“Rumors?” I asked, feeling my throat swell up.

It could be about anything but I hoped it had nothing to do with us being fake. Anything else could be fixed or denied but us being fake? That break everything we've worked for so far.

“Yeah.. I was having lunch the other day with my friend Becky and she mentioned how her cousin told her that a friend of hers was at this party you guys were at for New Years. How your fiancée was flirting with other guys and that you hit David because she told you it was his idea and his only to hook up. There was more but it was all this nonsensical stuff that I swore wasn’t the case and forced her to keep shut so other people wouldn’t spread it even further. I can trust that she won’t but that doesn’t mean other people won’t. What exactly happened that night?”
 

I knew it was too good to be true; that nothing good could come out of that stupid night. And it hadn't because it was exactly what set off the first bombshell between us.

Then filling my sister in on all the little details made me relive all the things I wished I could have changed if I had actually been conscious of when they happened. Each word set me off; made me cringe and twitch.

 

“It’s all bull. Everyone was giving her a hard time and she hit David out of self defense; the guys even saw it happen so she’s not lying. She wouldn’t flirt or harm him in anyway unless he gave her reason to do so; I ended up hitting him because he was bragging about it. Can you blame me?”

 

“No, not really and it doesn’t surprise me, his older brother is a creeper too but none of that matters right now; hopefully it’ll die down so mom and dad don’t hear about it. I don’t think they know because I would have heard them talking about it and Dad really likes her so he may disregard it as people talking out loud. I just didn’t want to say it around her because... let’s face it, no one wants to hear that sort of thing about themselves. I wasn’t sure if you’d want to tell her yourself; I’m only telling you so you’ll be careful with her”

 

The guilt still hit hard for not keeping up with my side of the bargain; for not being watchful when I told her I would, for dragging her into this mess that wasn’t part of the plan, for every little flaw.

 

“Are you going to tell her? As much as I wouldn’t want to worry her over nothing, I’d think it would be better if she knew”

 

“Nah, its like you said, why should I bother her over nothing. If she wonders then I just won’t go into detail. I really don’t want this to upset her especially after what happened..”

I'm not sure what it was but I didn’t want Christine to hurt anymore. She’s already suffered enough from the incident at the club and I barely got her to be in the same room with me now, so why would I put her through anything that isn’t a problem yet?

 

“You really care about this one huh?”

 

I guess I do, at least to some extent.
 

“Would you believe she’s the only one other then you that sort of gets me and doesn’t mind? Does that even make sense?”

 

“Yes” she smiled, head slightly bent down as if she was trying to hide the joyous emotion radiating off her face. “It makes a lot of sense and that’s exactly what it's supposed to feel like. Nothing makes perfect sense but if it feels right then that’s all that matters. That's love kicking in for you"

Love? I don't know about love, but very attracted is about right. And in times where I feel self-conscious, yes even the most beautiful people have their moments, I make jokes.

“Aww, is that how you felt about Remy then?” I laughed but received the notorious death glare.

Sometimes I think my sister reminds me of Christine when I’m constantly getting scolded. Maybe that’s why I feel comfortable around her!

Oh great, I might be falling for a girl like my sister, at least the qualities that scare me the most about her.
 

In my troubled state, I heard both a scream that was followed by cries. My sister and I faced each other both worried and ran toward the kitchen.

 

We stood side by side in the doorway and could see both of them covered with flour, she had the most damage done. Christine had a case of the giggles while Stephen on the other hand was sitting back on the high swivel chair against the equally tall countertop, sniffling his nose and pouting his lip; guilty as charged.

 

“Me sowwy noona. My fault”

 

“No it’s not, noona is silly for accidentally turning on the machine too fast” she said, wiping away the tear filled eyes and powdered face. “So it’s my fault not yours; promise me, no more tears.”

 

He nodded his head, getting over the accident really quickly, just like any three year old would.

I unintentionally rushed to her side, (maybe it was the actor in me wanting to show off in front of my sister), examining her once black crew neck t-shirt that wasn't anymore. She even had little patches of powder on her face that made me want to but she'd probably scold me, as well as my noona.

 

“Are you okay? Do you want to change?” I asked her, grabbing the damp rag from her hand, wiping away the excess mix of flour and cocoa dust from the apples of her cheeks, then moving down to the shirt before she stopped me.

 

“I’m fine, don’t make a big deal out of it, he feels bad enough” she whispered. “They're just clothes, nothing I can’t wash out."

