his short hair.

As I burst into the hall, I was greeted by an empty place. The chairs that were arranged in rows were no longer aligned. There were petals of red roses on the floor. The floor looked dusted. The place was covered mostly in red and black, not white which was the traditional color of weddings. From the corner of the hall, I saw some movements. With jerky steps, I went to see who it was. It was someone I don’t know. He had some cleaning materials on his hands.

“Excuse me?” I heard myself say in a high-pitched tone. “The wedding that took place here, do you know. . .?”

“Oh, it was finished hours ago, I think.”

I blinked several times before those words made sense to me. “F-finished?”

“Yes,” the man answered. “Do you happen to know the couple?”

“They were are. . . friends,” TOP answered.

“Oh!” the man answered. “Well, sorry to hear you were not able to make it to your friends’ wedding. Miss, are you alright?”

“She’s not feeling that well,” TOP answered again.

“You ought to make her sit down first,” the man advised.

“I will,” he answered and grabbed my arm, slowly guiding me away from the man. “Dara?”

“I. . . I can’t b-breathe. . .” I gasped. “TOP, I can’t b-breathe. . . I. . .”

And the tears started falling down again. When will this end? I’m getting tired of this already. I’m really tired.

Gasping for air, I leaned towards TOP. I’m tired. I want to rest.

I want to rest.

And the darkness consumed me once again.

- - -

AUTHOR’S POV

“Good morning!”

TOP stopped in his tracks upon seeing Dara in his kitchen, with an apron on. He stared at her blankly, unsure if he’s still asleep or simply hallucinating. She cried for two consecutive days after the wedding. He thought she’ll go back to the living like a soulless person again but then, there she was, smiling at him like nothing happened.

“Are you alright?” he asked, unable to stop himself.

“Of course I am,” she chuckled. “Sit down, I made you some breakfast. I also brought breakfast to Aunt already. I watched her ate the meal, she was rather pleased with my cooking skills, actually. Too impressed that she went right back to sleep!” she ranted, laughing lightly. “And since Dae and Minzy won’t be back just yet, I was thinking, maybe we should go out or something? You know, like surf boarding or sky diving or something like that?”

TOP stood motionless on his spot. Dara chuckled and went to him, slid her hand to his and pulled him towards the table. She pushed her down on a chair and started serving him like she was his wife and he was her husband. She seemed to be pretty hyped up, too. She was talking nonstop and all he could do was stare, stare at her eyes for they were gaining the old sparkle that he amuses him.

“What are you staring at?”

He blinked. “Are you alright?” he asked again.

She rolled her eyes. “I’m starting to worry about you,” she said. “I think you’re having an Alzheimer’s disease.”

“Ya! That’s an old person’s disease!”

“Exactly!” she said, rolling her eyes again. She was about to head back to the sink again when he reached out for her hand. “What?” she asked.

“Dara, about. . . .”

She sighed. “I’ve decided that I had enough,” she said. “And I want to move on. I was rather hoping you’re going to help me,” she said and looked at him uncertainly.

He squeezed her hand gently. But then, he slowly smiled. “I won’t come for free, though,” he said.

“What do you mean?” she asked.

He grinned. “You have to sing and dance every meal for me to keep me entertained. You have no idea how stressed I was with you. Ah, I’m starting to have wrinkles on my forehead already! I think I’ve aged twice now!”

“YA!”

TOP laughed. He was too busy laughing that he did not notice how Dara frowned as she looked outside the window. Her frown deepened as she thought she saw something black fluttering away. She shook her head. It must have been her imagination.

Somewhere else, a boy stood in the middle of an apartment, staring around him. The place felt cold and empty now. It looked so filthy, like an abandoned place. He searched around the place and tried to collect and retrieve his things that might be useful, for his journey, just in case. His eyes then darted to a door, a bedroom door. He didn’t want to go in there, there were too many. . . memories in that room. But despite that, he still went inside. Just like the rest of the apartment, the room was filthy, cold and empty. His study table was still there, with his books neatly piled, only that they were covered in dust now. But he did not bother going there. Instead, he went to the cabinet. He might need some clothes, anyways. As he opened it, a variety of clothes greeted him, his and hers. His fists tightened on the handle that it started shaking. If he won’t let go, he might shatter it off. He suddenly found it hard to breathe. He shut the cabinet’s door closed and looked away, only to be greeted by the caricature that she gave him for his birthday.

He grabbed his hair and closed his eyes, jaw clenching. He slowly walked towards a nearby chair and dropped himself there. When he opened his eyes, he realized he was in her vanity table. He could still see his reflection in the dusted mirror. From his pocket, he took out a necklace where a white angel pendant was dangling. He had the weird urge to crush the crystal into tiny pieces but then, he only found himself putting it back to his pocket. From his other pocket, he took a box out and opened it. Inside it lays a ring, a ring especially made for her. he took it off from the container and tried to fit it on every ringless finger of his. But it only fitted to both of his little fingers.

He chuckled afterwards. And then, he started laughing out loud. He stared at his reflection in the mirror. “You did a great job, Jiyong,” he whispered. “You did a great job. You really are the best liar there ever is.”

A while later, the laughter died away from his face. It was replaced by weariness. He closed his eyes for a moment. He would need a clear mind on his journey in search for his mother who had gone missing just a few days after that dinner, the dinner with the Ahns, his mother, his stepfather and Dara. It was the same dinner where she stunned the Ahns when she said eventhough she was not the brightest person there ever is, she was the only person who could make him laugh out loud. And no one else knew about his mother or that of his stepfather who suddenly was reported to be very ill.

Nobody else knew except him. . . and probably some of the so-called royalties.

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got new banners from bepu27!!! jjang!