*banner by bepu27

 

 

I just wanted to feel that I’m needed, that I’m wanted. I just wanted to feel. . .something aside from pain, regret and heartbreak. I know it’s a cliché to use the reason about me being human. But really, how long could one mere human being live with pain in her heart? Although I believe I deserve everything, is it so wrong for me to wish or desire for an escape even just for a second? Or for just a minute? It would not be selfishness, would it? Maybe it’s cowardice as well, I don’t know. But at the moment, I just wanted to feel needed, wanted – I just wanted to feel. And whether I like it or not, I need TOP right now. I need him to make me feel something, to make me feel that there is still something worth living for.

 

It’s unfair for him, I know that. But when did life became fair? I know for a fact that life has never been fair to me. I used to be the friendliest person there ever is, but ever since I entered Jiyong’s life, it was as if my world revolved around him.  I fell in love with Jae but then, I fell out love after some time. I’m known for that, known for easily falling in love and easily falling out of love. But why didn’t that happen to Jiyong? Why can’t I stop. . .?

 

But I know at some point, I have to stop.

 

With that thought in mind, I clung to TOP desperately. But then, he pulled away and leaned his forehead against mine, breathing heavily. His breath was fanning my face and for some reason, I suddenly had the urge to cry.

 

“Dara. . . .” he whispered. “I know what you’re trying to do. It’s fine with me if I’d be able to help this way but I can’t gothat far.”

 

I didn’t dare open my eyes. I was scared to open them; I was scared to see TOP’s expressive eyes. I didn’t want to see understanding there but I didn’t want to see hurt as well. He knows. . . he knows that in a way, I’m using him and he’s okay with it but he was also telling me that he got limitations. The least he can do for me is kiss me and hold me in his arms. Way beyond that, he could not.

 

“Why not?” I asked in a whisper. “Don’t you find me. . . ?”

 

“Dara,” he exhaled harshly. “Don’t even dare finish that question; you know that’s not the case.”

 

“Then tell me why.”

 

“Because I know it wouldn’t really make you happy. You’ll only regret it afterwards.”

 

No!my mind screamed but no words came from my mouth.

 

“And besides, you’re not really stable right now.”

 

“YA!” I protested, opening my eyes to glare at him. I was greeted by TOP’s shadowed eyes.

 

He smiled a little, although it did not reach his eyes. “I almost took advantage of you before and looked at what happened. . . I don’t think I can do that again, unless of course you really want it.”

 

I can’t help but chuckle at the look on his face. “Wow, I’ve just been rejected.”

 

He shrugged arrogantly. “Maybe you join the queue of girls trying to have a taste of my sweet body after a year. Maybe that time, I’ll consider your offer.”

 

“Why you conceited. . . !”

 

He laughed out loud and rolled off of me. I watched him laugh. At least I could make him laugh.

 

Maybe that’s my purpose in life now. . .

 

- - -

 

JIYONG’S POV

 

I watched her laugh. I watched her cover her eyes from being blinded by the sun as she looked up at a smiling TOP. Daesung then approached them and said something that made her blush and made the other guy laugh. He sighed and nodded to Dae before speaking to her. She just nodded in return, unable to look at him straight in the eyes. I saw him smile a little before going after Daesung.

 

She stood there like a lost child but then, a small smile curved her lips. Then, it turned to soft chuckles as she shook her head. It felt weird to know that she seemed oblivious to my presence now. Unlike before, even if was a few meters away, she could still sense that someone’s watching her, that I am there, watching her.

 

Why am I even watching her? Isn’t this what I wanted in the first place?

 

Ha, maybe I’m just doing this because of my pride. Maybe I’m just checking her out and see if being with him would make her happy, because if not, then my pride would have rejoiced. But watching her now, my pride was deeply hurt. And the thing was, it wasn’t just my pride. Everything, everything in me is hurting.

 

I should leave. I know I should leave, that’s the right thing to do. But then, I found myself flying towards her. Just a few feet away from her, her head snapped to my direction. She frowned, confusion written all over her face. Then, realization dawned on her. I circled around her and flew to the left part of the forest. I could just feel and hear her footsteps as she followed me. I stopped in a clearing, turning back to my human form. I waited for her to reach me.

