The Warm Night
The Black Phoenix
*banner by fujiwara
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I wonder why, it seemed that the world had lost it colors, had lost its appeal to me. I flew high up, looking down at the unaware world. It seemed so dull, so dead. I flew endlessly in the starless night. Where am I supposed to go now? I’ve never been a fan of flying. I’ve never been much into transforming or transporting. I hated being a shadow. I hated why I was born like this. I hated that I was not normal, even to the shadow world. For years, I was able to escape what they call my destiny - my destiny to lead the shadow world. No, I have no intention to take that role. I don’t understand why they would want me to take that role when the royalties were obviously enjoying the position and power they have.
Why? What do they want from me?
And Sohee was right. The more I show them my human side, the more other people will be harmed.
What should I do then?
That’s not really the right question, is it? The answer was pretty obvious. The correct question to ask is, can I do it? Can I forget my human side? Can I take away my humanity off of me? No, that’s not the right question, either. Evil blood resides inside of me; taking away my humanity would be easy if I let that dark part of me take over.
Am I willing to give my humanity?
I screeched lightly. That was the right question to ask. Giving it up would mean giving up all emotions as well. Come to think of it, that would be very helpful to me. I will never feel pain nor agony nor. . . love.
If I do that, the pain and betrayal I felt upon seeing her with TOP would be gone but then that would mean that I would also forget how happy I was having Dara in my life before we broke up; I would forget how wonderful it feels waking up with her face being the first thing I would see in the morning and the last thing I would see before closing my eyes for sleep; I would forget how it feels to have her warm, tiny body locked in my arms; I would forget how her smile brightens up my day; I would forget how she would insist on making love; I would forget how it feels to have her always say the three words over and over again and that would mean I would forget her high-pitched and giggly voice everytime she calls me Pancake.
For a reasonable person, it would be better to give all of those up than have this hellish pain in my chest right now. Heck, hell would be a better place for me now. This. . . this world that I’m currently in is ten times worst than hell. But, am I willing to give up the memories of the sound of her laughter; of her bright smile; of her tears; of her voice and words that makes me feel like a normal human being?
I don’t think I can do that. I deserve this pain. It would be cowardice to run away from it. But what if it’s too much already?
Dara. . .
- - -
AUTHOR’S POV
Dara did not notice how time flew past her. They went fishing to which she totally failed, which totally amused the hell out of TOP. He laughed and laughed at her on the way home, annoying the crap out of her. They play cards every night to which she always loses to either TOP, Dae or Minzy. She would prepare food but Dae was a better cook than her. They visit clubs at night sometimes, too to which she does not fully enjoy since she’s not a dancer at all. She would draw things sometimes but Minzy was better at it than her. The only thing she was pretty good at it seemed was making everyone laugh at her stupidity and clumsiness, especially TOP. But none of them made her feel like an unwanted persona or a nuisance, to which she was very happy about.
Little that she knew, her nightmares were lessening as time passed by. It was true; she was getting fewer nightmares now. Sometimes, she could sleep without having a dream at all. Little that she knew, she was getting closer and closer to TOP.
“Ya!” she exclaimed. “What are these?” she demanded upon seeing Polaroid photos of her pasted on the door of his room. She doesn’t have anything against him taking photos of her, it’s a weird habit of his. But what pisses her off was that the photos were all stolen shots with weird captions under it. She looked rather stupid in majority of the photos; most of them were her off moments. Her expressions were weird, funny and well, stupid. There was a photo of her sleeping with open, drooling. There was a photo of her carrying a laundry basket to which she looked like the hunchback of Notre Damme. There was a photo of her tripping over with her face looking surprised and stupid. There was a photo of her face down on the mud. There was a photo of her panicking as the food she’s preparing was burning.
The captions were pretty annoying too. Some of them says, Sandara pet looking stupid; Sandara pet looking like an angel of mud (haha); Sandara pet is a bamboo girl; Sandara pet is a weird girl; Sandara pet in the middle of her battle with the food; Sandara pet dreaming of me with a drool at the side of her face, etc.
“Wonderfully exquisite, aren’t they?” TOP smirked.
“If you take another photo of me this way again, I am so gonna –”
“Have you seen my favorite photo?” he cut off.
“I don’t have –”
“This,” he cut off again, showing her a separate photo. It was again, a stolen shot of her, smiling. The caption said: Sandara pet’s first genuine smile since. . .
“I. . . that’s. . .”
“You’ve been smiling and laughing a lot ever since it happened but this is the first time that I saw you genuinely smile.”
She felt a weird sensation in her heart as she looked up at TOP. He’s been watching her this whole time. I thought I was doing well but he noticed. . . he noticed.