She really is something else. I always say this but it's always something new about her that surprises me. Something that breaks her away from the rest of many, if anything, making her one in a million.

“I can see we’ve both made a big mess so maybe that’s our cue to leave” noona said, breaking us apart from each other

 

“Please, it’s not a problem; trust me when I say I’ve seen and been through much worse. You have to at least have dinner or something before you go.” she pleaded  

 

“It’s fine, we ate right before we came over. Plus, I’m a bit tired so I want to unwind before having to get all my work done tomorrow. I already feel bad I had to drag this one along for the trip since he gets bored easily but I didn’t have a choice.”

 

“What are you doing tomorrow noona?”

 

I was wondering why she was in town so suddenly.
 

“I have to finish up all the loose ends for the house so we can move out here by next month. After that, I need to get the work stuff done for Remy as well. It’ll be a lot of stuff to get done and he has to be with me.”
 

I could feel Christine’s gaze watching me from the side. She looked at Stephen then back at me.
 

“We can watch him!” she exclaimed
 

We’ll do what!?!
 

“We will?” I questioned, now taking the time to stare her down this time
 

“Yes, we will" she eyed me with a scowl planted on her firm face, almost making a snarl like sound if I didn't know better. The now furrowed brows quickly returned their attention to Hye Yoon noona and Stephen "We can babysit him and he can spend the night here tomorrow while you do your errands. Would you like that Stephen? Do you want to spend the night?”
 

“I can?” he asked, facing his attention to my sister as his little figure jumped up and down “Can I mommy!? Can I! Can I stay with Samchon?”
 

“Are you two sure you can? What about work?”
 

“We’ve been working from home these past few days so one or two more days won’t be a problem." Christine quickly answered
 

She must know I think she’s crazy right now; no wonder she’s not letting me get a word in edgewise.
 

“If you could, I’d really appreciate it. Lugging a three year old on errands never lets you get anything done and it doesn't help that I have a large belly now either. If you change your mind by the morning, then let me know, I wouldn’t blame you.”
 

She has seven nieces and nephews and one on the way, I think we can label her as super aunt but that doesn't mean I want to include myself in that category. It's not like I'm vying for uncle of the year award or anything.
 

We said our goodbyes and the whole time I was wondering what she got me into. Don’t get me wrong, I love my nephew but I’ve never babysat anyone before or been alone with him without my sister so you could see my worry. Being surrounded by her nieces and nephews on Christmas Eve wasn't exactly anything to be proud about either considering it could have gone awry very quickly if there weren't any witnesses.
 

“Why do you have to make her feel like we can’t handle it!” she yelled.
 

Because we can’t.
 


“I’ve never taken care of him on my own before, did you think I was going to be the first to volunteer?”
 

“No, but I’m doing this for you. It’ll be good for the both of you. Didn't you say it yourself? That you never see your nephew and now you have an opportunity to spend time with him but you don’t want to take it. You make it seem like you're completely alone; you do realize I’m not leaving you two by yourselves? I think I’d be asking for trouble if I did”
 

I did say that. Why is she right? Why would she care so much?
 

“Okay, I don’t mind as long as you help. What do we do with him? I don’t exactly have a ton of kid stuff around the house.”
 

“From what I got out of him when we were hanging out in the kitchen; he likes fish, outer space and dinosaurs. I think we could take him to the aquarium; he’d like that.”
 

“The one in Long Beach? That’s more than half an hour away without traffic and it might rain tomorrow.”
 

“Might is the key word. If it rains hard then I’ll figure something here. But taking him out will be fun especially if he’ll get some kind of enjoyment out of it”
 

I hope he does. I know I wasn’t up for it in the beginning but the more I think of it, it’ll be nice to spend some time with Stephen.
 

“Then again, if all else fails, he does have your toys to play with” she added, letting out a sinister snicker
 

“No one plays with my toys or my bears"

“Then hope it doesn’t rain tomorrow so we can go to the aquarium” she said, walking away but stopped to look back “And if you do this then maybe I’ll think of dropping the silent treatment”
 

Bingo.
 

“Can I get that in writing?” I asked, getting the same stink eye from earlier.
 

Too good to be true.

-----------

When you've been sleeping on a cold hard floor for over two days, nothing feels better then a warm bed, even if those two days were a few days ago in its own time. Since she was mad at me anyway, she didn't bother to wake me so that meant even more sleeping time. Even better is what I say.

