24^th December, 2012

No one point’s of view

The vanilla white dress hugged her body as if it was made just for her. It was tight by her chest, but fell beautifully like a waterfall by the bottom. Her creamy shoulders peeked out under the shoulders of the dress.

She made a slight turn and sighed as she looked at herself in the mirror. Her legs were scarily skinny and her collarbones clearly stood out. Her cheekbones were high and she looked incredible tired.

Tired and sick.

She knew very well that the end was terribly near. It was too late to hope for miracles, and it was definitely too late for them to happen. If someone would have wanted her to be cured, she would’ve been by now.

Her legs were slightly staggering beneath her, and her hands clinging to the shelf beside her to prevent herself from crashing down on the floor.

Her hair was still hanging messily down over her spine. She wanted to braid it like the thick, curling braid her mum always did on her when she was just a young girl, but her arms were too weak to do so.

She had tried multiply times, but every time she couldn’t keep her arms in the air, and eventually they fell down by her side again.

But the urge to satisfy Jonghyun and consider her beautiful somehow gave her the powers to run the brush through her hair.

She put on her lip gloss and the mascara. The silver heels she had bought for the occasion were waiting for her on the floor.

Carefully she slid her feet into the shoes and made her way to the living room where Jonghyun was. He was completely absorbed in some music sheets. Jae Mi was happy about how much more time he was spending on music nowadays.

She gently knocked on the wall to catch his attention. It seemed that Jonghyun was still too fascinated to even hear her knocks.

“Jonghyun?” Jae Mi called, standing there in the doorway looking like an angel sent from above.

“Hm?” Jonghyun mumbled, not looking up.

Jae Mi let out a sigh and decided to walk to him. But for a moment she forgot about her condition and her legs betrayed her. She landed on the floor with a loud ‘crash’ and Jonghyun finally looked up from his music.

He rushed to her and squatted down next to her. He frowned when he saw her footwear and tugged in the thong of the heel. “What is this?” he frowned.

He swiftly pulled of Jae Mi’s heels and threw them in the corner. “What on earth were you thinking, wearing something so stupid? Are you crazy?”

Jae Mi looked down with shame. A bullet of guiltiness hit her chest. “I just…” She lowly murmured, fighting with the tears of disappointment.

“You what?” Jonghyun asked.

“I just wanted to be beautiful for a night”, she whispered, just loud enough for Jonghyun to hear.

She lifted up her gaze and found the courage to meet Jonghyun’s eyes. “I just wanted to feel like your girlfriend. A beautiful, normal girlfriend. Not a girlfriend who’s constantly a wreck and can’t even wear heels without falling. Do you know how hard it is to watch all of those couples passing by, holding each other’s hands and laughing together? I just wish we could do stuff like that without having to bring wheelchairs and tons of blankets.”

Jonghyun was about to say something but Jae Mi interrupted him. “I know you do too”, she said with a sharp voice. “Don’t lie.”

“I’m the one who is preventing us from doing all of that stuff. I’m too weak for it all. I can’t even wear heels without falling. I’ve always been living in a nightmare. Some nights I was so lucky to dream but I’ve always been woken up again. But for tonight I just wanted to stay in the dream, and for once believe I was beautiful.”

“But you’re so beautiful”, Jonghyun said.

Jae Mi shook her head. “All my life I have been that ugly duckling. I’ve spent so much time watching other people live their lives, wishing I could live mine too. But there was always this nightmare to stop me. And maybe I’m just a tiny tad pretty on the outside, but what really matters is what I’m feeling on the inside. If I look back on my life I have never really helped other people. I have never done anything good, I’ve just worried about my own business, thinking it was the world. Tonight, let me just be a good girlfriend.”

Jonghyun looked deep into Jae Mi’s chocolate eyes. All this time he thought he knew Jae Mi inside out, but there was yet another layer to peel off: a layer of insecurity.

“Jae Mi”, Jonghyun said with a persistent voice, desperately wanting Jae Mi to get his message. “I would really like to understand what you are saying, but you are making it so hard when what you’re saying is so impossible.”

Jae Mi furrowed her eyebrows, confused, so Jonghyun continued.

“Don’t you get that to me, you are that perfect girlfriend? I don’t even want a normal girlfriend if that excludes you. Normal is boring, but you. You are something so precious to me that I can’t even imagine another girl even being close to comparing to you.”

Jonghyun ran his fingers down Jae Mi’s arm and grabbed her hand. “There’s no one better than you, Jae Mi. You are perfect just the way you are. And I hope someday you will realize that and how much I love you.”

“And how can you even think that you didn’t make a difference in this life? Did you not see how I was in the early fall? I was a lonely, bitter person who just needed someone to care for him. And you did, Jae Mi. You cared so much that I’m afraid that I can never survive losing you. But either way, you changed me. You made me realize the beauty in life I wasn’t able to see before.  You have given me a new chance to live a better life, and I can never thank you enough for that.”