 

“Jiyong. . .” she whispered.

 

I closed my eyes and slowly turned around. As I did, I almost closed my eyes again. Her presence, her eyes, her face – everything about her is blinding me. She is like sunshine in my dark world.

 

“What are you doing here?” she asked. Even her voice felt like sunshine.

 

“I. . I just went to see if you’re doing okay.”

 

“Oh,” she mumbled then looked away. There was a slight blush on her cheeks that made me ball my fists tightly. “Why?”

 

“I don’t know,” I answered truthfully, then let out a chuckle. “I just. . . I just found myself always flying back towards where you are.”

 

Her head snapped back to me, her eyes wide and teary. “Jiyong. . .”

 

I chuckled again and placed my hands inside the pockets of my jeans. “I really don’t know why is that. . . maybe. . . maybe I just wanted to see your smile again. . . maybe I just wanted to hear your laughter again. . . maybe I just wanted to see your face, run my hand through your hair, trace your lips with my finger. . . maybe I just wanted to get lost once again in the depths of your brown eyes.”

 

“Jiyong. . .”

 

“Maybe I just wanted to hear you say my name again. . . maybe I just wanted to hear you call me Pancake again. . . maybe I just wanted to hear you say h-how much you love me despite everything I’ve done. . . maybe I just wanted to hug you, kiss you, hold you. . . maybe I just want to say sorry. . . maybe. . . maybe I just want you back. I want you back.”

 

Tears started rolling down her eyes. I wanted her to come running to me but she seemed so distraught that she just cried on her spot. I wanted to close the distance separating us as well, but I hesitated. My feet seemed frozen on the spot as well. But my longing to hold her and wipe the tears away won over my hesitance. So I closed the distance between us and pulled her into my arms and hugged her tightly. “Dara. . .” I whispered.

 

She just cried and cried.

 

“I’m sorry,” I said.

 

“Why. . .?” she brokenly asked. “What took you so long? I’ve been waiting and waiting for you. . .”

 

“I’m sorry,” I said once again, swallowing the lump in my throat.

 

“I waited and waited. . .” she whispered. “But you never came. . . and now. . . and now.  . .”

 

“I’m here now,” I said.

 

She pulled away and shook her head. She looked up at me with so much anguish in her eyes that it made me feel like I was thrown to hell over and over and over again. “It’s too late. . .” she whispered.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

She opened but no sound came. Just then, another voice penetrated through the silence. “Dara!” TOP’s familiar voice echoed. “Dara, where are you?”

 

I looked far ahead but I cannot see TOP just yet. I looked down at Dara. And I already had the answer in her eyes. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I’m sorry,” she whispered again.

 

I started backing away. I don’t know how long my legs would hold me up. One thing’s for sure, it would not be long.

 

“DARA!” TOP’s panicked and worried voice came again.

 

“I’m here!” Dara called back. She looked at me again. “I’m sorry,” she whispered again. “And goodbye, Kwon Jiyong.”

 

She turned around and started following TOP’s voice. I remained in my spot. Just then, I saw TOP’s profile from afar. He saw Dara running towards him. Relief and annoyance flooded his face. Dara then threw her arms around him and gave him a peck on the lips. He said something to her and she said something back. He sighed then smiled. It felt as if I was watching them from a different world. It felt as if my soul was being pulled away from my body, if I do have one.

 

 

Just then, my eyes snapped open. I looked around and found myself in the most desolated place on earth. There were no living things around. Everything around me was dead. Dead soil, dead rocks, dead trees, except for the one I’m currently staying on. Eventhough the tree he’s currently sleeping in isn’t dead; it wasn’t that much alive either. It was all black – the branches, the leaves, the roots. I sat up as understanding slowly dawned on me. I forgot that I went to this place and had been staying here for days now. I stood up and looked around me. All I could see are dead things. There was no river or water, no living thing around except probably for me. There were slopes of deadly rocks here and there and I was at the top of it all. It wasn’t really surprising f everything’s dead on this place. The sun never shines here, it was always dark, it was always night time.