The blanket nestled me away from the cold home and everything felt absolutely perfect.

"SAMCHON!" he shrieked before I felt his tiny body crashing into my bed, elbowing my ribs in the process.

No, that didn't hurt. If I keep telling myself that, maybe it'll become a fact.

"Hey kiddo, good morning to you too" I rubbed the sore place.

"Are you awake then?" he asked, his large eyes allowing his eyelashes to flutter back and forth in curiosity

"Of course I am, you can't talk like this if you're sleeping"

"Oh.. Okay!!" he said, proceeding to jump off the bed and run in the opposite direction but that wasn't the last of it. "OMMAA! NOONNAA! I WOKE HIM UP MYBYSELF"

I see how it is.

Never a dull moment in my life.

I quickly washed up and had to see for myself why everyone always loves to see me not sleep in.

As I turned the corner to enter the dining room, she and Hye Yoon noona were chatting and laughing until they saw me.

"Good morning sleepy head, I'll go grab your breakfast right now honey" she smirked in amusement, taking a large sip of coffee before getting up.

"You had to send in the kid to do your dirty work, didn't you?" I glared, unknowingly crossing my arms as well.

"Thanks for gracing us with your presence, your highness. Is that how you greet the woman you love in the morning?" her eyebrow raised and made my arms uncross slowly in fear. "It was actually both of us to blame, more me; you shouldn't sleep past nine o' clock on a weekday anyway."

See, it's not just me being paranoid. They are all out to get me, except for the kid, he's too innocent and young to understand what these women have planned out. At the moment all he knew was the syrup laden French toast and his imaginary friends that didn't seem as hungry as he hoped them to be.

"I'm sorry baby, you know how grumpy I can be in the morning." I laid the quick peck on her cheek when she placed the plateful of food before me "Noona, our relationship is built on teasing. She wakes me up whenever she wants and I about it. We grow this way, you should know that" the awkward laughed emerged from my lips, the two of them to only look at me in craze.

Maybe I am losing it; I wouldn't put anything past me, nothing makes sense anymore.

"Whatever you say little brother of mine" Hye Yoon scoffed "I thought I'd give you another chance to back out of things this morning so the big question is; you sure you can handle it?"

Reluctance was in her voice and for the most part I felt the same way, especially if it would be anything like it was with this morning's greeting. I had that small open window to get out of this and I was about to take it.

"Actually that sounds like a .."

It was almost out there until I felt a pain strike my outer thigh. Christine's fingers were pinching me with so much force, I couldn't even scream out. I didn't even need to look at her face because I could feel exactly what she was thinking, something she wasn't even showing on her face but knowing her too well, it sunk in pretty easily.

"Why did you stop? What were you about to say?"

"Yes honey, what were you going to say?"

They both looked up at me and just like I had predicted, my sister was waiting but Christine was all smiles and just as curious looking but that didn't change the fact that her hands were still jabbing me with a dont-even-think-about-it-or-else-ill-make-you-regret-it thought on her mind.

She's good.

Very good. Maybe too good. And some how I'm totally by it. , I know, but nice.

"I was saying that actually sounds like a bad idea because we already have everything planned out. It would be a shame not to follow through"

The sentence finished and ease came over my body as her fingers let go and very gently tapped over the bruised spot. With triumph in her smile, she moved to take her hand away from my lower half until I quickly took it into my own, holding onto it tightly where it was placed only moments before.
 

The victorious grin had long gone disappeared and a face of panic and surprise appeared in place of it. I thought she would have tried to retract her hand, which she did moments afterwards, but later she would learn that I wasn't going to give up that easily.

Two can play that game woman. The only difference was, I know exactly what makes Christine crack. With tugs and pulls on her side, I stayed cool trying to eat my breakfast one handedly. 

"You two having a moment there? I can excuse myself." noona giggled as Christine's head lowered but the ruby color flashing on her cheeks told another story. 

"Not at all, you wanted to see us more romantic so I'm showing you. Can I not hold my woman's hand?"

"Of course you can, this is more of how I'd expect you to be."

"She's the shy one though. Touch her in the wrong place, at the wrong time, and her face lights up like fireworks."

I felt Christine jerk in place, head dipping deeper and innocent swearing whispering to herself.

"Stop teasing her!"

