A few days had passed now since me and Ji had spoken, he'd be here in 4 days... I was kind of worried that he'd not text but then I looked on the internet this morning and saw why. A rumour had been circulated about me sleeping with someone in Japan... Photos of me topless in bed had been taken too, wait... that must have been when I went out a few days ago... but... I didn't sleep with anyone. She stayed in the guest room... . I'd been framed. I needed my manager now, I needed to sort this out.

I rang manager hyung straight away and explained the situation, he told me to just keep calm for now and to carry on with my day-to-day activities so I did... I got odd looks all day from cast and crew whist filming. It worried me about what people thought... but I tried to ignore it. I managed to get through a whole day without breaking down, even though at times I felt as if I needed too.

I got myself a takeaway on the way home and sat and ate whist looking over the internet again. I was making it worse to be honest, I was winding myself up over it. She obviously wanted a reaction from me and she would of probably got one but I can't even remember who she is. I know she was a friend of the model I went out with that night but It seems like a blur now. I know that I didn't sleep with her though, I know that as a fact.

I knew that I should text Ji but in a way I was scared, I didn't want to disappoint him again. I sighed and began to text though. I didn't know what else to do..

“Ji, You've probably heard the rumours being spread. Everyone has...

It's not true though... I can promise you that...

You out of everyone should know that's not me.”

I felt low, really low. I could just feel myself getting upset. I didn't want Ji to be mad at me... not when he keeps me so happy.

Received 22:45 Sender: Jiyongie Hyung.

“Ri... I heard... I found out last night before I slept... It's been playing on my mind all day.

I didn't know what to believe... but know you've said it's not.. I believe you.

You're right, it's not like you to do something like that...”

I felt so relieved when he said he believed me.

“I don't know what to do about this... I'm scared.

I've never messed up before and suddenly this happens.. and it's all ed up...

I was framed... Why would someone even do that?”

I was angry... I didn't know what to do... I just needed someone... No, I needed Ji.

Received 22:52 Sender: Jiyongie Hyung.

“Why did you even let anyone in your room, Ri? You know things like this can happen...

we're constantly told be careful by our managers, by Papa.

I'm not mad though... I probably should be because of your carelessness but... I'm not.

This will all blow over though, so until then... just try and stay out of trouble.. okay?

People aren't always who they appear to be.”

He was right, letting anyone back here was stupid... I should be more careful...

“You're right.. I'm sorry Ji, I was careless.

I won't let it happen again... I don't want to make you mad at me... Anyway, I.. better sleep now. Night Ji.”

I'd let him down and I knew it, I put my phone under my pillow after I'd sent the text and then I got ready for bed still not looking at it. Seeing his reply would only make me want to talk to him more... My heart ached and I didn't understand why... It's like... I'm falling in love with him... but, that's impossible... my head was confused. I might as well just sleep for now after all I had an early flight to Hong Kong tomorrow for filming.

__

Again, a few days had passed since Ri told me he didn't do anything wrong, right now, seeing another article about him has made me question it... What is he playing at? My album was released today... It was a long and proud day for me but then Papa called me into his office showing me another article on Ri... He'd been caught with model and actress Anna Kubo in Hong Kong during a night out. Although this wasn't as bad as the last one and he was only caught we her trying to kiss him, it still added on to the last rumour that was published.

I'd be in Japan in two days, I guess I'd really have to have a serious talk with him then. But seeing those pictures with her all over him did make my blood boil, I can't say I wasn't hurt because I was. Knowing that something could of gone on and not knowing the full truth made my heart ache. I laid in my bed and thought about things for ages. Should I text him? Let him know my thoughts? I don't know.. Instead of texting him I invited Seunghyun over and talked to him about all of these things going on in my head. I talked to Seunghyun about everything and he was well aware that I was in love with Seungri.

I stayed up late with him eating, drinking and talking. I was thankful that this way I could get everything off of my chest instead of bottling it all up and slowly wearing myself down. After Seunghyun left during early hours in the morning I felt lost again. When alone, I always feel lost. I picked up my phone knowing Ri would probably be sleeping and texted him. At least this way I wouldn't get a reply until morning.

“Ri, I'm not going to yell or get mad about all of the things that have happened right now, of course we're all disappointed but I'll talk to you about it when I come over to see you...”

I wanted to be mad, angry at him but I loved him too much to even do that. I felt so stupid being upset about it all... The other members seemed more angry with him than I did and that... was rare. I guess somewhere I stopped wanting to be mad and angry towards him all the time because I'd done it for so long...

Received 01:25 Sender: Panda ^o^

“Maybe you should be mad at me.”

He replied... guess he was thinking about his actions too. He obviously knew that what he'd done was wrong... such a blunt text... I sighed and replied with my eyes watering; this was effecting me more than it should and I could feel myself slowly breaking apart.

“I can't be mad... Even If I try...”

I held the tears in, I didn't want to just fall to peices, now wasn't the time.

Received 01:32 Sender: Panda ^o^

“It was never a problem before...

It makes me even more scared when you're not mad.”

Holding it in was no use; those words hurt me- I know I'd acted cold to him over the years. He'd gotton so used to it... My tears began falling down my cheeks, softly hitting my phone screen. I stopped everything for a moment and just sat there unsure and confused before I explained how I felt.

“I used to push you away with my anger. I don't want to do that anymore...

Ri... I never ever wanted to treat you that way.
I... I'm so sorry.
Just... wait until we meet okay?
We can both talk about everything then...”

I waited for a reply before sleeping... I couldn't sleep without knowing he was okay...

“If you didn't want to be that way... why were you? I don't understand...

but I suppose I have no choice but to wait...

Night Ji...”

I knew that things would sort out, that's why I wasn't mad... that's why I couldn't be angry... because deep down I know that Ri wouldn't have done any of these things... But when I see him.. I'm going to have to tell him everything and that includes how I feel... Just wait until then Ri.