Jae Mi was silent but Jonghyun spotted a small smile playing on her lips. She squeezed his hand. “Thank you, Jonghyun.”

“Aaaahhh!” Jae Mi let out another high-pitched shriek as Jonghyun tossed a ball of snow down her jacket. The ice cold snow ran down her spine and made her flinch.

“Yah!” She shouted and gathered a big ball of snow in her hands. She caught Jonghyun as he tried to escape from her.

“You’re going to pay, my little friend”, she smirked and smeared the snow into his face. Jonghyun’s eyes widened by the sudden cold, but yet again tried to turn around.

“Not on your nelly”, Jae Mi said and caught his arm. She tugged him backwards which made him stumble over his own feet and fall back into the snow.

Jae Mi let out a loud laugh over how silly he looked. Even he started out by saying he would play nice in this snow fight because of Jae Mi’s health, she knew that he just couldn’t do it better.

She hurriedly sat down on his stomach before he could get up again. With a swift move she grabbed the snow beside her and scooped all the snow in Jonghyun’s face.

As Jonghyun started to look pathetic with his hands desperately covering his face and his chilly shrieks, she finally stopped scooping.

“I won”, she declared. Jonghyun simply nodded, chocked by her power.

“Aw… Was I too hard with Kim Jonghyun?” Jae Mi teased and brushed the snow out of his face.

Jonghyun nodded and finally smiled at her. “Yeah.”

He rolled the two over so they faced each other in the snow. Jonghyun looked at her pale face while Jae Mi admired his burning cheeks.

“I love you”, they said in unison. Jonghyun smirked by their mindreading, while Jae Mi hid her face in her sleeves, slightly embarrassed.

Jonghyun scooted closer to Jae Mi in the snow, keeping their eyes locked. Gently, he laid his soft fingers under her chin and lifted up her angelic face.

“I love you”, he repeated as a honey whisper. Jae Mi placed her cold hand on his warm face, cupping his face. They exchanged a small smile before they pulled in.

Their lips met and their eyes automatically closed. Jae Mi’s eyelashes tickled Jonghyun’s skin with the feel of a butterfly battling its wings. Her silky, thin lips melted into his soft, plump lips.

It felt so right. No matter what the future brought, they were both utterly sure that they were meant to be. There was no way it could be more right than this.

Like a piece of heaven carefully whipped with a bowl of stardust the kiss felt.

Jae Mi lightly ran the tip of her tongue along Jonghyun’s upper lip, making Jonghyun urge for more of her wonders. Jae Mi’s soft fingers moved the Jonghyun’s upper neck, the tip of her fingers drawing small hearts on his skin, the sweet taste of Jonghyun’s lips on hers.

As they sky broke apart so did they. The small snow wonders gently danced towards the ground, melting away as they landed on their skin.

Jae Mi watched as they fell, each an individual, each so unique. She faced her palm upwards so the fairy dust kissed her hand.

Without a hint of warning, all of their memories welled over Jae Mi. Almost like a tidal wave, both bringing sorrow and some sort of mixed up beauty along with it. Somehow through all the flashes of moments the snowflakes always found a place in them.

 “Jonghyun.” Jae Mi wasn’t even aware of her upcoming words before they fled out in the sparkling winter-wonderland around them.

Jonghyun sent her a soft, loving smile. “Hm?” He mumbled as his fingers traced up every detail on her face.

Jae Mi’s eyes smiled a bittersweet smile as the small snowflakes landed on her dark lashes, wishing the end wasn’t so damn near.

Jae Mi hesitated once more she spoke. “Jonghyun… I have a Christmas wish”, she said.

“It’s too late for that, I already brought your present”, Jonghyun said with a smile playing on his lips.

Jae Mi shook her head. “This revolves the future.” Jonghyun’s smile faded with the mention of the future.

“Please find someone who will take good care of you. Someone who will love you unconditionally, kiss you when you’re the meanest, and scold you when your doubting moments come. I want you to find someone who can take better care of you than I did.”

Jonghyun shook his head with sudden flames burning in his eyes. “No”, he said with a firm voice. “I can’t love anybody but you.”

Jae Mi ignored his words and continued. “Marry her. Go down on your knees and ask like the gentleman you truly are. Love her and create small mini Jonghyuns with her. Grow old together like we can’t.”

Jae Mi removed a strand of hair from Jonghyun’s face.

“When all of this is over, I will only ask you one thing. When the first snow of the year breaks through the clouds, bringing both chilliness and magic with it, please think of me. Think of our moments, our kisses, and remember how much I love you. Just remember that.”

 “Jae Mi”, Jonghyun said with a voice on the edge of tears. “Even if the magic won’t happen, you will always be my Christmas miracle. Just remember that.”

Feeling like I'm running a race with this story... Near the end but everything's catching up with me :/