“Your eyes are so beautiful here,” he quietly said, looking down at the photo with a smile on his face.
What should she say? What were the right words? As she struggled with herself, TOP brightened up again and pulled a different batch of photos. “I also like these,” he said. “Sandara pet being an adorable rabbit, Sandara pet being a cute rabbit, Sandara pet’s face when she’s secretly farting –”
“Bwoh?” she exclaimed. “YA!”
TOP laughed hard again.
“Give me that!”
“No,” he laughed.
“Why you!”
“Come and get it then,” he said, still laughing, holding the photos up high. She started jumping for it but he was so tall that she could not even reach his arm. “Aww, aren’t you too small?”
“I’m not small! I’m just. . . petite!”
He laughed again and started running away. She chased after him, shouting at him. But he just went on laughing. She chased her all the way to the rooftop. With a playful smirk, he inserted the photos in between the bands of her boxer shorts, making her eyes widened. “Ya! YA!”
He laughed again and lied down.
“You’re disgusting!” she exclaimed. He just laughed again and reached out for her, pulling her down on top of him. “What. . .”
He didn’t say anything. Instead, he started her hair.
“Ya! What do you think are you doing?!” she demanded, trying to pull herself up but he pulled her down again, his arm wrapped around her waist to keep her in place while his other hand was her hair.
“Let’s rest for a while,” he whispered and planted a soft kiss on her hair.
Dara froze. But then, his hand his hair slowly made her at ease. She exhaled and started to relax. She smiled and closed her eyes as she listened to the loud beating of his heart. “Weird giant shadow. . .” she murmured.
“Sandara pet. . .”
She was about to snap at him and tell him off but then, no words came from . She could only smile.
“Thank you,” he said.
She opened her eyes and frowned. She pulled her face up from his chest a little and looked down at him. “What are you talking about?”
“Thank you for being born in this world,” he smiled. “Thank you for being my Sandara pet.”
She opened and was about to protest with the term he used: my Sandara pet. But upon seeing the look on his face and eyes, the words were trapped in . She could only swallow and stare at him. After a while, she smiled. “Thank you as well,” she said. “For being born into this world and for being a weird shadow. Whoever your parents are, they were the biggest fools in the world to have abandoned you. But would it be evil for me to be grateful to them as well?”
He didn’t say anything.
“If it weren’t for them, you would not be born. If they have not abandoned you, Aunt would have not picked you up and I would probably have not met you.”
DARA’S POV
He suddenly flipped our positions. He was now on top of me, looking down at me with the rarest intensity in his eyes. I had this weird feeling that I think I know what’s going to happen. What should I do? Is it too early to let it happen? Should I let it happen? It’s been months already. Should I. . .?
He must’ve seen the confusion and indecisiveness in me that he chuckled and looked away. He sighed and started getting off of me when my hand suddenly reached out to him. “Wait. . .” I heard myself say.
“It’s okay,” he said, smiling. He leaned down and kissed my forehead. “Let’s get inside, it’s getting colder here.”
“Wait. . .” I whispered again, my hands balling into tight fists on his shirt. I don’t know what’s going on. “Stay with me. . .”
He looked so genuinely surprised that it squeezed my heart. He looked at me intently, trying to read my eyes. I just smiled at him. I reached out to cup his face as tears started to sting at the backs of my eyes. No, I don’t know what’s happening. I traced every part of his face, smiling at his handsomeness. I then cupped his face with both of my hands. Then, I started pulling his face down on me, with my head lifting up to meet his halfway.
Our lips then met. It was just a soft brush. He leaned up and looked down at me again. I rested my head back and gave him a small smile. I could feel my cheeks heating up as he stared at me with those penetrating eyes of his. I could tell he was still trying to read me. But after a while, he smirked and chuckled. And then, he leaned down again. I parted my lips in welcome while my hands went up to his hair. His mouth felt. . . . warm, soft, and moist. His breath tasted sweet and tough, a very rare combination that made a haze in my spinning head.
He kissed me. He kissed me tenderly. How long has it been since I’ve been kissed like this? How long has it been since I’ve been kissed at all? I can’t remember. All I know is that I feel like I’m the most precious person in the world. The way he’s kissing me made me feel wanted and needed. And so, I kissed him back. I kissed him back the way he deserved to be kissed.
“Dara. . .” he whispered. I didn’t say anything. I just kissed him, welcoming his tongue inside my mouth, welcoming his touches.
The night doesn’t feel so cold anymore. It felt. . . warm, pleasantly warm.
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A/N: The Black Phoenix will be making an appearance. . . pretty soon!
and oh, don't worry, I don't abandon fics, rest assured that I won't be abandoning TSC, TOW and CLT.. :D
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