 

“Just a dream,” I whispered. “It was just a dream.”

 

- - -

 

DARA’S POV

 

“I’ve been thinking,” I opened up to TOP. I want to work with Miss Han Eul again.”

 

“Who’s she?” he asked.

 

I stared at him in disbelief. “You don’t know her? Like, seriously?”

 

“I would not ask, would I?” he retorted, rolling his eyes.

 

“I can’t believe this!” I exclaimed. “She’s probably one of the best designers in the world! How come you don’t know her?! Aish!”

 

He just rolled his eyes again.

 

“Anyways, I think that would be the best. I don’t want to be a burden here anymore.”

 

“You’re not a burden to –”

 

“I meant financially,” I cut off. “And don’t say anything else anymore.”

 

I waited for him to say something but he remained silent. This gave me some sort of. . . pleasure. It’s so rare for a guy to listen to a girl.

 

“So. . . what do you think?” I asked. Still, he didn’t say anything. I rolled my eyes. “You can speak now.”

 

“What’s the use?” he said, pouting. Omo! Cuuuuuuuuuuuutttteeeeeee! Kyak! “You’re not going to listen to me anyway.”

 

I wasn’t able to stop myself. I leaned forward and pinched his cheeks. “Cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuttttteeeeeeeeeeee!”

 

He just looked at me with those penetrating eyes of his. Gah! What kind of eyes are those? Why do they make me feel guilty? Huhuhuhu. But then, he took my right hand and let it rest on his cheek for a moment. Then, he planted a soft kiss on my palm. Something electrical seized my body that made me jerk my hand back.

 

He sighed. “But if that’s what you want,” he said, shrugging.

 

“Don’t you want me to?”

 

“What I think doesn’t matter,” he said again, pouting. Omona!

 

“I. . . won’t go if you don’t. . .” I stopped when he suddenly started laughing.

 

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!” he laughed. “You should have seen your face! You looked so guilty!”

 

“Why you-!” I gasped and started hitting him on every part I could reach. But then, he suddenly stood up and started running. Naturally, I ran after him. But then, clumsy as I am, I tripped. But even before I could hit the floor facedown, TOP’s arms were there.

 

“Are you alright?” he asked.

 

I looked up at him and glared. Then, I started attacking him again with his arms still around me. I don’t know what happened but the next thing I knew, we were falling. I guess he tripped as well for he was now lying on his back, from pain.

 

“My back hurts,” he moaned.

 

“Served you right!” I said, sticking out my tongue at him. His head suddenly leaned forward while one of his hands went to my head to keep it in my place. Then, he was kissing me, my tongue with his. I was still for a moment, my eyes wide opened. But when he flipped over, bringing me under him, I found myself clinging onto him and kissing him back as well.

 

I tightened my hand on his hair and pulled his head closer. I can feel my blood flowing through my veins, making me feel alive.

 

Then a voice came. “Jeez, what an eyesore.” It was Minzy.

 

I suddenly pushed TOP away and scrambled up, blushing.

 

“Oh, don’t mind me. I didn’t see anything. I was pertaining to the ants I saw on the floor a while ago.”

 

I kept my mouth shut.

 

“You’ve got perfect timing, Baby MinMin,” TOP chuckled.

 

“I know right?” Minzy answered sarcastically and went on her way.

 

When we were left alone, silence came over.

 

“Well, that was. . .” TOP started after a while. “That was pretty short.”

 

I looked up at him with wide eyes but upon seeing the teasing look in his eyes, my stare became a glare. He smirked and it made him looked so handsome that I suddenly had this weird urge to throw my arms around his neck and pull his face to mine again so I could get a taste of his lips again.

 

Kyak! What am I thinking?

 

I shook my head to drive the thought away.

 

“So, when are you planning to go to this. . . this Han Eul person?”

 

I glared at him again. “She’s not this Han Eul person, got that? She’s one of the best designers in the world! One of the BEST!” I emphasized, trying to make him see some sense.