"But I wouldn't have it any other way..." I added causing Christine to turn over to me, looking me in the eyes and then avoiding them, then coming up again "You didn't let me finish that part before cursing me out, did you?" I whispered, half smiling before the large gulp of coffee went down.

She jerked her hand away from me slowly and turned her attention over to Stephen and my sister, as if she was trying to change the subject. Actually that's exactly what she was doing and what she tends to do when I put her in a funny or serious situation. So I've noticed.

"You ready to have some fun today Stephen? Big surprises stored!" she said, getting the kid worked up even more. "Oh and before I forget again, I forgot to give you two something yesterday; let me go get it."

She rushed off and during that short amount of time until she got back; I got this weird look from my sister. Couldn't really describe it. She wasn't mad. She seemed happy but not overly excited. Not the usual look I get from her either but she was staring me down with it in a way that made me become fearful since I didn't know what to expect.

Christine came back with two large boxes perfectly wrapped in gold and red paper in her hands. Gifts is what they seemed like but I hadn't seen them anywhere around the house. The paper is also very similar to ones I saw not too much earlier than now.

"It's a bit late but I had forgot I had these in my closet and instead of sending them, it worked out perfectly for you to open them now in person. Merry Christmas!"

Christmas? That's where I remember it from. Of course you dummy! It's only been a couple of weeks, if that.

"What! You really shouldn't have Christine." Hye Yoon noona said as she pulled apart the ribbon carefully, unlike Stephen who was tearing it apart.

"It wasn't me at all, I just wrapped them. These are from your brother" The words very smoothly slipped off her tongue as my sister shot me a look I was used to by now; only difference was I had a similar stunned look painted on.

"Really?" she mouthed. But I didn't really have the words to reply back. Even so, my head somehow managed to nod up and down. 

Stephen's eyes then beamed as he shouted out once again,

"A fire truck! And cars! Thank you Samchon! Thank you noona!"

Noona's package was full of baby clothes and little knick knacks.

"You picked out all this stuff?" her voice cracked slightly, as if she was ready to burst out into tears. Everything was a question or in surprise. It's not really a surprise to me that she'd question it at all because this was totally not the person I was, never have been; at least not with my family...

"Okay, I did help him with that stuff. He's pretty clueless in that department."

Why was she lying about all this? I didn't pick anything out nor did I even know... I should have but I never did.

Before I knew it, Hye Yoon noona's arms were wrapped around me, squeezing so tightly off guard, my fork made a large clacking sound as it fell against the white china. My still arms raised up, hugging her back, feeling a sense of tranquility through her embrace. Absorbed in the hug, I didn't realize Christine's eyes on me. Her eyes quickly turned away as if she was eavesdropping on something personal, which it was, but it only happened because of her.

When noona let go of me, she did the same to Christine and for a moment, her smile emerged really largely and nodded as if she was agreeing with something when noona pulled away.

"It really wasn't much, your welcome" she replied, that same soft look still on her face.

All was sort of quiet now between us within those last few minutes but the aura around was blissfully sweet. The only noise came from our eating utensils and Stephen's new toys driving up and down the table. Our meal had ended fast and it was time for noona to get started on her errands that would run into the late night. This also meant Stephen was really staying with us for the night.

Like girls usually do, they said their long goodbyes and Stephen mostly stayed still as he was bombarded with hugs and kisses all over, making him almost blush from being babied and not the "big boy" he was. Christine had stayed behind with Stephen nearby the door while I helped noona along to her car. The small guy was looking sort of grim now but without a doubt, he was excited with a grin planted on his face as Christine stood beside him, her arm wrapped around the shoulder in support. The two of them waved as I laid the gift boxes in her car.

“I should have known better when I saw the Christmas decorations up around the house” she quietly mumbled, only loud enough for me to hear. When she grasped my full attention, my eyes were locked still looking into hers as she looked into mine with that same expression as before; one unknown to my knowledge but somehow it didn't seem fearful anymore but actually peaceful. “I never thought I’d see the day where you’d finally grow up to be the man they always wanted you to be but also be yourself as well. I always worried you’d be alone because of what we went through as kids but from what I see, I feel at ease knowing you're in good hands; with a good female.”

And this was the first time I felt it.

Regret.

And of course guilt

Regret for lying to my family. My parents were one thing but my sister is someone I can’t see myself not being honest with. She hasn’t only been my sister but she’s always been a friend, a parent, and someone who always carried me through so many important moments in my life I could have never survived without her.
 

And now here I a