 

“Riiiiight,” he slowly nodded.

 

“You don’t get it, do you?”

 

“No,” he grinned.

 

“Ugh!”

 

He laughed out loud then.

 

- - -

 

“I am so not going in there,” TOP said with his nose wrinkled in disgust.

 

“Why not?” I demanded.

 

“It’s. . . it’s ewww,” he said.

 

I laughed at the way he said eww with the wrinkled nose. He looked so cute that I just found myself admiring his face again. “Fine, wait here.”

 

I turned around and was about to walk towards the boutique when he grabbed my arm and turned me around to face him. The next thing I knew, his lips were on mine, moving oh-so gently while his tongue was teasing my lips to open. With a sigh, I gave him access and let him be. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him back, not minding if we’re in a public place. When we ran out of breath, we pulled out and looked at each other. Then, we chuckled.

 

“You go ahead,” he said. “I’ll wait for you here,” he added.

 

“Okay,” I nodded with a smile and turned away. I was a few steps away from him when I heard myself groan. I turned back to him, ran and threw my arms around him and kissed him again. He was obviously surprised but then, he was quick enough to gain composure. We kissed again. But then, he pulled away so quickly then it made me frown. “What’s wrong?” I asked.

 

 He didn’t say anything, he just pulled me tighter to him. That’s when I noticed that he was. . . that there was something poking me down there. I mean, we just kissed!

 

“You better go in there now,” he huskily whispered. “I’ll just. . . go find a restroom,” he choked out in addition.

 

“Okay,” I whispered in a small voice and quickly ran to the boutique, my cheeks burning hot.

 

I shook my head and took a deep breath. I pushed the door opened with a bright smile on my face. “Miss Han Eul?” I jokingly called.

 

No one answered.

 

No one’s around as well.

 

I heard something fluttered somewhere. My head snapped here and there. I then took notice of n opened door that I haven’t noticed before when I was still working here. Hmm, that’s odd. I can’t remember having a door in this area. Nevertheless, I walked to it and started calling for her again.

 

Still, no answer came.

 

Just beyond the opened door was a spiral staircase. Maybe she’s down here? I know it’s quite rude for me to just barge in but since I was not aware of this particular area, my curiosity got the best out of me so I descended the stairs. As soon as I reached the final step, my mouth dropped open in awe. The place looked. . . looked like some kind of a medieval room or something. There was a fireplace at the center, there were eccentric things everywhere – like the table, chairs, paintings, etc. I can’t help but smile at the beauty of it.

 

Just then, I heard that fluttering sound again. It sounded like. . .like wings. Out of curiosity again, I followed the sound. And then, there it was. The most beautiful creature I’ve ever seen. I slowly walked towards it. The creature was perched on a man-made golden branch. As I neared it, recognition suddenly hit me.

 

It’s the black phoenix! It’s the creature that saved us from Sulli before. Its metallic silver eyes stared at me then it made a cooing sound.

 

“H-hello,” I hesitantly waved. “You’re so beautiful,” I whispered. I smiled and walked closer. I hesitantly lifted my hand, planning to its head but I got scared. But then, the phoenix leaned its head on my hand. My smile grew wider and I started its head. “Thank you,” I said. “I never had the chance to thank you before.”

 

Silence then came over. I just went on its head while the creature had its eyes closed. It looked like it was enjoying what I was doing.

 

“I’m glad to see that you’ve finally met your mother, Sandara,” Han Eul’s voice came. “She’s been waiting to meet you for a long time now.”

 

 

 

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Have you guys seen this vid yet?? Kamsa ot 21daragonbang!

 

Anyways, I've been receiving a lot of messages saying that they stopped reading this story and that they'll only read this once it's finished or if there's a happy ending, keke. Aigoo. So thank you to those who kept up with this fic, keke.. KAMSAHAMNIDA! :D

 

 

EDIT! I just want to greet PAU advance HAPPY BIRTHDAY! (I'm greeting you in advance because you and Mon might harrass me again! Tsk. )